How I met your mother

[hlwar]

Back at the drawing board. Or rather, the writing desk. I'm slowly getting back onto my feet after some family stuff, and back into the habit of writing again, I hope. I've had this beginning blurb saved on my hard-drive since March and it's undergone several alterations. Originally, it was going to be the opening of my "crack-ship" fanfic for

Comments

[laurose8]

A very good job of staying in the elder Dorado's pov, yet keeping track of all the characters, making them solid and vivid. Good pacing, too.

(Very small point: I think accusing and callous and an action of uncaring might be better phrased.)

[hlwar]

Oh! Thank you! Do you think so? I admit, I don't hate this but I felt as if it were getting away from me, so to speak. I'm glad it still reads "alive" and not too long-winded. That's been my current problem; a whole lotta telling and not showing, and another friend commented that my latest stuff has had "too much descriptions".

Also thanks for the advice! I'll have to go back and see what you mean, how I might change it. That is, if I publish it anywhere else. It may simply Rest In Peace here. XD

Always appreciate your feedback! Thanks for taking the time to read my stuff, m'dear! ♥

[hlwar]

(Very small point: I think accusing and callous and an action of uncaring might be better phrased.)

Ahh, I think I see what you mean. It just might be difficult for me to explain intelligently because that's one of those personal references; I kind of drew from the actions my mother took with ignoring me, that touchy (rather selfish) detachment so as to avoid a fight... which only ended up irritating me and soon provoked a fight instead. (;;)

Thanks! I'll work on that!