(Untitled)

May 22, 2004 10:50

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Comments 15

bonesbaby33 May 22 2004, 08:47:37 UTC
Don't have time right now cause I have to go, but first sentence:

As one examines the current popular movies today, and many of them contain scenes of extended violence.

Take out the "and" because it doesn't make sense, that's all.

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horseflyr May 22 2004, 09:29:47 UTC
^-^ thanks. I can be such a tard

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hmmmm soccershock May 22 2004, 09:41:00 UTC
a wave of thought about violence inspired by last night perhaps? Kill Bill, violence, same thing

Violence is obviously for the sake of violence

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Re: hmmmm horseflyr May 22 2004, 11:41:26 UTC
Kill Bill == violence. fur sure. this topic just relates to the book.

Unless it's my violent tendencies taking over

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bonesbaby33 May 22 2004, 12:21:48 UTC
I crossed out the wrong parts and then corrected them in parentheses:

Hardy uses violence in his novel in order to enhance the story and make in (it) more believable.

However, a (the) reader realizes that Tess does not love Alec...

This aversion Tess holds towards (Tess's aversion to) Alec leaves her available to marry Angel--I'm not sure, but I think that might sound more correct...I keep thinking of your "aversion to stickers" ^__^

During and after the rape, Tess’s mental condition deteriorated. While she could still function, there is obvious differences between her and the people she knows. This change in her thoughts and personality were both what attracted Angel to her, and what gave her the ability to commit murder. However, after Angel finds out that she is not ‘pure’, she is unfairly punished for what Alec did to her. Thus, Alec’s raping of Tess was important to the novel because it set up openings through which Hardy could continue his story. This whole section just needs to be put in present tense. The sentence before ( ... )

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horseflyr May 22 2004, 18:33:03 UTC
I lurve you. Thanks for the help!

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bonesbaby33 May 23 2004, 04:42:51 UTC
Yep, I hope it helps.

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horseflyr May 23 2004, 05:32:20 UTC
Yeah, it did. I am the Queen of Retarded Tense Errors

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selbian May 22 2004, 14:34:17 UTC
edited your paper. :)
it's in my lj.

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horseflyr May 22 2004, 18:33:23 UTC
cool. you rock my socks.

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dragonsfriend May 22 2004, 18:52:02 UTC
In his novel Tess of the D’urbervilles, Hardy uses violent scenes in order to further his story. I think you need to specifically say something about plot. Just saying "further his story" sounds weird to me.

One of the first violent scenes Hardy includes is the one in which Tess is raped by Alec D’urberville. Say "in which Alec D'Urberville rapes Tess" to make it stronger, or pro active, or something. Grammar check for word says that all the time.

...there is obvious differences between her and the people she knows. Should be "are" instead of "is". Refers to "differences"

Another, smaller violent scene was when Tess slapped Alec with her glove. I don’t like "Another, smaller violent scene..." It could be “Another less violent scene”. At least take out the comma; I think that would be better.

The fact that Tess slapped Alex Shouldn't it be Alec?

Yes, that sentence makes sense

Tess does not seem to realize- or, if she does realize, she does not care- that by killing Alec, her hope of happiness with Angel is cut short. ( ... )

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horseflyr May 23 2004, 05:30:02 UTC
Thanks! I had a horrible time with the Alex Alec thing. And I was trying to avoid plot summary. Thank yoooooooooooooooou!

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