(no subject)
i haven't really posted much lately...haven't exactly been in the mood...lotsa shit bothering me right now...
i was cleaning zehaeva's and mine bedroom when i came across my stack of notebooks...well i went through them to see if any of it was useful and came across some stuff that i have written that i completely forgot that i had...
i'm kind of lost in my own thoughts of you
i can't believe what you did to me
calling me a bitch because i speak what's on my mins
for you it's just a memory but for me it still lives on
it's not so easy to forget
all the years you violated me
what did i do to deserve this slow burn
i often wonder why i carry all this guilt
when it's you that helped me put up all these walls i've built
and it hurts my soul because i can't let go
all these alls are caving in
i can't stop my suffering
i hate to show that i've lost control
because i keep going right back
to the one thing i need to walk away from
the bruises fade but the pain remains the same
and i still remember how you kept me so afraid
and every morning that i wake i look back on yesterday
and i'm okay
i am beautiful no matter what you say
words can't bring me down
i am beautiful in every single way
so don't you bring me down today
i won't let you break me
i'm leaving today
saying farewell to every single lie
and all the fears i've held too long inside
turning down the memories of yesteryears
and broken dreams
but now i've found i'm feeling strong
and i'm movin' on
i'm finally free
i never want to dwell on the pain again
there's no use in reliving how i hurt back then
remembering too well the hell i felt when i was running out of faith
after all of the stealing and cheating
you probably think that i hold resentment for you
but you're wrong
because if it wasn't for all that you did
i wouldn't know how capable i am to pull through
so i want to say thank you
because it makes me that much stronger
makes me work a little bit harder
it makes me that much wiser
so thanks in the end for making me a fighter
you thought i would forget the torture you put me through
the physical bruises have since faded
but the pain has more than remained the same
i wake up in the night gasping for air
because the walls are caving in
and i am screaming, begging, and pleading no more
i've escaped your dungeon for change
but no matter where i am or where i go
you'll always be there tormenting and breaking me down
i've tried and tried to suppress the memories
but they rear their ugly heads
just in time to knock me down once more
you'll slowly forget me and that's the way i'd like it to be for me
but for now all i have are the faded bruises and screaming nightmares
i have more but i really don't feel up to typing them out right now...
i was cleaning zehaeva's and mine bedroom when i came across my stack of notebooks...well i went through them to see if any of it was useful and came across some stuff that i have written that i completely forgot that i had...
i'm kind of lost in my own thoughts of you
i can't believe what you did to me
calling me a bitch because i speak what's on my mins
for you it's just a memory but for me it still lives on
it's not so easy to forget
all the years you violated me
what did i do to deserve this slow burn
i often wonder why i carry all this guilt
when it's you that helped me put up all these walls i've built
and it hurts my soul because i can't let go
all these alls are caving in
i can't stop my suffering
i hate to show that i've lost control
because i keep going right back
to the one thing i need to walk away from
the bruises fade but the pain remains the same
and i still remember how you kept me so afraid
and every morning that i wake i look back on yesterday
and i'm okay
i am beautiful no matter what you say
words can't bring me down
i am beautiful in every single way
so don't you bring me down today
i won't let you break me
i'm leaving today
saying farewell to every single lie
and all the fears i've held too long inside
turning down the memories of yesteryears
and broken dreams
but now i've found i'm feeling strong
and i'm movin' on
i'm finally free
i never want to dwell on the pain again
there's no use in reliving how i hurt back then
remembering too well the hell i felt when i was running out of faith
after all of the stealing and cheating
you probably think that i hold resentment for you
but you're wrong
because if it wasn't for all that you did
i wouldn't know how capable i am to pull through
so i want to say thank you
because it makes me that much stronger
makes me work a little bit harder
it makes me that much wiser
so thanks in the end for making me a fighter
you thought i would forget the torture you put me through
the physical bruises have since faded
but the pain has more than remained the same
i wake up in the night gasping for air
because the walls are caving in
and i am screaming, begging, and pleading no more
i've escaped your dungeon for change
but no matter where i am or where i go
you'll always be there tormenting and breaking me down
i've tried and tried to suppress the memories
but they rear their ugly heads
just in time to knock me down once more
you'll slowly forget me and that's the way i'd like it to be for me
but for now all i have are the faded bruises and screaming nightmares
i have more but i really don't feel up to typing them out right now...