Emofest09 Lorcan/Hugo/Lysander 5
By the time Hugo made it back to the Gryffindor common room the only thing on his mind was lunch. Well, lunch and the note although he was pretty sure he’d be thinking about that note all the time for a very long time. The portrait swung open and Hugo, still in his Quidditch uniform, went straight for his room to change. He expected Finnigan and probably Higgs to be waiting for him to interrogate him as to why he’d been suspended from the team. What he found instead was decidedly worse.
Abbey stood up from his bed the moment she heard the door open, her arms crossed over her chest and from the look on her face, she was very much done with crying. “Are you avoiding me, Hugo?” She demanded, sending him a glare that he felt like a bucket of cold water.
“What?” He tried to sound shocked, or at least taken aback by the accusation but knew he failed miserably when his voice cracked. “I’m not avoiding you, Abbey, I’m just really busy right now.”
“Please, Hugo. I’ve known you for six years and not once in those six years have you ever been ‘really busy’! Don’t lie to me, I’m not an idiot, my grades have never been so low that I’ve been dropped from extracurricular activities.”
He stared at her and then had to laugh a little bit. “Abbey, come on, that’s a little harsh.” He wasn’t an idiot he just really didn’t like school. He tried to move past her to put down the books he’d brought back from the library but she stepped in to block him.
“Do you know what’s harsh, Hugo? What’s harsh is having your boyfriend run out on you after you’ve spent the whole day gathering up your courage to make a move! You know what’s harsh? What’s harsh is then having your boyfriend avoid you, ignoring your tears and how badly he’s hurt you, abandoning you when you really need him the most because he’s scared. Do you know what’s pathetic? You! You are the saddest most sorry excuse for a man that I’ve ever met!”
“Hey,” Hugo interrupted and frowned a little bit and set his books down on Finnigan’s bed since his own was inaccessible. “I didn’t say it was pathetic.”
It was probably the wrong thing to say because Abbey’s glare turned from icy to deadly. “Well that’s what you are, you’re pitiful! What kind of boy doesn’t want to fool around with his girlfriend? You didn’t even get hard, Hugo. Do you even like girls?”
Hugo wasn’t sure what kind of face he made at the accusation but once Abbey saw it, she latched onto her allegation like a blood thirsty predator and advanced towards him. “Are you daft?” He demanded and backed away as she got closer. He wasn’t sure what she was up to or what she was even capable of but he was sure he didn’t want to find out. The fact that she’d even suggested at the truth, that he didn’t like girls, was more than enough for him. He was through. If he’d wanted to get out of there before, he wanted to run out of there now. “Of course I like girls, I’ve had like a million girlfriends!”
“Oh yeah, how could I forget?” Abbey droned, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Once she’d backed him into the door, she folded her arms in front of her again, tilting her chin up in belligerence. “Well I’ve talked to a handful of your million girlfriends and all of them said the same thing. They always had to make the first move and it’s never ended well. They asked you out, they initiated the first kiss, they had to be the ones to suggest more than that and you’ve always turned them down or freaked out or weren’t able to finish.”
Hugo had to force himself to keep looking at her, to keep making eye contact as she went on. He wanted to just reach back behind him for the doorknob he felt pressing into the small of his back and escape but he knew he couldn’t. It would only prove to her that she was right and now, more than anything, he needed her to think she was wrong. If she left this room thinking she was gay, he was sure she would tell everyone out of spite alone. She would ruin everything, his whole life, everyone would know. “That’s...not true,” he insisted, knowing it was. He’d only ever tired anything with his first girlfriend and it had been horrible, it had just felt so wrong, a lot like this particular moment. “I just haven’t met the right girl. Not every guy wants some loose woman.” Abbey slapped him but he was so numb and filled with dread and desperation he didn’t even feel it.
“I’m not a tramp, Hugo Weasley, I just liked you. Like you.” For a minute he thought she might cry, which would have been his best option, but instead she just took in a deep breath and wiped her tears away with her fingers. When she sighed, slowly, it was with a returned calm and renewed determination. “Besides, that’s what all the other girls thought. They blamed themselves, thought they’d done something wrong, moved too quickly or screwed up, but I’m not an idiot. I’ve had boyfriends before, boyfriends who actually like women. You’re a real prat for leading all those girls and me on when you’re just some gross, closeted shirt lifter! Well I’m not going to let anyone else get sucked into your sick little trap. I’m going to warn every single girl in this school that you’re a fag.”
Hugo’s expression darkened, humiliation and fear turning swiftly into anger and, well, still fear but the kind that acted to protect itself. He pulled himself away from the door with a snarl and this time it was Abbey’s turn to take a step back. “So let me get this straight. Because I wouldn’t shag you or any of my previous girlfriends I have to be gay, is that it? What are you, some pinnacle of all womanhood that any straight man wouldn’t be able to say no to you? Is that a joke?” He took her by the shoulders before she had a chance to squirm away and pushed her towards a mirror, shoving her in front of it. “Look at you! You’re cute, Abbey, don’t get me wrong, I don’t date ugly girls, but you’re still just a girl like any other girl in this school. There’s nothing special about you.”
He leaned over her shoulder, closer to her ear so she would be sure to listen to what he had to say next. “The fact that I left you there in the common room without doing anything isn’t because I’m gay it’s because I don’t want to have sex with you and the reason I didn’t come back that night to talk to you about it is because I didn’t want to deal with all of this crazy.”
He took a step back and when she didn’t turn around to face him again he knew he was getting somewhere. The tears he saw swelling in her eyes this time weren’t a bad thing and he realized that everything she said and all of her finger pointing was just in hopes that he would prove her wrong. She didn’t really think he was gay, she just wanted him to throw her down on the bed, tear off her clothes, and show her how much of a man he was. The fact that she‘d been right had just been one horrible coincidence and he‘d almost given himself away. “You are right about one thing though, I am an idiot. That’s why I was suspended from Quidditch and that’s why I’ve been spending all this time in the library, trying to get my grades up so I can play again and that’s why I ever considered going out with you at all. It’s all because I’m the biggest idiot in this whole bloody school!”
“Hugo!” She pleaded wetly and spun around to face him, taking him by the arm as if to pull him back towards her by it. “Don’t say that! It wasn’t a mistake, I’m not a mistake. I just didn’t realize what you were going through.” He stared down at her impassively, refusing to allow her sad tone of voice or the shattered look in her eyes to bend him. He couldn’t afford to. “I just can’t help it, I really like you. A lot. I wanted you all to myself and I couldn’t stand sharing you with anyone or anything else. Don’t be angry, I’m sorry.” She sniffled, taking the fact that he hadn’t pulled away as a good sign and pressed her damp cheek into his hand. “We can be together just like before and I won’t pressure you into anything, I’ll wait, however long it takes, and when the time comes it’ll just be special.”
He sighed heavily, forced himself to take things slowly, to make it believable, to not just tell her she was a lunatic and run out of there. He felt like a fraud and a coward as he pulled his hand away from her, taking a step back and wiping his hands dry on his clothes. If he was a man at all, gay or not, he would just be straight with her and live with the consequences. If he was at all like his father or his uncles, he wouldn’t have lied to begin with even if none of them had ever had a secret like this. “I don’t think that’s possible anymore, Abbey Obviously we don’t want the same things from this relationship,” that was the truth at least, if not a gross understatement, “I can’t be with you anymore. After this, I don’t want to see you anymore either.”
When Abbey tried to take his hand again, Hugo did pull away. “You don’t mean that!” She shrieked and now the tears really started to flow and while he still felt sick even if it was in an entirely different way than before, at last now she was the one who was desperate. “We’re not breaking up!” She threw herself onto his bed, daring him to try and move her with her eyes. “This will just make us stronger! Everyone has arguments!”
Hugo knew unless he wanted to physically pick her up and carry her out of the room he wasn’t going to get her to leave. Oddly, he was okay with that. He may have to spend the whole day in his Quidditch uniform but at least he would be away from her. “I’m sorry, Abbey,” he told her although what she thought he was apologizing for and what he truly regretted were two very different things. He didn’t want to make her cry, or to have o throw a tantrum like that, but he couldn’t be honest with her. She was right, he shouldn’t be leading anyone on. He picked up the charms book from Finnigan’s bed before he tugged open the door, slipping out and trying to ignore the way Abbey’s voice sounded as she shouted his name after him.
By the time Hugo got to lunch it was late and most of the school had eaten and were gone already, including his family. He was particularly glad for that bit because the last thing he felt like doing after arguing, lying, and purposefully making a girl cry, was to chat with his cousins or to be alone with Albus or deal with Rose harping on him about his grades. He sat alone at the Gryffindor table and made himself a sandwich he really didn’t feel like eating. If he hadn’t brought shame to his family and rejection from them by being gay he definitely would have if anyone had witnessed what he’d just done to Abbey.
Next to him sat the green charms book, like a sentient creature watching him smugly as he descended further and further into a pit of immorality while his darkest secret sat, a festering lie in its gut. There was a time in what seemed like a distant past where he would of stood up for himself and what he was. He would have agreed with what his mystery pen pal had written under his admission, that it was okay, so what if he was queer, that there was nothing wrong with it but now he wasn’t so sure. Now it was a fact he had to hide by hurting people around him, by lying, by living in fear.
Angry and feeling helpless, Hugo pushed his plate away, knocking over his glass of pumpkin juice but he didn’t care. Grabbing a quill that had been left behind by a student before him he ripped open the book to where his wrinkled note lay. He smoothed the paper out with his fingers before writing, No it’s not! I can’t keep living like this, no one should have to! Everything and everyone around me hurts or gets hurt! What do you know anyway? and then slammed the covers closed around the paper again.
A few hours ago Hugo had decided he was going to steal the charms book from the library in order to protect his secret, all of the subsequent students who would need the knowledge it held for their academic success be damned but now, after lunch, he couldn’t be more glad to get rid of it. He didn’t waste any time inside the library, he brought the book back to its rightful place amidst the shelves and left it there. He wasn’t sure if whoever had first answered his note would see his reply but he hoped they did. He hoped they read it and realized they were a moron who didn’t know what they were talking about and wouldn’t ever butt into anyone else’s lives, anonymous or otherwise, ever again.
Still running on the fuel of his own indignation and regret, Hugo didn’t notice someone else was going into the library at the same time he was leaving until he ran into them. While he was shorter by a head, Hugo had more momentum because he nearly ran the other over on way out. “Sorry,” he apologized before he realized who it was or he would have definitely held his tongue.
Scorpius Malfoy regained his balance quickly although his composure took a little more time to reclaim. He still looked angry at nearly being bowled over as opposed to his usual unruffled calm when he grabbed Hugo by the collar of his uniform. “There you are. I’ve been looking for you everywhere, Weasley!”
Hugo pulled away from him, his ambition quickly curling up on itself. He never wanted to run into Scorpius and now wasn’t any different. The blond didn’t even have to say anything for Hugo to know exactly what he was there for. He had heard that he’d gotten suspended from the Quidditch team and thus wouldn’t be able to live up to his end of the bargain. After the day he’d had, Hugo wanted to tell Scorpius he could shove his black mailing bollocks and sod off but held his tongue, just barely. “Look,” he explained, “I can’t do anything about it. I was failing in Muggle Studies before you black-”
“Weasley!” Scorpius snapped, shaking his head and started down the hallway forcing Hugo to follow him. “I’d ask you if you could watch what you say but obviously you have little control over what you do or you wouldn’t be forced to deal with me at all.”
Hugo realized quickly that they were headed for the dungeons, easily the darkest and not usually the most private part of the castle with all the winding, echoing corridors but he was sure Scorpius knew where they could go to talk. He hated being down there, even for Potions. Being so far away from the sunlight and fresh air depressed him. The walls were lit with green-flamed torches that cast everything in an unusual, aberrant light. Scorpius looked even more like a villain than ever before as he pulled Hugo into a secluded alcove.
“This isn’t going to work,” Scorpius adopted a posture that was so reminiscent of Abbey’s, his arms folded over his chest and leaning his weight into one hip that it was difficult for Hugo not to crack a joke.
“I have to agree with you,” he answered taking a step back from him even though there weren’t too many places he could escape to. “You’re far too close.”
Unimpressed, Scorpius arched an eyebrow and pointed down the hallway back the way they’d come. “Unless you want me to start telling people how you wish someone would give it to you up the arse I’d suggest you get very serious very quickly, Weasley.”
Hugo did, grimacing as he looked down. Scorpius had only caught him peeping but somehow denying that he was a fag or that he’d liked it seemed like a moot point after everything. He knew he wouldn’t be able to convince Scorpius anyway.
“That’s better.” Scorpius relaxed as he sensed compliance. “This is serious, Weasley. It’s not about you anymore. I already placed a ten galleon bet on Slytherin taking the House Cup this year. If I lose that because you’re an idiot at Muggle Studies I’m going to take it out on you.”
Hugo opened his mouth and closed it again uselessly before he lifted his head. “Malfoy there’s nothing I can do that I’m not doing already! Professor Boot gave me some extra credit and I’m working on the essay! What more do you want from me?”
“I want you to make sure Gryffindor loses the House cup! I don’t care if your circumstances have changed, it doesn’t matter to me and I want to make sure you understand that. It’s a simple concept, even someone like you should be able to grasp it. If Gryffindor wins, you’ll lose, do you understand?”
“I understand that you’re a complete sod!” Hugo didn’t understand now more than ever how he was supposed to pull off what Scorpius wanted from him. It was difficult enough when he was just the Keeper and somehow had to rig the game but now he wasn’t even going to be on the field! Scorpius could be asking Hugo to make sure he became Minister of Magic in exchange for keeping his secret and it would be as equally as possible as him throwing a Quidditch match. “I don’t understand what Albus sees in you!”
Scorpius pursed his lips, obviously trying to keep a smirk to himself. “If I were you, and thankfully I’m not but if I were, I would worry more about how I was going to keep the whole school from knowing I was a nancy than why Albus was friends with the people he was friends with. “ Stepping back out into the hallway, Hugo was just about to relax when Scorpius turned towards him again with some more helpful advice. “Maybe you should go back to the library and see if you can find some good curses that could do your dirty work for you while your wings are clipped.”
Hugo didn’t want to admit it but Scorpius had a pretty good idea. He didn’t want to betray his team mates like that but he wasn’t sure he had too many other options. He listened to the sound of Scorpius’ footsteps fading and not for the first time he wished he could make him sorry for ever thinking he could get away with something like this but once again, he let himself down by not moving an inch until he was sure the Slytherin was very far away.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, NEXT, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10 final