fic: have found out what you are like
have found out what you are like.
nc-17. 2400 words.
ryan/brendon, au
-
brendon splays his pale fingers over the smooth piano keys and just
plays. by ear, by touch. there are sheets of music in front of him, but
they're for a different song. he can't see them anyway, playing with his
eyes closed, face blank.
-
'brendon, come on. lunch is ready.'
brendon makes his way towards the table slowly, the sun from the kitchen
window warming his skin. he stubs his toe lightly against the leg of the
table, but says nothing as ryan pushes his chair in behind him.
'what are we having?' brendon says, head turning as ryan's chair
scratches on the wooden floor next to him.
'soup. here,' ryan hands brendon a spoon, then picks up crackers to dip
into his own bowl.
brendon eats in silence, spoon scraping the edges of the bowl quietly
with each bite.
-
that night, after dinner, they decide to go out for a drive. just around
downtown. brendon rolls his window all the way down so he can feel the
wind. ryan has the radio turned on to something classic rock, but keeps
the volume low so they can hear the chatter of the people on the
sidewalks, the music spilling out of restaurants.
some teenagers speed past them in their own car, bass from their music
vibrating the air, and brendon says carefully, 'let's go home now.'
-
ryan goes around the house after brendon's already in bed, closing all
the blinds for the night and making sure the front door's locked.
when he goes back to their dark room, brendon is quiet but still awake,
breath soft. ryan slips into the bed next to him and brendon rolls over
to curl around him, warm.
'night, bren.'
-
ryan wakes up to brendon pressing light kisses along his jaw. his lips
quirk up slightly, and when his hand brushes brendon's side as he
stretches he leaves it there, curled around brendon's hip.
brendon lies his head down on ryan's shoulder and hums, his foot nudging
ryan's beneath the sheets.
'what do you wanna do today?' ryan asks softly, his hand rubbing
brendon's side.
brendon thinks for a moment. 'let's go to the lake.'
ryan nods, then says, 'okay.'
'later, though. not yet.' brendon smiles, tilting his head to kiss
behind ryan's ear and pulling ryan closer to him.
-
they bring an old plaid blanket with them and spread it out carefully
over the grass beside the water. ryan lies down and throws an arm over
his eyes to shield the sun.
brendon leans back on his elbows next to him, taking in the sounds of
the breeze in the trees and the young kids playing along the water's
edge, occasional splashes and squealing.
their flipflops are abandoned in the grass to the right of them both.
after a couple minutes, brendon sits up. 'can we go in?' he asks
hopefully.
ryan pulls his arm away from his face to look at him. 'sure. but not all
the way.'
brendon's face splits into a grin, and he stands up, waiting patiently
while ryan rolls his jeans up.
when ryan gets up beside him, he twines his fingers with brendon's
loosely and leads him down towards the lake. the water starts lapping at
their toes gently, then they're wading in ankle deep.
the cuffs of brendon's pants are soaked soon, but he stays where he is,
free hand wrapped around ryan's forearm. a little girl goes sprinting
past them, and brendon laughs freely when her splashes dampen their
clothes further, digging his toes into the mud.
-
'that was fun,' brendon says happily on the car ride home, his hair
tousled from the breeze.
ryan glances away from the road to watch brendon's hand dangling out of
the open window, grabbing at the air in handfuls. 'yeah, it was.'
-
when they get home, brendon heads straight towards the bathroom and
starts peeling off his wet clothes. ryan sets his keys down on the
counter, disables the house alarm, and follows him.
he comes up behind brendon and hooks one hand over the crook of
brendon's elbow before reaching around him to turn on the shower water.
ryan quickly takes off his own clothes, then waits for brendon to step
cautiously under the warm spray. brendon tilts his head back, letting
the water push his hair away from his face, as ryan closes the shower
door behind himself.
ryan picks up the shampoo bottle and dumps some onto his own head, then
pours more into his hands and moves to start massaging it into brendon's
scalp.
brendon sighs happily, his hands reaching up to run through his hair
alongside ryan's. ryan presses a wet kiss to brendon's shoulder and
holds brendon's head under the water to rinse the shampoo out.
when ryan turns to reach for the bar of soap, brendon leans forward and
wraps his arms around ryan, stilling him for a moment.
-
spencer comes by later, and he sits across from brendon on the couch
while ryan bustles around in the kitchen, stirring iced tea.
when ryan walks back into the living room, spencer is asking, 'how was
your day?'
brendon's face brightens, and he says, 'it was good. me and ryan went to
the lake,' as he curls his fingers around the cool glass ryan hands
him.
spencer smiles up at ryan, sipping his own tea, ice cubes clinking.
'that sounds nice.'
'it was,' ryan sits down between them and crosses his legs, one hand
resting on brendon's knee next to him.
-
by the time spencer leaves, 'see you later, guys,' the sun has already
set. ryan locks the door behind him, and let's brendon lead him by the
hand back to their bedroom.
brendon lets go after they cross the threshold, and ryan walks towards
the nightstand, lighting a small pear-scented candle with a pack of
matches from the drawer. brendon sniffs at the air, then smiles. 'my
favorite,' his arms reach out towards ryan from where he's sprawled out
on the bed.
ryan crawls onto the queen sized mattress and straddles his waist, spine
curving as he bends to kiss brendon. one of brendon's hands tangles in
ryan's fine hair as he leans up to kiss ryan back, eyes closed.
ryan slides one hand up under brendon's shirt, and after tracing the jut
of brendon's ribs for awhile he pulls back to pull the shirt off
completely. brendon shudders, his hands fumbling at the edge of ryan's
tshirt until he can get it over ryan's head.
ryan takes his shirt from brendon gently and tosses it aside, leaning
back down to kiss along the side of brendon's neck. brendon tilts his
head away from ryan, a small breath escaping his mouth as a gasp,
'ryan.'
ryan keeps kissing brendon's flushed skin and reaches down between them
to unbutton brendon's jeans. he presses a brief kiss to brendon's
sternum before sitting up to work brendon's pants down.
brendon lifts his hips quickly so ryan can pull his briefs off, too.
ryan kneels on the bed to undo his own belt and zipper, then sits down
to peel his jeans off.
brendon stays still, waiting, until ryan climbs back on top of him. his
hands immediately find their way to ryan's sides and he rolls them over,
limbs tangling awkwardly for a second until ryan regroups.
when brendon bends to kiss ryan again, his thumb traces right below
ryan's bottom lip, calloused. ryan rocks his hips up, looking at brendon
above him before grabbing brendon's hand and sucking a couple fingers
into his mouth.
brendon pulls away and covers ryan's mouth with his own as his fingers
slide down ryan's side, then around the back of his thighs. he presses
one finger against ryan's entrance, barely there pressure, and ryan
moans softly, 'please,' against brendon's lips.
brendon folds his other hand over the side of ryan's face, and pushes
his finger inside slowly. ryan groans, body twitching as brendon curls
his finger inside him. 'god, bren. more.'
brendon listens to ryan's irregular breathing, the air that rushes out
through ryan's nose when he slides a second finger in, then scissors the
two once, twice. ryan's hands wrap around the base of brendon's skull
and he pulls him down to kiss him, teeth tugging at brendon's lower
lip.
ryan moans incomprehensibly, eyes fluttering shut, when brendon presses
a third finger in, deep. 'please,' he whines again, desperate. 'brendon,
please.'
brendon retracts his fingers and immediately his hard length is at the
edge of ryan's entrance in their place. ryan inhales sharply as brendon
pushes in slowly, the slide rough, too dry. ryan takes it, though, so
close already. it's brendon's turn to groan, ryan's name falling past
his lips, 'so tight, god.'
ryan rolls his head back, hands scrabbling on the tangled bed sheets at
his sides. he pushes up to meet brendon's unbalanced thrusts, trying to
find a rhythm. brendon falters when he hits the right spot and ryan
stops breathing for a second, three.
'don't.' ryan gasps hoarsely, air rushing back into his lungs before he
can finish the thought. brendon curls his hand around ryan's length, the
other hand still cupping ryan's cheek. he kisses ryan, open-mouthed and
sloppy, out of breath, as he thrusts in a few more times, rough.
when he feels ryan clenching around him, brendon pulls back and coughs,
clearing his throat to speak. 'I wish I. could see you,' he pants out,
right as ryan shatters beneath him, and a single tear runs down the side
of ryan's face.
brendon sucks in a breath and let's go, too, shuddering with the force
of it.
-
they fall asleep like that, clinging to each other, exhausted.
they didn't even eat dinner.
-
'I'm going to the store now, brendon.' ryan says.
brendon's head shoots up too quickly, tilting in the direction of ryan's
voice, waiting. 'okay,' he says when he feels ryan's hand on the back of
his neck. ryan kisses him softly, then pulls away, mussing brendon's
hair a little.
'I'm setting the alarm,' ryan picks his wallet up off the coffee table
and shoves it into his pocket, shoes tapping towards the door. brendon
nods, head bowing again as his fingers pluck at the strings of the
acoustic guitar in his hands, nimble.
the alarm beeps, armed, and ryan's key clicks in the lock from the other
side.
brendon keeps playing, and sings to match the notes, voice unbridled.
-
brendon's sitting at the kitchen table when the door swings open,
followed by the alarm setting off. 'ryan?' he calls out, always
nervous.
'it's me,' ryan says, shutting off the alarm. he walks into the kitchen,
grocery bags rustling, and brendon rises to greet him.
'what'd you get me?' brendon asks as ryan sets down the bags on the
counter and leans over to kiss brendon's forehead.
'cap'n crunch.' the bags start crinkling again. 'and, for dinner, we're
gonna make salad.'
'hey, come here, first.' brendon reaches out and wraps his fingers
around ryan's wrist, tugging. ryan follows him into the living room,
slowly, and sits down on the couch next to him. 'I wrote you a song.
while you were out.' brendon leans over and feels around on the floor
for his guitar, picking it up by the neck.
ryan smiles, 'really?' brendon nods and starts expertly picking out
chords without further introduction.
halfway through, ryan leans against brendon, head resting on his
shoulder, listening appreciatively. when it's over, brendon sits up
expectantly.
'that was beautiful, bren.'
'I love you.'
ryan curves his hand over brendon's ear and stretches up to kiss him,
murmuring against brendon's lips when he pulls away, 'I love you, too,'
-
when they start making dinner, ryan hands brendon a cutting board and
lets him chop the lettuce.
ryan is digging through the bottom of the fridge for a carrot when
brendon gasps and cries out.
ryan straightens quickly, spinning around. 'what?'
brendon holds up his hand and ryan's eyes widen at the sight of the
bleeding cut on the younger boy's finger. 'you just nicked yourself,' he
says, already moving across the kitchen. 'let me go get you a bandaid.'
brendon sets down the knife he'd been using carefully and sits down on
the edge of the table, frustrated with himself.
ryan's footsteps return, along with the crinkling of paper that he peels
away from the bandaid. he walks over to brendon, holding his wrist
gently. 'here, let me -'
brendon snatches his hand away. 'I can do it, jesus,' he says, too loud,
other hand grabbing at ryan's for the bandage. ryan winces and watches
him trying singlehandedly to unstick the bandaid from one hand to wrap
it around his finger. he struggles for a minute, eyes tearing up.
'fuck,' he finally sighs, resigned.
ryan reaches up to wipe the tears from brendon's cheeks. he cautiously
wraps his hand around brendon's, pulling at the bandaid.
brendon sits still until it's secured over his cut, then collapses
against ryan. 'I'm sorry, ry.' he whispers, ashamed.
'shh, baby, it's okay.' ryan wraps his arms around brendon and holds him
tightly.
-
they fall asleep tangled up on the couch, the tv still on softly in the
background.
-
when they first moved into the house, brendon stayed pretty close to the
living room for most of the first week. there were still boxes
everywhere, and he hadn't developed a feel for the house yet, not enough
to be comfortable on his own.
ryan made dinner each night and they ate in the living room, brendon
getting up to play the piano afterwards. sometimes ryan would sit down
on the bench next to him, and play too. even with the music in front of
him, he was never as good as brendon. it didn't come as naturally to
him.
'brendon just sat down one day and started playing,' his mom used to
always say, proud. 'his sisters all took piano lessons, and one day he
decided he was gonna teach himself to play and he started playing all
the songs his sisters had been working on for weeks flawlessly.'
ryan thinks of this now, thinks of spending the rest of his life with
brendon, and wonders how he ever got to be so lucky.
-