The big picture
Every day I measure life by numbers.
A blood pressure to tell me how well organs are perfusing, an oxygen saturation to tell me how well oxygen is being delivered to the body, a heart rate, a central venous pressure, or an intracranial pressure. These numbers tell me how well blood is perfusing to the vital organs that are needed to sustain life, if fluids or a blood transfusion may be needed, or if increased analgesia or sedation is required. It seems complicated and scary but when it's broken down it's so easy to fix the problem. But what about reading people without these numbers? Going off of a feeling or having to trust what another person tells you they are feeling. That is truly the most scary thing to do. In love and in life we don't get a bedside monitor that hovers over every persons head to reassure us or point us in the direction of the issue or problem. This makes life so much more difficult to navigate. Knowledge is often valued in dollars, but what about knowledge that cannot be measured? When you just know by the tone of someone's voice, the way their eyes light up, the way you can feel them breathe over your shoulder as their heart races, the sincerity in their laugh, the fire in their touch. Common sense tells you the obvious, yet they tell you the opposite. Life is so confusing sometimes. It has taken me so long to realize that if someone cannot see your worth there is no convincing them to, just leave. Leave when something isn't serving your soul in the capacity you deserve. Let go of things and people that don't fill you up with warmth, love, and happiness because there is no room for them in your life. Let go of people that cannot respect you in the simplest of ways. It is so simple and yet so complicated for so many of us. We want to believe in love and we want to believe that people are good and that's okay because someone may be good but they just may not be good for you. To realize this when you are so deeply invested emotionally and physically in another person is one of the most difficult things to go through. Yet freeing yourself from this type of relationship is the only way to open yourself up to other possibilities. After my last relationship I made a promise to myself to stop making excuses for the people I love that don't love me. If someone isn't saying it, it's because they don't feel it. If someone is making excuses, it's because you are not important enough to be a priority. If someone isn't reaching out to you, it's because they aren't thinking of you. These kind of things hurt to recognize but once you do, it is so much easier to let it go. I know what kind of woman I am and I know what I have to offer, if someone can't see it then it's their loss. I no longer have the time or energy to write a manual for a man on how I should be treated. Either treat me right or leave me alone, it's that simple.