(no subject)
Sunday afternoon, Kenzie (Luna's mom) texted me to ask if Luna could start getting twice a day walks. I knew with kidney disease bladder control was an issue and I expected this to come up. I had even thought long and hard about a fair rate to charge them. Kenzie's second text was the one that made me worry: Luna had stopped eating completely. No treats, no cheese, no broth. Luna was skinny and frail.
Monday, I rushed through all my walks in hopes to get to Luna as quickly as possible. I came in, said my usual "hi hi," and around the corner trotted Luna, tail wagging widely. She was so happy to see me, but she was SO thin. We went on our walk and she kept pulling me toward Congressional cemetery, which is also a dog park. There was just no play in her. She responded to me talking to her, being close by, because there was just so much trust between us.
Monday evening she seemed even more tired, but also more restless. She was obviously in pain and desperately didn't want to be left alone. Monday night, I dreamt of her. I dreamt that she was nearby, following me around but she wasn't there. I couldn't hold her or see her. She was a specter of herself.
Tuesday morning, I called her mom. We had a very honest discussed about how this weekend Luna would probably say goodbye to us. We didn't understand how kidney disease could act so quickly, but the truth of it was that Luna wasn't eating anything any longer, and that was causing great suffering. When I saw her tuesday afternoon, Luna seemed more uncomfortable. Her BM was very very dark and she couldn't lift her head. Her breathing was also labored. I emailed Kenzie and she said she was coming home.
I went back over after my walks on tuesday, and spent an hour with Kenzie, Peter (Luna's dad) and Luna. Every single day of Luna and me 4 year relationship, I had told Luna I loved her. She made me happy, my heart felt big. I had felt the most perfection with her. Saying goodbye to that, I felt such despair. How could I continue to live in a world without her? Kenzie texted me around 9pm: "she went peacefully."
Wednesday morning, Kenzie asked me to come over. I brought cupcake and a card. The card was of the night sky, with little paw print made out of stars. Kenzie said it wasn't the kidney disease that had ravaged Luna so quickly, she had tumors in her stomach and was bleeding internally. The vet could have caught it earlier.
I cried for about 48 hours, uncontrollably. I filled out half a bank slip and forgot the other half. I physically couldn't speak. When I remembered later in the day on Wednesday that I had seen Kenzie, I wondered where Luna was. And than I remembered. I am not made to feel such grief.
I pulled 3 cards the morning before Luna's passing (Queen of pentacles reserved, Page of wands, six of wands) and the morning after (3 of swords reversed, page of wands reserved, queen of pentacles). Completely confused I emailed Robin the cards asking for help. Robin being so kind and patient, explained the the queen was probably me, and the page of wands was Luna. Our relationship had brought us such joy (6 of wands) and her death had brought such pain (3 of swords). But just because Luna wasn't around, she would always be with me. She would always be in my heart and watching over me, the spirit of my passion and happiness.
Monday, I rushed through all my walks in hopes to get to Luna as quickly as possible. I came in, said my usual "hi hi," and around the corner trotted Luna, tail wagging widely. She was so happy to see me, but she was SO thin. We went on our walk and she kept pulling me toward Congressional cemetery, which is also a dog park. There was just no play in her. She responded to me talking to her, being close by, because there was just so much trust between us.
Monday evening she seemed even more tired, but also more restless. She was obviously in pain and desperately didn't want to be left alone. Monday night, I dreamt of her. I dreamt that she was nearby, following me around but she wasn't there. I couldn't hold her or see her. She was a specter of herself.
Tuesday morning, I called her mom. We had a very honest discussed about how this weekend Luna would probably say goodbye to us. We didn't understand how kidney disease could act so quickly, but the truth of it was that Luna wasn't eating anything any longer, and that was causing great suffering. When I saw her tuesday afternoon, Luna seemed more uncomfortable. Her BM was very very dark and she couldn't lift her head. Her breathing was also labored. I emailed Kenzie and she said she was coming home.
I went back over after my walks on tuesday, and spent an hour with Kenzie, Peter (Luna's dad) and Luna. Every single day of Luna and me 4 year relationship, I had told Luna I loved her. She made me happy, my heart felt big. I had felt the most perfection with her. Saying goodbye to that, I felt such despair. How could I continue to live in a world without her? Kenzie texted me around 9pm: "she went peacefully."
Wednesday morning, Kenzie asked me to come over. I brought cupcake and a card. The card was of the night sky, with little paw print made out of stars. Kenzie said it wasn't the kidney disease that had ravaged Luna so quickly, she had tumors in her stomach and was bleeding internally. The vet could have caught it earlier.
I cried for about 48 hours, uncontrollably. I filled out half a bank slip and forgot the other half. I physically couldn't speak. When I remembered later in the day on Wednesday that I had seen Kenzie, I wondered where Luna was. And than I remembered. I am not made to feel such grief.
I pulled 3 cards the morning before Luna's passing (Queen of pentacles reserved, Page of wands, six of wands) and the morning after (3 of swords reversed, page of wands reserved, queen of pentacles). Completely confused I emailed Robin the cards asking for help. Robin being so kind and patient, explained the the queen was probably me, and the page of wands was Luna. Our relationship had brought us such joy (6 of wands) and her death had brought such pain (3 of swords). But just because Luna wasn't around, she would always be with me. She would always be in my heart and watching over me, the spirit of my passion and happiness.