Ashtray Heart [12/13]
Title: Ashtray Heart [12/13]
Pairing: OnHo, 2Min
Rating: R
Word Count: 1575
Genre: angst, smut, slice of life
Summary: Minho cheated. And now he regrets it dearly.
Previous chapters: PROLOGUE, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
The door opens finally, revealing an unknown but-yet-so-familiar face.
“Yes?” asks a beautiful buy somewhere around his age. Minho needs a moment to take in all his outrageous features, feline, narrowed eyes, heart-shaped lips, shiny raven hair and a very slim figure in a nonchalant pose.
He wonders what this guy is doing in his best friend’s house. It’s not like Jonghyun invites in some random people.
“Who are you?”
Unless…
“Bartender!” he exclaims, proud of himself that he finally recognizes the face. Jonghyun’s been chasing after the guy countless times for a few good years now.
The boy frowns in confusion.
“You’re a bartender?” he asks cautiously, to which Minho shakes his head.
“No, no. You are” he corrects him before he realizes just how weird that sounds. He realizes the moment he hears the bartender scream in a high-pitched tone “Jjong, there’s some weird stalker, hurry up and come here!”.
And, before Minho can help it, he bursts into laughter. It’s been a while since he last laughed so wholeheartedly, so merrily, without forcing it. He continues laughing when he hears the dialogue shouted between his best friend and the bartender.
(“What stalker? I’ll be out of the shower in a second, Kibummie, what does he look like? Is he taller than me?”
“Well, not that it would be surprising…”
“Kibummie!!”
“He looks like a freaking Keroro, okay?! Now come here, he’s nuts, he’s laughing like cra-“
“Bummie, I’m right there, just a second, don’t freak out, it’s just Minho-“
“How can I not freak out when he acts like a psycho?!”)
He’s out of breath and his stomach hurts and yet he’s still roaring with laughter. Everything’s funny, the bartender’s cute, pissed face, the curses he mutters under his breath, the sound of Jonghyun’s approaching steps, his voice, Taemin hates me, Jonghyun’s soothing voice directed to Kibummie, Kibummie’s thankful expression and the way he closes Jonghyun in a tight hug, knocking air out of him, Jinki hates me, Jonghyun’s vibrant laugh, the way he pats the bartender’s back, the way his eyes sparkle as he rubs Kibummie’s back and shushes him with sweet words and smiles at Minho, his eyes saying “Look, he’s mine, he’s finally mine”, Jinki Taemin Jinki Taemin Jinki Taemin
“Bummie, now that you’re already safe in my arms” Jonghyun starts and Kibum hits him playfully, his affectionate gaze betrays him “I think I can already introduce you to my best friend, hm?”
God, they look so perfect together.
Minho has no idea why he hasn’t seen it before. If he had, he’d tell Jonghyun to stop daydreaming and being shy and to just go for it.
He wipes his eyes, not knowing when the tears began leaking out.
He’s introduced to Kim Kibum, Jonghyun’s boyfriend of eight fucking months (suddenly the reason why Jonghyun didn’t look for him that ill-fated night seems ridiculously obvious- he was busy with something else), Jonghyun apologizes for not telling him sooner (as if they had time to talk these months), Minho says he wants to talk with him.
To this, Kibum reacts with a sad look on his face.
“You said we could go out today…” he says, and when Jonghyun smiles apologetically and caresses Kibum’s cheekbone with so much love and affection, Minho wants to yell at them, prevent them from torturing him more.
They’re so perfect, so happy, so in love-
“We will, baby, it’ll take some five minutes, wait for us in the living room, okay?”
The kiss that is pressed onto Kibum’s temple, the light blush creeping onto the bartender’s face, the roll of his eyes, Jonghyun’s love-struck grin-
It overwhelms him.
He can’t look Jonghyun in the eye.
“So, I really meant to tell you sooner, but we just didn’t seem to… you know… find an accurate occasion. You were always busy, and I- wait, did you read my text message?”
Jonghyun’s fidgeting about him room just like the last time, it feels like a déjà-vu.
Minho smiles.
“Yeah. Taemin did, too.”
(“Baby, I am sorry, but we can’t go out today. I mean, maybe later, but now I have to talk with Minho. He just broke three hearts and needs some help.”
“… I hope he’ll be okay…”
“He will, Kibummie, he will. Now, either wait here or, if you want to, go home, okay? I’ll pick you up when I can.”
“I’d rather stay here.”
“Okay,” a kiss “I love you, you know”
“Yeah” another kiss “yeah, I do”
Minho pretends his heart doesn’t break even more.)
Soon Jonghyun knows everything. While Minho’s talking, he’s throwing some quiet comments like ‘what the fuck have you done’.
Then they stay silent for a while.
Then they have to wait until Minho stops shaking and crying.
And then, there’s only one thing that Jonghyun says to his best friend:
“Who do you love more?”
The question stays unanswered.
Minho stays the night at Jonghyun’s place, sleeping on the couch in the living room. His heart clenches when he hears shaky, emotional whispers and then the rustling of the sheets and silence in the bedroom.
He dials the number with shaky fingers, presses the ‘call’ button and swallows hard. He doesn’t expect him to pick up, doesn’t expect to hear his voice ever again, so when he actually hears it, he almost drops his mobile phone.
“Hello?”
It’s been over a month, more than a month since he heard that voice saying ‘I love you’ to him. More than a month since when he made the owner of this heartwarming voice crumble.
He takes a deep breath and stutters:
“Y-you p-picked up.”
The line goes silent for a moment, and Minho begins to think that Jinki just hung up. But it takes just a few seconds for the other to recover.
“I did, why wouldn’t I?”
It takes barely a few moments to dawn on Minho; Jinki didn’t know it was him calling. They never exchanged their numbers. So it’s no surprise he picked up.
Still…
“You didn’t hang up either” he dumbly notices, his fingers drumming nervously on the sofa he’s sitting on.
“I didn’t.” Minho can practically hear the other nodding.
They fall into a strange silence.
It’s not exactly unpleasant, but it’s not nice by any means; it’s more of a contemplative, mute dialogue between them. They’ve learnt to talk without words during those eight long, but yet, so distant months.
Finally, Minho breaks the silence; it’s him calling after all. And it’s not like Jinki needs to talk; he’s said enough, far too much
I love you, don’t you have any reactions to that?
It’s Minho’s turn to speak.
Why does it seem so hard then?...
“I… you, you know everything already… right?” he stars uneasily, wincing as he hears his own voice articulating such dumb, unnecessary and foolish words. What a great start Minho, you’re incredibly eloquent.
Jinki lets out a shaky sigh and chuckles.
“I doubt I can be sure of anything now.”
It takes Minho by surprise though it shouldn’t- he suddenly realizes that his and Jinki’s relationship was filled with nothing but a bunch of lies, cruel lies from Minho’s side, the only sincerity coming from Jinki.
“… Taemin. H-he told you, right?” Minho swallows hard and feels his lips tremble.
He’s impossibly conflicted. One part of him desperately wishes for Jinki to appear beside him, so that he can try to speak with his body language too, when words fail him. But then, the other part is sure he won’t bear Jinki’s gaze.
If he were with Jinki now, he’d do something incredibly stupid, he knows it now.
“Yeah. How is he?”
How is he? Minho gapes. Is Jinki seriously asking him how Taemin feels?
“He… he found out. About us, I mean.”
“Oh.”
This one simple syllable is the most judging word he ever recalls hearing. It seems as if this loud sigh was a resume of his whole being. And God is it devastating.
Suddenly he feels like the lowest, the most cruel and foolish person in the entire world. He’s felt similar many times before- but none of those times were as hard to endure as this one. This time, when the judgment comes from Jinki, his Jinki, it all becomes too real.
It’s not him judging himself. It’s another person judging him. Another person, extremely important to him in some twisted way, in a different way than Taemin ever has and ever will.
“How… how are you?” he asks finally, his heart drumming loudly in his ears.
A light snort.
“How do you think?” comes a short answer and once again it catches Minho off guard.
God, why am I such an idiot…
“Jinki, I…”
‘I’m sorry?’ ‘I’m sorry for what I’ve done’?
No, Minho realizes, he’s not sorry.
Not when he feels like he could go all this way once again, if he were to chose.
“Minho, I’ve got to go, my break’s over, I need to get back to work-“
“I never meant to hurt you” Minho blurts out, clutching the phone tightly.
“… make it up with Taemin. He’s a pure, innocent boy. I feel really sorry for him.”
Jinki ends the conversation.
Minho feels like his drowning in the sudden silence. All he can do is stare at the wall.
It takes a few more days at Jonghyun’s place until he decides to see Taemin after all.
________________________________________________________
A/N:
THIS IS NOT THE END YET, REMEMBER GUYS!! And, this story is going to have an epilogue too. A very important epilogue, actually. Something that shouldn't be ommited. So, technically, it has 15 parts... 13 chapters, a prologue and an epilogue. And I really can't wait to finish it because I have many new stories in my head, some JongKey chaptered fics and two Onho ones, and another ot3 thing I started writing a year ago... just this one is Ontae/Onho. But, idk when I'll finish it, so x"D
Now, princessliettebb, I'll beta your fic tomorrow, I'm so sorry, it's been a really rough day and I didn't have an access to my laptop ;/ I'm really sorry and I'll reply to all your messages tomorrow morning. Now, for sure. T_T
Pairing: OnHo, 2Min
Rating: R
Word Count: 1575
Genre: angst, smut, slice of life
Summary: Minho cheated. And now he regrets it dearly.
Previous chapters: PROLOGUE, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
The door opens finally, revealing an unknown but-yet-so-familiar face.
“Yes?” asks a beautiful buy somewhere around his age. Minho needs a moment to take in all his outrageous features, feline, narrowed eyes, heart-shaped lips, shiny raven hair and a very slim figure in a nonchalant pose.
He wonders what this guy is doing in his best friend’s house. It’s not like Jonghyun invites in some random people.
“Who are you?”
Unless…
“Bartender!” he exclaims, proud of himself that he finally recognizes the face. Jonghyun’s been chasing after the guy countless times for a few good years now.
The boy frowns in confusion.
“You’re a bartender?” he asks cautiously, to which Minho shakes his head.
“No, no. You are” he corrects him before he realizes just how weird that sounds. He realizes the moment he hears the bartender scream in a high-pitched tone “Jjong, there’s some weird stalker, hurry up and come here!”.
And, before Minho can help it, he bursts into laughter. It’s been a while since he last laughed so wholeheartedly, so merrily, without forcing it. He continues laughing when he hears the dialogue shouted between his best friend and the bartender.
(“What stalker? I’ll be out of the shower in a second, Kibummie, what does he look like? Is he taller than me?”
“Well, not that it would be surprising…”
“Kibummie!!”
“He looks like a freaking Keroro, okay?! Now come here, he’s nuts, he’s laughing like cra-“
“Bummie, I’m right there, just a second, don’t freak out, it’s just Minho-“
“How can I not freak out when he acts like a psycho?!”)
He’s out of breath and his stomach hurts and yet he’s still roaring with laughter. Everything’s funny, the bartender’s cute, pissed face, the curses he mutters under his breath, the sound of Jonghyun’s approaching steps, his voice, Taemin hates me, Jonghyun’s soothing voice directed to Kibummie, Kibummie’s thankful expression and the way he closes Jonghyun in a tight hug, knocking air out of him, Jinki hates me, Jonghyun’s vibrant laugh, the way he pats the bartender’s back, the way his eyes sparkle as he rubs Kibummie’s back and shushes him with sweet words and smiles at Minho, his eyes saying “Look, he’s mine, he’s finally mine”, Jinki Taemin Jinki Taemin Jinki Taemin
“Bummie, now that you’re already safe in my arms” Jonghyun starts and Kibum hits him playfully, his affectionate gaze betrays him “I think I can already introduce you to my best friend, hm?”
God, they look so perfect together.
Minho has no idea why he hasn’t seen it before. If he had, he’d tell Jonghyun to stop daydreaming and being shy and to just go for it.
He wipes his eyes, not knowing when the tears began leaking out.
He’s introduced to Kim Kibum, Jonghyun’s boyfriend of eight fucking months (suddenly the reason why Jonghyun didn’t look for him that ill-fated night seems ridiculously obvious- he was busy with something else), Jonghyun apologizes for not telling him sooner (as if they had time to talk these months), Minho says he wants to talk with him.
To this, Kibum reacts with a sad look on his face.
“You said we could go out today…” he says, and when Jonghyun smiles apologetically and caresses Kibum’s cheekbone with so much love and affection, Minho wants to yell at them, prevent them from torturing him more.
They’re so perfect, so happy, so in love-
“We will, baby, it’ll take some five minutes, wait for us in the living room, okay?”
The kiss that is pressed onto Kibum’s temple, the light blush creeping onto the bartender’s face, the roll of his eyes, Jonghyun’s love-struck grin-
It overwhelms him.
He can’t look Jonghyun in the eye.
“So, I really meant to tell you sooner, but we just didn’t seem to… you know… find an accurate occasion. You were always busy, and I- wait, did you read my text message?”
Jonghyun’s fidgeting about him room just like the last time, it feels like a déjà-vu.
Minho smiles.
“Yeah. Taemin did, too.”
(“Baby, I am sorry, but we can’t go out today. I mean, maybe later, but now I have to talk with Minho. He just broke three hearts and needs some help.”
“… I hope he’ll be okay…”
“He will, Kibummie, he will. Now, either wait here or, if you want to, go home, okay? I’ll pick you up when I can.”
“I’d rather stay here.”
“Okay,” a kiss “I love you, you know”
“Yeah” another kiss “yeah, I do”
Minho pretends his heart doesn’t break even more.)
Soon Jonghyun knows everything. While Minho’s talking, he’s throwing some quiet comments like ‘what the fuck have you done’.
Then they stay silent for a while.
Then they have to wait until Minho stops shaking and crying.
And then, there’s only one thing that Jonghyun says to his best friend:
“Who do you love more?”
The question stays unanswered.
Minho stays the night at Jonghyun’s place, sleeping on the couch in the living room. His heart clenches when he hears shaky, emotional whispers and then the rustling of the sheets and silence in the bedroom.
He dials the number with shaky fingers, presses the ‘call’ button and swallows hard. He doesn’t expect him to pick up, doesn’t expect to hear his voice ever again, so when he actually hears it, he almost drops his mobile phone.
“Hello?”
It’s been over a month, more than a month since he heard that voice saying ‘I love you’ to him. More than a month since when he made the owner of this heartwarming voice crumble.
He takes a deep breath and stutters:
“Y-you p-picked up.”
The line goes silent for a moment, and Minho begins to think that Jinki just hung up. But it takes just a few seconds for the other to recover.
“I did, why wouldn’t I?”
It takes barely a few moments to dawn on Minho; Jinki didn’t know it was him calling. They never exchanged their numbers. So it’s no surprise he picked up.
Still…
“You didn’t hang up either” he dumbly notices, his fingers drumming nervously on the sofa he’s sitting on.
“I didn’t.” Minho can practically hear the other nodding.
They fall into a strange silence.
It’s not exactly unpleasant, but it’s not nice by any means; it’s more of a contemplative, mute dialogue between them. They’ve learnt to talk without words during those eight long, but yet, so distant months.
Finally, Minho breaks the silence; it’s him calling after all. And it’s not like Jinki needs to talk; he’s said enough, far too much
I love you, don’t you have any reactions to that?
It’s Minho’s turn to speak.
Why does it seem so hard then?...
“I… you, you know everything already… right?” he stars uneasily, wincing as he hears his own voice articulating such dumb, unnecessary and foolish words. What a great start Minho, you’re incredibly eloquent.
Jinki lets out a shaky sigh and chuckles.
“I doubt I can be sure of anything now.”
It takes Minho by surprise though it shouldn’t- he suddenly realizes that his and Jinki’s relationship was filled with nothing but a bunch of lies, cruel lies from Minho’s side, the only sincerity coming from Jinki.
“… Taemin. H-he told you, right?” Minho swallows hard and feels his lips tremble.
He’s impossibly conflicted. One part of him desperately wishes for Jinki to appear beside him, so that he can try to speak with his body language too, when words fail him. But then, the other part is sure he won’t bear Jinki’s gaze.
If he were with Jinki now, he’d do something incredibly stupid, he knows it now.
“Yeah. How is he?”
How is he? Minho gapes. Is Jinki seriously asking him how Taemin feels?
“He… he found out. About us, I mean.”
“Oh.”
This one simple syllable is the most judging word he ever recalls hearing. It seems as if this loud sigh was a resume of his whole being. And God is it devastating.
Suddenly he feels like the lowest, the most cruel and foolish person in the entire world. He’s felt similar many times before- but none of those times were as hard to endure as this one. This time, when the judgment comes from Jinki, his Jinki, it all becomes too real.
It’s not him judging himself. It’s another person judging him. Another person, extremely important to him in some twisted way, in a different way than Taemin ever has and ever will.
“How… how are you?” he asks finally, his heart drumming loudly in his ears.
A light snort.
“How do you think?” comes a short answer and once again it catches Minho off guard.
God, why am I such an idiot…
“Jinki, I…”
‘I’m sorry?’ ‘I’m sorry for what I’ve done’?
No, Minho realizes, he’s not sorry.
Not when he feels like he could go all this way once again, if he were to chose.
“Minho, I’ve got to go, my break’s over, I need to get back to work-“
“I never meant to hurt you” Minho blurts out, clutching the phone tightly.
“… make it up with Taemin. He’s a pure, innocent boy. I feel really sorry for him.”
Jinki ends the conversation.
Minho feels like his drowning in the sudden silence. All he can do is stare at the wall.
It takes a few more days at Jonghyun’s place until he decides to see Taemin after all.
________________________________________________________
A/N:
THIS IS NOT THE END YET, REMEMBER GUYS!! And, this story is going to have an epilogue too. A very important epilogue, actually. Something that shouldn't be ommited. So, technically, it has 15 parts... 13 chapters, a prologue and an epilogue. And I really can't wait to finish it because I have many new stories in my head, some JongKey chaptered fics and two Onho ones, and another ot3 thing I started writing a year ago... just this one is Ontae/Onho. But, idk when I'll finish it, so x"D
Now, princessliettebb, I'll beta your fic tomorrow, I'm so sorry, it's been a really rough day and I didn't have an access to my laptop ;/ I'm really sorry and I'll reply to all your messages tomorrow morning. Now, for sure. T_T