I'm not sure what you're looking for. I know you said you did a good bit of editing, but do you want us to catch things? If so, I saw this: "She slowly untensed, slowly testing her arms and legs." You could revise this so you only use "slowly" once in the sentence. That's probably the biggest thing I've seen at the beginning of this. There are a couple sentences where you repeat certain words. In your next run through, look for those, and vary them up a little
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Thanks for pointing out the "slowly" thing - I don't know how I missed that - and yeah, I definitely need to give the some of these chapters another look-over down the road.
I really did need someone to just give these a quick look over. I have some confidence in my own editing skills, but it's been so long since I've had someone look over my non-academic writing that I have certain understandings of my own writing in terms of grammar, plot, and characterization, that I want to make sure that I'm bringing to the reader - I want to make sure that I can deliver something coherent and interesting to a reader, basically.
"Shyla looked at both of them, smiled a little, stood, and began making her way out of the Great Hall
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I really did need someone to just give these a quick look over. I have some confidence in my own editing skills, but it's been so long since I've had someone look over my non-academic writing that I have certain understandings of my own writing in terms of grammar, plot, and characterization, that I want to make sure that I'm bringing to the reader - I want to make sure that I can deliver something coherent and interesting to a reader, basically.
"Shyla looked at both of them, smiled a little, stood, and began making her way out of the Great Hall ( ... )
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