whateva
You know how you get mad at someone, or because of something for no apparent reason? In my mind I always think of the negative. What did she tell them.? What is she/he saying behind my back? Can I trust him/her? They are only pretending to like me. the act is up. I can't deal with all of the questions because the truth is, you can't trust anyone but yourself. you can keep your own secrets, make you own illusions. its all within yourself. I realized I dont like meeting new people either. they are all the same. Every time you meet a new person. you are adding multiple times you will be hurt, additionally to the friends you have now. <- you see how im negative. Anyways, this is how i believe it to be. My past has consisted of many men/ and boys that have left me, they have either used me and left me, been my father and left me, or just literaly left me. It's hard for me to trust. It's hard for me to feel. I am so damaged on the inside that the outside is worn out. Life is so confusing. It fast forwards so quickly. I can remember when my parents got divorced, where my dad hugged me, and i think thats the last time that he has, actually hugged me.FASTFORWARD: 9th grade first serious relationship, movies, holding hands, kojack FASTFORWARD: couch,orange blanket, fast and the furious,nerds, boxcar racer, michigan university..FAASSTT FORWARRD: 10th grade, summer, leo's, blazer, skid lift float, love.
I like playing tony hawk. I like it because its a fantasy world, i like it because you cannot actually skate on railroad tracks, but in the game, you can skate on pretty much anything. That's how I want to look at life. My playground, my time. My mom bought me fubu socks today. And I'm not even suprised that my mom bought fubu, i am suprised that my mom noticed that i needed new socks. I am suprised that people actually listen to what i say because it is all pure bullshit. I suffer from what we like to call "mood swings"