Comments | honeybun11305: paper

honeybun11305

paper

Nov 27, 2005 15:04

wow so i figured out my opening! i think its the most original opening i have ever had! ill post it ( Read more... )

Comments 13

(The comment has been removed)

honeybun11305 November 27 2005, 22:02:39 UTC

HAHAHAHAHA! you would put it off!

samuraierin November 27 2005, 21:28:54 UTC

awesome beginning! The only problem is that it is a paragraph FULL of passive. I like it so if you change it out of passive, it will be wonderful!

honeybun11305 November 27 2005, 22:03:19 UTC

could you change the passive and send it to me? i have no idea how to fix it.

samuraierin November 28 2005, 02:03:30 UTC

When a light shines on a fertilized egg, the animal growing within the egg becomes visible. When the light turns off, one can see only a simple, white shell. The light shows the beauty of developing life within the egg. Similarly, in “Dover Beach” by Matthew Arnold, light reveals the beauty of life.

honeybun11305 November 28 2005, 02:04:11 UTC

thanks soooooo much!

thaisaxchik08 November 27 2005, 22:02:01 UTC

OH OH OH

i thought of the egg and light thing.....*squee*

hehehehe

its wonderful katelyn!!!!!

you=COOLPOTATOES

honeybun11305 November 27 2005, 22:03:28 UTC

YAY!

hmm_ranch November 27 2005, 22:48:20 UTC

that is absolutely AMAZING! im gettin to mine. i found this website thats really helping me along. and i LOVE IT! i'll show it 2 u tomorrow in mrs. satan's class. speaking of her, have u done ur project? i just finished mine. freakin took me like 248235t9203 hours to do it. yes, there is a t in that number. its chinese for "long time"

honeybun11305 November 27 2005, 22:52:45 UTC

thanks jamie! i started it, but ill finish in class tomorrow. i printed out like a billion pics and i have my booklet made, i just have to draw in it and label and such

honeybun11305 November 27 2005, 23:02:50 UTC

like my icon? i made it for you jamie jamie!

anonymous November 28 2005, 01:33:07 UTC

When a light shines on a fertilized egg, the animal, growing within the egg, becomes visible, but when the light turns off, only a simple, white shell can be seen. The light shows the beauty of developing life within the egg. Similarly, in “Dover Beach” by Matthew Arnold, light reveals the beauty of life.

I hope thats what Erin was saying..I don't really understand why it can't be passive, but then again, I am not in the class. lol. I hope that helps!!

--Nikki

honeybun11305 November 28 2005, 01:36:51 UTC

thanks nikki!