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Chapter 1 revision 2
Oct 10, 2003 01:08
Ok, I've made slight revisions in the first part of chapter one and added the rest of the chapter where Ylana meets the crew.
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Comments 1
inaraserra
October 10 2003, 09:04:58 UTC
Very good. Nice way to introduce all the characters. Felt like I was sitting right at the table.
Found a couple of typos, nothing big:
"Slavery is wrong, he now owed a slave and planned to keep her." (I would put a "yet" before he.)
Stev, expecting this, had sat net to them and whacked Ian on the chest.
"Truly," Rob thought, "no one could make keep this crew under control."
That's it. More story please.
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Comments 1
Found a couple of typos, nothing big:
"Slavery is wrong, he now owed a slave and planned to keep her." (I would put a "yet" before he.)
Stev, expecting this, had sat net to them and whacked Ian on the chest.
"Truly," Rob thought, "no one could make keep this crew under control."
That's it. More story please.
Reply
Leave a comment