Don't want to lose you...
Kamenashi kazuya stared at the beautiful face that’s sleeping peacefully beside him. He stroked the man’s hair slowly and a smile is formed on his lips. How he love this man so much that he’s willing to do anything for him. Anything, for a guy name Akanishi Jin. His band mate, his best friend, and most of all, also his lover. They have been together since like forever. Even though Jin decided to study aboard and they have been separated for six month for that purpose, his love for him never fade. The love keeps getting deeper and deeper throughout times... and now, he’s back in his arm. Nothing else seems more important than the fact that his Jin return back to him. He slowly leaning forward to touch the soft lips with his owns and close his eyes as sleep drift him away.
It’s been three month since Jin return to Japan. No matter how happy Kazuya are, a part of him feels like Jin has changed. They are not as affectionate as they were before. Somehow, Kazuya can’t help his heart from feeling a bit hurt by the way Jin treated him nowadays. But he tries his best to rebuilt their love bond every single moment they’re together. Every single night, he will wait for Jin and prepare dinner for the latter no matter how late Jin comes home. Even though most of the times he waking up alone on a couch while Jin sleeping soundly on their comfortable bed all by himself. He also realized how Jin has stop touching him nowadays. Jin has stopped kissing him on the lips. Instead, every time Kazuya tried to start a kiss, the older man will only gave him a kiss on the cheek or on the forehead.
The clock already stating that it is 1 o’clock in the morning. Jin hasn’t return home yet. Being a considerate boyfriend, Kazuya sits on the couch in their living room patiently while hoping his lover will return home soon. His mind suddenly been brought back to the night they celebrated their 5th anniversary together…
“ne…Jin. Can you promise me something?”
“What dear?”,Jin reply by slowly kissing the younger man’s eyelid and wrapping his hands around the smaller man waist from behind to pull him closer.
“Promise me you will love only me, will only see me whether in your sleep or in your wake, will only miss me in every seconds of your time, will trust only me, and devoted you whole heart to no one else except me. Your heart will only have me for now and forever and you will never abandon me in whatever situation it is. Can you promise me all that? I want you to repeat every single word I say!”
“WHAT? How on earth should I remember all of it? By the way, it’s too cheesy. Never expect such cheesy words to come out from the mouth of Akanishi Jin,okay? I have a reputation to protect!”
“But,I want to hear it….”*pout*
“beside, it’s not that cheesy as you were saying it to someone you love. So,please….” *puppy look*
“why don’t I show you how much I love you rather than I tell you?”….*evil grimed*
And when Kazuya was about to protest, Jin captured his lips to shut him up and make him forget the whole world with his touches.
A click of the lock from the door has brought Kazuya back to reality. He put his best smile on welcoming his dearest lover back.
“Okairi… You look tired. You must be hungry. Let me heat up the dinner for you.” Kazuya says and rush to the kitchen. His steps was stopped by Jin’s answer.
“No need. I’ve already eat with Pi before. I’m so damn tired and I need a rest now. Oyasumi,Kazu..”
Jin slowly plant a kiss on Kazuya’s forehead and head towards bedroom.
Meanwhile, Kazuya felt as if his heart was struck by sharp piece of glass. He didn’t even realize the tears that start to flow from his eyes. He kneeled down and wrapped both of his hands around his legs. And he let sleep take him away from the pain that Jin just caused.
It was 4 o’clock when he wake up and realize that he’s been sleeping on the floor of their living room. He slowly head back to their bedroom and lie down beside Jin. He tries to chase away the urge he’s feeling to cry again and again every time he saw Jin’s face.
The next day, all Kat-tun members except Jin notice the silent of their youngest member. Nakamaru slowly approach Kazuya,
“Is something wrong Kame? You look awful. You know you can count on me on everything, right?”
“Nothing’s wrong,Maru. Thanks for being concern. You such a good friend”,Kame smile warmly to Nakamaru, trying to hide the hurtful look from his eyes.
“I know something’s wrong and you’re not telling me. Hmm… when you feels like talking, come and talk to me okay? I’m always by your side. I’ll be with you forever.” He gently pats Kame’s head lightly.
Nakamaru feels his heart ache to see those eyes that he loves so much being filled with pain and hurt. Yes, he cares about Kazuya more than anything on this earth. He loves him more than his own life. But he just keeps that love to himself because he knew from the start that he’s not the one for Kazuya. That’s why he trying his best to be Kazuya’s best friend; a friend that he can rely on and a friend that will always be there for him.
Koki and Taguchi was giving each other a glances. Not that they don’t care about Kame, but they know that if even Nakamaru can’t make Kame talk, that’s mean Kame won’t tell anyone about it including them. On the corner of the room,Ueda was looking with various feeling shown in his pretty eyes. Those feelings contain love,care,pity and also…..hurt! he know Nakamaru was trying to comfort their baby KAT-TUN, but he can help himself from being a little bit hurt with the concern Maru have for Kame. He love him, but Nakamaru never see him more than just a friend. So, he also keep his feeling to himself.
Jin was too busy enjoying his life without even realizes that he has hurt the person he love the most. True, he still loves Kame even though he feels like the love has decreased. Maybe he just got carried away with his habit when he’s in LA. He was enjoying his freedom too much while in LA. Partying, girls and lots of other things have become his habit that he will hardly throws away even though he’s back in Japan now. And that night he still doesn’t realize the damage he has caused in his love life when he dragged the girl out from the club and into his car. The girl that he’s been seeing for the past few month,Maki-chan.
Kazuya couldn’t seem to sleep even though he tries to close his eyes a thousand times that night. So he decided to take a walk down the park he and Jin used to go. But his feet were stuck on the ground when he saw two figured body that he perfectly know were kissing each other passionately in the car which belong to someone he know well. He couldn’t believe his eyes. His sight start to blurred as tears start running down his white pale cheeks. There, in the car in front of him, Jin was kissing a girl. He knew it. He already knew about Jin’s having an affair behind his back. He just try to denied it while keep telling himself that Jin still love him, and they still can work the relation out. But now, he know that everything’s over.
Jin pulled away from the kisses to have some air. But he was shocked to see Kazuya’s teary eyes a few meters away. He doesn’t even know what to do. He feels as if his whole body is numb. When Kazuya start to turn away and run from his position, Jin quickly stormed out the car and run after him. From the moment he saw Kazuya’s hurtful eyes, he knew that he has made the biggest mistake in his life. He realize that he still love him more than anything else in this world. Just because Kazuya always there for him, he has take everything for granted. That Kazuya will never leave him. But now, he’ll be facing the consequent of his action. He tries to stop Kazuya by calling his name over and over again. He keeps saying he’s sorry but Kazuya never stop neither look back at him. He heard Kazuya say that it’s over and his tired of all this. He needs a rest. But Jin didn’t care! He want to come back to Kazuya.So he keep chasing him without notice his surroundings.
Kazuya keeps running without seeing and knowing his way. He doesn’t care anymore. He just don’t fucking care! All he wanted right now was to erase all the memory of what he saw earlier and every pains in his heart. He quickly crosses the busy road and was about to reach the end of the road when suddenly he heard a long honk and a bright light pointed directly behind him and toward….JIN! He notices the truck that was coming but Jin didn’t seem to notice that. By that time Jin notice, his feet feel as if it has been glued to the road. He closed his eyes knowing that he might won’t open them again after this. He just stood there waiting for the truck to hit him.
Everything happened too fast. The next thing Jin knows that he’s lying across the street when he heard a loud bang and people screaming. He opens his eyes to see Kazuya lying unmoved in front of his eyes while blood are all over the place. He storm toward his lover and held him inside his embrace. His Kazuya has sacrifice himself in order to saved him- the person that hurt him the most!
“Kazuya!!! Baby please open your eyes..” He couldn’t hold his tears anymore seeing his love covered with blood.
“Baby please….I’m so sorry baby…..please open your eyes….I need you baby…. Please don’t leave me…”
He’s sobbing like crazy…. And he keeps kissing his lover all over the face. He didn’t care about the blood. He just wants his baby to open his eyes again.
All the way to hospital, Jin keeps embracing his lover while keep crying like mad. The nurse stopped him when Kazuya was push into the emergency room and told him to wait outside. Soon, all KAT-TUN members including Yamapi and Ryo arrived there. Yamapi try to comfort Jin but all the effort was useless because Jin’s cries keep rising up. Worst, his body start trembling in scared. He couldn’t imaging his life without his Kazu. All of them don’t know what else to do as they don’t know the whole story.
“If anything happen to Kazu,I won’t forgive myself Pi…. I’ll die without him in my life…” Jin keep repeating it over and over again.
The doctor just come out from the room and told them that Kazuya was still in critical situation. He might be in coma forever due to a terrible damage from the accident. Jin feel his leg weak and when he almost crush down on the floor,Pi caught him.
Kazuya has been ward in ICU. Jin keep sitting beside him and holding his hand tightly. All the members worried as Jin hasn’t touch any food since last night.
“Jin,you should eat…..” Pi voice was cut by Jin.
“Shhh….My Kazu is resting…. Don’t disturb him….”
Everybody feels scared by the way Jin acting right now. It is as if he has lost his mind. He keeps humming the precious one song while stroking Kame’s hair as if trying to drove the younger to sleep.
Since everybody was tired,they just sit there and watch. But suddenly, the machine that shows Kazuya heart rate beeping faster and faster and suddenly stop! Ueda cried for doctor while Jin reaches out to embrace Kame. Tears are flowing from all the members’ eye. Doctor comes in and everyone was asked to go outside. Jin at first doesn’t want to leave his baby but Pi and Ryo force him out. A minutes later,t he doctor comes out.
“I’m sorry….we try our best… he’s gone…”
Jin storm in and held Kame close to his heart. Others follow him in but their cries turn worst as they see the sight in front of them. Jin is embracing Kazu while his tears keep running down his eyes. The words that come out from his mouth caused their hearts to feel more painful.
“Mou…Kazu…you’ve been sleeping too long now… It’s time to wake up dear….”
Jin keeps kissing his lover’s face.
“Please open your eyes Kazu…Don’t punish me like this… I’ll do anything…please open your eyes,baby….please…”
“It’s not funny anymore… please wake up….”
Ueda couldn’t stand this anymore. No one can. they can’t affort anything else to see… enough with this heartbroking moment… Ryo pull Ueda in his embraced while Koki and Taguchi get out from the room. Nakamaru couldn’t feel his feet anymore and he fell down to the floor. Yamapi just stood there watching his best friend suffering without knowing what to do. While Jin…..
“Baby…please…I promise I’ll be good…Please don’t leave me….”
He sounds more weak right now….
“I promise I will love only you, will only see you whether in my sleep or in my wake, will only miss you in every seconds of my time, will trust only you, and devoted my whole heart to no one else except you. My heart will only have you for now and forever and I will never abandon you in whatever situation it is. I promise Kazu…I promise…”
His sobbed more when reciting every lines of promise that Kazuya want him to recite last 5 years… He regrets it so much for not telling him at that time all those lines…
Ueda notice something and quickly point to the machine beside the bed.
“Look!”
The beeping starts again. But Jin doesn’t seems to notice it while he still crying and caressing his lover.
“y..ou..pro…mise..?”
Jin was shocked! He slowly open his eyes to find Kazuya smiling at him weakly…
“Yes baby…I promise….Don’t leave me again…”
“I won’t sweetheart…”
All the members stared in disbelieved of those miracle that happen between their eyes…
The doctor rush in and check Kazuya conditions.
“This is miracle! He come back!” All of them shouting happily together..
Jin tighten his embrace to Kazuya.
“I’m sorry for everything… I love you so much…. I promise I won’t do those stupid things again…”
Kazuya felt a warm liquid on his shoulder. He turn around to meet Jin’s glance.
“I forgive you. I love you too,darling. You’ve remember it all…I’ve come back for you and I will never leave you again….never!”
Jin lean down and kiss his lips. That night, after several month of pain, they actually shared the most affectionate kiss that full of loves and cares together…. The kiss that they both know they miss the most…. A kiss of true love….
It’s been three month since Jin return to Japan. No matter how happy Kazuya are, a part of him feels like Jin has changed. They are not as affectionate as they were before. Somehow, Kazuya can’t help his heart from feeling a bit hurt by the way Jin treated him nowadays. But he tries his best to rebuilt their love bond every single moment they’re together. Every single night, he will wait for Jin and prepare dinner for the latter no matter how late Jin comes home. Even though most of the times he waking up alone on a couch while Jin sleeping soundly on their comfortable bed all by himself. He also realized how Jin has stop touching him nowadays. Jin has stopped kissing him on the lips. Instead, every time Kazuya tried to start a kiss, the older man will only gave him a kiss on the cheek or on the forehead.
The clock already stating that it is 1 o’clock in the morning. Jin hasn’t return home yet. Being a considerate boyfriend, Kazuya sits on the couch in their living room patiently while hoping his lover will return home soon. His mind suddenly been brought back to the night they celebrated their 5th anniversary together…
“ne…Jin. Can you promise me something?”
“What dear?”,Jin reply by slowly kissing the younger man’s eyelid and wrapping his hands around the smaller man waist from behind to pull him closer.
“Promise me you will love only me, will only see me whether in your sleep or in your wake, will only miss me in every seconds of your time, will trust only me, and devoted you whole heart to no one else except me. Your heart will only have me for now and forever and you will never abandon me in whatever situation it is. Can you promise me all that? I want you to repeat every single word I say!”
“WHAT? How on earth should I remember all of it? By the way, it’s too cheesy. Never expect such cheesy words to come out from the mouth of Akanishi Jin,okay? I have a reputation to protect!”
“But,I want to hear it….”*pout*
“beside, it’s not that cheesy as you were saying it to someone you love. So,please….” *puppy look*
“why don’t I show you how much I love you rather than I tell you?”….*evil grimed*
And when Kazuya was about to protest, Jin captured his lips to shut him up and make him forget the whole world with his touches.
A click of the lock from the door has brought Kazuya back to reality. He put his best smile on welcoming his dearest lover back.
“Okairi… You look tired. You must be hungry. Let me heat up the dinner for you.” Kazuya says and rush to the kitchen. His steps was stopped by Jin’s answer.
“No need. I’ve already eat with Pi before. I’m so damn tired and I need a rest now. Oyasumi,Kazu..”
Jin slowly plant a kiss on Kazuya’s forehead and head towards bedroom.
Meanwhile, Kazuya felt as if his heart was struck by sharp piece of glass. He didn’t even realize the tears that start to flow from his eyes. He kneeled down and wrapped both of his hands around his legs. And he let sleep take him away from the pain that Jin just caused.
It was 4 o’clock when he wake up and realize that he’s been sleeping on the floor of their living room. He slowly head back to their bedroom and lie down beside Jin. He tries to chase away the urge he’s feeling to cry again and again every time he saw Jin’s face.
The next day, all Kat-tun members except Jin notice the silent of their youngest member. Nakamaru slowly approach Kazuya,
“Is something wrong Kame? You look awful. You know you can count on me on everything, right?”
“Nothing’s wrong,Maru. Thanks for being concern. You such a good friend”,Kame smile warmly to Nakamaru, trying to hide the hurtful look from his eyes.
“I know something’s wrong and you’re not telling me. Hmm… when you feels like talking, come and talk to me okay? I’m always by your side. I’ll be with you forever.” He gently pats Kame’s head lightly.
Nakamaru feels his heart ache to see those eyes that he loves so much being filled with pain and hurt. Yes, he cares about Kazuya more than anything on this earth. He loves him more than his own life. But he just keeps that love to himself because he knew from the start that he’s not the one for Kazuya. That’s why he trying his best to be Kazuya’s best friend; a friend that he can rely on and a friend that will always be there for him.
Koki and Taguchi was giving each other a glances. Not that they don’t care about Kame, but they know that if even Nakamaru can’t make Kame talk, that’s mean Kame won’t tell anyone about it including them. On the corner of the room,Ueda was looking with various feeling shown in his pretty eyes. Those feelings contain love,care,pity and also…..hurt! he know Nakamaru was trying to comfort their baby KAT-TUN, but he can help himself from being a little bit hurt with the concern Maru have for Kame. He love him, but Nakamaru never see him more than just a friend. So, he also keep his feeling to himself.
Jin was too busy enjoying his life without even realizes that he has hurt the person he love the most. True, he still loves Kame even though he feels like the love has decreased. Maybe he just got carried away with his habit when he’s in LA. He was enjoying his freedom too much while in LA. Partying, girls and lots of other things have become his habit that he will hardly throws away even though he’s back in Japan now. And that night he still doesn’t realize the damage he has caused in his love life when he dragged the girl out from the club and into his car. The girl that he’s been seeing for the past few month,Maki-chan.
Kazuya couldn’t seem to sleep even though he tries to close his eyes a thousand times that night. So he decided to take a walk down the park he and Jin used to go. But his feet were stuck on the ground when he saw two figured body that he perfectly know were kissing each other passionately in the car which belong to someone he know well. He couldn’t believe his eyes. His sight start to blurred as tears start running down his white pale cheeks. There, in the car in front of him, Jin was kissing a girl. He knew it. He already knew about Jin’s having an affair behind his back. He just try to denied it while keep telling himself that Jin still love him, and they still can work the relation out. But now, he know that everything’s over.
Jin pulled away from the kisses to have some air. But he was shocked to see Kazuya’s teary eyes a few meters away. He doesn’t even know what to do. He feels as if his whole body is numb. When Kazuya start to turn away and run from his position, Jin quickly stormed out the car and run after him. From the moment he saw Kazuya’s hurtful eyes, he knew that he has made the biggest mistake in his life. He realize that he still love him more than anything else in this world. Just because Kazuya always there for him, he has take everything for granted. That Kazuya will never leave him. But now, he’ll be facing the consequent of his action. He tries to stop Kazuya by calling his name over and over again. He keeps saying he’s sorry but Kazuya never stop neither look back at him. He heard Kazuya say that it’s over and his tired of all this. He needs a rest. But Jin didn’t care! He want to come back to Kazuya.So he keep chasing him without notice his surroundings.
Kazuya keeps running without seeing and knowing his way. He doesn’t care anymore. He just don’t fucking care! All he wanted right now was to erase all the memory of what he saw earlier and every pains in his heart. He quickly crosses the busy road and was about to reach the end of the road when suddenly he heard a long honk and a bright light pointed directly behind him and toward….JIN! He notices the truck that was coming but Jin didn’t seem to notice that. By that time Jin notice, his feet feel as if it has been glued to the road. He closed his eyes knowing that he might won’t open them again after this. He just stood there waiting for the truck to hit him.
Everything happened too fast. The next thing Jin knows that he’s lying across the street when he heard a loud bang and people screaming. He opens his eyes to see Kazuya lying unmoved in front of his eyes while blood are all over the place. He storm toward his lover and held him inside his embrace. His Kazuya has sacrifice himself in order to saved him- the person that hurt him the most!
“Kazuya!!! Baby please open your eyes..” He couldn’t hold his tears anymore seeing his love covered with blood.
“Baby please….I’m so sorry baby…..please open your eyes….I need you baby…. Please don’t leave me…”
He’s sobbing like crazy…. And he keeps kissing his lover all over the face. He didn’t care about the blood. He just wants his baby to open his eyes again.
All the way to hospital, Jin keeps embracing his lover while keep crying like mad. The nurse stopped him when Kazuya was push into the emergency room and told him to wait outside. Soon, all KAT-TUN members including Yamapi and Ryo arrived there. Yamapi try to comfort Jin but all the effort was useless because Jin’s cries keep rising up. Worst, his body start trembling in scared. He couldn’t imaging his life without his Kazu. All of them don’t know what else to do as they don’t know the whole story.
“If anything happen to Kazu,I won’t forgive myself Pi…. I’ll die without him in my life…” Jin keep repeating it over and over again.
The doctor just come out from the room and told them that Kazuya was still in critical situation. He might be in coma forever due to a terrible damage from the accident. Jin feel his leg weak and when he almost crush down on the floor,Pi caught him.
Kazuya has been ward in ICU. Jin keep sitting beside him and holding his hand tightly. All the members worried as Jin hasn’t touch any food since last night.
“Jin,you should eat…..” Pi voice was cut by Jin.
“Shhh….My Kazu is resting…. Don’t disturb him….”
Everybody feels scared by the way Jin acting right now. It is as if he has lost his mind. He keeps humming the precious one song while stroking Kame’s hair as if trying to drove the younger to sleep.
Since everybody was tired,they just sit there and watch. But suddenly, the machine that shows Kazuya heart rate beeping faster and faster and suddenly stop! Ueda cried for doctor while Jin reaches out to embrace Kame. Tears are flowing from all the members’ eye. Doctor comes in and everyone was asked to go outside. Jin at first doesn’t want to leave his baby but Pi and Ryo force him out. A minutes later,t he doctor comes out.
“I’m sorry….we try our best… he’s gone…”
Jin storm in and held Kame close to his heart. Others follow him in but their cries turn worst as they see the sight in front of them. Jin is embracing Kazu while his tears keep running down his eyes. The words that come out from his mouth caused their hearts to feel more painful.
“Mou…Kazu…you’ve been sleeping too long now… It’s time to wake up dear….”
Jin keeps kissing his lover’s face.
“Please open your eyes Kazu…Don’t punish me like this… I’ll do anything…please open your eyes,baby….please…”
“It’s not funny anymore… please wake up….”
Ueda couldn’t stand this anymore. No one can. they can’t affort anything else to see… enough with this heartbroking moment… Ryo pull Ueda in his embraced while Koki and Taguchi get out from the room. Nakamaru couldn’t feel his feet anymore and he fell down to the floor. Yamapi just stood there watching his best friend suffering without knowing what to do. While Jin…..
“Baby…please…I promise I’ll be good…Please don’t leave me….”
He sounds more weak right now….
“I promise I will love only you, will only see you whether in my sleep or in my wake, will only miss you in every seconds of my time, will trust only you, and devoted my whole heart to no one else except you. My heart will only have you for now and forever and I will never abandon you in whatever situation it is. I promise Kazu…I promise…”
His sobbed more when reciting every lines of promise that Kazuya want him to recite last 5 years… He regrets it so much for not telling him at that time all those lines…
Ueda notice something and quickly point to the machine beside the bed.
“Look!”
The beeping starts again. But Jin doesn’t seems to notice it while he still crying and caressing his lover.
“y..ou..pro…mise..?”
Jin was shocked! He slowly open his eyes to find Kazuya smiling at him weakly…
“Yes baby…I promise….Don’t leave me again…”
“I won’t sweetheart…”
All the members stared in disbelieved of those miracle that happen between their eyes…
The doctor rush in and check Kazuya conditions.
“This is miracle! He come back!” All of them shouting happily together..
Jin tighten his embrace to Kazuya.
“I’m sorry for everything… I love you so much…. I promise I won’t do those stupid things again…”
Kazuya felt a warm liquid on his shoulder. He turn around to meet Jin’s glance.
“I forgive you. I love you too,darling. You’ve remember it all…I’ve come back for you and I will never leave you again….never!”
Jin lean down and kiss his lips. That night, after several month of pain, they actually shared the most affectionate kiss that full of loves and cares together…. The kiss that they both know they miss the most…. A kiss of true love….