it's a saturday night. Fate just doesn't seem to want me drunk.
1.You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
The President. The Vice President. Osama bin Laden. Saddam Hussein. Tom Cruise. The Leader of Iran. Robert Ehrlich. Any one of those would be super.
2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Gwen Stefani's solo career. Celine Dion. "My Humps." American Idol.
3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
A lot of the people I (used to) consider friends, unfortunately. The guys listed for #1. Terrell Owens. John Gilchrist. Johnny Damon. Bobby Gilligan...sure it was sixth grade, but I always hated that fucker. I hold grudges.
4. What is your favorite cheese?
Melted on things.
5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal.What kind of sandwich would you have and what would be on it?
A grilled chicken breast with crab and lobster on it, melted cheese, some Italian spices, lettuce, tomato, and green peppers. Unless that would taste like ass, in which case remove the lobster and/or the melted cheese and/or the spices.
6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie-celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once (they will never call you back). Who is it?
Jennifer Aniston. Keira Knightley. Evangeline Lilly (Kate from Lost). Elizabeth Hurley.
7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Same rules as above. Who is it?
Faith Hill. Shania Twain. Kelly Clarkson. Britney Spears. Debbie Gibson after her teenage years. (Interestingly enough, I don't really like any of their music. Except "Since U Been Gone," that shit's just good ol' fashioned girl rock and I ADMIT THAT I LIKE IT RIGHT HERE AND NOW!
8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
New fairly nice and small digital camera. A new printer. A new damn computer. A boatload of CDs and some DVDs and probably some Marvel comic books.
9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
London or Israel, I'd say.
10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, where are you gonna go to spend that?
Hmmm, in London probably in a book store near Parliament or from the Tate Gallery *drools, smacks self for dorkiness* and in Israel probably an antique or homemade crafts store.
11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. "Be brand-specific" it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don't drink booze there's something you can figure out... so what's it gonna be?
Haha, who knows? I haven't really had all that much to drink. I don't even know rum. I kind of like Miller High-Life though, of the very few beers and alcohols I've had.
12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
1939. I'm gonna punch Hitler in the back of a head with brass knuckles. But oh no, I'm not done! Then I'm going to Ancient Egypt. I'm gonna lay low there and watch how they made all that stuff, then I'll free the slaves and give the evil pharoah a superwedgie (provided he has some semblance of undergarments). THEN I'll go figure out what Stonehenge is REALLY all about. THEN I'll go BACK TO THE FUTURE and kick Tom Cruise in the balls. Once during the Oprah show. Once again when he insulted Brooke Shields and the entire illness of depression. Once more when he cheated on Nicole Kidman with Penelope Cruz. Once more when he divorced said Australian hottie. Once more when he decided to do Mission Impossible: III. AND THEN ONCE MORE when he was with Matt Lauer. I got yo back Lauer, you tight wit me. Then I might smack Katie Holmes three times, just because she's REALLY NOT PAYING ATTENTION.
13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Don't be a fuckwhore or a douchebag. *Please note: fuckwhores have no relation to whores or those who fuck.*
14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?
If any of you have seen Jimmy Leathers drunk, which I'm guessing is a big fat NO, you'd understand why he should have a show just for him. Also, my life could use a sitcom of sorts. Tons of drama, lots of laughs, plenty of awkward, and a smattering of love for the more sensitive. It'd be, tight, fo sho. AT LEAST get me a theme song AND emotional music for important scenes.
15. What is your favorite expletive?
1) Fuck. 2) Bollux. 3) Douchebag.
16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Go back to bed, clearly I'm dreaming. Wake up again, fucking scream, possibly wet myself, then attack. I'd probably grab the closest thing to me, which would probably be a battery charger or a lint roller. Hopefully I'll have the presence of mind to not choose the pillows. I'm taking those toilet papered weirdos DOWN TO CHINATOWN.
17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the one thing you're going to save from that blazing inferno?
I donno, my CDs? My art? Pictures? I don't know, that's tough.
18. The Angel Of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel Of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Instantly I think of the question about girls I could sleep with sans consequences. However, the more intelligent thing to do would be hang out with my TRUE friends and my close family.
19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
You know few people seem to pick super-strength. Normally I would think of invisibility or flying first, but really, super-strength would be fucking awesome. I would throw cars a lot, I think. And if I had super speed too, I would throw a cow but then race over to catch it. I don't know why, but I've always wondered about throwing cows.
20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
ugh, talk about sentimentality. Anyway, the answer is Jenni.
21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
7th grade. That was a bad fucking year. But I would need to keep the lessons learned.
22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit... you can move to anywhere else in the world!
I kind of like it here, to be honest. Maybe Boston or San Fran? Paris? But those are just places I've been, I can't really say I'd want to live anywhere I haven't had the chance to check out first. Although, MARS would be interesting.
23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
Fuck if I know, never been to a single one.
24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude check it out I can fucking FLOAT!!"
I bet my Aunt Judy would get a kick out of it. I wouldn't show my sisters, they'd make fun of me and they'd make it seem lame.
25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier have given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which late celebrity will you bring back to life?
No question at all. Phil Hartman.
26. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn't think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
Robin. She was 31 and I was 15. I will never ever get over it. Also, I'd like to meet my mom's parents. They shaped the family dynamic for my entire family.
The President. The Vice President. Osama bin Laden. Saddam Hussein. Tom Cruise. The Leader of Iran. Robert Ehrlich. Any one of those would be super.
2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
Gwen Stefani's solo career. Celine Dion. "My Humps." American Idol.
3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
A lot of the people I (used to) consider friends, unfortunately. The guys listed for #1. Terrell Owens. John Gilchrist. Johnny Damon. Bobby Gilligan...sure it was sixth grade, but I always hated that fucker. I hold grudges.
4. What is your favorite cheese?
Melted on things.
5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal.What kind of sandwich would you have and what would be on it?
A grilled chicken breast with crab and lobster on it, melted cheese, some Italian spices, lettuce, tomato, and green peppers. Unless that would taste like ass, in which case remove the lobster and/or the melted cheese and/or the spices.
6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie-celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once (they will never call you back). Who is it?
Jennifer Aniston. Keira Knightley. Evangeline Lilly (Kate from Lost). Elizabeth Hurley.
7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Same rules as above. Who is it?
Faith Hill. Shania Twain. Kelly Clarkson. Britney Spears. Debbie Gibson after her teenage years. (Interestingly enough, I don't really like any of their music. Except "Since U Been Gone," that shit's just good ol' fashioned girl rock and I ADMIT THAT I LIKE IT RIGHT HERE AND NOW!
8. Now that you've slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
New fairly nice and small digital camera. A new printer. A new damn computer. A boatload of CDs and some DVDs and probably some Marvel comic books.
9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
London or Israel, I'd say.
10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, where are you gonna go to spend that?
Hmmm, in London probably in a book store near Parliament or from the Tate Gallery *drools, smacks self for dorkiness* and in Israel probably an antique or homemade crafts store.
11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. "Be brand-specific" it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don't drink booze there's something you can figure out... so what's it gonna be?
Haha, who knows? I haven't really had all that much to drink. I don't even know rum. I kind of like Miller High-Life though, of the very few beers and alcohols I've had.
12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
1939. I'm gonna punch Hitler in the back of a head with brass knuckles. But oh no, I'm not done! Then I'm going to Ancient Egypt. I'm gonna lay low there and watch how they made all that stuff, then I'll free the slaves and give the evil pharoah a superwedgie (provided he has some semblance of undergarments). THEN I'll go figure out what Stonehenge is REALLY all about. THEN I'll go BACK TO THE FUTURE and kick Tom Cruise in the balls. Once during the Oprah show. Once again when he insulted Brooke Shields and the entire illness of depression. Once more when he cheated on Nicole Kidman with Penelope Cruz. Once more when he divorced said Australian hottie. Once more when he decided to do Mission Impossible: III. AND THEN ONCE MORE when he was with Matt Lauer. I got yo back Lauer, you tight wit me. Then I might smack Katie Holmes three times, just because she's REALLY NOT PAYING ATTENTION.
13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
Don't be a fuckwhore or a douchebag. *Please note: fuckwhores have no relation to whores or those who fuck.*
14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what's the premise?
If any of you have seen Jimmy Leathers drunk, which I'm guessing is a big fat NO, you'd understand why he should have a show just for him. Also, my life could use a sitcom of sorts. Tons of drama, lots of laughs, plenty of awkward, and a smattering of love for the more sensitive. It'd be, tight, fo sho. AT LEAST get me a theme song AND emotional music for important scenes.
15. What is your favorite expletive?
1) Fuck. 2) Bollux. 3) Douchebag.
16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Go back to bed, clearly I'm dreaming. Wake up again, fucking scream, possibly wet myself, then attack. I'd probably grab the closest thing to me, which would probably be a battery charger or a lint roller. Hopefully I'll have the presence of mind to not choose the pillows. I'm taking those toilet papered weirdos DOWN TO CHINATOWN.
17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don't worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what's the one thing you're going to save from that blazing inferno?
I donno, my CDs? My art? Pictures? I don't know, that's tough.
18. The Angel Of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel Of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
Instantly I think of the question about girls I could sleep with sans consequences. However, the more intelligent thing to do would be hang out with my TRUE friends and my close family.
19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What's it gonna be?
You know few people seem to pick super-strength. Normally I would think of invisibility or flying first, but really, super-strength would be fucking awesome. I would throw cars a lot, I think. And if I had super speed too, I would throw a cow but then race over to catch it. I don't know why, but I've always wondered about throwing cows.
20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
ugh, talk about sentimentality. Anyway, the answer is Jenni.
21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
7th grade. That was a bad fucking year. But I would need to keep the lessons learned.
22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit... you can move to anywhere else in the world!
I kind of like it here, to be honest. Maybe Boston or San Fran? Paris? But those are just places I've been, I can't really say I'd want to live anywhere I haven't had the chance to check out first. Although, MARS would be interesting.
23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
Fuck if I know, never been to a single one.
24. Hopefully you didn't mention this in the super-powers question.... If you did, then we'll just expand on that. Check it out... Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like "Dude check it out I can fucking FLOAT!!"
I bet my Aunt Judy would get a kick out of it. I wouldn't show my sisters, they'd make fun of me and they'd make it seem lame.
25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier have given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which late celebrity will you bring back to life?
No question at all. Phil Hartman.
26. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn't think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
Robin. She was 31 and I was 15. I will never ever get over it. Also, I'd like to meet my mom's parents. They shaped the family dynamic for my entire family.