Cup o tea

Nov 22, 2013 07:29

A side of mood swings with the cup of morning tea? Why.. I don't mind if I do! I woke out of a sound sleep this morning mad as hell. I really don't know why. I was having bad dreams about weight gain, and my hip bones don't feel as pointy as I remember. I was sure that I had gained at least 10 pounds! My husband asked me what's wrong. How he knows when I'm lying there silently, in the dark, in the middle of the night, I don't know. I told him it was the same shit, different day. He snuggled me, and rubbed my neck and whispered words of affirmation. I'm never sure if I want to melt into him or strangle him for not seeing what I'm seeing.

Then I caved and weighed myself. I told myself that if it was under 140 I would be happy. I had lost a pound and only put on 4 from my lowest. So, I'm roughly at the same weight. I just keep going up and down. Of course, this is two days after my laxative mishap, so I'm not sure what to think. But I'll just be glad that I didn't gain the ten I was sure I gained.

I'm just frustrated. Now I have loose skin, and I'm getting fat. And I get that I'm not really fat. I remeasured my height. I'm over 5"9", and weigh 132. That's not fat. but it feels heavy, and disgusting.

So my plans for the day are to clean up and get myself out of my emotional funk for a little while. Which isn't hard when you have a baby in a diaper growling at you to come play. haha I love that grin.

So, I think today has turned itself around. Trying to stay in the moment.

oh, and I forgot to write... my husband came home with blueberry dunkin donuts coffee. I'm thrilled to try it!

today, for part of my lunch, I made a new thing. It was sweet potato fries, baked. but the coating was egg white. SOOO good!

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