PSA: Skins novel. This is the worst. Do not attempt this at home
Guess who got drunk one day and ordered the skins novel?
*sigh*
I had such a lovely day with my family at this pub which overlooked this spectacular beach. I ate, I drank, I got a banging tan and Australia was kicking ass in the cricket. All was well.
Until I came home and found my amazon package.
Since I was a drunken fool and ordered this shite I thought I may as well read it. Now I will tell you all about it, so no matter how drunk you get, you will not buy this book. And if you are contemplating reading it for its car crash qualities (I'm looking at you, botherd ) for the love of Pope Meg, DO NOT DO IT.
First off, it is not good. Not even in a "terrible but secretly awesome like Empire Records way". There are no redeeming qualities to be found except for that bit where Ali Cronin compared Katie to a Shetland pony.
Naomi/Emily
First off, is Ali Cronin a Buffy fan? Because I felt like I was reading a fucking terrible Willow/Tara fic.
I have evidence!
"She (Emily) is like an angel. An adorable, red headed angel"
Emily cowardly facilitated Katie's homophobic rumours about Naomi for over a year (at least) plus semi stalked her. Plus Naomi has seen Emily beat the crap out of her sister. Hence, there is no way Naomi would think of Emily as an Angel. Fail.
" You're going to miss me, aren't you, babe?" I said, sounding like a broken record. "You'd better miss me."
Thank you, Ali C, for making Emily sound like a needy freakazoid. I need to cut a bitch.
"Watching Anna and Danielle made me long to do this with my baby"
My eyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeees *gags*
"I love you, girl"
"sounds good to me, lover"
Who ARE these people? Chanel needs to come around and bust this shit up (Not that she could read this epic fail of a novel, but she'd get mad once I told her the bile Ali C is forcing her alter ego to spew).
Seriously, though- how could you watch season three and think these two would talk to each other like that?
N/E also have loads of sex. Which you can do when you only need two seconds of foreplay. Also, apparently mini gay Emily learned shampoo bottles were the vogue sex toy. Good luck with that yeast infection, girls!
Oh, there that bit in Paris where Emily conveniently staggers into a lesbian bar, befriends a wild French homo, goes out to a bar and ends up watching a lesbian orgy. It's not nearly as awesome as it sounds.
Plus, every woman in this books comes in about thirty seconds. Either Ali C is a virgin or every Northern Hemisphere lady have a tongue like a jack hammer.
Naomi and Emily aren't the worst, though.
The Three musketeers are boring, Panda gets kicked out of home and is an even bigger moron than she is on the show (yes, really) but nothing compares to what Cruelle Di Cronin does to poor Effy and Katie.
So, Katie is lonely. Which she tells us. Again and again. And then some more for the mentally challenged among us. Then, she goes and finds Effy. I just....I've been in the sun all day so I'm tired but I will carry on because this is beyond belief. Katie visits Effy and like- doesn't call her a fucking child prostitute boy-friend stealing cunt. In fact, the rock incident is barely brought up at all, and neither is Freddie. despite this being the first time they've seen each other since. Not only that, but Effy is a giant emo cunt who isn't apologetic at all and thinks Katie is in the way for her new conquest, the Italian love machine, Aldo. I just.....I have no words. I am word adjacent. Oy. What show did Ali C..oh that's right, she just borrowed JB's cliff notes. FAIL.
It's not even funny! Katie only made ONE incest crack. God, what a wasted opportunity.
This belongs on fan fiction net. It's...tripe. Terrible, terrible, tripe Worse than I expected. Much, much, worse.
*curls up and re-reads so verse*
Oh, and sorry for being MIA for a while- RL busy la la. Plus I've been angsting over my next story. It hasn't flowed the way I want it but I achieved a break through and it will be up very early in the new year. Even if it's shite, it's not as bad as the skins novel
*sigh*
I had such a lovely day with my family at this pub which overlooked this spectacular beach. I ate, I drank, I got a banging tan and Australia was kicking ass in the cricket. All was well.
Until I came home and found my amazon package.
Since I was a drunken fool and ordered this shite I thought I may as well read it. Now I will tell you all about it, so no matter how drunk you get, you will not buy this book. And if you are contemplating reading it for its car crash qualities (I'm looking at you, botherd ) for the love of Pope Meg, DO NOT DO IT.
First off, it is not good. Not even in a "terrible but secretly awesome like Empire Records way". There are no redeeming qualities to be found except for that bit where Ali Cronin compared Katie to a Shetland pony.
Naomi/Emily
First off, is Ali Cronin a Buffy fan? Because I felt like I was reading a fucking terrible Willow/Tara fic.
I have evidence!
"She (Emily) is like an angel. An adorable, red headed angel"
Emily cowardly facilitated Katie's homophobic rumours about Naomi for over a year (at least) plus semi stalked her. Plus Naomi has seen Emily beat the crap out of her sister. Hence, there is no way Naomi would think of Emily as an Angel. Fail.
" You're going to miss me, aren't you, babe?" I said, sounding like a broken record. "You'd better miss me."
Thank you, Ali C, for making Emily sound like a needy freakazoid. I need to cut a bitch.
"Watching Anna and Danielle made me long to do this with my baby"
My eyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeees *gags*
"I love you, girl"
"sounds good to me, lover"
Who ARE these people? Chanel needs to come around and bust this shit up (Not that she could read this epic fail of a novel, but she'd get mad once I told her the bile Ali C is forcing her alter ego to spew).
Seriously, though- how could you watch season three and think these two would talk to each other like that?
N/E also have loads of sex. Which you can do when you only need two seconds of foreplay. Also, apparently mini gay Emily learned shampoo bottles were the vogue sex toy. Good luck with that yeast infection, girls!
Oh, there that bit in Paris where Emily conveniently staggers into a lesbian bar, befriends a wild French homo, goes out to a bar and ends up watching a lesbian orgy. It's not nearly as awesome as it sounds.
Plus, every woman in this books comes in about thirty seconds. Either Ali C is a virgin or every Northern Hemisphere lady have a tongue like a jack hammer.
Naomi and Emily aren't the worst, though.
The Three musketeers are boring, Panda gets kicked out of home and is an even bigger moron than she is on the show (yes, really) but nothing compares to what Cruelle Di Cronin does to poor Effy and Katie.
So, Katie is lonely. Which she tells us. Again and again. And then some more for the mentally challenged among us. Then, she goes and finds Effy. I just....I've been in the sun all day so I'm tired but I will carry on because this is beyond belief. Katie visits Effy and like- doesn't call her a fucking child prostitute boy-friend stealing cunt. In fact, the rock incident is barely brought up at all, and neither is Freddie. despite this being the first time they've seen each other since. Not only that, but Effy is a giant emo cunt who isn't apologetic at all and thinks Katie is in the way for her new conquest, the Italian love machine, Aldo. I just.....I have no words. I am word adjacent. Oy. What show did Ali C..oh that's right, she just borrowed JB's cliff notes. FAIL.
It's not even funny! Katie only made ONE incest crack. God, what a wasted opportunity.
This belongs on fan fiction net. It's...tripe. Terrible, terrible, tripe Worse than I expected. Much, much, worse.
*curls up and re-reads so verse*
Oh, and sorry for being MIA for a while- RL busy la la. Plus I've been angsting over my next story. It hasn't flowed the way I want it but I achieved a break through and it will be up very early in the new year. Even if it's shite, it's not as bad as the skins novel