Critique: 2009 Dwarf Star Anthology, Part 1
Having finished a review of the Rhysling nominated poems, I figured I should attempt to tackle the Dwarf Star nominees as well; however, having been offhandedly blamed for affecting the outcome of the Rhyslings, I wanted to wait until after the votes were tallied and the winners announced before I posted. Also, instead of having readers wade through twenty some odd small posts, I figured one big post might do the trick, but LJ wont let me do that. :::BIG POUT::: So I'll break it into three. As always, readers are begged to comment and defend their favorites.
To explain the color coding, this means it's not at all a consideration; this means it might work for someone, but not for me; and this means it's a finalist in my opinion. So, here then, is my poem by poem critique of the 2009 Dwarf Star Anthology
“Dark Flow” - Francis W. Alexander
I’m not sure I understand what’s happening here. The Big Bang and the Bullet Cluster I get, but “a wand”? Some sort of attempt to impose magic on science for a slipstream entry? I’m just a bit confused by the images here, so I can’t participate in this piece. Any help is disambiguating this poem would be greatly appreciated. That being begged, the last image, though striking, seems a bit cliché considering common terms like “the Milky Way.” Granted, this may not be the Milky Way, but the use of “milk” with space draws that connection, intentional or otherwise.
"the will-o-the-wisp..." - Francis W. Alexander
Yes, and…? This one liner seems to want to imply a horrific scene, but there just isn’t enough given to take me, as the reader, there. Furthermore, the use of the emdash doesn’t work for me, and leaves me wondering why the author didn’t use either long spaces to indicate the pauses, or simply revert to a three line format.
“Return of the Zombie Teen Angst” - Mike Allen
I didn’t like this piece when it was a Rhysling, and though I could see it working as a Dwarf Stars. Rereading it, I’m not sure it works, because the iambic pentameter of the first line is so off that the heroic couplet fails, on a technical level. Beyond that, I’m not sure I see the resonance or depth that I would want to represent the SFPA, but that could be a personal thing, as David Kopaska-Merkl has pointed out.
"time machine rust" - Megan Arkenberg
I get it, but there’s just not enough here for me to connect with. Any poem directed at a specific “you,” unless it’s referring to the reader, can alienate a reader. I think that’s what’s happening in this case. I don’t know who the speaker is, or why I would want to avoid them, and “time machine rust” doesn’t give me enough to go on, so I don’t see the juxtaposition working here.
“The Ghoul” - Megan Arkenberg
I don’t consider haibun to be poetry, but a mix of prose and poetry. Though some argue the prose to be a “prose poem,” (again, a term that I have serious craft issues with), I don’t see it. That being said, I don’t see haibun as eligible for a Dwarf Stars.
With that in mind, I’m not sure this haibun works as well as it could. The way it reads, the ghoul is a little girl who follows a trail of petals to the grave of the deceased for late night munchies. Okay, sure. But taking the haiku on its own, without the accompanying prose, the little girl is the one being consumed, which presents a much darker story for me. Having read the haiku, this is where I would want the piece to go, and because it doesn’t, I’m a little disappointed.
“the leaf whisperer” - Elizabeth Barrette
I like the use of the form, but I’m not sure the content of the poem delivers. I’m not given enough details, as a reader, to envision this fairy nor the details of the “secrets” given out, so I come away with a vague knowledge of the poem and its topic, and nothing to ground this piece in my head. There is something to be said for mystery, but if an author is going that route, enough details need to be provided to intrigue the reader further, and for me, that’s not happening here.
"stars against the night..." - Bruce Boston
The pun in this piece just doesn’t do it for me. Also, the idea of stars dancing against the night seems so cliché that the last part of the poem needs a LOT more to twist it into something original. The pun that Boston comes up with certainly isn’t enough.
Three Things - Lisa M. Bradley
I see this working, but the line breaks need more tension for me. This is a very dark poem, but the phrasing of the lines and their completeness almost slows that tension down to a point of unevenness. That unevenness shuffles this piece into the “maybe” category.
“Godmother” - Anna Marie Catoir
The form here is one that I don’t see working because it compacts too many specific images on specific lines and leaves tenuous connections for others; furthermore, following the last words of lines, readers will note an emphasis on some odd word choices, or more importantly, a deemphasis on some fairly striking and strong language, which unbalances the poem for me. Also, the last stanza seems to summarize too much, especially the last line, and doesn’t add too much to the poem as a whole. Overall, this is a no for me.
"I felt your presence" - Margaret Chula
In her introduction, Deborah Kolodji discusses the term “moongate” as a specific architectural structure in gardens as well as a speculative idea of “an actual gate to the moon,” and argues that it is “up to the reader to determine which it is.” One determining factor, of course, would be the context of the piece, specifically the journal in which the piece was found. If it’s not a speculatively themed journal, I would argue that the reader has to consider the non-speculative meaning before the speculative meaning for fear of reading too much into the piece. For me, this is what’s happening in Chula’s tanka. “I felt your presence” could imply a ghost or the literal presence of a person.“you had crossed over/to the other side” could imply a death, but it could also imply someone crossing the aisle away from the speaker. Considering the non-speculative nature of ribbons, I’m not sure I see Chula’s piece as speculative, and thus not a finalist for the Dwarf Stars.
“Special ears” - Toi Dericotte
I understand the use of speculative vehicles in this piece, but question a lot of the line breaks. “&” seems an odd place to break a line, as does the phrase “as if he”. Already the piece seems to be missing something. Furthermore, I’m not sure I can connect with this piece because I’m not able to fully visualize the fish in question, and though that’s not the immediate point, feel alienated from the piece for its lack of specifics.
Evolution - Peg Duthie
What I like about this piece is that there’s enough for me to grasp and hold on to in each line, even if I’m not sure of the journey the poem is taking overall. I get the theme of rebirth, regeneration and recycled organics, but it’s the heavy imagery that captures and excites me in this piece. The tension between the lines, also, creates a nice progression, even with the one iffy line: “above its ancestors’ traces, no matter how”. Even with this one minor weakness, the rest of the poem is strong enough to carry it.
"time lapse" - Margarita Engle
I’m not sure I get this piece. Time lapse videography is a method for speeding things up, but the image of the falling tree leaning seems to be slowed down. This oxymoronic juxtaposition needs, for me, something more to explain the connection. I just don’t see what’s happening here, and thus cannot participate in the poem.
“Songs were washing up” - Francesca Forrest
This is a case where one bad line break throws the whole poem off. “Like shells” is so short and creates such a gap that it unbalances the whole poem, which is unfortunate because this piece contains a lot of solid imagery and a unique idea that Forrest carries through to the end.
Mistress (1) - Todd Fredson
I’m a bit taken with the surrealism of this poem, and the implied narrative. However, the vehicles of the metaphors, though each one unique and revealing in its own way, seem too disparate, especially moving from the Spring of “a till/behind white horses” immediately to the winter of “the snow drifts/the moon has rejected.” In addition, the lines are extremely long, and seem to drag out and defuse the underlying tension of the piece. While the imagery is striking, I’m left unsatisfied by this poem.
So there it is, the 2009 Dwarf Star anthology. I must say that I'm a bit upset with the selection this year: 10 potential winners, and 6 maybes...that's not a lot for a finalist anthology.
To explain the color coding, this means it's not at all a consideration; this means it might work for someone, but not for me; and this means it's a finalist in my opinion. So, here then, is my poem by poem critique of the 2009 Dwarf Star Anthology
“Dark Flow” - Francis W. Alexander
I’m not sure I understand what’s happening here. The Big Bang and the Bullet Cluster I get, but “a wand”? Some sort of attempt to impose magic on science for a slipstream entry? I’m just a bit confused by the images here, so I can’t participate in this piece. Any help is disambiguating this poem would be greatly appreciated. That being begged, the last image, though striking, seems a bit cliché considering common terms like “the Milky Way.” Granted, this may not be the Milky Way, but the use of “milk” with space draws that connection, intentional or otherwise.
"the will-o-the-wisp..." - Francis W. Alexander
Yes, and…? This one liner seems to want to imply a horrific scene, but there just isn’t enough given to take me, as the reader, there. Furthermore, the use of the emdash doesn’t work for me, and leaves me wondering why the author didn’t use either long spaces to indicate the pauses, or simply revert to a three line format.
“Return of the Zombie Teen Angst” - Mike Allen
I didn’t like this piece when it was a Rhysling, and though I could see it working as a Dwarf Stars. Rereading it, I’m not sure it works, because the iambic pentameter of the first line is so off that the heroic couplet fails, on a technical level. Beyond that, I’m not sure I see the resonance or depth that I would want to represent the SFPA, but that could be a personal thing, as David Kopaska-Merkl has pointed out.
"time machine rust" - Megan Arkenberg
I get it, but there’s just not enough here for me to connect with. Any poem directed at a specific “you,” unless it’s referring to the reader, can alienate a reader. I think that’s what’s happening in this case. I don’t know who the speaker is, or why I would want to avoid them, and “time machine rust” doesn’t give me enough to go on, so I don’t see the juxtaposition working here.
“The Ghoul” - Megan Arkenberg
I don’t consider haibun to be poetry, but a mix of prose and poetry. Though some argue the prose to be a “prose poem,” (again, a term that I have serious craft issues with), I don’t see it. That being said, I don’t see haibun as eligible for a Dwarf Stars.
With that in mind, I’m not sure this haibun works as well as it could. The way it reads, the ghoul is a little girl who follows a trail of petals to the grave of the deceased for late night munchies. Okay, sure. But taking the haiku on its own, without the accompanying prose, the little girl is the one being consumed, which presents a much darker story for me. Having read the haiku, this is where I would want the piece to go, and because it doesn’t, I’m a little disappointed.
“the leaf whisperer” - Elizabeth Barrette
I like the use of the form, but I’m not sure the content of the poem delivers. I’m not given enough details, as a reader, to envision this fairy nor the details of the “secrets” given out, so I come away with a vague knowledge of the poem and its topic, and nothing to ground this piece in my head. There is something to be said for mystery, but if an author is going that route, enough details need to be provided to intrigue the reader further, and for me, that’s not happening here.
"stars against the night..." - Bruce Boston
The pun in this piece just doesn’t do it for me. Also, the idea of stars dancing against the night seems so cliché that the last part of the poem needs a LOT more to twist it into something original. The pun that Boston comes up with certainly isn’t enough.
Three Things - Lisa M. Bradley
I see this working, but the line breaks need more tension for me. This is a very dark poem, but the phrasing of the lines and their completeness almost slows that tension down to a point of unevenness. That unevenness shuffles this piece into the “maybe” category.
“Godmother” - Anna Marie Catoir
The form here is one that I don’t see working because it compacts too many specific images on specific lines and leaves tenuous connections for others; furthermore, following the last words of lines, readers will note an emphasis on some odd word choices, or more importantly, a deemphasis on some fairly striking and strong language, which unbalances the poem for me. Also, the last stanza seems to summarize too much, especially the last line, and doesn’t add too much to the poem as a whole. Overall, this is a no for me.
"I felt your presence" - Margaret Chula
In her introduction, Deborah Kolodji discusses the term “moongate” as a specific architectural structure in gardens as well as a speculative idea of “an actual gate to the moon,” and argues that it is “up to the reader to determine which it is.” One determining factor, of course, would be the context of the piece, specifically the journal in which the piece was found. If it’s not a speculatively themed journal, I would argue that the reader has to consider the non-speculative meaning before the speculative meaning for fear of reading too much into the piece. For me, this is what’s happening in Chula’s tanka. “I felt your presence” could imply a ghost or the literal presence of a person.“you had crossed over/to the other side” could imply a death, but it could also imply someone crossing the aisle away from the speaker. Considering the non-speculative nature of ribbons, I’m not sure I see Chula’s piece as speculative, and thus not a finalist for the Dwarf Stars.
“Special ears” - Toi Dericotte
I understand the use of speculative vehicles in this piece, but question a lot of the line breaks. “&” seems an odd place to break a line, as does the phrase “as if he”. Already the piece seems to be missing something. Furthermore, I’m not sure I can connect with this piece because I’m not able to fully visualize the fish in question, and though that’s not the immediate point, feel alienated from the piece for its lack of specifics.
Evolution - Peg Duthie
What I like about this piece is that there’s enough for me to grasp and hold on to in each line, even if I’m not sure of the journey the poem is taking overall. I get the theme of rebirth, regeneration and recycled organics, but it’s the heavy imagery that captures and excites me in this piece. The tension between the lines, also, creates a nice progression, even with the one iffy line: “above its ancestors’ traces, no matter how”. Even with this one minor weakness, the rest of the poem is strong enough to carry it.
"time lapse" - Margarita Engle
I’m not sure I get this piece. Time lapse videography is a method for speeding things up, but the image of the falling tree leaning seems to be slowed down. This oxymoronic juxtaposition needs, for me, something more to explain the connection. I just don’t see what’s happening here, and thus cannot participate in the poem.
“Songs were washing up” - Francesca Forrest
This is a case where one bad line break throws the whole poem off. “Like shells” is so short and creates such a gap that it unbalances the whole poem, which is unfortunate because this piece contains a lot of solid imagery and a unique idea that Forrest carries through to the end.
Mistress (1) - Todd Fredson
I’m a bit taken with the surrealism of this poem, and the implied narrative. However, the vehicles of the metaphors, though each one unique and revealing in its own way, seem too disparate, especially moving from the Spring of “a till/behind white horses” immediately to the winter of “the snow drifts/the moon has rejected.” In addition, the lines are extremely long, and seem to drag out and defuse the underlying tension of the piece. While the imagery is striking, I’m left unsatisfied by this poem.
So there it is, the 2009 Dwarf Star anthology. I must say that I'm a bit upset with the selection this year: 10 potential winners, and 6 maybes...that's not a lot for a finalist anthology.