Words I Need To Say

[his_angel16]

I don't think I've been this true to myself in a very long time. It's difficult for me to voice my concerns, my fears. I'm always afraid of being judged, of someone else telling me that I'm not good enough. I'm constantly looking to others for recognition that might only come from within, but it doesn't make my insecurities fade. I've always wanted someone to tell me they were proud of me, that what I'm passionate about is something that I should pursue. My mom constantly tells me those things, and a part of me knows it's partially true, but the other part of me is so pessimistic that I have a hard time believing it. I feel as though what I want to do isn't as important as what my siblings have done and will do. I'm constantly putting myself down because it's the only thing I really know how to do. I'm hoping that something good might come from me expressing my feelings like this, of showing my heart and how I truly feel. It's worth a shot, right?

Holding onto my dearest of dreams
While I watch my stars from afar
I've always wanted my own spotlight
Loving my idols for what they are
The fear of failure holds me back
From beginning to follow my heart
I'm so afraid of those first steps
That I've forgotten where to start
By no means would anything be easy
If it was really worth having in the end
I tell my insecurities to no one
Not even to my closest of friends
I smile and laugh until it hurts
While screaming and crying inside
I only let my tears begin to fall
Once I've found a safe place to hide
Wounded by the words of others
Keeps me from trying to move ahead
I'm too scared to take any risks in life
Always choosing to play it safe instead
Living in the shadows of three older siblings
How can I even begin to compete
I haven't really accomplished anything in life
While they've overcome so many feats
Two veterans and a devoted worker
All three having given it their all
Every time I think of stepping up
I can only worry about if I fall