(no subject)
Title: Sanctimonious
Author: horroramor
Pairing/Characters:Kurt/Puck, Artie
Rating:R
Spoilers:None
Summary: Artie gives Kurt some more helpful relationship advice.
Author's Note: Sequel to Artie Abrams, Spiritual Advisor
Kurt and Artie sat listening to Kurt's iPod, one earbud in Kurt's ear, the other in Artie's. Kurt let out a long, plaintive sigh.
He glanced over at Artie, who hadn't noticed. He sighed a little louder, trying his hardest to look winsome.
Artie's eye twitched a little, but he still didn't look up from his sandwich.
Kurt sighed louder still, leaning in closer to Artie, with the gloomiest expression he could muster on his face.
Finally, Artie rolled his eyes, threw his sandwich down on the table and removed his earbud.
“Is something wrong, Kurt?” He asked sarcastically in a mock-concerned voice, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Kurt smiled a tiny, triumphant smile. “How did you know?”
Artie yawned.“Wild guess.”
“Well, now that you mention it-”
Artie pulled a large chocolate chip cookie out of his bag. Kurt stopped talking mid-sentence and eyed the cookie, then looked at Artie expectantly.
Artie groaned, breaking the cookie in half and giving the bigger half to Kurt. “You're about as subtle as a dropping anvil. Now tell me what's wrong already.” he said as Kurt munched happily on his cookie.
“Puck's been avoiding me.” explained Kurt. “He has no problem pinning me against a wall and kissing the hell out of me (at this, Artie cringed) , but he refuses to acknowledge it and always blames me for being so “into him”. He stands me up almost every time we go out, ditches me to hang out with his football buddies, and he still tosses me into dumpsters.”
“Well, I never said liking him was going to be easy” said Artie. “I told you this would happen, didn't I?”
Kurt's brow furrowed. “Yeah.”
“He's a teenage boy, confused about his sexuality.” Artie continued. “It goes without saying that he would be reluctant to be around you when you serve as a constant reminder of his confusion”
“I suppose you're right.” replied Kurt. “But that doesn't mean he has to toss me into dumpsters at every opportunity.”
“And, with the added anxiety of a relationship on his shoulders-”
“-I wouldn't exactly call what we have a 'relationship' ” Kurt interrupted.
Artie sighed and rubbed his temples. The conversation paused for a moment. Artie took a thoughtful bite of his sandwich.
“Look, you're doing everything in your power to make Puck like you, right?” asked Artie.
Kurt looked down at his shoes. “Yes”.
Artie nodded. “Well, stop trying so hard. In fact, go out with some other guys.”
Kurt's head snapped back up and he stared at Artie incredulously. “What? What do you mean-”
Artie laughed. “Don't get your panties in a twist, just let me finish. Guys like Puck like the chase. They want what they can't have. If you try as hard as you can to impress him, it just shows him that he can treat you however he wants and you'll still come back to him”
Kurt lowered his eyes.
“You have to act like you don't give a shit if he calls you the next day or not.” said Artie. “ If you show him that you don't need him, that you're perfectly happy without him and couldn't care less what he thinks of you, he'll come around. And you'll have him for good.”
Kurt mulled this over for a moment. “Really?”
“Definitely.” said Artie.
As if on cue, Puck sauntered up to their table in the cafeteria, effectively ignoring Artie as he sat down beside Kurt.
“Wanna come over tonight and help me study?” asked Puck, putting extra emphasis on the word “study”. Artie rolled his eyes. Apparently, Kurt wasn't the only one with problems being subtle.
“Come over...tonight?” asked Kurt uneasily.
Puck laughed. “That's what I said.”
“Ummm....” Kurt glanced over at Artie, who gave him a very pointed look. That look was the only reminder Kurt needed.
“I can't.” said Kurt plainly.
Artie smiled approvingly. Puck's face fell. He was obviously expecting a different answer.
“But, uh, what do you mean- I mean, why not?” asked a flabbergasted Puck. It looked as if he still hadn't quite grasped that Kurt had refused him.
Kurt was very nervous. “I'm busy tonight. I'm going to the movies with...uh-”
“Me.” said Artie, wheeling his way neatly in between Kurt and Puck. “Kurt and I are going to the movies.”
Pucks eyes were round with shock. “Oh.” he said thickly, “Well, uh, what about tomorrow?”
Kurt, suddenly feeling very empowered, smiled inwardly and said “Hmm, I don't know. I'll have to see if I'm free tomorrow. I don't think I am, though. Maybe some other time.”
And with that, Kurt stood up, slung his bag over his shoulder, grabbed the handles of Artie's wheelchair and walked away, leaving Puck dumbfounded and a little angry-looking, sitting mutely at the empty table.
When they were far enough away, Kurt and Artie burst out laughing.
“Did you see the look on his face?” giggled Kurt, pushing Artie to his locker then stopping at his own adjacent one.
“I don't think he's ever been rejected quite like that before” chuckled Artie and he dialed his combination and opened his locker.
Once their laughter died down a bit, Kurt smiled innocently at Artie and said “So what movie are we seeing?”
Artie wheeled around and stared at Kurt. “Excuse me?”
“Well, you told Puck that you were taking me to a movie, so it just won't do for me to sit at home tonight. What if Puck shows up? You are obligated to actually take me to a movie.”
“You're joking.” said Artie.
“I've never been more serious in my life, dear Artie.” said Kurt.
“Good Christ, you're a pain in the ass” Artie grumbled.
Kurt did his best puppy dog eyes, smiling sweetly at Artie.
“Fine, I'll pay for the stupid movie. But you're paying for the snacks.”
“Deal. See you tonight.”
It was fortunate that Artie had agreed to take Kurt to the movie (“Angry Axeman”, which consisted of Kurt shrieking and clutching Artie's arm every 13 seconds, and Artie rolling his eyes and making sarcastic comments about the budget gore), because as they were leaving the movie theater, they saw a tall figure who looked suspiciously like Puck darting in front of them and out of the cinema.
“Was that...” Kurt trailed off.
“Yes. Yes it was” said Artie, sipping his Pepsi.
"He followed us into the movie." whispered Kurt. “That's so-”
Kurt said “cute” at the same time as Artie said “creepy”. They looked at each other and shook their heads.
“Should I follow him?” asked Kurt.
“No need. You'll see him tomorrow” said Artie airily. He handed his Pepsi to Kurt.
“Tomorrow's Saturday” said Kurt, taking a sip. “He goes bowling with Finn and the rest of the football guys on Saturdays.”
“Well, tomorrow they're going to be short one player.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “We'll see about that.”
The next morning, Kurt sat at his dining room table, eating toast (lightly toasted rye bread, raspberry jam on one side, butter on the other side) and drinking orange juice (no added sugar, no pulp), having completely forgotten about Artie's warning. His dad had slept in and had to rush out of the house, leaving his half empty mug of coffee on the counter.
As he was trying to wake himself up a little more and considering pouring himself some coffee, he heard a truck pull into the driveway.
After about 2 seconds of groggy nonrecognition, his heart skipped a beat.
He simultaneously cursed Artie for being a know-it-all and thanked God that he had exfoliated.
When the knock came, he took a deep breath, smoothed his hair, and tried to plan what he was going to say. He got up, pulled down his t-shirt where it had ridden up, and opened the door.
Puck's expression was confused, angry and ambitious all at the same time.
“Hello, Puck” Kurt said, trying to keep his voice level, trying not to sound nervous, trying not to let Puck know how happy he was to see him.
“Was it because I ruined your Marc Jacobs jacket?” Puck asked bluntly.
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
“You blew me off yesterday to hang out with the wheelchair kid.”
“I wasn't 'blowing you off', Puck.” replied Kurt, trying to sound impatient, like he had better things to do than talk to Puck when all he really wanted was to grab him by the shirt and crash their mouths together. “I had other plans. My life doesn't revolve around you, you know.”
Puck's brow furrowed. “I know.”
“So, are we done here? I'm missing my cartoons.”
“You hate cartoons.”
“Look,” said Kurt wearily, “I don't care about the fucking jacket.”
Puck looked at him skeptically.
“Okay, I did care very much about the jacket. You owe me $300, asshole. But that's not why I'm mad. You have no problem bailing on me, acting like you don't know me and bullying me.
And I always forgave you.” Kurt found himself getting angrier and angrier with each word. “I'm not going to be your little experiment anymore. And before you take out your testosterone-fuelled anger on Artie- yes, I know you followed us last night-
The colour drained out of Puck's face.
“-we're just friends. Artie's a good friend. A great friend, actually. He's not afraid to be seen with me. He doesn't care what people will say about him.”
At this point, Kurt had gotten so worked up that tears were starting to form in his eyes. “I just got sick of waiting around for you.”
Kurt tried to slam the door in Puck's face, but Puck braced him arm against the door. It scared Kurt that his whole body wasn't as strong as one of Puck's arms.
Puck shoved his way into the house and shut the door behind him. Kurt backed into a wall, shutting his eyes tight and bracing himself.
Instead of the punch he was expecting, He felt Puck's hand gently cupping the side of his face. One tear escaped when he opened his eyes and stared up at Puck, who wiped the tear away with his thumb.
“Listen, Kurt.” he said, bringing his other hand up to card through Kurt's hair. “You're not an experiment. When I saw you with the wheelchair kid I just- I couldn't stand seeing you with someone else.”
He reached around Kurt's thighs and pulled him up, wrapping Kurt's legs around his waist, backing up until they landed on the couch, Kurt's legs still wrapped around him.
“You don't belong with anyone else. You belong with me.” He pulled Kurt's head down and kissed him sweetly, tugging on Kurt's bottom lip a little with his teeth. Kurt shifted so he was sitting in Puck's lap, his legs straddling either side of Puck's.
“Prove it to me.” whispered Kurt, running his hand through the stripe of hair on Puck's head.
Kurt kissed Puck, running his tongue along Puck's bottom lip until he opened his mouth and rolled his tongue against Kurt's. Kurt could feel Puck's five o'clock shadow rough against his cheek, could smell Puck's sweet, clean hair. Puck slid his hands up Kurt's t-shirt, fingers ghosting over his hips.
He pushed Kurt's shirt up, looking at Kurt questioningly. “Can I take this off?”
Kurt rolled his eyes and yanked the t-shirt off himself, tossing it across the room. Puck kissed hard down Kurt's neck, biting at his collarbone, making Kurt gasp and grind down on Puck's lap. Kurt cried out when Puck's tongue swirled around one of his nipples.
“You blush with your whole body” smiled Puck. His smile quickly turned into a moan when Kurt ground down on his clothed erection. He grabbed Kurt's hips and thrusted up against him, biting down on Kurt's shoulder. The continuous rolling of Puck's hips up into his was enough to make Kurt come, crying out into Puck's mouth. Puck grinned into the kiss,.
Kurt hid his face in Puck's shoulder, panting and flushed.
“I'm so embarrassed” he whispered into Puck's neck, wrapping his arms around himself.
Puck smiled. “Don't be.”
Kurt emerged from Puck's shoulder and looked down at himself, his sweaty body and sticky jeans. He ran a hand through his hair, which was in complete disarray.
“So...shower?” he asked, wiping his mouth.
Puck laughed, clear as a bell.
“Definitely.”
On Monday, a wave of whispers washed over the cafeteria as Kurt walked in wearing Puck's letterman jacket. Artie rolled his eyes as Kurt sat down, grinning stupidly at Artie.
“Well, don't you look pleased with yourself.” Artie deadpanned.
“And it's all thanks to you.” Kurt smiled.
Artie shrugged. “I have a soft spot for horribly mismatched couples and I get bored easily, and for that you should be grateful.”
Kurt grabbed Artie's face and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“I am.” Kurt said cheerfully as Artie cringed and wiped his cheek with the sleeve of his sweater.
Author: horroramor
Pairing/Characters:Kurt/Puck, Artie
Rating:R
Spoilers:None
Summary: Artie gives Kurt some more helpful relationship advice.
Author's Note: Sequel to Artie Abrams, Spiritual Advisor
Kurt and Artie sat listening to Kurt's iPod, one earbud in Kurt's ear, the other in Artie's. Kurt let out a long, plaintive sigh.
He glanced over at Artie, who hadn't noticed. He sighed a little louder, trying his hardest to look winsome.
Artie's eye twitched a little, but he still didn't look up from his sandwich.
Kurt sighed louder still, leaning in closer to Artie, with the gloomiest expression he could muster on his face.
Finally, Artie rolled his eyes, threw his sandwich down on the table and removed his earbud.
“Is something wrong, Kurt?” He asked sarcastically in a mock-concerned voice, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Kurt smiled a tiny, triumphant smile. “How did you know?”
Artie yawned.“Wild guess.”
“Well, now that you mention it-”
Artie pulled a large chocolate chip cookie out of his bag. Kurt stopped talking mid-sentence and eyed the cookie, then looked at Artie expectantly.
Artie groaned, breaking the cookie in half and giving the bigger half to Kurt. “You're about as subtle as a dropping anvil. Now tell me what's wrong already.” he said as Kurt munched happily on his cookie.
“Puck's been avoiding me.” explained Kurt. “He has no problem pinning me against a wall and kissing the hell out of me (at this, Artie cringed) , but he refuses to acknowledge it and always blames me for being so “into him”. He stands me up almost every time we go out, ditches me to hang out with his football buddies, and he still tosses me into dumpsters.”
“Well, I never said liking him was going to be easy” said Artie. “I told you this would happen, didn't I?”
Kurt's brow furrowed. “Yeah.”
“He's a teenage boy, confused about his sexuality.” Artie continued. “It goes without saying that he would be reluctant to be around you when you serve as a constant reminder of his confusion”
“I suppose you're right.” replied Kurt. “But that doesn't mean he has to toss me into dumpsters at every opportunity.”
“And, with the added anxiety of a relationship on his shoulders-”
“-I wouldn't exactly call what we have a 'relationship' ” Kurt interrupted.
Artie sighed and rubbed his temples. The conversation paused for a moment. Artie took a thoughtful bite of his sandwich.
“Look, you're doing everything in your power to make Puck like you, right?” asked Artie.
Kurt looked down at his shoes. “Yes”.
Artie nodded. “Well, stop trying so hard. In fact, go out with some other guys.”
Kurt's head snapped back up and he stared at Artie incredulously. “What? What do you mean-”
Artie laughed. “Don't get your panties in a twist, just let me finish. Guys like Puck like the chase. They want what they can't have. If you try as hard as you can to impress him, it just shows him that he can treat you however he wants and you'll still come back to him”
Kurt lowered his eyes.
“You have to act like you don't give a shit if he calls you the next day or not.” said Artie. “ If you show him that you don't need him, that you're perfectly happy without him and couldn't care less what he thinks of you, he'll come around. And you'll have him for good.”
Kurt mulled this over for a moment. “Really?”
“Definitely.” said Artie.
As if on cue, Puck sauntered up to their table in the cafeteria, effectively ignoring Artie as he sat down beside Kurt.
“Wanna come over tonight and help me study?” asked Puck, putting extra emphasis on the word “study”. Artie rolled his eyes. Apparently, Kurt wasn't the only one with problems being subtle.
“Come over...tonight?” asked Kurt uneasily.
Puck laughed. “That's what I said.”
“Ummm....” Kurt glanced over at Artie, who gave him a very pointed look. That look was the only reminder Kurt needed.
“I can't.” said Kurt plainly.
Artie smiled approvingly. Puck's face fell. He was obviously expecting a different answer.
“But, uh, what do you mean- I mean, why not?” asked a flabbergasted Puck. It looked as if he still hadn't quite grasped that Kurt had refused him.
Kurt was very nervous. “I'm busy tonight. I'm going to the movies with...uh-”
“Me.” said Artie, wheeling his way neatly in between Kurt and Puck. “Kurt and I are going to the movies.”
Pucks eyes were round with shock. “Oh.” he said thickly, “Well, uh, what about tomorrow?”
Kurt, suddenly feeling very empowered, smiled inwardly and said “Hmm, I don't know. I'll have to see if I'm free tomorrow. I don't think I am, though. Maybe some other time.”
And with that, Kurt stood up, slung his bag over his shoulder, grabbed the handles of Artie's wheelchair and walked away, leaving Puck dumbfounded and a little angry-looking, sitting mutely at the empty table.
When they were far enough away, Kurt and Artie burst out laughing.
“Did you see the look on his face?” giggled Kurt, pushing Artie to his locker then stopping at his own adjacent one.
“I don't think he's ever been rejected quite like that before” chuckled Artie and he dialed his combination and opened his locker.
Once their laughter died down a bit, Kurt smiled innocently at Artie and said “So what movie are we seeing?”
Artie wheeled around and stared at Kurt. “Excuse me?”
“Well, you told Puck that you were taking me to a movie, so it just won't do for me to sit at home tonight. What if Puck shows up? You are obligated to actually take me to a movie.”
“You're joking.” said Artie.
“I've never been more serious in my life, dear Artie.” said Kurt.
“Good Christ, you're a pain in the ass” Artie grumbled.
Kurt did his best puppy dog eyes, smiling sweetly at Artie.
“Fine, I'll pay for the stupid movie. But you're paying for the snacks.”
“Deal. See you tonight.”
It was fortunate that Artie had agreed to take Kurt to the movie (“Angry Axeman”, which consisted of Kurt shrieking and clutching Artie's arm every 13 seconds, and Artie rolling his eyes and making sarcastic comments about the budget gore), because as they were leaving the movie theater, they saw a tall figure who looked suspiciously like Puck darting in front of them and out of the cinema.
“Was that...” Kurt trailed off.
“Yes. Yes it was” said Artie, sipping his Pepsi.
"He followed us into the movie." whispered Kurt. “That's so-”
Kurt said “cute” at the same time as Artie said “creepy”. They looked at each other and shook their heads.
“Should I follow him?” asked Kurt.
“No need. You'll see him tomorrow” said Artie airily. He handed his Pepsi to Kurt.
“Tomorrow's Saturday” said Kurt, taking a sip. “He goes bowling with Finn and the rest of the football guys on Saturdays.”
“Well, tomorrow they're going to be short one player.”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “We'll see about that.”
The next morning, Kurt sat at his dining room table, eating toast (lightly toasted rye bread, raspberry jam on one side, butter on the other side) and drinking orange juice (no added sugar, no pulp), having completely forgotten about Artie's warning. His dad had slept in and had to rush out of the house, leaving his half empty mug of coffee on the counter.
As he was trying to wake himself up a little more and considering pouring himself some coffee, he heard a truck pull into the driveway.
After about 2 seconds of groggy nonrecognition, his heart skipped a beat.
He simultaneously cursed Artie for being a know-it-all and thanked God that he had exfoliated.
When the knock came, he took a deep breath, smoothed his hair, and tried to plan what he was going to say. He got up, pulled down his t-shirt where it had ridden up, and opened the door.
Puck's expression was confused, angry and ambitious all at the same time.
“Hello, Puck” Kurt said, trying to keep his voice level, trying not to sound nervous, trying not to let Puck know how happy he was to see him.
“Was it because I ruined your Marc Jacobs jacket?” Puck asked bluntly.
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
“You blew me off yesterday to hang out with the wheelchair kid.”
“I wasn't 'blowing you off', Puck.” replied Kurt, trying to sound impatient, like he had better things to do than talk to Puck when all he really wanted was to grab him by the shirt and crash their mouths together. “I had other plans. My life doesn't revolve around you, you know.”
Puck's brow furrowed. “I know.”
“So, are we done here? I'm missing my cartoons.”
“You hate cartoons.”
“Look,” said Kurt wearily, “I don't care about the fucking jacket.”
Puck looked at him skeptically.
“Okay, I did care very much about the jacket. You owe me $300, asshole. But that's not why I'm mad. You have no problem bailing on me, acting like you don't know me and bullying me.
And I always forgave you.” Kurt found himself getting angrier and angrier with each word. “I'm not going to be your little experiment anymore. And before you take out your testosterone-fuelled anger on Artie- yes, I know you followed us last night-
The colour drained out of Puck's face.
“-we're just friends. Artie's a good friend. A great friend, actually. He's not afraid to be seen with me. He doesn't care what people will say about him.”
At this point, Kurt had gotten so worked up that tears were starting to form in his eyes. “I just got sick of waiting around for you.”
Kurt tried to slam the door in Puck's face, but Puck braced him arm against the door. It scared Kurt that his whole body wasn't as strong as one of Puck's arms.
Puck shoved his way into the house and shut the door behind him. Kurt backed into a wall, shutting his eyes tight and bracing himself.
Instead of the punch he was expecting, He felt Puck's hand gently cupping the side of his face. One tear escaped when he opened his eyes and stared up at Puck, who wiped the tear away with his thumb.
“Listen, Kurt.” he said, bringing his other hand up to card through Kurt's hair. “You're not an experiment. When I saw you with the wheelchair kid I just- I couldn't stand seeing you with someone else.”
He reached around Kurt's thighs and pulled him up, wrapping Kurt's legs around his waist, backing up until they landed on the couch, Kurt's legs still wrapped around him.
“You don't belong with anyone else. You belong with me.” He pulled Kurt's head down and kissed him sweetly, tugging on Kurt's bottom lip a little with his teeth. Kurt shifted so he was sitting in Puck's lap, his legs straddling either side of Puck's.
“Prove it to me.” whispered Kurt, running his hand through the stripe of hair on Puck's head.
Kurt kissed Puck, running his tongue along Puck's bottom lip until he opened his mouth and rolled his tongue against Kurt's. Kurt could feel Puck's five o'clock shadow rough against his cheek, could smell Puck's sweet, clean hair. Puck slid his hands up Kurt's t-shirt, fingers ghosting over his hips.
He pushed Kurt's shirt up, looking at Kurt questioningly. “Can I take this off?”
Kurt rolled his eyes and yanked the t-shirt off himself, tossing it across the room. Puck kissed hard down Kurt's neck, biting at his collarbone, making Kurt gasp and grind down on Puck's lap. Kurt cried out when Puck's tongue swirled around one of his nipples.
“You blush with your whole body” smiled Puck. His smile quickly turned into a moan when Kurt ground down on his clothed erection. He grabbed Kurt's hips and thrusted up against him, biting down on Kurt's shoulder. The continuous rolling of Puck's hips up into his was enough to make Kurt come, crying out into Puck's mouth. Puck grinned into the kiss,.
Kurt hid his face in Puck's shoulder, panting and flushed.
“I'm so embarrassed” he whispered into Puck's neck, wrapping his arms around himself.
Puck smiled. “Don't be.”
Kurt emerged from Puck's shoulder and looked down at himself, his sweaty body and sticky jeans. He ran a hand through his hair, which was in complete disarray.
“So...shower?” he asked, wiping his mouth.
Puck laughed, clear as a bell.
“Definitely.”
On Monday, a wave of whispers washed over the cafeteria as Kurt walked in wearing Puck's letterman jacket. Artie rolled his eyes as Kurt sat down, grinning stupidly at Artie.
“Well, don't you look pleased with yourself.” Artie deadpanned.
“And it's all thanks to you.” Kurt smiled.
Artie shrugged. “I have a soft spot for horribly mismatched couples and I get bored easily, and for that you should be grateful.”
Kurt grabbed Artie's face and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“I am.” Kurt said cheerfully as Artie cringed and wiped his cheek with the sleeve of his sweater.