Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 22 2011, 06:29:14 UTC
[Howard's life tends to be full of fear. The FAYZ will do that to you. Whether it's the niggling fear of never having enough food, or the more explicit fears of being eaten alive by insects, somehow fear always seems to get in the way of any total relaxation.
Never is that more the case than when he wakes up from a nightmare, finds ants in the bed, and can't find anything to snack on. It's a culmination of all his anxieties building on each other. He goes out to the couch in front of The Warehouse in his pajamas and barefeet, trying to decide between going to the mess hall or finding a can of RAID.]
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 02:32:45 UTC
"Flesh-eating worms. One of them got Orc in the face," he says, gesturing to his own. "I mean, Albert was there and he - anyway, they ate a kid alive. Took about half a minute, I heard. Bigger kid than me, sixth grader, but I mean, I wasn't there. I only saw the ones that tried to get Orc."
He motions with two fingers at about how big they are, then brings his arms again around the pillow. "I can't stop thinking about them ever since Anwei bit that girl's hand off on Epicurea. And I just...I think about them eating me or Orc alive and I wake up and I need to eat something and how screwed up is that?"
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 02:43:39 UTC
He frowns as he listens, thinking not for the first time that the FAYZ was fundamentally, irrevocably wrong. Kids like Howard didn't have any means of defending themselves, not against mutant terrors and starvation and mob mentalities. It shouldn't have happened. Someone should have been there.
"I think that's a normal kind of screwed up, Howard. I don't think you can watch your friend almost get eaten by land piranhas and just shrug that off. And Anwei is..." An entirely different kettle of fish?
"...is that the reason you and Anwei seemed so... tense? Because of the zekes? I thought it was because of the possible imminent death."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 03:06:40 UTC
Howard would disagree with any of that. There've been quite a few times he's fantasized meeting his parents again, or his teachers, or the security guard at local arcade or the gangly teenager that sold him M-rated videogames without an ID, and asking them how it was that they could dare leave all of their kids and students and customers behind. Where did they go? How did they expect the people left in the FAYZ to defend themselves? But obviously, people who aren't there to yell at are always the easiest people to blame, the easiest to pretend didn't have a valid excuse. In some ways it's easier to pretend the adults all left willingly so there was a target to blame everything on
( ... )
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 03:26:21 UTC
Zouichi... really shouldn't be surprised to hear that cannibalism was a part of the FAYZ, but he is anyway. They were starving, no doubt. Dying. It's a horror he himself will never quite understand; he doesn't need to eat like humans do.
He doesn't ask how Howard knew, but he had his suspicions about Anwei, too. Anwei isn't human, but sometimes it's easy to forget that because of how human she appears, how engaging she can be compared to himself -- he's fairly sure that she's more convincing a student of human behavior than he'll ever be. But that bright half-moon smile of chiseled teeth...
"I'm sorry," he says, and because he doesn't know what else to do, Zouichi puts one arm around Howard in an awkward half-hug. "It shouldn't have happened. I'm... sorry."
Sorry that Howard had to go through what he had. Sorry that someone hadn't been there to take charge, to make sure everyone was fed and safe. Sorry that he hadn't been there, as ridiculous as that sounded.
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 04:03:26 UTC
Howard stiffens at first at Zouichi's arm, then turns into the hug. There's still only so much he'll trust Zouichi with, but he's certain at this moment that Zouichi is trying to hold by his belief in protecting others. Zou couldn't protect him before and if shielding him from dealing with this alone is the most he can do for Howard now, Howard will accept that
( ... )
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 11:24:27 UTC
For all that Zouichi was created to protect humanity, he still can't really fix what's wrong with them. He can only safeguard their lives; he can't make them feel better when they're afraid, or put them back together when they stand at the sink, washing their hands for hours. But he can at least make sure that Howard has someone to listen to him if he wants to be heard.
He nods. "I'll come with you." It's not a question, because if it was, Howard might be forced to say no. Instead, he'll take a lack of protest as consent. "I have to see this glop everyone's complaining about."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 12:39:14 UTC
"It's the gloop or the slop. Not the glop," Howard corrects, looking for a pair of shoes to wear. He's glad Zouichi's coming with him; he wouldn't be able to find the neediness to ask. More than that, he's glad that Zou hasn't pointed out like everyone does that Stacy is unlikely to just stop feeding everyone. He can't take feeling any more that these fears are unfounded. "And you have to try it. You can't just back out as soon as you see what it looks like."
He puts on a pair of sneakers, undoes all the locks at the door and waits for Zouichi, still looking like he's about to bolt or faint at any moment. Possibly calling in to work would be a good idea still.
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 13:57:30 UTC
"Gloop, glop; don't be so picky about your onomatopoeia. It all tastes the same going down." He pauses, waiting for Howard to find his shoes. "Ugh, why do I have to try it? Everyone keeps telling me it tastes like wet cat food. Besides, isn't it generated based on what the ship thinks your nutritional needs are? It might not even give me anything."
Zouichi follows Howard out the door; he doesn't comment on Howard's appearance, but he's ready to grab Howard if need be. If he bolts for it, he'd better be awfully fast.
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 17:18:44 UTC
Howard snorts. "Yeah, right, spoken like people who've never eaten wet cat food. It's a little like Jello without the flavoring. It's not that bad, really. We ate way worse back home. You can try mine if it doesn't give you anything."
He does the first three locks, but his hands are shaking and the key misses the slot twice on the last lock. It's a little thing, but it upsets him so much more than it should. He's breathing hard by the time he's finished. "Let's go. Let's just go. I don't want to be here anymore."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 17:28:41 UTC
Zouichi nods; he thinks about offering to lock the door for Howard, but... no. He follows Howard instead, keeping stride beside him.
Cat food.
Better than human flesh.
"Oh, how generous of you," he says; maybe the familiar rhythm of their usual banter will help Howard at least take his mind off of why they're heading out in the first place. "You're a prince among princes. I've only been to the mess once, though. I played with a sentient puddle of blood. Nice guy."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 17:58:59 UTC
Howard doesn't rise to the banter, instead just shooting Zouichi a look that says tonight may not be the best night to make fun of Howard's lack of generosity. Besides, Zouichi probably doesn't realize how loath Howard will be to actually part with the slop. For all the teasing, he had actually been trying to do something friendly. "Whatever. A...puddle of blood? Seriously? Gross."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3zouichiMay 23 2011, 18:34:36 UTC
Okay, point taken.
"It was kind of like playing with a little kid. He didn't have a great vocabulary, but he really liked hide and seek."
He pauses. "You know, you don't talk about the FAYZ much. I understand why, but... I don't mind listening. It's not like my world was exactly a barrel of laughs."
Re: Howard Bassem | Gone | 3i_sell_drugsMay 23 2011, 18:53:16 UTC
"You know your life is insane when you're talking about the vocabulary of an intelligent pool of blood. You just know it."
He's quiet for a moment, pulling at the edges of his sleeves and finally bends over and undoes one of his shoes, taking the lace to chew on. "What's there to say? It was awful, and I know you don't like some of the things I did back there so why would I talk about them to you, and honestly I can't tell you how miserable it was in one night because I'm going to forget something."
Never is that more the case than when he wakes up from a nightmare, finds ants in the bed, and can't find anything to snack on. It's a culmination of all his anxieties building on each other. He goes out to the couch in front of The Warehouse in his pajamas and barefeet, trying to decide between going to the mess hall or finding a can of RAID.]
Reply
He motions with two fingers at about how big they are, then brings his arms again around the pillow. "I can't stop thinking about them ever since Anwei bit that girl's hand off on Epicurea. And I just...I think about them eating me or Orc alive and I wake up and I need to eat something and how screwed up is that?"
Reply
"I think that's a normal kind of screwed up, Howard. I don't think you can watch your friend almost get eaten by land piranhas and just shrug that off. And Anwei is..." An entirely different kettle of fish?
"...is that the reason you and Anwei seemed so... tense? Because of the zekes? I thought it was because of the possible imminent death."
Reply
Reply
He doesn't ask how Howard knew, but he had his suspicions about Anwei, too. Anwei isn't human, but sometimes it's easy to forget that because of how human she appears, how engaging she can be compared to himself -- he's fairly sure that she's more convincing a student of human behavior than he'll ever be. But that bright half-moon smile of chiseled teeth...
"I'm sorry," he says, and because he doesn't know what else to do, Zouichi puts one arm around Howard in an awkward half-hug. "It shouldn't have happened. I'm... sorry."
Sorry that Howard had to go through what he had. Sorry that someone hadn't been there to take charge, to make sure everyone was fed and safe. Sorry that he hadn't been there, as ridiculous as that sounded.
Reply
Reply
He nods. "I'll come with you." It's not a question, because if it was, Howard might be forced to say no. Instead, he'll take a lack of protest as consent. "I have to see this glop everyone's complaining about."
Reply
He puts on a pair of sneakers, undoes all the locks at the door and waits for Zouichi, still looking like he's about to bolt or faint at any moment. Possibly calling in to work would be a good idea still.
Reply
Zouichi follows Howard out the door; he doesn't comment on Howard's appearance, but he's ready to grab Howard if need be. If he bolts for it, he'd better be awfully fast.
Reply
He does the first three locks, but his hands are shaking and the key misses the slot twice on the last lock. It's a little thing, but it upsets him so much more than it should. He's breathing hard by the time he's finished. "Let's go. Let's just go. I don't want to be here anymore."
Reply
Cat food.
Better than human flesh.
"Oh, how generous of you," he says; maybe the familiar rhythm of their usual banter will help Howard at least take his mind off of why they're heading out in the first place. "You're a prince among princes. I've only been to the mess once, though. I played with a sentient puddle of blood. Nice guy."
Reply
Reply
"It was kind of like playing with a little kid. He didn't have a great vocabulary, but he really liked hide and seek."
He pauses. "You know, you don't talk about the FAYZ much. I understand why, but... I don't mind listening. It's not like my world was exactly a barrel of laughs."
Reply
He's quiet for a moment, pulling at the edges of his sleeves and finally bends over and undoes one of his shoes, taking the lace to chew on. "What's there to say? It was awful, and I know you don't like some of the things I did back there so why would I talk about them to you, and honestly I can't tell you how miserable it was in one night because I'm going to forget something."
Reply
"And sure, I don't like them. But I'm still here. And who said you have to tell it to me all at once? Do you think I'm going somewhere tomorrow?"
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment