Application - Zack Addy, from 'Bones'
((Permission granted by Hodgins!mun! And Bones!mun, obviously, because... that's me XD Zack's italicized things are his written responses.))
There were two thoughts running through Zack Addy's head, for the time being, and he wasn't entirely sure which to focus on first. On the one hand... Oh, man, this castle was too cool. Intricate brickwork, torches... The works, all seemingly hand-crafted circa the span of a thousand years or so ago. There were long, ominous hallways, suits of armor, and he was pretty sure, unless he was going nuts, that painting had just actually moved and greeted him into the castle. How could that not be neat? Castles were a thing of awesome in Zack's book, if his obsession with Lord of the Rings was anything to go off of. He'd been expecting fanciness and intricacy with this school once Dr. Brennan had gotten accepted into it, but a castle?
However, that whole thought process was lost somewhere in the overwhelming fear that was quickly edging its way into his mind. Because, oh, dear sweet lord, there was an application. And a screening process. And of course he was expecting a difficult inquiry and other such feats in order to enter such a prestigious school, but it didn't stop the thing from terrifying him any less. He was picking up the application with such care that it almost seemed like he was afraid the thing was going to eat his face.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Oh, God. Oh, God, not cheese! Anything but cheese! He didn't know--
Wait, what?
Did Dr. Brennan have to follow through with this same initiation process? Did she have to answer questions about cheese? He was applying to one of the most interesting schools on this side of the hemisphere and they were asking him about cheese. This couldn't be right. Zack gave a surreptitious, ninja-skilled bit of a glance around, as if he expected several cameramen to jump out at any given moment, waving around video devices and announcing that, HEY, he just got PUNK'D.
He wasn't a celebrity. Non-celebrities didn't get Punk'd. He was being paranoid again.
"Er, cheese," he repeated aloud, even as he fervently reminded himself that there was always 'Candid Camera'. Cheese. He could deal with cheese. Cheese was... a common topic, stereotypical amongst teenagers these days, was it not? Yes, quite often, he heard people mention cheese in everyday conversation. One would ask a question, and another would answer 'I like cheese!'. No, they didn't. Who talked about cheese? Chefs? Oh, screw it. He just scribbled an answer, in barely intelligible chicken scratch at the bottom of the page.
I like nachos.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
And now they were asking about murder? Good lord, what kind of a place had he walked into? Maybe Dr. Brennan hadn't stayed willingly. Maybe this was a cult that had kidnapped her and held her hostage for her dire anthropological knowledge. Were they going to kidnap him for his knowledge as well? ...Calm down, Zack. No need to get hasty. No sign of a ruckus yet.
Who would want to kill Barney? ...He'd liked that show when he was younger. And Carrottop had always had those horrendously repetitive 1-800-COLLECT commercials that had interrupted his quality Sci-Fi channel time. Carrottop, he wrote out, a bit less haphazardly this time. Those commercials. I'm fully certain that they do, in fact, grate on one's sanity.
3. What time is it where you are?
What TIME was it? Did the cult not know how to read a simple clock? Zack pulled back his sleeve and glanced at his wrist, only... Oh, his watch died about a week ago. Right. "The clock at the airport said eleven twenty-seven AM," he mumbled aloud to himself, face screwed up slightly in thought. "Applying the knowledge that the flight length was approximately seven hours and ten minutes, added to the trip to this school - another twenty-three - and including respective time zones, a five hour difference across the Pacific..."
One fifty PM.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them?
Dear God, it WAS a cult! And he knew he sounded worse than Hodgins with all of this paranoid 'cult' business, but-but... Sexual harassment! Totally illegal! "I work with the FBI!" he blurted aloud, to nobody in particular. "If I find that Dr. Brennan is in any way harmed or-or sexually harassed, I will be forced to contact them and press charges!"
Er.
He HAD seen a painting on the way in. Hadn't that been the Order of the Phoenix? An array of people. He shut his eyes for a moment to recall the faces in the portrait. Lily Potter, was all he wrote, then. And after a moment's contemplation, added, I like her hair. ...Maybe if he didn't answer the second part of that question, they wouldn't notice. Because, well, the last time he'd attempted to discuss his sex life or lack thereof with an individual, he'd been threatened to be shot between the eyes. The cult didn't need to know.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"A bar?" Zack repeated aloud, in a sort of hollow voice that was telling towards his skepticism on the topic. "This school has a bar." Okay, that was far too weird. Even for his liking. "Aren't schools supposed to prohibit the use of alcohol?" ...Oh, Zack. Such a puppy.
"Well, what about it, then?" he continued, curiously. "Is it open? Does one have to purchase drinks? How often do the bartenders inspect identifications? What sort of variety of selections of alcohol do they have to offer? Is it really in the dark? Wouldn't people trip over things if it was actually in the dark?" And then he paused, looking back to the application with an analytical glance.
"This question is hypothetical, isn't it."
For the sake of argument, he just left the question blank.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Use examples from a variety of world mythologies. He could do that. "Love triangles exist in all mediums, then, don't they?" he mused aloud, folding his arms and debating. Hmm. He could do this one, objectively.
Mythology: Zeus, the whore of Babylon. Well, not Babylon, per se - Babylon, last I conjured, did not exist in ancient mythology - Rome was developed around 700-800 BC, Babylon was around 600 BC - but more onto the point, I've been assured it's a common saying. At any rate, Jupiter, married to Juno, sleeps with half of Mount Olympus. The man is talented, yes.
There was also Psyche, Eros, and, I suppose, if you want to really delve into the topic of incest, Eros' mother, Venus, who definitely just wanted Eros' sweet butt to herself.
You could delve into other extensive media. Television shows. Movies. Graphic novels. And we all know how those turn out. There's... various characters off of teenage dramas in an attempt to drown out their boring and meaningless lives. Soap operas. Songs are written about love triangles.
What point is he getting at here?
Fred and George: I would either begin to research extensively into the art of threesomes, or fight to the death. Good luck.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
With a blink, Zack acknowledged that question with a nod in attribute to its simplicity.
Because... you don't have a paper shredder (?). I suggest investing in one. They are quite handy. A note of warning: do not attempt to use them as torture devices. ...Or run paper clips through them. ...It doesn't end well.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? Useless? That question - well, not question, per se, more a command than anything - shouldn't have made him puff up so much in his indignation. But after all of the implications towards his being useless, whether it be unintentionally from Dr. Brennan or Hodgins or completely pointedly from Dr. Goodman the year before when the man had almost flat-out refused to speak to Zack...
I am most certainly not useless. I am on my way towards two doctorates: Forensic Anthropology and Engineering. Both of which are well in progress. I may even finish the Forensic Anthropology one, within a matter of weeks. Possibly days. I have a photographic memory. I can tell you anything that has ever happened in anything off of the Sci-Fi channel. Wanna guess my IQ? It's way over 163. I'll hand out lollipops.
He was getting a bit defensive. So very much not useless.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
Er. Bribe? ...He hadn't been expecting to need to hand out bribes. Most schools were quick to take bribes as a mean of entrance fee, of course - he was a bit naive at times, not stupid - but they didn't make their requests public. This was a very, very strange school. Cult. Thing.
I have... an extensive DVD collection? I have graphic novels and... I can build robots. Everybody loved robots, did they not? It was a new cultural phenomenon as he spoke.
He hoped that was enough, anyway. It wasn't like he was completely loaded or anything - he couldn't exactly hand out free checks.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Z.A.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Z.A.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. I do not wear knickers, that was just a rumor in high school, a rather falsely created one, I might add. I wear boxers. ...Z.A.
One day, marmalademy very own army of criminal robots will rule the world. Z.A. You just wait.
There were two thoughts running through Zack Addy's head, for the time being, and he wasn't entirely sure which to focus on first. On the one hand... Oh, man, this castle was too cool. Intricate brickwork, torches... The works, all seemingly hand-crafted circa the span of a thousand years or so ago. There were long, ominous hallways, suits of armor, and he was pretty sure, unless he was going nuts, that painting had just actually moved and greeted him into the castle. How could that not be neat? Castles were a thing of awesome in Zack's book, if his obsession with Lord of the Rings was anything to go off of. He'd been expecting fanciness and intricacy with this school once Dr. Brennan had gotten accepted into it, but a castle?
However, that whole thought process was lost somewhere in the overwhelming fear that was quickly edging its way into his mind. Because, oh, dear sweet lord, there was an application. And a screening process. And of course he was expecting a difficult inquiry and other such feats in order to enter such a prestigious school, but it didn't stop the thing from terrifying him any less. He was picking up the application with such care that it almost seemed like he was afraid the thing was going to eat his face.
1. What is your favorite cheese? Why is it your favorite?
Oh, God. Oh, God, not cheese! Anything but cheese! He didn't know--
Wait, what?
Did Dr. Brennan have to follow through with this same initiation process? Did she have to answer questions about cheese? He was applying to one of the most interesting schools on this side of the hemisphere and they were asking him about cheese. This couldn't be right. Zack gave a surreptitious, ninja-skilled bit of a glance around, as if he expected several cameramen to jump out at any given moment, waving around video devices and announcing that, HEY, he just got PUNK'D.
He wasn't a celebrity. Non-celebrities didn't get Punk'd. He was being paranoid again.
"Er, cheese," he repeated aloud, even as he fervently reminded himself that there was always 'Candid Camera'. Cheese. He could deal with cheese. Cheese was... a common topic, stereotypical amongst teenagers these days, was it not? Yes, quite often, he heard people mention cheese in everyday conversation. One would ask a question, and another would answer 'I like cheese!'. No, they didn't. Who talked about cheese? Chefs? Oh, screw it. He just scribbled an answer, in barely intelligible chicken scratch at the bottom of the page.
I like nachos.
2. Who would you kill first, Barney or Carrottop?
And now they were asking about murder? Good lord, what kind of a place had he walked into? Maybe Dr. Brennan hadn't stayed willingly. Maybe this was a cult that had kidnapped her and held her hostage for her dire anthropological knowledge. Were they going to kidnap him for his knowledge as well? ...Calm down, Zack. No need to get hasty. No sign of a ruckus yet.
Who would want to kill Barney? ...He'd liked that show when he was younger. And Carrottop had always had those horrendously repetitive 1-800-COLLECT commercials that had interrupted his quality Sci-Fi channel time. Carrottop, he wrote out, a bit less haphazardly this time. Those commercials. I'm fully certain that they do, in fact, grate on one's sanity.
3. What time is it where you are?
What TIME was it? Did the cult not know how to read a simple clock? Zack pulled back his sleeve and glanced at his wrist, only... Oh, his watch died about a week ago. Right. "The clock at the airport said eleven twenty-seven AM," he mumbled aloud to himself, face screwed up slightly in thought. "Applying the knowledge that the flight length was approximately seven hours and ten minutes, added to the trip to this school - another twenty-three - and including respective time zones, a five hour difference across the Pacific..."
One fifty PM.
4. If you were Albus Dumbledore returned from the dead, which member of the Order of the Phoenix would you sexually harass? How would you harass them?
Dear God, it WAS a cult! And he knew he sounded worse than Hodgins with all of this paranoid 'cult' business, but-but... Sexual harassment! Totally illegal! "I work with the FBI!" he blurted aloud, to nobody in particular. "If I find that Dr. Brennan is in any way harmed or-or sexually harassed, I will be forced to contact them and press charges!"
Er.
He HAD seen a painting on the way in. Hadn't that been the Order of the Phoenix? An array of people. He shut his eyes for a moment to recall the faces in the portrait. Lily Potter, was all he wrote, then. And after a moment's contemplation, added, I like her hair. ...Maybe if he didn't answer the second part of that question, they wouldn't notice. Because, well, the last time he'd attempted to discuss his sex life or lack thereof with an individual, he'd been threatened to be shot between the eyes. The cult didn't need to know.
5. If you are pushing to be in:
A. Slytherin - please state the clever, witty name of the bar in which you bartend, in the dark.
"A bar?" Zack repeated aloud, in a sort of hollow voice that was telling towards his skepticism on the topic. "This school has a bar." Okay, that was far too weird. Even for his liking. "Aren't schools supposed to prohibit the use of alcohol?" ...Oh, Zack. Such a puppy.
"Well, what about it, then?" he continued, curiously. "Is it open? Does one have to purchase drinks? How often do the bartenders inspect identifications? What sort of variety of selections of alcohol do they have to offer? Is it really in the dark? Wouldn't people trip over things if it was actually in the dark?" And then he paused, looking back to the application with an analytical glance.
"This question is hypothetical, isn't it."
For the sake of argument, he just left the question blank.
B. Gryffindor - Debate whether Harry should ultimately end up married to Fred or George. Use examples from a variety of world mythologies to bolster your argument.
Use examples from a variety of world mythologies. He could do that. "Love triangles exist in all mediums, then, don't they?" he mused aloud, folding his arms and debating. Hmm. He could do this one, objectively.
Mythology: Zeus, the whore of Babylon. Well, not Babylon, per se - Babylon, last I conjured, did not exist in ancient mythology - Rome was developed around 700-800 BC, Babylon was around 600 BC - but more onto the point, I've been assured it's a common saying. At any rate, Jupiter, married to Juno, sleeps with half of Mount Olympus. The man is talented, yes.
There was also Psyche, Eros, and, I suppose, if you want to really delve into the topic of incest, Eros' mother, Venus, who definitely just wanted Eros' sweet butt to herself.
You could delve into other extensive media. Television shows. Movies. Graphic novels. And we all know how those turn out. There's... various characters off of teenage dramas in an attempt to drown out their boring and meaningless lives. Soap operas. Songs are written about love triangles.
What point is he getting at here?
Fred and George: I would either begin to research extensively into the art of threesomes, or fight to the death. Good luck.
C. Ravenclaw - You guys are supposed to be smart. Explain why my desk is inundated with paperwork at all times, even though I'm constantly disposing of it.
With a blink, Zack acknowledged that question with a nod in attribute to its simplicity.
Because... you don't have a paper shredder (?). I suggest investing in one. They are quite handy. A note of warning: do not attempt to use them as torture devices. ...Or run paper clips through them. ...It doesn't end well.
D. Hufflepuff - Prove you are not useless.
Useless? Useless? That question - well, not question, per se, more a command than anything - shouldn't have made him puff up so much in his indignation. But after all of the implications towards his being useless, whether it be unintentionally from Dr. Brennan or Hodgins or completely pointedly from Dr. Goodman the year before when the man had almost flat-out refused to speak to Zack...
I am most certainly not useless. I am on my way towards two doctorates: Forensic Anthropology and Engineering. Both of which are well in progress. I may even finish the Forensic Anthropology one, within a matter of weeks. Possibly days. I have a photographic memory. I can tell you anything that has ever happened in anything off of the Sci-Fi channel. Wanna guess my IQ? It's way over 163. I'll hand out lollipops.
He was getting a bit defensive. So very much not useless.
6. Offer a bribe to the members of this community so that they will not squib you.
Er. Bribe? ...He hadn't been expecting to need to hand out bribes. Most schools were quick to take bribes as a mean of entrance fee, of course - he was a bit naive at times, not stupid - but they didn't make their requests public. This was a very, very strange school. Cult. Thing.
I have... an extensive DVD collection? I have graphic novels and... I can build robots. Everybody loved robots, did they not? It was a new cultural phenomenon as he spoke.
He hoped that was enough, anyway. It wasn't like he was completely loaded or anything - he couldn't exactly hand out free checks.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus faq, and understand it is a crazy, cracktastic sorting community and RPG. Z.A.
I have read the hogwarts_hocus rules and agree to abide by each and every one of them. Z.A.
I agree to be a good sport and not get my knickers in a bunch. I do not wear knickers, that was just a rumor in high school, a rather falsely created one, I might add. I wear boxers. ...Z.A.
One day, marmalademy very own army of criminal robots will rule the world. Z.A. You just wait.