(no subject)
"Why so serious? lets put a smile on that face!"
Those were the last words my father ever told me.
before he died.
before I killed him.
before the madness finally ended.
or perhaps where the madness finally begun.
it was a night.
just like any other.
my dad comes home.
he beats my mother
i hide in a corner.
and i listen to
screams
shouting
sobs
i listen to things breaking.
and i can feel myself shaking.
but i dont cry.
im sitting.
i hope she doesnt die.
im hugging my knees to my chest.
this has happened so often.
im used to this.
i feel my grip soften.
i dont feel sadness
and i dont feel fear
no emotion on my face
not even a tear.
silence.
the screaming stops.
the shouting stops.
this fists stop.
its quiet.
my dad turns to look at me.
"What?"
he grabs my mom by her chin
and he forces me to stare at her face.
"dont you care your mommy here....."
he laughs
she sobs
i stare
"....is in pain?"
her blood dripped onto his hand
when he sees this he smiles.
he slams her face into the wall before letting her drop.
her blood is smearing onto the tiles.
he walks over to me.
and he walks past the door
"you dont care about her do you?"
i watch her lying on the floor
"me neither. like father like son..."
he laughs.
I simply stare into his face
i want to speak but i dont dare.
"your so serious..."
i stare.
"you dont look sad . and you dont cry...why dont we fix that? cmere' lets try..."
he punches my face.
blood flows down from my mouth.
the same with my nose.
im lucky his fists are the weapon he chose.
he grabs my arm.
he twists
and twists
and doesn't stop
until i hear a sickening pop.
im bleeding.
bruised.
i am in pain.
but i am not crying.
i look at him with disdain.
"she dies you get hurt. its all part of the game."
he grabs me by the neck.
slams my head against the wall.
i finally feel tears
push there way past my eyes
but before they can fall
before he can finally see his prize
my mom walks up from behind
catching him by surprise.
she hits him with a bat
"leave...the boy...alone...."
he lets go of my neck.
and then turns around.
"well well well look what you've found."
he walks over to her
she raises the bat
but before she can swing
he tackles her down
he takes the bat from her hand
and he throws it at me
i shut my eyes
i dont want to see.
"that was a terrible mistake..."
he punches her
again
and again
she cries out in pain
her attempts to get free
are all done in vain.
he turns to face me
he laughs and he says
"this is happening because of you."
he laughs. and he laughs.
my mom takes this chance to get away
she runs to the kitchen
she takes a large knife
she comes back to kill him
to stab him
to end it
the pain and the strife
but hes not there.
she waits a moment.
waits a while.
a long time passes.
she then sighs in relief.
i open my eyes.
“oh sweetheart its okay...i think daddy’s gon-”
“mom behi-”
she turns around
but she is too late
he grabs her by the neck
"bad choice sweetheart...your gonna dieeeee tonight...are you ready?"
"are you ready to face your fate?"
he pries the knife from her hands
and he puts pressure on her throat.
the way they move reminds me of a sinking boat.
i look into her eyes.
and all i see is hate.
"you ready to die?"
she looked over to me
said her silent goodbye.
my dad turns to look at me.
and i hate what i see.
im looking at what is the mirror image of me.
He slowly cut her throat hard enough to be painful
but not hard enough so that it would kill her right away.
he never broke eye contact with me.
and i hate what i see.
i hate it.
he pushed her aside
made his way over to me.
"why so serious? cant you cry?"
"not even when your mommys just about to die?"
"well if we cant make you cry...lets make you smile. "
"lets let this experience be well worth your while."
"why so serious?"
"answer me. look at me...."
"hmmm? "
i turn away.
"look at me...LOOK AT ME!!!"
i am forced to obey.
he sticks the blade in my mouth.
i feel it cut my cheek.
i squirm.
"why so serious!?"
my pain reaches its peak.
lets put a smile on that face!!!!
he slit a deep gash
in the side of my mouth.
i flail and i thrash
i taste blood all the while.
"not done yet son..."
"thats only half a smile!"
i vaguely wonder if my mother has died
"time for the rest!"
he did the same to the other side
"boy its all for the best..."
after what felt like hours of sawing into my face
he stopped.
without any grace
he let me go
i was crying from the pain.
but the fear???
i would never let that show.
i felt blood stream from my newly carved smile.
he got up and walked over to mom after what felt like a while.
he grabbed her by her hair
and he looked at her face.
"are you ready to go to that so called “better place”?"
one cut and shes gone.
one cut and shes dead.
i cannot stand thoughts rushing through my head.
the funny thing is....when i see him....
hes crying.
i cant stand it.
revenge.
i need to see him dying.
i walk over to him
i grab the knife
and i stab him
hes dead.
no..hes barely alive.
i grip onto the knife
hes not dead...
i looked at him and said:
"hey daddy...how about i carve a smile into your face?\
....no, lets carve a frown instead."
he screams.
i laugh.
hes finally dead.
its all really funny!!!
cant you see?
my mom was just like me.
my father was too.
humans....
they kill and cause chaos
its just what we do.
im laughing
cant stop
its all very clear.
the reality of humanity.....
it was all shown right here.
i feel bad for the people
that dont understand
the minds of the humans that live on this land.
so ill make it my goal
to make them see.
and ill make sure
to introduce
a little anarchy
or maybe a lot.
this experience has taught me a lesson i never forgot.
see...I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger.
and to really feel alive? you need that sense of danger.
I am an agent of chaos
I am a person the world should fear.
so......are you ready.... Gotham???
because..........
whether you like it or not...
im here.