(no subject)
i SLEPT ALL NiGHT. WELL FR0M LiKE 4 TiL AR0UND 930 WHEN CARRiE CALLED ME. i WAS TiRED ALL DAMN DAY. i HAD A PRETTY R0UGH NiGHT. THE C0MPUTERS WERE D0WN S0 7TH H0UR i SLEPT THE WH0LE TiME ND THEN i CAME H0ME ND WENT T0 SLEEP.
S0 THE 0NLY PERS0N i CAN REALLY BLAME F0R LAST NiGHT iS MYSELF. i LET THE M0ST RETARDED THiNGS UPSET ME. S0 i CALLED D0N ND CRiED T0 HiM F0R LiKE 3 H0URS. iM S0 GLAD i STiLL HAVE HiM iN MY LiFE. iDK WHAT iD D0 W/0 HiM. HE KN0WS ME BETTER THAN i KN0W MYSELF. HE WAS ACTUALLY SLEEPiNG WHEN i CALLED BUT HE STAYED UP T0 TALK T0 ME. iDK H0W MANY 0F MY 0THER FRiENDS W0ULD HAVE D0NE THAT.
S0 iVE BEEN UNDER AL0T 0F STRESS...M0ST 0F iT iS FR0M MYSELF. iVE BEEN STRESSiNG MYSELF 0UT W/ SCH00L, WiTH GUY iSSUES, JUST WiTH EVERYTHiNG iT SEEMS. i WANT T0 BRiNG MY GRADES UP S0 THAT WAY iT WiLL BE EASiER F0R ME T0 GRADUATE EARLY...iF i DECiDE T0 D0 THAT. iM STiLL N0T SURE. ND GUYS ALWAYS STRESS ME 0UT. BETWEEN ERiK ND JARED...UGH. i HAVENT PURSUED ANYTHiNG W/ CHRiSTiAN ND iM N0T QUiTE SURE iM G0iNG T00. iTS REALLY C0MPLiCATED. PRETTY MUCH, i LiKE HiM BUT iTS T00 MUCH LiKE R0Y ND AAR0N...ND WE KN0W H0W MUCH i MESSED THAT UP. i D0NT WANT T0 HURT HiM BC i KN0W H0W UNSTABLE i AM W/ RELATi0NSHiPS.
BUT ERiK SAiD S0METHiNG T0 ME LAST NiGHT ND iT MADE AL0T 0F SENSE...iT HURT LiKE HELL BUT i THiNK i NEEDED T0 HEAR iT. HE SAiD THAT iM A SHiTTY GiRLFRiEND...PRETTY MUCH. N0W BEF0RE Y0U ALL GET 0N HiS CASE...HE DiD MAKE A G00D P0iNT. HE SAiD THAT i LET MY B0YFRiENDS GET AWAY WiTH T00 MUCH...iM T00 UNDERSTANDiNG. iTS LiKE iM T00 G00D T0 BE TRUE. BUT THE GUYS i TREAT G00D ARE THE GUYS THAT ARE ASSH0LES ND i TREAT THE G00D GUYS LiKE SHiT. HE SAiD THAT GUYS D0 THE SAME THiNG. i D0NT D0 iT 0N PURP0SE...i REALLY D0NT. i KN0W i TREATED AAR0N LiKE SHiT ND i KN0W i TREATED R0Y LiKE SHiT. iT HURTS BECAUSE i KN0W HE'S RiGHT. i TAKE THE G00D GUYS F0R GRANTED. ND i GET TAKEN F0R GRANTED BY GUYS. BUT i TREATED ERiK RiGHT S0 THAT D0ESNT SAY MUCH F0R HiM.
HE ALS0 SAiD THAT HE W0ULD NEVER MAKE THE MiSTAKE 0F LEAViNG ME AGAiN ND THAT HE W0ULD NEVER HURT ME LiKE THAT AGAiN..HMM WHERE HAVE i HEARD THAT FR0M BEF0RE? 0H YEH..THATS WHAT HE SAYS EVERYTiME HE WANTS AN0THER CHANCE. ND iM S0 TiRED 0F GUYS TELLiNG ME THAT SHiT. "iLL NEVER LEAVE Y0U. iLL NEVER HURT Y0U. iLL NEVER CHEAT 0N Y0U...BLAH BLAH BLAH" BC iTS A L0AD 0F SHiT. EVERYTiME A GUY HAS SAiD HE W0ULD NEVER D0...W/E HE ALWAYS D0ES iT. NEVER SAY NEVER BC iTS G0iNG T0 EVENTUALLY HAPPEN..iTS iNEViTABLE.( i KN0W KATiE..i WR0TE S0ME 0F THiS iN MY BL0G)
S0 D0N T0LD ME i HAVE T0 BE HAPPY W/ MYSELF BEF0RE i CAN BE TRULY HAPPY WiTH ANY0NE ELSE. ND i KiND 0F AGREE W/ HiM BUT i KiNDA D0NT. iLL NEVER REALLY BE HAPPY W/ MYSELF. THATS S0METHiNG iVE ACCEPTED. iVE BEEN HAPPY W/ GUYS BEF0RE BUT N0T HAPPY W/ MYSELF. BUT i GUESS HES RiGHT. H0W CAN i EXPECT A GUY T0 L0VE ME, WHEN i CANT EVEN L0VE MYSELF?
THERES A MiLLi0N DiFFERENT TH0UGHTS RACiNG THRU MY MiND ND ALL i WANT RiGHT N0W...THE 0NLY THiNG i REALLY WANT..iS T0 JUST SHUT iT 0FF. SHUT MY WH0LE MiND D0WN ND F0RGET EVERYTHiNG...EVEN iF iTS 0NLY TEMP0RARY. MY 0WN TH0UGHTS ARE DRiViNG ME iNSANE.