A Farewell to Arms - Ernest Hemingway
Name: Ben
Age: 36
Gender: Male
1. Give us reasons for and against you being sorted into each house.
a. Gryffindor
For: I think I’m fairly brave. I don’t think you can do most of the things I’ve done and not have a bit of bravery. Doesn’t take a lot of brains, but it does take balls. And I’m usually the first person to go out on a limb for the right cause.
Against: I’m a very selfish person. The only reason I’d do anything for someone else would be if there were any chance I could get anything out of it. Gryffindors strike me as more “noble” than that. They fight for causes, “the greater good.” I fight for me. What’s best for me. And it seems they’re rather judgmental of people like that. I probably wouldn’t last long there.
b. Slytherin
For: Ambition, cunning, unapologetic, there are no boundaries when it comes to what means I will use to achieve my ends. I’m not a complete jerk though (mostly). I can turn on this easy-going, laid back charm and be your best friend. I like encouraging people, the more you push yourself, the closer you can come to being at my level.
Against: Subtlety? The mechanism in your brain that seperates your thoughts from your mouth. I don't always have that. I refined it a little bit more as I got older, but I can't say I have it under complete control. What can I say? I say whatever I'm thinking.
c. Hufflepuff
For: I am extremely loyal to those I care about. I apply same “whatever it takes” mindset to my friends. And I value fairness. Some are just slightly more fair than others.
Against: Hardworking waved goodbye to me a long time ago. And patience…another “fair” and “good” virtue but it’s not very conducive to getting what one wants. People respond to assertiveness because it’s less common. I’m also not nearly as accepting as Helga apparently was. “Took the rest?” That’s cute. But how do you guarantee loyalty and hard work that way? I mean, seriously, you could get someone like me.
d. Ravenclaw
For: I’m sort of smart. Not academically, persay, though I always did well in school, even though I technically didn’t finish. People thought I cheated all the time, because I guess I just don’t come off as someone who would study or “love learning” - but it never came that hard for me. Which sometimes hacked them off even more. Which I liked.
Against: In the books, Ravenclaws strike me as extremely emotional, (Luna, Cho, Edgar, Helena etc.) wear their hearts on their sleeves. While I can be very passionate and open about my opinions and feelings - if I’m driven to be so - tragedy strikes and I don’t respond. I don’t know if it’s some psychological trigger in my childhood or because I’ve known a few people who seemed to be doing it as a put on. But I don’t respond all teary-eyed to loss. It may be more expressed by anger or confusion.
2. If you had access to a Time Turner, and did not have to worry about any restrictions, nor about whether you were going to return or not, what would you use it for and why? I try not to regret too much, but lost love, I’ve had a few. And I sort of relate to Snape in that “one instant” that can change everything between two people. I don’t even know where that person is, so I would need a Time Turner. If only just to go back a few hours, manipulate my circumstances so that I could track them down legitimately.
3. Under what circumstances would you use an Unforgivable Curse? Are you kidding? Every chance I got. A method of killing without leaving behind any trace evidence by normal means? I can get people to do whatever I ask them to do? Teach me, Master Obi-Wan. The only one I’m a little squeamish about is Crucio. Killing someone, fine, controlling them, even better, especially when they try to walk away from an argument. No, no, “Imperio! Come back here we are going to talk about this!” Then let them present their case in their words, then decide whether to make them shut up or not. But Crucio sounds like torture, which sounds like prolonging pain, and I’m not patient enough to deal with people in pain. Makes me think they’d be better off dead.
4. Under what circumstances would you work for Voldemort? Never. I mean, Tom Riddle maybe, he’s powerful, show me new levels of magic, get me away from my family, past the boundaries of “normal society” - but because his controls are even worse, and once he lost his nose, and hair, and proper skin tones -- I am way too shallow -- I’d have to figure out some way to leave, or beat him, maybe with back-up, because I’m not a big fan of dying. He tends to kill people that abandon him. Hell, I would too. I was shouting “Avada Kedavra” right along with him when Snape’s true loyalties were found out. But yeah, I couldn’t..ew.
5. What class do you think you would excel in at Hogwarts? What do you think would be your favorite?
I did best in chemistry, so Potions would probably be up there. Herbology too, but also because, as a kid, I was all about the first four letters of that word. But Potions more so because I like Snape’s sense of humor, and he knows his shit, so he’d be among my favorite teachers. Not the bravest person, but courage isn’t really requisite of teachers. The more courage a teacher has the more likely they are to meddle. Remus Lupin loved to get up close and personal with his students - it didn’t really surprise me that he married a girl half his age. Course Snape does like rules, and I’m always breaking the rules, so it’d be an interesting relationship.
My favorite would probably be Care of Magical Creatures, aside from Hagrid and Grubblyplanks, who are both much too “warm and friendly” then I like in a teacher. Teachers are there to teach, not to be your friend. But I do like Hagrid’s teaching style, because it’s like gym, only with dragons and hippogriffs and blast-ended screwts. Which makes it slightly less routine than gym.
6. You have to make five Horcruxes. What significant objects would you choose, and why? Why are these objects so important to you, that you would be willing to stick your soul into them? Ooh, cool, I get prizes for killing 5 people, usually it’d just be 20 to life. That was a horrible joke. But you laughed, don’t deny it.
-My toothbrush. It goes with me. Teach my roommates not to borrow it ever again.
-Pez dispenser. Sort of an inside joke between me and an old friend. Plus I sort of would like to see what effect making a Horcrux out of it would have.
-A copy Pink Floyd’s The Wall. Love this movie. 7 days after you watch it, you die.
-My iPod, because I play music like a soundtrack to my life. Used to DJ a little too.
-My Curious George doll, childhood toy, I don’t even have it anymore…the toy or the childhood
7. What would your Boggart form be? Why? That’s rather personal isn’t it? My worst fear on an open forum? I guess if it’ll help, I’m deathly afraid of spiders and drowning. The first is more irrational, and oddly, a little more prominent, the second has more to do with the shortness of breath that occurs. I used to be asthmatic so it’s still a little troubling for me. But I suppose the boggart would probably take the form of the spider. I don’t know why that freaks me out more. It just does.
8. You can only store one memory into your Pensieve to visit over and over again. Which one would it be? Why? I don’t tend to like going over memories. I live more in the moment, plus, going back makes me tend to regret and I hate regret, so I’m not really sure what the advantage would be in collecting my memories in a Pensieve to mull over. But, after some thought, there is an incident I would like to go back to, because my perceptions were a little clouded at the time, and I’m not entirely trusting that the story I heard was the truth. Or why I accepted it. Shock maybe. I don’t normally accept what others say. “Everybody lies.” And I wouldn’t mind anyone else seeing it, because, who knows, might be able to use it as evidence. Get people on my side.
9. You have stumbled across the Mirror of Erised. What is it that you see? Why? Me, the love of my life. Haven’t had anything else in the way of a goal in a long while. I mean, I’d always wanted to travel the world, meet important people, get into the best clubs - and I’ve done all that, so now all I want is love. But not just anyone.
10. What are your hobbies/interests? How do these activities contribute to your personality? Copy+Paste from userinfo, I told you I was lazy
alan ginsberg, anarchy, assault and battery, beatles, billy idol, black adder, charles baudelaire, classical, david bowie, driving, friends, goethe, john lennon, memories, men, monty python, music, pink floyyd, polidori, possession, punch, queer as folk, radiohead, randall & hopkirk (deceased), rock, rolling stones, roman polanski, sonic youth, the who, truth, velvet underground & nico, weapons of mass destruction
I like music, comedy, I’m a bit of a snob actually, and I don’t take anyone’s bs, but I like to joke around sometimes myself, life’s too short to be serious all the time
11. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be? The world is so violent. It sounds sort of ironic me saying this, but it’s really unnecessary that we have all this violence and hatred in the world. It never solves anything, it just leads to more. And it’s usually for the dumbest, most petty reasons. Wars fought by the poor so the rich can get wealthy. Husbands and wives can’t get along, but at some point they both agreed to marry each other. This religion disagrees with that religion, but they both worship the same figment of imagination. And what the hell is wrong with kids these days? Okay, I’m going to stop now before I start sounding old.
12. List three major qualities you look for in a friend. Why are these qualities important to you? Loyalty, honesty, and a sense of humor. Yeah, right, just like everybody. But it’s very hard to find people with the first two qualities. Most are likely to lie to your face to save theirs. I have no respect for hypocrites. I don’t care what life you choose to live, as long as it’s true to yourself. And finally a sense of humor, because mine can get fairly macabre or just plain sarcastic, and people don’t always appreciate it. Then again, who isn’t sarcastic these days? So I raise my standards a little bit.
13. Who is one person, real or fictional, that inspires you? Why? Aside from the classics, Dennis Hopper, Jesse James, James Bond…
Growing up I think I was really influenced by Alex DeLarge and Willy Wonka. Both the books and the films. Willy Wonka, because he reminded me of my dad, only wealthier, and exactly how I wanted to be. Eccentric, ambitious and fatherly, plus, can you think of a more wonderful dream for a kid than to own a candy factory? And Alex DeLarge because he was like the epitome of cool in my generation. Maybe before that. Book’s been around awhile. I like that he didn’t take crap from anybody and understood the basic elements of style and culture. For that alone, I might mention Hannibal Lector, though I don’t know if I was ever really inspired by him. Intrigued, and relatively impressed by the way he manipulated people, but the whole eating people thing, yeah…not really inspired.
14. Outside of Harry Potter, what book has had an impact on your life and why? See above. “A Clockwork Orange.” Not only did it have a bad ass anti-hero protagonist, but it has underlying themes of feminism, anti-establishment, and big government paranoia. I know the “feminism” line might surprise some people, but I think by being so over the top misogynistic, it actually does a very good job at selling the treatment of people as equals. Not just the straight members of society, but ex-convicts as well.
15. What excites you most out of life? What is it that makes you feel so fulfilled and enlightened about it? When I was younger, I might’ve said “weed” or any particular drug, especially if we’re talking enlightenment. Now, I’m thinking more along the lines of success. Whatever I’m working on, or into at the time, if I succeed at it, I am set for just about the whole day, or maybe just a second. Depends entirely on what it is I’m doing, or what happens afterwards. But that feeling of “Everything’s coming my way” is so refreshing.
16. What do you think are your top five positive characteristics?
-Charming
-Witty
-Fun-loving
-Determined
-Worldly
17. What do you think are your top five negative characteristics?
-Lazy
-Selfish
-Paranoid
-“Addictive personality”
-Not “future thinking” enough
18. Do you believe in fate or free will? Free will. If fate exists, it doesn’t look very kindly on me, and I resent that, so I stick to free will. If fate could ever work in my favor though, I see no reason why to deny it.
19. If someone close to you was in danger, what would you do to save them? This could be anything. Because my secret ambition is to learn how airplanes stay up, unless I know them, and like them, I generally just stand there and stare, might make a joke if they deserve it, or run away. Not my problem. Not getting involved.
20. What is one important life lesson you have learned so far? What did it take out of you to realize this? There’s more to life than always getting your way, I think. I’ve lost friends because of it, that’s all I know. Oh, and don’t fu** with the Jews. I’m not anti-semitic - being anti an entire group of people is one of the most groundless things ever, unless they’re Nazis -- there’s a story there, but it’s kind of long and stupid. Suffice to say, DON’T FU** WITH THE JEWS.
21. You have stumbled across five magical wells. One is the Well of Common Sense and Logic, the second is the Well of Creativity, the third is the Well of Optimism, the fourth is the Well of Physical Strength, and the fifth is the Well of Beauty. You can only drink from one well, but once you do you will be endowed with that ability for the rest of your life. Which well do you think you would definitely not need, and which do you think you would want to drink from?
Common sense makes sense. I think everyone could use some more of that sometimes. Or physical strength, I work out an’ all, but hey, a well. Any negative side-effects? I’m not sure I can possibly get any more attractive. Creativity never got me anywhere and I can’t even fathom optimism.
22. How did you find out about hogwarts_unity? (If you remember a certain person tell us so we can award points.)
Random browsing.