FIC: Understanding
Title: Understanding
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Romance
Pairing: Doctor/Rose
Spoilers: YES. MAJOR ONES. FOR 4x13.
Summary:
Rose promises the Doctor that understand.
Author's Notes:
Starts sometime in S2 and jumps to the end of S4. Yet another beach scene fic. Written to help me make sense of it all.
“Doctor?”
“Hmmm?”
There was silence for a moment.
“Never mind.”
He popped his head up from underneath the console.
“Rose Tyler, after all this time, you should know I will be the last person to ‘never mind’.”
She shrugged.
“’S’not really important. You can get back to work now.”
“Oh, come on, Rose!”
He’d hauled himself out of the floor now, and the curiosity of a three year old in his eyes. Another thing that was different about him, this time - the other Doctor, her original Doctor, would have dropped it in an instant. He was all about solidarity. This one, this one with a brown suit and brown eyes and big brown hair was totally against the idea.
It wasn’t as if he’d regenerated yesterday, and her comparisons of the two Doctors were fleeting nowadays. But, despite him proving again and again that he was the same man, she still wondered.
She was woken from her thoughts as he sat - no, plonked - himself next to her.
“Pretty please?” he asked, best puppy dog eyes intact.
“Well, ‘s just that - you know, when you changed…”
She felt him tense, but continued.
“Could you do it again?”
His expression was puzzled.
“I mean, are you? Do you have to?”
“Do you want me to change?”
“No, no! God, no. Just thought I’d better find out considerin’ I’m going to be around for a while.”
His demeanour changed completely.
“Yeah?”
She snorted.
“’Course! Don’t be stupid.”
He laughed, pulling her into a hug. She smiled into his shoulder.
“Still haven’t answered my question, you know.”
They pulled away, and the Doctor surveyed her face for a moment before offering her his hand.
“Come with me.”
~
“You used to wear a coat with question marks on it? Not that you’re playing up to the whole ‘mysterious alien’ thing.”
The Doctor snatched it away from her.
“Used to. Past tense. Looking back, maybe it wasn’t such a good choice.”
Placing it on the rapidly growing pile of clothes alongside a long scarf, he heard Rose giggle and clap her hands.
“Righ’, what’s next?” she asked, reaching into the trunk that housed his former ‘Doctor-wear’. She screwed up her face as she dug around. “Ridiculous hats? Skirts? Or maybe, even a…”
She stopped dead.
“Rose? Rose, there’s nothing alive in there, is there?”
Her face was somewhat confusing - it held traces of fear and sadness and nostalgia, but none of the emotions were dominating.
It became clear, though, when she withdrew her arms holding a black leather jacket.
The Doctor gulped.
Rose handled the garment with reverence, straightening it out slowly. The leather crackled as she unfolded it.
“I didn’t think you’d still have it,” she whispered.
“Well, I couldn’t get rid of it,” he murmured, gently prying it from her hands.
He lay it on top of the pile, not folding it like the other clothes.
They sat in silence for a while, both remembering.
“Rose?”
She jumped a little as he turned to face her, taking her hands.
“Yeah?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but only did so after a moment.
“Time Lords have twelve regenerations and thirteen bodies - and, as you just saw, I’m number ten. I can regenerate for a number of reasons, but the most likely is that I’ve been hurt.”
He paused before continuing.
“I can choose not to regenerate, but it takes a huge amount of willpower to withhold the cellular reconstruction reflex. If I choose not to, well, I’ll die.”
The Doctor’s words shook her, but his honesty was undeniable.
“I want you to promise me something, Rose.”
“What, Doctor?” she replied, her voice small.
He clutched her hands a little tighter, his eyes boring into hers.
“Promise me, Rose Tyler, that you’ll know I’m the same. That no matter what I look like, or how I act, or whatever hideous fashion choices I make, you’ll understand that it’s still me. It’ll always be me. Promise me.”
Rose was taken aback by his pleading tone - he was desperate. Raw. Needy.
“Promise me.”
She nodded vigorously. “Yeah, yeah, o’ course, yeah.”
“Really Rose? Do you?”
“Yes!”
Rose was shocked by her sudden frustration.
So was the Doctor, apparently.
She sighed, running small circles over the back of his hands.
“You’ve changed before, yeah? I was right there. And, even though it’ll always take a little while to get used to it, I will. I promise.”
The Doctor has such a relieved smile on his face when she looked up.
“Oh Rose -” she murmured, leaning in for a hug.
“But you’ve got to promise me something.”
He stopped.
“Anything.”
“Try… not to change too often. I like this body. ‘S got good hair.”
He cocked an eyebrow.
“Really?”
She scoffed.
“Shut up.”
~
Rose had spent all these years trying to find a way back to him - her Doctor. And that look on his face, the way he’d held her. That was all the proof she needed to know he felt the same way.
So, why was he trying to force her to stay with this copy? This fake?
“But… it’s still not right. ‘Cause - the Doctor’s still you.”
“And I’m him.”
She just couldn’t accept him, that blue Doctor. She wanted to believe it was him, if only for the fact that her proper Doctor said so.
So she did the only thing she could to figure it out.
“Alright - both of you, answer me this.”
They came to stand either side of her.
“When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me?”
The old - no, the real Doctor turned to answer.
“Go on, say it!”
“I said Rose Tyler.”
“Yeah, and how was that sentence going to end?”
He looked so tired.
“Does it need saying?”
Their eyes met. She shook her head, only slightly.
She turned.
“And you, Doctor?”
It didn’t feel right to be calling him that.
He started to move closer to her.
“What was the end of that sentence?”
He touched her arm, brought his face to her ear. He didn’t hesitate.
“I love you.”
She looked at him as he drew back. His voice was so desperate, so raw, so needy.
It reminded her.
“Promise me, Rose Tyler, that you’ll know I’m the same. That no matter what I look like, or how I act, or whatever hideous fashion choices I make, you’ll understand that it’s still me. It’ll always be me.”
He’d never be him, but he would.
It didn’t make sense - but she felt like she finally understood.
So she kissed him.
As the TARDIS faded away, the Doctor’s hand (the same, but not) in hers, Rose Tyler knew that it would be hard.
But she also knew she’d be ok. In time. And they had time, now.
She looked at this Doctor. This new new new Doctor who wasn’t so new.
“Hello.” he whispered, his words almost lost on the wind.
She offered a small smile.
“Hello.”
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst, Romance
Pairing: Doctor/Rose
Spoilers: YES. MAJOR ONES. FOR 4x13.
Summary:
Rose promises the Doctor that understand.
Author's Notes:
Starts sometime in S2 and jumps to the end of S4. Yet another beach scene fic. Written to help me make sense of it all.
“Doctor?”
“Hmmm?”
There was silence for a moment.
“Never mind.”
He popped his head up from underneath the console.
“Rose Tyler, after all this time, you should know I will be the last person to ‘never mind’.”
She shrugged.
“’S’not really important. You can get back to work now.”
“Oh, come on, Rose!”
He’d hauled himself out of the floor now, and the curiosity of a three year old in his eyes. Another thing that was different about him, this time - the other Doctor, her original Doctor, would have dropped it in an instant. He was all about solidarity. This one, this one with a brown suit and brown eyes and big brown hair was totally against the idea.
It wasn’t as if he’d regenerated yesterday, and her comparisons of the two Doctors were fleeting nowadays. But, despite him proving again and again that he was the same man, she still wondered.
She was woken from her thoughts as he sat - no, plonked - himself next to her.
“Pretty please?” he asked, best puppy dog eyes intact.
“Well, ‘s just that - you know, when you changed…”
She felt him tense, but continued.
“Could you do it again?”
His expression was puzzled.
“I mean, are you? Do you have to?”
“Do you want me to change?”
“No, no! God, no. Just thought I’d better find out considerin’ I’m going to be around for a while.”
His demeanour changed completely.
“Yeah?”
She snorted.
“’Course! Don’t be stupid.”
He laughed, pulling her into a hug. She smiled into his shoulder.
“Still haven’t answered my question, you know.”
They pulled away, and the Doctor surveyed her face for a moment before offering her his hand.
“Come with me.”
~
“You used to wear a coat with question marks on it? Not that you’re playing up to the whole ‘mysterious alien’ thing.”
The Doctor snatched it away from her.
“Used to. Past tense. Looking back, maybe it wasn’t such a good choice.”
Placing it on the rapidly growing pile of clothes alongside a long scarf, he heard Rose giggle and clap her hands.
“Righ’, what’s next?” she asked, reaching into the trunk that housed his former ‘Doctor-wear’. She screwed up her face as she dug around. “Ridiculous hats? Skirts? Or maybe, even a…”
She stopped dead.
“Rose? Rose, there’s nothing alive in there, is there?”
Her face was somewhat confusing - it held traces of fear and sadness and nostalgia, but none of the emotions were dominating.
It became clear, though, when she withdrew her arms holding a black leather jacket.
The Doctor gulped.
Rose handled the garment with reverence, straightening it out slowly. The leather crackled as she unfolded it.
“I didn’t think you’d still have it,” she whispered.
“Well, I couldn’t get rid of it,” he murmured, gently prying it from her hands.
He lay it on top of the pile, not folding it like the other clothes.
They sat in silence for a while, both remembering.
“Rose?”
She jumped a little as he turned to face her, taking her hands.
“Yeah?”
He opened his mouth to speak, but only did so after a moment.
“Time Lords have twelve regenerations and thirteen bodies - and, as you just saw, I’m number ten. I can regenerate for a number of reasons, but the most likely is that I’ve been hurt.”
He paused before continuing.
“I can choose not to regenerate, but it takes a huge amount of willpower to withhold the cellular reconstruction reflex. If I choose not to, well, I’ll die.”
The Doctor’s words shook her, but his honesty was undeniable.
“I want you to promise me something, Rose.”
“What, Doctor?” she replied, her voice small.
He clutched her hands a little tighter, his eyes boring into hers.
“Promise me, Rose Tyler, that you’ll know I’m the same. That no matter what I look like, or how I act, or whatever hideous fashion choices I make, you’ll understand that it’s still me. It’ll always be me. Promise me.”
Rose was taken aback by his pleading tone - he was desperate. Raw. Needy.
“Promise me.”
She nodded vigorously. “Yeah, yeah, o’ course, yeah.”
“Really Rose? Do you?”
“Yes!”
Rose was shocked by her sudden frustration.
So was the Doctor, apparently.
She sighed, running small circles over the back of his hands.
“You’ve changed before, yeah? I was right there. And, even though it’ll always take a little while to get used to it, I will. I promise.”
The Doctor has such a relieved smile on his face when she looked up.
“Oh Rose -” she murmured, leaning in for a hug.
“But you’ve got to promise me something.”
He stopped.
“Anything.”
“Try… not to change too often. I like this body. ‘S got good hair.”
He cocked an eyebrow.
“Really?”
She scoffed.
“Shut up.”
~
Rose had spent all these years trying to find a way back to him - her Doctor. And that look on his face, the way he’d held her. That was all the proof she needed to know he felt the same way.
So, why was he trying to force her to stay with this copy? This fake?
“But… it’s still not right. ‘Cause - the Doctor’s still you.”
“And I’m him.”
She just couldn’t accept him, that blue Doctor. She wanted to believe it was him, if only for the fact that her proper Doctor said so.
So she did the only thing she could to figure it out.
“Alright - both of you, answer me this.”
They came to stand either side of her.
“When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me?”
The old - no, the real Doctor turned to answer.
“Go on, say it!”
“I said Rose Tyler.”
“Yeah, and how was that sentence going to end?”
He looked so tired.
“Does it need saying?”
Their eyes met. She shook her head, only slightly.
She turned.
“And you, Doctor?”
It didn’t feel right to be calling him that.
He started to move closer to her.
“What was the end of that sentence?”
He touched her arm, brought his face to her ear. He didn’t hesitate.
“I love you.”
She looked at him as he drew back. His voice was so desperate, so raw, so needy.
It reminded her.
“Promise me, Rose Tyler, that you’ll know I’m the same. That no matter what I look like, or how I act, or whatever hideous fashion choices I make, you’ll understand that it’s still me. It’ll always be me.”
He’d never be him, but he would.
It didn’t make sense - but she felt like she finally understood.
So she kissed him.
As the TARDIS faded away, the Doctor’s hand (the same, but not) in hers, Rose Tyler knew that it would be hard.
But she also knew she’d be ok. In time. And they had time, now.
She looked at this Doctor. This new new new Doctor who wasn’t so new.
“Hello.” he whispered, his words almost lost on the wind.
She offered a small smile.
“Hello.”