i had a great today, but now i feel so full up of badness, i feel like i crossed a line and pushed someone too far. i wish i hadnt, even though at the time i thought it was the best thing to do. im full of regret, i wish i hadnt. xoxo

today was my first proper day of half term and me and jayme went running - with walking breaks - in the rain, and saved a birds life. id really love if i could get all fit and healthy, and stay dedicated. i had a missed call from 'home' today which is weird as my dad normally calls from his mobile, so i hope hes okay :S ( Read more... )

i feel really weird today. i havent done a lot over the last few days, felt hungover although im not, and been really really tired and hardly slept. everything just seems a bit........bleak. im in one of those moods where i can just see the sadness, everyone i look at has empty eyes, i feel like my heart is empty. i talked to my daddy today and ( Read more... )

talked to my father, chemotherapy isnt helping the tumours got bigger etc soooo hes starting new treatment on tuesday :( i wish icould actually do something to help but i know that theres nothing. am going to see him later which will be goddamn weird because ** they have a lodger staying in rachels room. juan found her, shes chinese, doing business ( Read more... )

do you ever think about me ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

so, after the longest gap ever its time to update. rachel left on the 15th of august and im still missing her very much, she told me that she'd come over and live with me if i wanted her to but i wouldnt ask that of her because i know that she wouldnt be as happy here, though i wish so much that it wasnt the case. reading festival was wonderful as ( Read more... )

tonight, i feel black eyed. i feel my eyes widen and my gaze wander everytime im not deliberatel distracting myself. a lot has gone on over the last few months. none of the major news good, though there have been lots of good times in the last three months. so far this has been a year to grow up in. i suppose maturing is something you have no ( Read more... )

Based on the lj interests lists of those who share my more unusual interests, the interests suggestion meme thinks I might be interested in
1. writing on myself score: 3
2. michael alig score: 3
3. crystal meth score: 3
4. woot score: 3
5. making collages score: 3
6. rik mayall score: 3
7. french people score: 3
8. tweakers score: 3
9. army of freshmen ( Read more... )

this is just a quick little entry, wanted to say that i hope everyone is safe after the bombings and that all their loved ones are too.
all of mine are as far as i know at the moment, it still doesnt seem that real.
but people are upstairs so im going to go now.
lots of love to you all xoxoxoxoxox