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~*Happy Birthday, verangel!*~
No, I did NOT forget!!!! I've just been kicking my ass and panicking when it comes to your berfday-fic!! I've had this idea for you for DAZE, but only got halfway through; the writer's block is trying to eat me. So I iz gonna celebrate my gurl's burfday today AND tomorrow!
I love you so, my peach. I hope you've been having a great, wonderful, fun-filled, wine-drenched day!!
*SO MANY HUGS ITZ UNREAL*
Title: May As Well (Pt. 1)
Pairing: C/Z (???)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own!
Synopsis: It goes better than Casey figured.
Casey couldn't rush off to be with the boyfriend, not when his parents had all but squeezed the life out of him the second he'd come off the plane. His being so far away from home, enrolled in an art college in California had been hard on his mother especially; he'd even gotten a dozen cookies delivered to his dorm-room from the woman, who'd spent a wad on one-day shipping to make sure he got his beloved Snickerdoodles. Mr. Connor hadn't bothered hiding his tears either, and would call him every other day to check in on his son. In all honesty, Casey missed them a great deal as well. He was lucky to have them, and he knew it.
If he were to be even more honest, there were other reasons for his being reluctant in seeing Zeke-mainly the idea that as time had gone on, he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep up the long-distance relationship anymore.
'College changes everything,' so many said, and so many had been right. The week before school had started, he'd been happy and optimistic that he and Zeke could make things work. It'd be easier for them to communicate than the generation before them, having the internet, webcams, whatever else. They'd written each other a lot over the last few months, along with many calls, emails and IM-chatting. Their cam-chats had been very, very interesting indeed. But near the end of November with Casey deciding to have Thanksgiving with his roomie George, a San Francisco local, he hadn't been as homesick as he'd thought he'd be. He did miss his mother's famous sweet potato pie and watching the parade on TV, missed his many aunts, uncles and cousins that had dropped by and other Connor traditions he'd always loved. But George's family had been sweet and inviting-never mind the fact that they were all earthy-crunchy hippie types, their house complete with scads of art and their own studio. It'd been a small slice of life Casey had always wanted... and the vegetarian fare had been MUCH better than expected.
The Christmas holiday was 'home time', and Casey had no complaint. They hadn't changed his room one bit, and besides the things still back in his dorm, it didn't feel as empty as Casey thought it would. He unpacked his bags and filled his empty drawers and closet, flopped down on his bed and thought... thought hard.
He still loved Zeke, very much. He'd been Casey's first with everything that came with a relationship, from dates to rumpled bedsheets. That's what had half held him back from ending it, half the reason he wanted to move on. There wasn't a love-interest in San Fran, though he did let his eyes wander; especially when he'd go with some of the other guys on his floor to 'Dina's', their favorite gay-club. He'd dance himself to near-death, and allow himself a few up-close and personal dances with other guys without guilt. Besides some grinding, getting close to talk over the pounding music and general flirtatiousness, Casey wasn't about to go back on his word and either hide things from Zeke or break his heart.
Though just how broken-hearted Zeke would be was up in the air. He'd never been clingy or lovey-dovey about much of anything, and had made it clear that he didn't want Casey to hole-up in his room and never speak to any guys. This wasn't an 'open thing', but Zeke honestly wanted Casey to have a lot of fun, to explore the world as it was meant to be explored as a college student. He cared, to some degree, Casey knew... but he had the feeling Zeke wasn't going to be crushed to pieces over what he'd be telling him the next day.
“Honey? Dinner's ready!” His mother called from downstairs.
Casey smiled. The feast she'd promised on his first night home made him hop from his bed, yell, “Coming!” and head down for some well-needed and wanted family-time.
~*~
He was still so stunningly-gorgeous, it burned Casey's retinas.
“These fucking-ducks!” Zeke yelled as he threw breads in large handfuls to the ducks, swans and geese crowding him. Casey beamed as he took the last step and walked over.
“You're the one who feels for 'em in the winter.”
The older boy turned in a jerk, blinked a few times and matched Casey's wide, warm grin. “Hey,” he said.
“Hey back.” Casey finally got to the boy, almost tripping over a honking, frantic goose; he melted against him and raised his face up for a kiss. No matter his apprehension and nervousness, getting those lovely lips on his felt like heaven. They never much minded kissing in public, and with the park being empty-who cared?
“Missed ya,” Zeke said as they broke away.
“Missed you back,” Casey replied.
“It ain't as cold as it could be, though you're probably missing the fuckin' beaches where-” Zeke went to say, but got distracted with the insistent swan's grabbing the bag of bread with its beak and pulling so hard, Zeke almost pitched over. “JE-sus!”
Casey laughed and brought out the sleeve of crackers from the inside of his coat. “Let's feed these fuckers,” he said.
For the next handful of minutes, the boys fed the starving animals together, chatting idly about... anything, really. It was pleasant and no-pressure, as it always was. Even with their being together, they were still 'just guys' who wanted to enjoy their youth before the gray hairs set in. By the time their bread and crackers were gone, they were ready to move to the bench closest to the frog pond and ignore the squawking masses, who eventually moved on when they realized that feeding-time was over. Zeke lit a cigarette and peered at Casey while wearing an enigmatic smile. “You look... different,” he said.
“Different?” Casey chuckled. “How so?”
“I dunno. Just... well, your hair has an actual style to it,” Zeke said.
“Ah. Well, yea; George's sister works at a salon out in San Fran. She's the best, really,” Casey replied while running his fingers through his hair.
“Yea, it looks nice,” Zeke said, nodding. “And... the coat. It's something a model would wear.”
Casey laughed more and shrugged. “Consignment shop fare, actually. A little more high-end than Goodwill, but-yea,” he said.
“Mmm. So... do I look different?”
With a smile, Casey took a deep, long look at the young man. “YOUR hair's a little longer,” he said, even reaching over to tuck a long strand behind Zeke's ear. “And-yea, you got the 'freshman fifteen', didn't you?”
“Huh?”
“You're a lil' more... filled-out.”
Zeke raised his eyebrows and made his most gorgeous smirk. “Ohh, I see. So I'm a big fat-fatty-fat-fat?”
“Oh, shut up. You NEEDED a few more pounds,” Casey said.
“So do you, but you're skinnier than when you'd left,” Zeke replied.
“It's the combo of biking and loading up on caffeine instead of calories.” Casey sighed and leaned back, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankles. “And yea, the beaches are nice... but I've missed home. A lot.”
“Hah, if I was out in Cali, I'd never come back.”
“Ah c'mon...”
“Serious.”
“You'd miss the Midwestern-mess; you're a corn-shucking cracker 'til ya die,” Casey said, making Zeke snort.
“Naw, man... been thinking I wanna get the hell outta here. I'm doing good at HCC, near the top of my class so far,” Zeke said.
“Awesome. Knew you'd ace it,” Casey replied with a wide grin.
“Hah. Well... it means I can go somewhere better next year. I'm thinking of something on the east coast.”
Casey made a pause then nodded slowly. “Oh-that'd be cool,” he replied eventually. Zeke nodded as well.
“May as well, right?” he said.
“Yea... may as well.” Casey made a small smile and looked away to the almost frozen-over pond. Lifeless and cold, just as everything was during an Ohio winter. He took a sidelong glance to his boyfriend, who was fighting to re-light his cigarette which had died out. “I AM feeling chilly. Wanna go for a walk, get the blood pumping?”
“Sure,” Zeke replied as he stood.
Smiling best he could, Casey stuffed his hands in his pockets and went with Zeke to the other side of the pond; the trails to the back of the park started past the fence. They'd traveled down them many times, whether to enjoy nature in an innocuous way or get natural. The cold around them was going to keep things to a dull roar on THIS walk, of course. Once past the large boulders at the start of the main trail, Zeke lit another cigarette and asked, “So-whattaya think?”
“About...?”
“My possible move.”
“Oh... to the east?” Casey said. At Zeke's nod, he shrugged. “Might be cool.”
“It'd be more distance, that's why I'm asking,” Zeke replied.
“Well yea, but you gotta go for it. Y'know?”
“Yea. Still...”
'Still'. Casey sighed and looked around... if there was ever a time to bring shit up, this was it. “I've actually thought... well, it's a possible-plan, dunno if I'll actually DO it, but...” he said, pausing a moment before going on, “A bunch of my artsy-fartsy friends are gonna be renting a summer-place when school's out. A temporary thing. It's a huge studio, tons of room to work with.”
“Yea?”
“Mmhmm. Sooo... I might join in.”
Zeke cocked an eyebrow. “Y'mean, stay the summer out in Cali?”
“Yea. It's a great opportunity, y'know? And the rent is gonna be cheap; me and five other people. With the money I've been saving up and... but I dunno,” Casey interrupted himself, shrugging and pulling a face. “My mom might have a heart attack if I don't come home.”
“Hah, you're a big boy now, Case. She's accepted it, I'm sure,” Zeke said.
“Not really, I'm still 'her baby'.”
“So? I say grab the brass ring when you can.”
Casey bit his chilled lower lip and looked to Zeke. “What about you?” he asked.
“Me? Why, do I have a say in this?” Zeke asked back. Casey chuckled.
“Well, if you didn't want me to go...”
“Shut up,” Zeke said in a firm voice. “Case, when you get to do something cool, DO it. Really.”
“But... you'd miss me. Right?” Casey asked.
“'Course. But I ain't gonna hold you back from a dream,” Zeke said.
It was no secret that Zeke had always been an understanding, selfless person-at least since they'd struck up a relationship and Casey got to know the real boy behind the carnival act of indifference he'd put on through his entire school career. Yet was it purely his want for Casey to succeed, to experience... or something else? “I'd miss you,” Casey said. Zeke chuckled.
“You didn't tell me this to see if I'd beg you to stay, did you?” he asked.
“No, it's just...”
“A prelude to a let-down?”
Casey's brain, heart and any other main function shut down for just a small moment. He had to stop and stare at Zeke, who'd stopped with him. “Huh?” Casey muttered.
“I get it. 'K? Shit's different nowadays,” Zeke said, his voice going softer. His smile dimmed but stayed on as he continued, asking, “Just be honest-were we going to 'have a talk' today?”
It couldn't be denied. Casey took a deep breath, crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. “It's-I don't actually want to break-up, but you're right. It's... definitely different.”
“No, I know.” Zeke's calm, casual demeanor should've been expected. Casey breathed a little easier as he moved to a large rock and sat down, shrugging. “This shit happens. I know that much. We are pretty different... polar opposites, really.”
“Well... maybe that's something I've liked about us,” Casey said. He also made a small, barely-there smile now as he sat down with Zeke. “Really, I mean-it couldn't have gone any better.”
“Us, y'mean? Yea, I know,” Zeke replied.
“So, is it-someone else, or just... this?”
Zeke seemed to get what Casey wasn't saying, just fine. He chuckled a little before saying, “No, just 'this'. Nobody's captured my interest so far. 'Could say I just don't give a damn. You?”
“Me? Oh, interested in... no, no, same here,” Casey replied.
“Mmm.” Zeke stared off into the distance, his cigarette propped in his lips. “We can keep it casual and shit. Y'know.”
“Hah, fuck buddies?”
“Or whatever.”
The relief Casey felt was immeasurable. Never in his life had he wanted to hurt Zeke's feelings, not ever. Knowing this was mutual was wonderful; no 'but doesn't HE want me to stay??' insecurities came along. This was just what they needed. “We'll see, I guess,” he said.
“Yea,” Zeke said. The way he moved closer and slung his arm around Casey's shoulders made Casey feel like everything was right in the world.
~*~
No, I did NOT forget!!!! I've just been kicking my ass and panicking when it comes to your berfday-fic!! I've had this idea for you for DAZE, but only got halfway through; the writer's block is trying to eat me. So I iz gonna celebrate my gurl's burfday today AND tomorrow!
I love you so, my peach. I hope you've been having a great, wonderful, fun-filled, wine-drenched day!!
*SO MANY HUGS ITZ UNREAL*
Title: May As Well (Pt. 1)
Pairing: C/Z (???)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own!
Synopsis: It goes better than Casey figured.
Casey couldn't rush off to be with the boyfriend, not when his parents had all but squeezed the life out of him the second he'd come off the plane. His being so far away from home, enrolled in an art college in California had been hard on his mother especially; he'd even gotten a dozen cookies delivered to his dorm-room from the woman, who'd spent a wad on one-day shipping to make sure he got his beloved Snickerdoodles. Mr. Connor hadn't bothered hiding his tears either, and would call him every other day to check in on his son. In all honesty, Casey missed them a great deal as well. He was lucky to have them, and he knew it.
If he were to be even more honest, there were other reasons for his being reluctant in seeing Zeke-mainly the idea that as time had gone on, he wasn't sure if he wanted to keep up the long-distance relationship anymore.
'College changes everything,' so many said, and so many had been right. The week before school had started, he'd been happy and optimistic that he and Zeke could make things work. It'd be easier for them to communicate than the generation before them, having the internet, webcams, whatever else. They'd written each other a lot over the last few months, along with many calls, emails and IM-chatting. Their cam-chats had been very, very interesting indeed. But near the end of November with Casey deciding to have Thanksgiving with his roomie George, a San Francisco local, he hadn't been as homesick as he'd thought he'd be. He did miss his mother's famous sweet potato pie and watching the parade on TV, missed his many aunts, uncles and cousins that had dropped by and other Connor traditions he'd always loved. But George's family had been sweet and inviting-never mind the fact that they were all earthy-crunchy hippie types, their house complete with scads of art and their own studio. It'd been a small slice of life Casey had always wanted... and the vegetarian fare had been MUCH better than expected.
The Christmas holiday was 'home time', and Casey had no complaint. They hadn't changed his room one bit, and besides the things still back in his dorm, it didn't feel as empty as Casey thought it would. He unpacked his bags and filled his empty drawers and closet, flopped down on his bed and thought... thought hard.
He still loved Zeke, very much. He'd been Casey's first with everything that came with a relationship, from dates to rumpled bedsheets. That's what had half held him back from ending it, half the reason he wanted to move on. There wasn't a love-interest in San Fran, though he did let his eyes wander; especially when he'd go with some of the other guys on his floor to 'Dina's', their favorite gay-club. He'd dance himself to near-death, and allow himself a few up-close and personal dances with other guys without guilt. Besides some grinding, getting close to talk over the pounding music and general flirtatiousness, Casey wasn't about to go back on his word and either hide things from Zeke or break his heart.
Though just how broken-hearted Zeke would be was up in the air. He'd never been clingy or lovey-dovey about much of anything, and had made it clear that he didn't want Casey to hole-up in his room and never speak to any guys. This wasn't an 'open thing', but Zeke honestly wanted Casey to have a lot of fun, to explore the world as it was meant to be explored as a college student. He cared, to some degree, Casey knew... but he had the feeling Zeke wasn't going to be crushed to pieces over what he'd be telling him the next day.
“Honey? Dinner's ready!” His mother called from downstairs.
Casey smiled. The feast she'd promised on his first night home made him hop from his bed, yell, “Coming!” and head down for some well-needed and wanted family-time.
~*~
He was still so stunningly-gorgeous, it burned Casey's retinas.
“These fucking-ducks!” Zeke yelled as he threw breads in large handfuls to the ducks, swans and geese crowding him. Casey beamed as he took the last step and walked over.
“You're the one who feels for 'em in the winter.”
The older boy turned in a jerk, blinked a few times and matched Casey's wide, warm grin. “Hey,” he said.
“Hey back.” Casey finally got to the boy, almost tripping over a honking, frantic goose; he melted against him and raised his face up for a kiss. No matter his apprehension and nervousness, getting those lovely lips on his felt like heaven. They never much minded kissing in public, and with the park being empty-who cared?
“Missed ya,” Zeke said as they broke away.
“Missed you back,” Casey replied.
“It ain't as cold as it could be, though you're probably missing the fuckin' beaches where-” Zeke went to say, but got distracted with the insistent swan's grabbing the bag of bread with its beak and pulling so hard, Zeke almost pitched over. “JE-sus!”
Casey laughed and brought out the sleeve of crackers from the inside of his coat. “Let's feed these fuckers,” he said.
For the next handful of minutes, the boys fed the starving animals together, chatting idly about... anything, really. It was pleasant and no-pressure, as it always was. Even with their being together, they were still 'just guys' who wanted to enjoy their youth before the gray hairs set in. By the time their bread and crackers were gone, they were ready to move to the bench closest to the frog pond and ignore the squawking masses, who eventually moved on when they realized that feeding-time was over. Zeke lit a cigarette and peered at Casey while wearing an enigmatic smile. “You look... different,” he said.
“Different?” Casey chuckled. “How so?”
“I dunno. Just... well, your hair has an actual style to it,” Zeke said.
“Ah. Well, yea; George's sister works at a salon out in San Fran. She's the best, really,” Casey replied while running his fingers through his hair.
“Yea, it looks nice,” Zeke said, nodding. “And... the coat. It's something a model would wear.”
Casey laughed more and shrugged. “Consignment shop fare, actually. A little more high-end than Goodwill, but-yea,” he said.
“Mmm. So... do I look different?”
With a smile, Casey took a deep, long look at the young man. “YOUR hair's a little longer,” he said, even reaching over to tuck a long strand behind Zeke's ear. “And-yea, you got the 'freshman fifteen', didn't you?”
“Huh?”
“You're a lil' more... filled-out.”
Zeke raised his eyebrows and made his most gorgeous smirk. “Ohh, I see. So I'm a big fat-fatty-fat-fat?”
“Oh, shut up. You NEEDED a few more pounds,” Casey said.
“So do you, but you're skinnier than when you'd left,” Zeke replied.
“It's the combo of biking and loading up on caffeine instead of calories.” Casey sighed and leaned back, stretching his legs out and crossing them at the ankles. “And yea, the beaches are nice... but I've missed home. A lot.”
“Hah, if I was out in Cali, I'd never come back.”
“Ah c'mon...”
“Serious.”
“You'd miss the Midwestern-mess; you're a corn-shucking cracker 'til ya die,” Casey said, making Zeke snort.
“Naw, man... been thinking I wanna get the hell outta here. I'm doing good at HCC, near the top of my class so far,” Zeke said.
“Awesome. Knew you'd ace it,” Casey replied with a wide grin.
“Hah. Well... it means I can go somewhere better next year. I'm thinking of something on the east coast.”
Casey made a pause then nodded slowly. “Oh-that'd be cool,” he replied eventually. Zeke nodded as well.
“May as well, right?” he said.
“Yea... may as well.” Casey made a small smile and looked away to the almost frozen-over pond. Lifeless and cold, just as everything was during an Ohio winter. He took a sidelong glance to his boyfriend, who was fighting to re-light his cigarette which had died out. “I AM feeling chilly. Wanna go for a walk, get the blood pumping?”
“Sure,” Zeke replied as he stood.
Smiling best he could, Casey stuffed his hands in his pockets and went with Zeke to the other side of the pond; the trails to the back of the park started past the fence. They'd traveled down them many times, whether to enjoy nature in an innocuous way or get natural. The cold around them was going to keep things to a dull roar on THIS walk, of course. Once past the large boulders at the start of the main trail, Zeke lit another cigarette and asked, “So-whattaya think?”
“About...?”
“My possible move.”
“Oh... to the east?” Casey said. At Zeke's nod, he shrugged. “Might be cool.”
“It'd be more distance, that's why I'm asking,” Zeke replied.
“Well yea, but you gotta go for it. Y'know?”
“Yea. Still...”
'Still'. Casey sighed and looked around... if there was ever a time to bring shit up, this was it. “I've actually thought... well, it's a possible-plan, dunno if I'll actually DO it, but...” he said, pausing a moment before going on, “A bunch of my artsy-fartsy friends are gonna be renting a summer-place when school's out. A temporary thing. It's a huge studio, tons of room to work with.”
“Yea?”
“Mmhmm. Sooo... I might join in.”
Zeke cocked an eyebrow. “Y'mean, stay the summer out in Cali?”
“Yea. It's a great opportunity, y'know? And the rent is gonna be cheap; me and five other people. With the money I've been saving up and... but I dunno,” Casey interrupted himself, shrugging and pulling a face. “My mom might have a heart attack if I don't come home.”
“Hah, you're a big boy now, Case. She's accepted it, I'm sure,” Zeke said.
“Not really, I'm still 'her baby'.”
“So? I say grab the brass ring when you can.”
Casey bit his chilled lower lip and looked to Zeke. “What about you?” he asked.
“Me? Why, do I have a say in this?” Zeke asked back. Casey chuckled.
“Well, if you didn't want me to go...”
“Shut up,” Zeke said in a firm voice. “Case, when you get to do something cool, DO it. Really.”
“But... you'd miss me. Right?” Casey asked.
“'Course. But I ain't gonna hold you back from a dream,” Zeke said.
It was no secret that Zeke had always been an understanding, selfless person-at least since they'd struck up a relationship and Casey got to know the real boy behind the carnival act of indifference he'd put on through his entire school career. Yet was it purely his want for Casey to succeed, to experience... or something else? “I'd miss you,” Casey said. Zeke chuckled.
“You didn't tell me this to see if I'd beg you to stay, did you?” he asked.
“No, it's just...”
“A prelude to a let-down?”
Casey's brain, heart and any other main function shut down for just a small moment. He had to stop and stare at Zeke, who'd stopped with him. “Huh?” Casey muttered.
“I get it. 'K? Shit's different nowadays,” Zeke said, his voice going softer. His smile dimmed but stayed on as he continued, asking, “Just be honest-were we going to 'have a talk' today?”
It couldn't be denied. Casey took a deep breath, crossed his arms over his chest and looked away. “It's-I don't actually want to break-up, but you're right. It's... definitely different.”
“No, I know.” Zeke's calm, casual demeanor should've been expected. Casey breathed a little easier as he moved to a large rock and sat down, shrugging. “This shit happens. I know that much. We are pretty different... polar opposites, really.”
“Well... maybe that's something I've liked about us,” Casey said. He also made a small, barely-there smile now as he sat down with Zeke. “Really, I mean-it couldn't have gone any better.”
“Us, y'mean? Yea, I know,” Zeke replied.
“So, is it-someone else, or just... this?”
Zeke seemed to get what Casey wasn't saying, just fine. He chuckled a little before saying, “No, just 'this'. Nobody's captured my interest so far. 'Could say I just don't give a damn. You?”
“Me? Oh, interested in... no, no, same here,” Casey replied.
“Mmm.” Zeke stared off into the distance, his cigarette propped in his lips. “We can keep it casual and shit. Y'know.”
“Hah, fuck buddies?”
“Or whatever.”
The relief Casey felt was immeasurable. Never in his life had he wanted to hurt Zeke's feelings, not ever. Knowing this was mutual was wonderful; no 'but doesn't HE want me to stay??' insecurities came along. This was just what they needed. “We'll see, I guess,” he said.
“Yea,” Zeke said. The way he moved closer and slung his arm around Casey's shoulders made Casey feel like everything was right in the world.
~*~