Comments | hoodie_time: dean-centric fic & art meme #8

hoodietime in hoodie_time

dean-centric fic & art meme #8

Oct 05, 2013 07:12

So that fantastic, all-expenses-paid weekend getaway you had planned--you cancelled that, right? You're ready for this? BECAUSE I AM READY FOR THIS. MY BODY IS READY FOR THIS. In anticipation of S9, let's pour some chum in the waters. Bring on the Dean!pain (and comfort!). >:D

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Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 1/3 TW SELF HARM sparrow_lately October 7 2013, 06:01:05 UTC

Hello, I hope you like this! Please be warned, all potential readers, that this fic carries a trigger warning for cutting. The title is from Jukebox the Ghost's "Empire." You're the one I've been holding on for so damn long, for so damn long, and you're a far cry from an empire at peace. I've got my knives in my heart in my sleeves, but this weather's gettin' too nice for me to keep an empire at peace. And my heart is my keep, and you are threatenin' me...

This is how it starts: the skin isn’t his anymore.

(Back before he knew better, there was this fascination rooted somewhere in his mind with the thinness of the skin over his wrists. He can remember, like a dream, sitting on the couch propped against his mother, marveling at the veins he could see--and again, many years later, running a ragged fingernail over that same thin thin skin, watching it redden and puff up, darkly enchanted with the knowledge that his veins and blood and bone was right there. But that was before ( ... )

Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 2/3 TW SELF HARM sparrow_lately October 7 2013, 06:01:52 UTC

Three days ago, Sam caught him staring at a drop of his own blood clinging to the safety razor, and Sam stared at him like he was something crazy, like he had six heads, like he was broken, taken his razor, rinsed it, set it back on the counter, waited. Traded Dean’s razor for his own. There’s no blood on Sam’s razor now, just straight little lines, dull and metallic. Dean reaches instinctually to his arm, finds it smooth, and he needs them, the little lines, I’m a human I’m a human I’m a human.

By the time Sam gets home, Dean is pretending to be asleep atop his scratchy, back to the door, still in his jeans and boots. His shirtsleeve covers the slender pink seam, and it’s perfect, it barely bled, but it has a presence, a solid raised line he can press against, feel a muted ache, and it’s real, he did it, he felt it, I’m human.Humans, Dean has often been told, are odd ones. By all of creation they are considered bizarre in their endeavors. Dean is okay with this. He remembers hearing, once, that a human could bite off his own finger ( ... )

Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 3/3 TW SELF HARM sparrow_lately October 7 2013, 06:03:00 UTC

Sam is talking about some library in Michigan. Dean is thinking about the noise metal makes on bone, the flick and the scrape and the shlick of whittling down a femur into something else, and how long it would take, how much it would bleed, the mess--he could do it on tile, in the bathroom lay towels out. In the shower, in a tub, let it wash down. Touch the bone with the end of those scissors, if not one of his knives, pretend he can feel it, really feel it as he presses and the bone weighs heavier on the slop of muscle and tissue below ( ... )

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Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 3/3 TW SELF HARM sparrow_lately October 8 2013, 00:27:35 UTC

I'm so glad you liked it! <3

Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 3/3 TW SELF HARM sparrow_lately October 7 2013, 09:22:08 UTC

OP here. - Oh Dean. Damn, you absolutely nailed that. Aching and hurting and eventually a slightly unreal quality to everything again and grounded and comforted by Sam at the end. The way things fall apart and he gets almost lost in the self harm after a while and it becomes less real - that is so believable it's almost painful to read. Loved the biting the finger, kind of idly (or not so idly) playing with the idea and testing the resistance to it. *shudders at the thought of biting it off like a carrot* Seriously strong image there!

A lovely trip into the mind of a post-Hell Dean. Sam's actions and caring was perfect and very Sam. Thank you soooooo much for filling this prompt; this is a fantastic story. ♥

Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 3/3 TW SELF HARM sparrow_lately October 8 2013, 00:33:39 UTC

Hello, OP, I'm so very glad you enjoyed this! <333

Insofar as I know, the carrot thing is true. And no, will power will not allow you to bite it. Your brain just goes, nah, man, I'm drawing a fuckin line :P

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Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 3/3 TW SELF HARM sparrow_lately October 8 2013, 00:34:51 UTC

Thank you for reading & commenting! I'm glad you liked it. :)

Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 3/3 TW SELF HARM tifaching October 7 2013, 11:56:01 UTC

Oh, come to me PTSD Dean, my bb. That was horrifying and so right for Dean out of hell.

Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 3/3 TW SELF HARM sparrow_lately October 8 2013, 00:38:53 UTC

I miss when the show was willing to toy a little more with the slow burn psychological stuff--not just, you know, BIG EPIC BREAKDOWN AND DRINKING ENOUGH TO PUT AN ELEPHANT IN THE HOSPITAL and then never mentioning it again...not that the show was ever that great, but remember season 4 Dean? Remember in "Yellow Fever," when he got targeted with ghost sickness, and we didn't know and Sam didn't know but Dean knew it was because of what he did in hell, and remember that time we saw those masks at the high school and had a tiny flashback, and and and

oops I went on a rant I'M GLAD YOU LIKED THIS

Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 3/3 TW SELF HARM kalliel October 7 2013, 14:24:42 UTC

Ugh I love these kinds of stories so much; and especially when they have those tiny moments of interplay with S4!Sam/blood like that--little electric additions that bring both the immediacy of the fic event and their placement within that part to canon into sharp focus. Great job. <3

Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 3/3 TW SELF HARM sparrow_lately October 8 2013, 00:39:48 UTC

I'm so glad you liked it. <333

Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 3/3 TW SELF HARM quadrant_of_sky October 8 2013, 04:23:39 UTC

Ah, so beautifully written and so painful. I love the parallels between Dean's self-harming and Sam's demon blood addiction.

Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 3/3 TW SELF HARM sparrow_lately October 9 2013, 01:52:47 UTC

I'm so glad you liked it!

Re: Fill: Far Cry from an Empire 1/3 TW SELF HARM ext_1794510 October 8 2013, 19:40:29 UTC

YOU USED A JUKEBOX THE GHOST LYRIC AS A FIC TITLE

Seriously, I started flailing before I even clicked on it. I LOVE JUKEBOX THE GHOST to an embarrassing extent, like seriously embarrassing (*cough*SayWhenvideo*cough*), and I've always wanted to use one of their lyrics in a piece of writing but haven't found the right one yet, so MASSIVE kudos to you.

Erm, yeah. I guess I should read the fic now. *flails a little more*

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