The DON'T list, or STOP DOING IT
I am not a great writer. I have a lot of issues with my writing, I have a lot of limitations, and I understand this. However, I have significantly fewer limitations as a reader. I've read a lot of original fiction, and a lot of fanfic. Over the years, I've acquired a vast number of pet-peeves and I now feel a strong desire to ennumerate some of them and stick them here, just because I can.
Bear in mind, these are personal peeves, things that are guaranteed to turn me off a fic pretty goddamn fast. They're not necessarily universal and some of the things which I find vastly annoying are likely to be somebody else's bread and butter.
Nevertheless, here is a short list of some of the
Things that make me really, really not want to read a fic:
1) Misspelling 'lose' as 'loose,' or any variation thereof.
I will literally stop reading a fic immediately if I come across this one, sometimes even if I'm halfway through it.
2) 2nd person POV
Once in a while this works, but 99.9% of the time, it's really really unnecessary and painful.
3) Fic wherein each section or even each paragraph starts with the same phrase/sentence.
I cannot emphasize how annoying this is to try to read. I usually give up at about the second one of these repeat phrases. It's like being hit in the head repeatedly with a very soft hammer. It's awful and painful.
4) Fics in which nothing goddamn happens.
Includes (but is probably not limited to):
4a) Introspection and character study fics
4b) Fics with three or four paragraphs dedicated to describing character x's complex inner turmoil, and about one sentence in which some interaction, or at least action, occurs.
5) Fics in which the conflict is resolved by talking about it.
Some drama happens and the characters go through a lot of physical action and interaction and stuff and at the very end...they basically turn into a bunch of talking heads and yammer at each other for four pages, or whatever. Whyyyyy??
6) Fics written in the passive voice with very very long paragraphs describing things which have happened after the fact, rather than placing the reader directly in the experience of it happening at the moment of reading.
Danielle Steele does this. 'Nuff said.
7) The really impossibly annoying tendency to use the wrong version of past tense. Namely:
"He was sat on the bed" instead of "He was sitting on the bed"
"He was stood by the door" rather than "He was standing by the door"
And other equally bizarre structures along these lines. I see this all the time. It blows my freakin' mind. Where did this come from? Who used it first? Why do people keep using it?? I DON'T KNOW argh argh argh.
(Also, what's wrong with "He stood by the door"? This solves the problem of being in the passive voice, and it doesn't make you sound like a Martian.)
8) The use of 'span' instead of 'spun'.
As in: "He span around."
This is another one that crops up all over the freakin' place. All I can say is: Seriously, people? Seriously? Why is it? Whyyy?
9) Mis-applied phraseology.
Before you use an unusual or not-that-well-known phrase, you might want to double-check the meaning. For example, I've seen the phrase 'rabbit punch' used a bunch, but what it means and what people think it means are apparently two very different things. (I actually had to go look it up, too.)
A subheading of this is
9a) Mis-use or fighting terms, or overuse of a few moves in every fic out there.
People throw roundhouse kicks. A lot. I don't know why. I guess it's the only move anyone knows.
Also
9b) Fight scenes written by people who don't know what they're talking about.
I once read a scene written by someone who is generally recognized as being a pretty decent writer. She's very good at some things, but when it came time to describe some sparring, well...it read pretty much like she looked up some terms and then painstakingly used each and every one without really understanding not only the relevent before-and-after factors, but the reason for using these particular selected moves in the first place.
All I remember is the bit about one of the characters using "a cross down block" which okay, fine, but in the middle of a fight or sparring session, is that really what an opponent is going to be thinking? Really?
I suggest not.
10) Being too artsy to use quotation marks.
Seriously, use the freakin' quotation marks. No one will think less of you.
11) not capitalizing first sentences for no good reason.
See how annoying that is? See??
12)"Lowly"
"Lowly" doesn't mean the same thing as "softly." Nor does it mean "in a low voice." It means "Low in status or importance; humble." Please for the love of god, learn the difference. Please?
ETA: #s 10 and 11
I want to pin this up somewhere. I dunno. Maybe I'm making too much out of it.
It's just that I take reading very seriously.
Bear in mind, these are personal peeves, things that are guaranteed to turn me off a fic pretty goddamn fast. They're not necessarily universal and some of the things which I find vastly annoying are likely to be somebody else's bread and butter.
Nevertheless, here is a short list of some of the
Things that make me really, really not want to read a fic:
1) Misspelling 'lose' as 'loose,' or any variation thereof.
I will literally stop reading a fic immediately if I come across this one, sometimes even if I'm halfway through it.
2) 2nd person POV
Once in a while this works, but 99.9% of the time, it's really really unnecessary and painful.
3) Fic wherein each section or even each paragraph starts with the same phrase/sentence.
I cannot emphasize how annoying this is to try to read. I usually give up at about the second one of these repeat phrases. It's like being hit in the head repeatedly with a very soft hammer. It's awful and painful.
4) Fics in which nothing goddamn happens.
Includes (but is probably not limited to):
4a) Introspection and character study fics
4b) Fics with three or four paragraphs dedicated to describing character x's complex inner turmoil, and about one sentence in which some interaction, or at least action, occurs.
5) Fics in which the conflict is resolved by talking about it.
Some drama happens and the characters go through a lot of physical action and interaction and stuff and at the very end...they basically turn into a bunch of talking heads and yammer at each other for four pages, or whatever. Whyyyyy??
6) Fics written in the passive voice with very very long paragraphs describing things which have happened after the fact, rather than placing the reader directly in the experience of it happening at the moment of reading.
Danielle Steele does this. 'Nuff said.
7) The really impossibly annoying tendency to use the wrong version of past tense. Namely:
"He was sat on the bed" instead of "He was sitting on the bed"
"He was stood by the door" rather than "He was standing by the door"
And other equally bizarre structures along these lines. I see this all the time. It blows my freakin' mind. Where did this come from? Who used it first? Why do people keep using it?? I DON'T KNOW argh argh argh.
(Also, what's wrong with "He stood by the door"? This solves the problem of being in the passive voice, and it doesn't make you sound like a Martian.)
8) The use of 'span' instead of 'spun'.
As in: "He span around."
This is another one that crops up all over the freakin' place. All I can say is: Seriously, people? Seriously? Why is it? Whyyy?
9) Mis-applied phraseology.
Before you use an unusual or not-that-well-known phrase, you might want to double-check the meaning. For example, I've seen the phrase 'rabbit punch' used a bunch, but what it means and what people think it means are apparently two very different things. (I actually had to go look it up, too.)
A subheading of this is
9a) Mis-use or fighting terms, or overuse of a few moves in every fic out there.
People throw roundhouse kicks. A lot. I don't know why. I guess it's the only move anyone knows.
Also
9b) Fight scenes written by people who don't know what they're talking about.
I once read a scene written by someone who is generally recognized as being a pretty decent writer. She's very good at some things, but when it came time to describe some sparring, well...it read pretty much like she looked up some terms and then painstakingly used each and every one without really understanding not only the relevent before-and-after factors, but the reason for using these particular selected moves in the first place.
All I remember is the bit about one of the characters using "a cross down block" which okay, fine, but in the middle of a fight or sparring session, is that really what an opponent is going to be thinking? Really?
I suggest not.
10) Being too artsy to use quotation marks.
Seriously, use the freakin' quotation marks. No one will think less of you.
11) not capitalizing first sentences for no good reason.
See how annoying that is? See??
12)"Lowly"
"Lowly" doesn't mean the same thing as "softly." Nor does it mean "in a low voice." It means "Low in status or importance; humble." Please for the love of god, learn the difference. Please?
ETA: #s 10 and 11
I want to pin this up somewhere. I dunno. Maybe I'm making too much out of it.
It's just that I take reading very seriously.