[Fanfic] And All That Jazz 10.5 and 11/?

[hoshiko2]

Title: And All That Jazz
Pairings: Alfred (US)/ Arthur (UK)
Characters: America and England
Rating: G
Warnings: Fluff, pure and simple
Summary: Alfred is approached by the Student Body President, Arthur, for help on his math exam. They hate each other, but maybe opposites can attract with the help of something unexpected.

Comments

[thisiskanta]

Review for 10.5: AHHH I kinda expected Arthur's ass to be sore the next morning, but hnnggg. You focused on them being so adorkable instead XD I would expect them to be kind of prudish and blushy about it but haha! Also, Alfred has the best lies ever! XD Let's hope Arthur's parents really buy it though! Onto read chapter 11..

[hoshiko2]

I knew everyone would expect that and I didn't want to bother writing about how Arthur would complain about his back and ass. He's young so he got over it quickly. We'll just say. >x>

[chiisana00]

Ahem ahem~ That attitude is not good enough, hoshi =u=

While you don't write it up, everyone would assume it's fine or not even think about it. It's better to include details.

[hoshiko2]

*Shrugs.* I just didn't think about it or include it. But I'll remember next time.

[thisiskanta]

PART TWO OF MY REVIEW. Wow, Alfred's dad scared me. Like really. @_@ Instead of feeling like the reader, I kinda put myself in Arthur's shoes and felt what he felt, saw what he saw. *shudder* that was not a fun experience. *flies back to being a reader x_o* but the part where artie stood up to al's dad made gasp in awe! yay for arthur having some fight in him! >:3 Also, dominant arthur is hot yesyes?

Baw, the toy soldier and alfred being a lot more touchy when upset kinda got to me too. ;;

hehe, the ending of this chapter really lightened things up after having my heart beat so fast in the section with alfred's dad. @_@ I'm so happy eliza is in the band. :`D she's such a badass and I love the Pr/Hun/Aus triangle heh. That last sentence made me facepalm. XD poor arthur....

[hoshiko2]

I put myself in Arthur's shoes when writing it. I've dealt with parents like this, hurting my friends, and stood up to them. None of mine EVER went this smoothly, but, eh, it's fiction. I can do what I want with the words. >3

Of course Arthur will be dominant and have some fight in him! HE'S THE BLOODY BRITISH EMPIRE! Lolz. He'll get more fight in him as time goes by too.

College will be fuuuun.

[chiisana00]

So I take it the lie worked with Arthur's parents?

While Alfred's father continued to yell, I lightly pushed Alfred aside. He looked at me with panic across his face, but I shook my head. I remained calm. If this man harmed me, I knew Alfred was there. He would protect me.

This part is kind of irresponsible to me. Alfred is quite terrified of what will happen if his father is to break into the room. While of course, he would do everything to protect Arthur. The fact that Arthur think "He would protect me." was really... Selfish and uncaring? It sounds like in the end, he would still be hiding behind Alfred, in my opinion

[hoshiko2]

Arthur just trusts Alfred in strength. I mean, how would you feel if you saw your boyfriend beat the shit out of his own friends to protect? He knew there was no holding back if his father got in the room. But Arthur certainly wouldn't hide behind Alfred. He'd do everything to hide Alfred behind him. His protective (come here my little colony) side is coming out and will rear its ugly head for quite awhile now.

As for Alfred's father, there is a very good reason why he treats only Alfred so horribly. He was harsh to Arthur at first because, yes, he was drunk, but then the law came down on him and the fact that Arthur wasn't reacting the way he's used to (violence), so he backed off.

As for Gil, his intentions won't be clear for quite awhile.

[chiisana00]

I'm wondering if it would be better to include that part in the fic. Something like;

"I remained calm. I won't let anyone harm Alfred anymore, I'll protect him just the way Alfred protected me. Alfred is here by my side, we can do this together."

... Or some sort -Is not a writer- While of course it makes more clear after your explanation, it may not come out that well in the fic itself and therefore you got me here commenting about it x3;;

I told you I critique and ramble a lot OTL

[hoshiko2]

No no! I want critique! At least you're nice about it and not demanding.

Well if it's not clear then I'll have to improve later on. As it is, I won't go back and change it. It's too much work. But it also works because while Arthur may think he's pretty secure in his love for Alfred, he's not. I've been hinting at it through-out the series at how Arthur's lying to himself about many things.

Either way, thanks. I'll tighten up my writing come next chapter. And give you smut so you'll be happier. ;3

[lovelycudy]

JEALOUSY! JEALOUSY!!! Sorry. I love jealousy XD

This was amazing. And I agree with Alfred. Arthur was deadly hot.

[hoshiko2]

Jealousy is fun to write!

Arthur will get even hotter as time goes by. Unf.

Re: OH BABY!

[hoshiko2]

Yes babe. I will update. So happy you finally read and caught up. Your review makes me so happy. :3 <3