Poll results so far! Open to EVERYONE.
Here are the results, with six people voting so far (NO, I am not including my votes).
So far, it looks like most of you are tea-drinking walruses. Weird.
Washing dish towels with underwear together...
5 please tell me you are using WARM water, you freak.
1 no, HOT water and BLEACH. I'm still mildly squicked out.
Part of responsible pet ownership includes... (check ALL THAT APPLY)
6 having enough money to feed it decent food
6 not tying it to a tree in the yard
6 getting it spayed or neutered
6 getting shots for it/preventative care at the vet
5 providing for its elimination and grooming needs
1 buying it little pink sweaters and shiny collars and many, many toys
4 doing your best to make them behave like good little citizens/roommates/neighbors
1 developing a humorous little voice you use to speak/translate FOR your pet, all the time
6 scheduling some time to spend with the critter/excercising/head scritchins, etc.
6 cleaning up the puke/poo/pee and not holding an excessive grudge about it
6 respecting them when they are hungry/cranky/tired/scared/sick/hurt/not up for your shit
1 being the damn pack leader when you have to be - respect mah au-thor-i-TAY!
5 trying to keep yourself or others from giving too many treats/making them fat little greedy bastards
Coffee is...
1 I had to give it up. I miss it like an amputated limb. I still have phantom all-night jitters.
3 Tea, please.
1 PUT IT IN MY ARM, STRAIGHT IN, JAB THE I.V. NEEDLE IN NOW!! YESSSSS!!!!
1 You so crazy.
The following items are DEFINITELY, without a doubt, PHALLIC symbols/penis substitutes (check all that apply):
4 a guitar.
4 a cigar/cigarette.
5 a gun.
3 war.
3 a baseball/cricket bat.
4 a knife.
4 an unneutered pit bull.
4 an expensive/fast/flashy car.
3 a banana.
3 an upraised middle finger.
2 Ooh, I'm feeling all funny and sweaty now...
1 I am shocked that you would buy into this sexist nonsense.
CONTINUED:
3 a television remote control.
3 a rocket ship.
4 a hot dog/sausage.
1 a ruler.
1 a bullet.
1 a garden hose.
1 a kitchen sink.
4 Are you about done with this nonsense yet?
I think Sigmund Freud (check ALL that apply):
3 did a decent job in trying to find a way to explain human behavior, for his time period
2 ought to be completely thrown out of the textbooks
1 owned a penis, so probably had some decent theories about that kinda thing
2 had some freaky hang-ups and can't speak for me or modern society at all
1 was wrong about men being hot for their mothers and women hot for their dads
2 that damn cigar WAS a penis, Sigmund, dude, deal with it.
1 I could give a rat's ass about Sigmund Freud, the unscientific old bastard.
1 What? I fell asleep. Will there be a quiz later?
I am...
1 female.
1 I said.
4 the walrus... heh... goo goo... heh...heh...no, it was Paul.
What do you think of this statement: "Men with small penises compensate for it by driving flashy cars." Check all that apply.
2 If a similar statement had been written by a man about women, he would be in big trouble.
3 I haven't seen enough penises or flashy cars to be able to determine the truth of this statement.
6 I dunno if they've got small penises, but they certainly do drive like assholes.
4 They're usually bald and old, too. I'm just sayin'.
2 Some girls are attracted to those cars. And they deserve bald, old men with small penises.
1 I can't believe anyone would be offended by this statement. OF COURSE they compensate somehow! It's human nature!
3 Only a man with a flashy car would be offended by this statement. If he's got a small penis and a regular car, he's got no worries, 'cause no one suspects him.
1 This statement was obviously fabricated by a guy with a normal-sized dick who drives an economy car, and I married/hooked up with him 'cause he makes me laugh.
3 You've had about 250,000 years of running the planet and killing and raping and making better wages than women, so if a woman make a joke about men in general, suck it up and deal with it.
What do you think of this statement: "Women with small breasts compensate for it by wearing flashier shoes and showing more leg." Check all that apply.
1 I haven't seen enough breasts or flashy shoes to be able to determine the truth of this statement.
4 I dunno if they've got small breasts, but their feet must hurt like hell.
3 They've usually got lots of makeup on, and hair product, too. I'm just sayin'.
2 Only a woman with a serious shoe habit would be offended by this statement.
6 Both sexes try to attract mates as best they can, by compensating for any perceived shortcomings they have, so it's all the same.
3 I fell asleep about twenty lines ago. Can we talk about sausages and guitars again?
If a guy says male cats should NOT be neutered, because, um, they ought to be free to run about and have short painful sexy lives, and if we neuter them, we might start neutering n'er-do-well pub crawlers next, what is your FIRST reaction?
1 "That guy's a fucking idiot."
4 "That guy's certainly not a responsible pet owner. At least I HOPE he does't own any pets."
1 "That guy has some ISSUES, seriously, if he sees a cute kitten and his first thought is DON'T CUT HIS BALLS OFF. Calm DOWN, dude."
Sexism... (check all that apply)
1 has never really affected me much.
4 means most insurance plans give you Viagra for free, and make you pay for birth control. Bastards. "Erectlile disfunction" = you're old and wrinkly and it's nature's way of telling you nobody wants to fuck you anymore, you nasty old coot.
1 will exist as long as men keep obsessing on their penises... so we're doomed.
2 sucks and I will continue to fight it everywhere I see it.
3 is not running rampant here - Wikipedia says it is "is a belief or attitude that one gender or sex is inferior to or less valuable than the other," and this is just some funny shit from a fiesty, uppity girl.
3 could be solved if "straight" men would just fuck each other and get it over with and solve their differences that way. Keep a lot of wars and drive-by shootings from happening, anyway.
2 is not a card that can be played by men, especially straight white men, just like white comics aren't funny when they use the "n" word. Try a couple hundred years of suffering and abuse and degredation, then we'll get back to ya on that.
3 would be fun in reverse, because then everything would be designed to look like funnels and branching tree limbs, and all women would get a week off once a month for their period while the men had to cover for them and get less pay. Kewl!
Anything else you'd like to add?
No you said it all
Just woke up and I'm too braindead to think of
You rock!
I DO like coffee as well, but tea first!
Need more room?
yes got too much stuff in here
anything to say...coffee!!!
Eh, that's okay.
This poll...
2 was funny and entertaining.
1 made me glad I have an imaginary boyfriend.
1 made my head hurt.
2 was clever, yeah, whatever, but I'm still freaked out about the dishtowels and underwear together thing. Yuck.
Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has participated so far! I promise to calm down a bit in the future.
So far, it looks like most of you are tea-drinking walruses. Weird.
Washing dish towels with underwear together...
5 please tell me you are using WARM water, you freak.
1 no, HOT water and BLEACH. I'm still mildly squicked out.
Part of responsible pet ownership includes... (check ALL THAT APPLY)
6 having enough money to feed it decent food
6 not tying it to a tree in the yard
6 getting it spayed or neutered
6 getting shots for it/preventative care at the vet
5 providing for its elimination and grooming needs
1 buying it little pink sweaters and shiny collars and many, many toys
4 doing your best to make them behave like good little citizens/roommates/neighbors
1 developing a humorous little voice you use to speak/translate FOR your pet, all the time
6 scheduling some time to spend with the critter/excercising/head scritchins, etc.
6 cleaning up the puke/poo/pee and not holding an excessive grudge about it
6 respecting them when they are hungry/cranky/tired/scared/sick/hurt/not up for your shit
1 being the damn pack leader when you have to be - respect mah au-thor-i-TAY!
5 trying to keep yourself or others from giving too many treats/making them fat little greedy bastards
Coffee is...
1 I had to give it up. I miss it like an amputated limb. I still have phantom all-night jitters.
3 Tea, please.
1 PUT IT IN MY ARM, STRAIGHT IN, JAB THE I.V. NEEDLE IN NOW!! YESSSSS!!!!
1 You so crazy.
The following items are DEFINITELY, without a doubt, PHALLIC symbols/penis substitutes (check all that apply):
4 a guitar.
4 a cigar/cigarette.
5 a gun.
3 war.
3 a baseball/cricket bat.
4 a knife.
4 an unneutered pit bull.
4 an expensive/fast/flashy car.
3 a banana.
3 an upraised middle finger.
2 Ooh, I'm feeling all funny and sweaty now...
1 I am shocked that you would buy into this sexist nonsense.
CONTINUED:
3 a television remote control.
3 a rocket ship.
4 a hot dog/sausage.
1 a ruler.
1 a bullet.
1 a garden hose.
1 a kitchen sink.
4 Are you about done with this nonsense yet?
I think Sigmund Freud (check ALL that apply):
3 did a decent job in trying to find a way to explain human behavior, for his time period
2 ought to be completely thrown out of the textbooks
1 owned a penis, so probably had some decent theories about that kinda thing
2 had some freaky hang-ups and can't speak for me or modern society at all
1 was wrong about men being hot for their mothers and women hot for their dads
2 that damn cigar WAS a penis, Sigmund, dude, deal with it.
1 I could give a rat's ass about Sigmund Freud, the unscientific old bastard.
1 What? I fell asleep. Will there be a quiz later?
I am...
1 female.
1 I said.
4 the walrus... heh... goo goo... heh...heh...no, it was Paul.
What do you think of this statement: "Men with small penises compensate for it by driving flashy cars." Check all that apply.
2 If a similar statement had been written by a man about women, he would be in big trouble.
3 I haven't seen enough penises or flashy cars to be able to determine the truth of this statement.
6 I dunno if they've got small penises, but they certainly do drive like assholes.
4 They're usually bald and old, too. I'm just sayin'.
2 Some girls are attracted to those cars. And they deserve bald, old men with small penises.
1 I can't believe anyone would be offended by this statement. OF COURSE they compensate somehow! It's human nature!
3 Only a man with a flashy car would be offended by this statement. If he's got a small penis and a regular car, he's got no worries, 'cause no one suspects him.
1 This statement was obviously fabricated by a guy with a normal-sized dick who drives an economy car, and I married/hooked up with him 'cause he makes me laugh.
3 You've had about 250,000 years of running the planet and killing and raping and making better wages than women, so if a woman make a joke about men in general, suck it up and deal with it.
What do you think of this statement: "Women with small breasts compensate for it by wearing flashier shoes and showing more leg." Check all that apply.
1 I haven't seen enough breasts or flashy shoes to be able to determine the truth of this statement.
4 I dunno if they've got small breasts, but their feet must hurt like hell.
3 They've usually got lots of makeup on, and hair product, too. I'm just sayin'.
2 Only a woman with a serious shoe habit would be offended by this statement.
6 Both sexes try to attract mates as best they can, by compensating for any perceived shortcomings they have, so it's all the same.
3 I fell asleep about twenty lines ago. Can we talk about sausages and guitars again?
If a guy says male cats should NOT be neutered, because, um, they ought to be free to run about and have short painful sexy lives, and if we neuter them, we might start neutering n'er-do-well pub crawlers next, what is your FIRST reaction?
1 "That guy's a fucking idiot."
4 "That guy's certainly not a responsible pet owner. At least I HOPE he does't own any pets."
1 "That guy has some ISSUES, seriously, if he sees a cute kitten and his first thought is DON'T CUT HIS BALLS OFF. Calm DOWN, dude."
Sexism... (check all that apply)
1 has never really affected me much.
4 means most insurance plans give you Viagra for free, and make you pay for birth control. Bastards. "Erectlile disfunction" = you're old and wrinkly and it's nature's way of telling you nobody wants to fuck you anymore, you nasty old coot.
1 will exist as long as men keep obsessing on their penises... so we're doomed.
2 sucks and I will continue to fight it everywhere I see it.
3 is not running rampant here - Wikipedia says it is "is a belief or attitude that one gender or sex is inferior to or less valuable than the other," and this is just some funny shit from a fiesty, uppity girl.
3 could be solved if "straight" men would just fuck each other and get it over with and solve their differences that way. Keep a lot of wars and drive-by shootings from happening, anyway.
2 is not a card that can be played by men, especially straight white men, just like white comics aren't funny when they use the "n" word. Try a couple hundred years of suffering and abuse and degredation, then we'll get back to ya on that.
3 would be fun in reverse, because then everything would be designed to look like funnels and branching tree limbs, and all women would get a week off once a month for their period while the men had to cover for them and get less pay. Kewl!
Anything else you'd like to add?
No you said it all
Just woke up and I'm too braindead to think of
You rock!
I DO like coffee as well, but tea first!
Need more room?
yes got too much stuff in here
anything to say...coffee!!!
Eh, that's okay.
This poll...
2 was funny and entertaining.
1 made me glad I have an imaginary boyfriend.
1 made my head hurt.
2 was clever, yeah, whatever, but I'm still freaked out about the dishtowels and underwear together thing. Yuck.
Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has participated so far! I promise to calm down a bit in the future.