I really like this - I like the description of their activities, the sense of detachment Omi's feeling. The pacing is absolutely perfect, and language choice very effective.
But - my apologies, is there a sentence missing? The shape of this had me waiting for the answer to what did cause the jolt to Omi in the beginning, here:
It isn’t surprise that causes the jolt in Omi’s core when he looks up to see Manx framed in the doorway of the Koneko.
No, there isn't a sentence missing...I was sort of trying to imply through the entire piece that Omi still dreads Manx showing up with a mission, and that seeing her gives him a jolt because she's there, and he doesn't want her to be.
Sorry that it didn't come across very clearly. ^__^;
Definitely glad that you liked it anyway, though! Thanks for commenting. ^__^
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But - my apologies, is there a sentence missing? The shape of this had me waiting for the answer to what did cause the jolt to Omi in the beginning, here:
It isn’t surprise that causes the jolt in Omi’s core when he looks up to see Manx framed in the doorway of the Koneko.
Was it Ken? *blinks* Am I being an idiot? *hides*
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Sorry that it didn't come across very clearly. ^__^;
Definitely glad that you liked it anyway, though! Thanks for commenting. ^__^
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