Rose water and Ash
Pairing: DaeJae
Rating: R (language/mentions of sex)
Word-count: 2772
Description: It was meant to be temporary.
AN: This title came to me and I wanted to write something short to it. I wanted to keep it at about 1,000 words, but... that didn't happen.
Crunchy celery versus soggy cereal.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Youngjae says over his peanut butter dip.
“Why not?” Daehyun’s shit eating grin reaches his eyes. “Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘fucked and fed?’”
Youngjae could knock his bowl right into his lap if he truly felt inclined. “You were fucked last night and you’re being fed now.”
Daehyun snorts at the sugary confetti in his bowl. “Playing hard to get when you’re relatively easy is ass backwards, don’t you think?”
“Shut your haughty mouth.”
“Last night you were loving my hot mouth,” Daehyun leans over the counter to catch Youngjae’s lips.
“You’re so stupid.”
“Celery is nasty.” Daehyun gets up to put his bowl in the sink. Sun easily fills the kitchen, drowning Youngjae’s already fluorescent condo in light. “You should water these,” he remarks, rinsing the milk from his dish.
Youngjae’s eyes travel over to the potted plants his mother insists he keep near the window. The only reason they’re dying is because he hasn’t let her in to water them. He rolls his eyes because Daehyun knows damn well he cares nothing about plants. At most, he takes any opportunity he can to get under Youngjae’s skin.
Copping a quick feel and a long kiss, Daehyun is out the door with, “See ya later.”
Youngjae can’t decide if the past month has been hell or nirvana.
Variety show, showdown.
A battle between the hottest trio riding the hallyu wave, and well...Youngjae’s group. Youngjae is sure if you look closely, you can see the heads of Daehyun and his members inflating constantly. Ready to burst any second. The fault of the public, no doubt.
A leader dubbed prince of vocal acrobatics. A speed rapper- complete with intone swagger on a million. Accompanied by a flirt with the face of a high fashion model. They are favored over his own trio based on looks alone. It was Youngjae’s humble opinion though, that they lack the substance his own group demonstrates. He, Yongguk, and Jongup externalize their appreciation for good music. Take pride in the care they put into it. Daehyun and co. however, are just clowns. In his humble opinion.
Youngjae and Daehyun put on their usual ‘you couldn’t possibly hate me more than I hate you’ act which is becoming increasingly difficult. Even with Youngjae’s team losing every challenge, and Daehyun functioning as an unscripted douche. His cocky sneer and rich laughter never fail to cause a stir in Youngjae’s loins.
During a break between taping Youngjae finds Daehyun sending a wink to the PD. He is certain of two things. The producer is sweet on the vocalist, and the obstacle course is rigged in his favor. It’s not so clear whether Daehyun has slept with him or not.
“As expected, sticking your dick in whatever hole available.”
“Ah, don’t be a sore loser.”
“I'm never sore.”
“Oh?” Daehyun takes a look at his ass. “Says your hole.”
“Kiss my ass.”
“Been there, done that.”
“Fuck you.”
“Gladly,” Daehyun chuckles. “You’re walking right into these, Youngjae.”
“I understand you think highly of yourself, but please tone it down. You might have people think I actually want to speak to you.”
“But don’t you?”
When Daehyun backs him up against a trailer, Youngjae can’t fight the smirk on his face. Can’t keep himself from kissing him back.
Youngjae isn’t one to kiss and tell. Though, there isn’t really a need to when Jongup has seen it for himself.
“You’re dating Daehyun?” he asks when they’re alone after filming. A half shrug is returned. “Oh, this actually requires a verbal answer.”
“Something like that, but not really. What does it matter?”
“Uhh, he’s a jerk to you?”
“I guess.”
Youngjae knows sexual tension when he sees it. Feels it, largely on his part. He recalls his and Daehyun’s exchange at the start of their relationship. If he could call it that.
I’m not looking for anything long term.
Maybe I’m not either.
In secret, Youngjae holds a slight reverence towards Daehyun’s disregard for love. Real love, there isn’t any time for that. Not until you feel like forever is closing in on you.
Youngjae is purged of his morality when Daehyun is near. Only two inches taller, but a tower. A hawk hovering over, waiting to swoop in on his lips. And it’s true Daehyun feels forty feet tall when Youngjae- devout cynic, I don’t give enough fucks to bat an eyelash in your direction- Yoo Youngjae is submitting to him. Legs spread wide, or pulled close to his chest, placing himself on lewd display. Obeying each thrust with the appropriate arch of his back. Youngjae takes it all, adheres to every command. Daehyun isn’t satisfied until the dirtiest words and moans are leaving his mouth. A pornographic symphony.
A Chinese eatery.
Youngjae concludes Daehyun has no taste if he considers mini Buddha statues, and red cloth napkins at each table authentic.
Daehyun slides his fortune cookie across the table with his signature grin. Youngjae pockets the plastic wrapped sweet.
“Aren’t you gonna read it?”
“No.”
“Don’t want me to know your fortune?”
“I’m pretty sure it yours,” Youngjae replies dryly.
“I gave it to you. Doesn’t that make it ours now?” Daehyun catches Youngjae’s foot between his ankles under the table.
“You know, If you spent less time talking like a jackass we’d get along much better.”
“You love me.”
“Please.” Youngjae kicks his feet away.
“You can’t get enough of me that’s for sure.”
Youngjae rolls his eyes and heads over to the soda fountain to hide the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
The rear exit in and a narrow alley.
Daehyun catches Youngjae by the arm before he can reach his car. “Where’s my kiss?”
“What makes you think I want to kiss you?”
“I treated you to dinner,” he replies simply.
“At a place with fortune cookies and break apart chopsticks!”
“Hey, you said you wanted privacy. And this place is good! I’ve never brought anyone here.”
Youngjae frowns, “Then what have I done to deserve being brought here?”
Daehyun forces him back against the brick building, smashing their lips together. Youngjae groans at the force and the sting of his lip caught between his own teeth. He only slightly feels the crunch in his jacket when Daehyun rams his hips into him. The tongue forcing it’s way into his mouth tastes of curry and it takes all of Youngjae’s self respect not to gag. He settles for a firm shove.
“Have a mint next time.”
“Shut up,” Daehyun whispers pecking him softly. Checking the time on his wristwatch, he says his goodbye.
Youngjae fishes his pockets for his keys to find plastic and crumbs among the cold metal. Grimacing at what’s left of the cheap dessert, he pulls the slip of paper from flimsy packaging.
Yuanfen
One simple word with no explanation or translation. Youngjae narrows his eyes and tosses the scrap and crumbs in the trash.
As expected Daehyun shows up at Youngjae’s door at an ungodly hour. Leaning against the doorframe with a sly smile.
He wastes no time yanking Youngjae close and seizing his lips. Leading the way to the bedroom, it only slightly annoys Youngjae that they’re tripping all over his particularly placed furniture.
The routine is simple. Undress quickly, tease, touch, and repeat. All until Youngjae is whimpering, hips involuntarily lifting, begging for Daehyun. For the best experience possible, Daehyun’s rule of thumb is ‘make him want it.’
Youngjae’s senses clear up a bit while he watches Daehyun spread lube on his fingers. He doesn’t know how he missed the gaudy gold ring the man sporting. But he knows he doesn’t want it anywhere near him. “Take that thing off.” Daehyun looks up at him, confusion on his face. “There is no way you’re shoving that ring up my ass, take it off.”
A soft laugh leaves Daehyun before he pulls the ring off his index finger, tossing it aside.
Dawn is the perfect time to play pretend.
Daehyun stares up at Youngjae from where his head rests on his chest.
“What are you looking at?”
“That morning afterglow looks beautiful on you,” Daehyun compliments smoothly.
Youngjae smiles, “Get out.”
“Is that any way to treat your hubby?”
An incredulous laugh slips from Youngjae’s mouth. Daehyun covers it with his own mouth. A kiss just as slow, wet, and warm as he usually likes it. Youngjae nibbles his full bottom lip, and he grins into it.
“Aww, you love me,” Daehyun coos, kissing Youngjae’s cheek and neck before getting up to dress.
Watching him pull clothes over his olive skin is just as pleasing as watching them come off. Youngjae realizes he’s staring and averts his gaze. He finds Daehyun’s cell phone lying on his nightstand in plain sight. “Hey, simpleton- you’re forgetting this,” he says grabbing the device, waving it around.
Daehyun grins rewarding Youngjae with another kiss before snatching the phone. “I’ll see you soon.”
A full weekend without a suggestive call or dirty text.
Youngjae receives an explanation Monday morning. In the form of a pretty girl hanging on Daehyun’s arm. The knot in his stomach is tight- unexpected. The pang in his chest- that must be where his ego is located, because normally he wouldn’t care.
It would be different if she were some whore that didn’t own anything with a modest neckline. But not a soft-spoken sweetheart whom Daehyun keeps looking at with tender eyes.
It doesn’t matter anyway. There’s only a week left of filming. After that he has no obligation to speak to Daehyun ever again.
Daehyun seems to be confused as to why Youngjae doesn’t play into his antics during the show. Or why he doesn’t want to meet his lady-friend in between takes. Youngjae feels sick to his stomach. Wants to vomit right onto Daehyun’s shoes when the man confronts him at the end of the day.
“What’s with your attitude? I mean you always have an attitude, but you seem bitchier than usual.”
Youngjae scoffs and narrows his eyes, “Get out of my face.”
“Well, excuse the hell outta me for being concerned.”
“You? Concerned?” Youngjae laughs airily. “About what, where to put your dick next?”
“Since when are you so concerned about my dick?” Daehyun questions in a pitch higher than his normal tone. It doesn’t seem a bad idea to punch him straight in the throat. Except, he’d end up looking stupid.
“You know what, you were right.”
“I was right?”
“Yeah, I cracked. I’m dropping out.”
Daehyun chuckles. “You’re kidding right?”
“Nope,” Youngjae shrugs. “You go your way and I’ll go mine.”
He could have kept his pride and simply dismissed him with boredom as an excuse. Except, part of him wanted Daehyun to know he was offended. Some part of him also wanted Daehyun to stop him from walking away instead of standing there like an idiot.
Youngjae finds Daehyun’s ring in the carpet under his bed. Each day after schedules he slips it on. It’s a little too large, but he lies in bed staring at it anyway. He thumbs it around his middle finger, ignoring the tingle in his ring finger.
The past five days have been spent ignoring Daehyun’s existence. While the nights are spent wishing he was near. The time they shared may have been half-hearted, but it felt real in some moments. It was nice to have some company for once.
Youngjae’s knows he’s no one special in a sea of plenty. He knew that from the start. It was nothing for Daehyun to snag a cute new idol. No matter how much Youngjae wanted to deny it, they were all bleached and dyed clones. Mediocre voices selling a pout and an eye-smile. The more he thinks about it, the stupider he feels.
Fuck Daehyun and his sweet low satoori echoing in his ears. Damn seeing shadows of himself and Daehyun on the wall. Watching his phone vibrate and fall from his nightstand, Daehyun’s name flashing on the screen. Fuck closing his eyes only to see Daehyun’s brown pair behind them. Better yet, fuck lying around switching off between the couch and his bed. It’s a shitty way to cope.
And maybe he isn’t shit either, charading around with his apathetic facade. There is no basic sincerity in either of them, contrary to popular belief. He was getting it how he could, just the same as Daehyun. Youngjae enjoys a check and a good fuck just as much as the next.
He isn’t allowed to be lying on his couch, aching for Daehyun. It isn’t right. It was meant to be fun. It... whatever it was, he’ll get it out. He’ll make a tiny incision in his heart so that everything that he loves- hates about Daehyun can ooze out.
He should drink. That’s what normal people do in these situations.
Sorry glances are an inexpensive apology, but it isn’t enough.
A dozen congratulatory roses in honor of a comeback don’t exactly count as atonement either. Except that’s just it. Daehyun isn’t sure it’s his place to feel sorry. They had an agreement. A deal Youngjae broke. In his heart of hearts though, he knew he fucked up. If only Youngjae would give him the chance to say that.
“I want to see you,” is the first thing he says when Youngjae finally answers his call.
“You'll see me tomorrow.” The final day of filming.
“No, I want to see you sooner- tonight.”
When Daehyun arrives at Youngjae’s condo, his expression is apologetic. Much different than his usual smug mask. Youngjae doesn’t let him speak. He kisses him instead. Daehyun kisses back fervently and Youngjae knows they won’t have to discuss it tonight.
Just sex, Youngjae thinks. It’s just sex.
Non-verbally forgive and forget.
That’s Youngjae’s motto. Yongguk on the other hand seems to think there’s more to life.
“Daehyun really seems to want you back,” he comments during a stage rehearsal.
“It was a fling.” Youngjae has been telling himself that a lot lately. Like for the past 3 weeks, lately.
“Really? Last time I checked flings don’t consist of flowers and your very own love song.”
Youngjae huffs, “Well, he can keep all of that because there are no flecks of gray in my eyes and I’m over it.”
“It’s funny, I think who we love says a lot about us. Even if we seem completely different from them.”
“Who said anything about love?” Youngjae narrows his eyes. It’s enough trying to come to terms with his feelings while still letting Daehyun screw him once a week. He doesn’t need his leader’s input as well.
“You’re hurt.” The words are soft, but strong enough make Youngjae’s chest tighten. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you let someone in.” Yongguk pats him on the back. “There’s nothing wrong with being in love, you know.”
“Love is just a word.”
“You don’t believe that.”
“For now I can. I was just having fun.”
“If you say so.”
“I do.”
Two rounds of disconnected sex and two unsettled lovers.
Daehyun knows he isn’t alone in his feelings. Youngjae wouldn’t open his door if he were. Wouldn’t open his legs for that matter.
“Are you ready to tell me you love me yet?”
“I don’t love anything about you,” Youngjae insists.
Daehyun pushes himself up to rest on his elbow. “What’s not to love about me? A handsome, smooth talking prince hailing from Busan. The body of a god, voice of an angel, hell in my eyes.”
“You think too highly of yourself.”
“Well can you blame me?”
“Yes.”
It’s Daehyun’s turn to huff and narrow his eyes.“Youngjae, don’t pretend you like to get fucked any less than I like to screw around.”
“If this is your apology, it’s shit.”
Youngjae’s eyes won’t leave the ceiling. Daehyun sighs, “I’m sorry.” He isn’t affected by Youngjae’s glare. “I apologize for hurting your feelings. Will you ever forgive me?”
“Probably not.”
Youngjae is forced to look at Daehyun. He’s surprised at the unnecessary strength used to grip his face. Caught off guard by the intensity in his eyes. “You’re an asshole, and I'm okay with that for the most part. But if you keep denying me, I’m not going to keep coming back.”
Daehyun’s grip softens along with his eyes before he gently presses his lips against Youngjae’s. His light brushes of lips are returned until Youngjae’s anxiety is verbalized.
“We aren’t meant to be together, Dae.”
“Then why do we keep ending up like this?
AN: Yuanfen is pretty much destiny. Rose water and Ash is the name of the song Dae wrote for Jae. Because he's actually profound.
Rating: R (language/mentions of sex)
Word-count: 2772
Description: It was meant to be temporary.
AN: This title came to me and I wanted to write something short to it. I wanted to keep it at about 1,000 words, but... that didn't happen.
Crunchy celery versus soggy cereal.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Youngjae says over his peanut butter dip.
“Why not?” Daehyun’s shit eating grin reaches his eyes. “Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘fucked and fed?’”
Youngjae could knock his bowl right into his lap if he truly felt inclined. “You were fucked last night and you’re being fed now.”
Daehyun snorts at the sugary confetti in his bowl. “Playing hard to get when you’re relatively easy is ass backwards, don’t you think?”
“Shut your haughty mouth.”
“Last night you were loving my hot mouth,” Daehyun leans over the counter to catch Youngjae’s lips.
“You’re so stupid.”
“Celery is nasty.” Daehyun gets up to put his bowl in the sink. Sun easily fills the kitchen, drowning Youngjae’s already fluorescent condo in light. “You should water these,” he remarks, rinsing the milk from his dish.
Youngjae’s eyes travel over to the potted plants his mother insists he keep near the window. The only reason they’re dying is because he hasn’t let her in to water them. He rolls his eyes because Daehyun knows damn well he cares nothing about plants. At most, he takes any opportunity he can to get under Youngjae’s skin.
Copping a quick feel and a long kiss, Daehyun is out the door with, “See ya later.”
Youngjae can’t decide if the past month has been hell or nirvana.
Variety show, showdown.
A battle between the hottest trio riding the hallyu wave, and well...Youngjae’s group. Youngjae is sure if you look closely, you can see the heads of Daehyun and his members inflating constantly. Ready to burst any second. The fault of the public, no doubt.
A leader dubbed prince of vocal acrobatics. A speed rapper- complete with intone swagger on a million. Accompanied by a flirt with the face of a high fashion model. They are favored over his own trio based on looks alone. It was Youngjae’s humble opinion though, that they lack the substance his own group demonstrates. He, Yongguk, and Jongup externalize their appreciation for good music. Take pride in the care they put into it. Daehyun and co. however, are just clowns. In his humble opinion.
Youngjae and Daehyun put on their usual ‘you couldn’t possibly hate me more than I hate you’ act which is becoming increasingly difficult. Even with Youngjae’s team losing every challenge, and Daehyun functioning as an unscripted douche. His cocky sneer and rich laughter never fail to cause a stir in Youngjae’s loins.
During a break between taping Youngjae finds Daehyun sending a wink to the PD. He is certain of two things. The producer is sweet on the vocalist, and the obstacle course is rigged in his favor. It’s not so clear whether Daehyun has slept with him or not.
“As expected, sticking your dick in whatever hole available.”
“Ah, don’t be a sore loser.”
“I'm never sore.”
“Oh?” Daehyun takes a look at his ass. “Says your hole.”
“Kiss my ass.”
“Been there, done that.”
“Fuck you.”
“Gladly,” Daehyun chuckles. “You’re walking right into these, Youngjae.”
“I understand you think highly of yourself, but please tone it down. You might have people think I actually want to speak to you.”
“But don’t you?”
When Daehyun backs him up against a trailer, Youngjae can’t fight the smirk on his face. Can’t keep himself from kissing him back.
Youngjae isn’t one to kiss and tell. Though, there isn’t really a need to when Jongup has seen it for himself.
“You’re dating Daehyun?” he asks when they’re alone after filming. A half shrug is returned. “Oh, this actually requires a verbal answer.”
“Something like that, but not really. What does it matter?”
“Uhh, he’s a jerk to you?”
“I guess.”
Youngjae knows sexual tension when he sees it. Feels it, largely on his part. He recalls his and Daehyun’s exchange at the start of their relationship. If he could call it that.
I’m not looking for anything long term.
Maybe I’m not either.
In secret, Youngjae holds a slight reverence towards Daehyun’s disregard for love. Real love, there isn’t any time for that. Not until you feel like forever is closing in on you.
Youngjae is purged of his morality when Daehyun is near. Only two inches taller, but a tower. A hawk hovering over, waiting to swoop in on his lips. And it’s true Daehyun feels forty feet tall when Youngjae- devout cynic, I don’t give enough fucks to bat an eyelash in your direction- Yoo Youngjae is submitting to him. Legs spread wide, or pulled close to his chest, placing himself on lewd display. Obeying each thrust with the appropriate arch of his back. Youngjae takes it all, adheres to every command. Daehyun isn’t satisfied until the dirtiest words and moans are leaving his mouth. A pornographic symphony.
A Chinese eatery.
Youngjae concludes Daehyun has no taste if he considers mini Buddha statues, and red cloth napkins at each table authentic.
Daehyun slides his fortune cookie across the table with his signature grin. Youngjae pockets the plastic wrapped sweet.
“Aren’t you gonna read it?”
“No.”
“Don’t want me to know your fortune?”
“I’m pretty sure it yours,” Youngjae replies dryly.
“I gave it to you. Doesn’t that make it ours now?” Daehyun catches Youngjae’s foot between his ankles under the table.
“You know, If you spent less time talking like a jackass we’d get along much better.”
“You love me.”
“Please.” Youngjae kicks his feet away.
“You can’t get enough of me that’s for sure.”
Youngjae rolls his eyes and heads over to the soda fountain to hide the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.
The rear exit in and a narrow alley.
Daehyun catches Youngjae by the arm before he can reach his car. “Where’s my kiss?”
“What makes you think I want to kiss you?”
“I treated you to dinner,” he replies simply.
“At a place with fortune cookies and break apart chopsticks!”
“Hey, you said you wanted privacy. And this place is good! I’ve never brought anyone here.”
Youngjae frowns, “Then what have I done to deserve being brought here?”
Daehyun forces him back against the brick building, smashing their lips together. Youngjae groans at the force and the sting of his lip caught between his own teeth. He only slightly feels the crunch in his jacket when Daehyun rams his hips into him. The tongue forcing it’s way into his mouth tastes of curry and it takes all of Youngjae’s self respect not to gag. He settles for a firm shove.
“Have a mint next time.”
“Shut up,” Daehyun whispers pecking him softly. Checking the time on his wristwatch, he says his goodbye.
Youngjae fishes his pockets for his keys to find plastic and crumbs among the cold metal. Grimacing at what’s left of the cheap dessert, he pulls the slip of paper from flimsy packaging.
Yuanfen
One simple word with no explanation or translation. Youngjae narrows his eyes and tosses the scrap and crumbs in the trash.
As expected Daehyun shows up at Youngjae’s door at an ungodly hour. Leaning against the doorframe with a sly smile.
He wastes no time yanking Youngjae close and seizing his lips. Leading the way to the bedroom, it only slightly annoys Youngjae that they’re tripping all over his particularly placed furniture.
The routine is simple. Undress quickly, tease, touch, and repeat. All until Youngjae is whimpering, hips involuntarily lifting, begging for Daehyun. For the best experience possible, Daehyun’s rule of thumb is ‘make him want it.’
Youngjae’s senses clear up a bit while he watches Daehyun spread lube on his fingers. He doesn’t know how he missed the gaudy gold ring the man sporting. But he knows he doesn’t want it anywhere near him. “Take that thing off.” Daehyun looks up at him, confusion on his face. “There is no way you’re shoving that ring up my ass, take it off.”
A soft laugh leaves Daehyun before he pulls the ring off his index finger, tossing it aside.
Dawn is the perfect time to play pretend.
Daehyun stares up at Youngjae from where his head rests on his chest.
“What are you looking at?”
“That morning afterglow looks beautiful on you,” Daehyun compliments smoothly.
Youngjae smiles, “Get out.”
“Is that any way to treat your hubby?”
An incredulous laugh slips from Youngjae’s mouth. Daehyun covers it with his own mouth. A kiss just as slow, wet, and warm as he usually likes it. Youngjae nibbles his full bottom lip, and he grins into it.
“Aww, you love me,” Daehyun coos, kissing Youngjae’s cheek and neck before getting up to dress.
Watching him pull clothes over his olive skin is just as pleasing as watching them come off. Youngjae realizes he’s staring and averts his gaze. He finds Daehyun’s cell phone lying on his nightstand in plain sight. “Hey, simpleton- you’re forgetting this,” he says grabbing the device, waving it around.
Daehyun grins rewarding Youngjae with another kiss before snatching the phone. “I’ll see you soon.”
A full weekend without a suggestive call or dirty text.
Youngjae receives an explanation Monday morning. In the form of a pretty girl hanging on Daehyun’s arm. The knot in his stomach is tight- unexpected. The pang in his chest- that must be where his ego is located, because normally he wouldn’t care.
It would be different if she were some whore that didn’t own anything with a modest neckline. But not a soft-spoken sweetheart whom Daehyun keeps looking at with tender eyes.
It doesn’t matter anyway. There’s only a week left of filming. After that he has no obligation to speak to Daehyun ever again.
Daehyun seems to be confused as to why Youngjae doesn’t play into his antics during the show. Or why he doesn’t want to meet his lady-friend in between takes. Youngjae feels sick to his stomach. Wants to vomit right onto Daehyun’s shoes when the man confronts him at the end of the day.
“What’s with your attitude? I mean you always have an attitude, but you seem bitchier than usual.”
Youngjae scoffs and narrows his eyes, “Get out of my face.”
“Well, excuse the hell outta me for being concerned.”
“You? Concerned?” Youngjae laughs airily. “About what, where to put your dick next?”
“Since when are you so concerned about my dick?” Daehyun questions in a pitch higher than his normal tone. It doesn’t seem a bad idea to punch him straight in the throat. Except, he’d end up looking stupid.
“You know what, you were right.”
“I was right?”
“Yeah, I cracked. I’m dropping out.”
Daehyun chuckles. “You’re kidding right?”
“Nope,” Youngjae shrugs. “You go your way and I’ll go mine.”
He could have kept his pride and simply dismissed him with boredom as an excuse. Except, part of him wanted Daehyun to know he was offended. Some part of him also wanted Daehyun to stop him from walking away instead of standing there like an idiot.
Youngjae finds Daehyun’s ring in the carpet under his bed. Each day after schedules he slips it on. It’s a little too large, but he lies in bed staring at it anyway. He thumbs it around his middle finger, ignoring the tingle in his ring finger.
The past five days have been spent ignoring Daehyun’s existence. While the nights are spent wishing he was near. The time they shared may have been half-hearted, but it felt real in some moments. It was nice to have some company for once.
Youngjae’s knows he’s no one special in a sea of plenty. He knew that from the start. It was nothing for Daehyun to snag a cute new idol. No matter how much Youngjae wanted to deny it, they were all bleached and dyed clones. Mediocre voices selling a pout and an eye-smile. The more he thinks about it, the stupider he feels.
Fuck Daehyun and his sweet low satoori echoing in his ears. Damn seeing shadows of himself and Daehyun on the wall. Watching his phone vibrate and fall from his nightstand, Daehyun’s name flashing on the screen. Fuck closing his eyes only to see Daehyun’s brown pair behind them. Better yet, fuck lying around switching off between the couch and his bed. It’s a shitty way to cope.
And maybe he isn’t shit either, charading around with his apathetic facade. There is no basic sincerity in either of them, contrary to popular belief. He was getting it how he could, just the same as Daehyun. Youngjae enjoys a check and a good fuck just as much as the next.
He isn’t allowed to be lying on his couch, aching for Daehyun. It isn’t right. It was meant to be fun. It... whatever it was, he’ll get it out. He’ll make a tiny incision in his heart so that everything that he loves- hates about Daehyun can ooze out.
He should drink. That’s what normal people do in these situations.
Sorry glances are an inexpensive apology, but it isn’t enough.
A dozen congratulatory roses in honor of a comeback don’t exactly count as atonement either. Except that’s just it. Daehyun isn’t sure it’s his place to feel sorry. They had an agreement. A deal Youngjae broke. In his heart of hearts though, he knew he fucked up. If only Youngjae would give him the chance to say that.
“I want to see you,” is the first thing he says when Youngjae finally answers his call.
“You'll see me tomorrow.” The final day of filming.
“No, I want to see you sooner- tonight.”
When Daehyun arrives at Youngjae’s condo, his expression is apologetic. Much different than his usual smug mask. Youngjae doesn’t let him speak. He kisses him instead. Daehyun kisses back fervently and Youngjae knows they won’t have to discuss it tonight.
Just sex, Youngjae thinks. It’s just sex.
Non-verbally forgive and forget.
That’s Youngjae’s motto. Yongguk on the other hand seems to think there’s more to life.
“Daehyun really seems to want you back,” he comments during a stage rehearsal.
“It was a fling.” Youngjae has been telling himself that a lot lately. Like for the past 3 weeks, lately.
“Really? Last time I checked flings don’t consist of flowers and your very own love song.”
Youngjae huffs, “Well, he can keep all of that because there are no flecks of gray in my eyes and I’m over it.”
“It’s funny, I think who we love says a lot about us. Even if we seem completely different from them.”
“Who said anything about love?” Youngjae narrows his eyes. It’s enough trying to come to terms with his feelings while still letting Daehyun screw him once a week. He doesn’t need his leader’s input as well.
“You’re hurt.” The words are soft, but strong enough make Youngjae’s chest tighten. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you let someone in.” Yongguk pats him on the back. “There’s nothing wrong with being in love, you know.”
“Love is just a word.”
“You don’t believe that.”
“For now I can. I was just having fun.”
“If you say so.”
“I do.”
Two rounds of disconnected sex and two unsettled lovers.
Daehyun knows he isn’t alone in his feelings. Youngjae wouldn’t open his door if he were. Wouldn’t open his legs for that matter.
“Are you ready to tell me you love me yet?”
“I don’t love anything about you,” Youngjae insists.
Daehyun pushes himself up to rest on his elbow. “What’s not to love about me? A handsome, smooth talking prince hailing from Busan. The body of a god, voice of an angel, hell in my eyes.”
“You think too highly of yourself.”
“Well can you blame me?”
“Yes.”
It’s Daehyun’s turn to huff and narrow his eyes.“Youngjae, don’t pretend you like to get fucked any less than I like to screw around.”
“If this is your apology, it’s shit.”
Youngjae’s eyes won’t leave the ceiling. Daehyun sighs, “I’m sorry.” He isn’t affected by Youngjae’s glare. “I apologize for hurting your feelings. Will you ever forgive me?”
“Probably not.”
Youngjae is forced to look at Daehyun. He’s surprised at the unnecessary strength used to grip his face. Caught off guard by the intensity in his eyes. “You’re an asshole, and I'm okay with that for the most part. But if you keep denying me, I’m not going to keep coming back.”
Daehyun’s grip softens along with his eyes before he gently presses his lips against Youngjae’s. His light brushes of lips are returned until Youngjae’s anxiety is verbalized.
“We aren’t meant to be together, Dae.”
“Then why do we keep ending up like this?
AN: Yuanfen is pretty much destiny. Rose water and Ash is the name of the song Dae wrote for Jae. Because he's actually profound.