Adventures of the Last Singleton
Uhm, yeah. So last night, I went on a date that was so bad, I am forced to share it with you all.
I know most of you have heard about it by now as I WAS FORCED TO CALL ALL MY CLOSEST FRIENDS the minute the dumbass left the restaraunt. (Yes, I was still there.)
Well, it began bad and only got worse.
I met the guy at the Whiskey Bar (uhm, I know) a few days after I returned from Hawaii. He was a fairly attractive Microsoft nerd who bragged about traveling and being in a band, but was funny enough to gain the required coolpoints neccesary for me to give out my number.
The true badness began as soon as I re-saw him. I jumped in his Lexus SUV (gag) and nearly puked as I gave him the once over. While dressed in nice work duds at the Whiskey Bar when I met him, he seemed cute and funny, but dressed in a black "Mystery Machine" Scooby-doo tee and stupid pants he looked like a smarmy slob.
We proceeded to chit-chat and I after about 5 minutes I began to feel like he was giving me a quiz from 16 magazine of the "Are you Marriage Material" variety. I tried to secretly roll my eyes everytime he checked his blindspot, but I was convinced that I should just relax and go with it and try to give him a chance.
We ended up on the Hill and he chose Olympic Pizza on 15th for dinner. The good news: They had a garlicy mizithra pasta that was very yummy and had a great low-priced/high quality wine list. The bad news: The date quickly turned down-right rotten.
We proceeded to chit-chat and his Quizzing got even worse. So bad, that I excused myself for a moment and ran next door to Walgreens to buy some smokes, in fact.
Three separate times before the entree was served he made un-disguised comments regarding movies he owned or cds I HAD TO LISTEN TO that were very obviously fishing for me to answer with some variety of 'YES! WE WILL RETURN TO YOUR PLACE FOR MAKE-OUTS later tonight' response. I carefully made a statement about how since I had just began dating again, I had inacted a no-going-to-his-home-on-the-first-date Policy to maintain low confusion status, but maybe we could watch TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE a different day.
It was at this second that his whole persona seemed to disintegrate before my eyes. Everything changed... his posture, his facial expressions, everthing. I sensed that I had disappointed him, but was curious about how he would try to recover. To my surprise, he didn't even attempt to be cool. He responded by saying, "well, I just think that having rules like that at your age is really immature." I explained that I had obviously offended him while I hadn't meant to at all. It was not a personal attack on him that I had inacted a policy, but instead a decision that *I* had made for my own reasons. He stated that if I were attracted enough to him then I would come home with him, simple as that. I restated that my decision was based on issues *I* had been dealing with lately and had nothing to do with how I saw him, etc. I clarified that there had been many times in the past that I had chosen to go home with a guy for a 'nightcap' or whatever, but recently decided it wasn't what I was looking for. An awesome girl is worth ONE FUCKING DATE before access to booty, I mean PLEASE.
Regardless, his only lasting line was that never in his life had he ever had anything work out with a girl who did not go home with him on the first date, whether they had sex or not. He started digging through his wallet around this time and since I still had half a glass of wine, I asked if he was ready to go. He was like.. "What do you mean, go..?" And I was like.. *blank stare..* "uhm.... I mean leave the restaraunt because I am still not done with my wine.. but if you are thinking that you would like to go in a more PERMENENT sense, please just let me know." So he stared at me for a few moments, began to stutter that basically maybe he should call it a night because ... (ATTENTION: THIS IS THE BEST PART EVERYONE) HE had another girl that he could CALL TO COME OVER, and since it was still early enough, he wanted to go CALL HER!
So, ladies and gentlemen, I said fine, that is probably the saddest, most pathetic thing I had ever heard, but please enjoy your easy fuck!
After he left I ordered another glass of wine and waited for Jessie and Richard to come save me.
All of this leaves me wanting to create a website for single girls of seattle to send in BAD DATE Stories and information so we can maintain a DO NOT DATE THESE MEN (and here's why) page.
We could charge the men $200 or something to get there names removed, and we could be both HELPFUL and RICH.
So, who's in..??
I know most of you have heard about it by now as I WAS FORCED TO CALL ALL MY CLOSEST FRIENDS the minute the dumbass left the restaraunt. (Yes, I was still there.)
Well, it began bad and only got worse.
I met the guy at the Whiskey Bar (uhm, I know) a few days after I returned from Hawaii. He was a fairly attractive Microsoft nerd who bragged about traveling and being in a band, but was funny enough to gain the required coolpoints neccesary for me to give out my number.
The true badness began as soon as I re-saw him. I jumped in his Lexus SUV (gag) and nearly puked as I gave him the once over. While dressed in nice work duds at the Whiskey Bar when I met him, he seemed cute and funny, but dressed in a black "Mystery Machine" Scooby-doo tee and stupid pants he looked like a smarmy slob.
We proceeded to chit-chat and I after about 5 minutes I began to feel like he was giving me a quiz from 16 magazine of the "Are you Marriage Material" variety. I tried to secretly roll my eyes everytime he checked his blindspot, but I was convinced that I should just relax and go with it and try to give him a chance.
We ended up on the Hill and he chose Olympic Pizza on 15th for dinner. The good news: They had a garlicy mizithra pasta that was very yummy and had a great low-priced/high quality wine list. The bad news: The date quickly turned down-right rotten.
We proceeded to chit-chat and his Quizzing got even worse. So bad, that I excused myself for a moment and ran next door to Walgreens to buy some smokes, in fact.
Three separate times before the entree was served he made un-disguised comments regarding movies he owned or cds I HAD TO LISTEN TO that were very obviously fishing for me to answer with some variety of 'YES! WE WILL RETURN TO YOUR PLACE FOR MAKE-OUTS later tonight' response. I carefully made a statement about how since I had just began dating again, I had inacted a no-going-to-his-home-on-the-first-date Policy to maintain low confusion status, but maybe we could watch TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE a different day.
It was at this second that his whole persona seemed to disintegrate before my eyes. Everything changed... his posture, his facial expressions, everthing. I sensed that I had disappointed him, but was curious about how he would try to recover. To my surprise, he didn't even attempt to be cool. He responded by saying, "well, I just think that having rules like that at your age is really immature." I explained that I had obviously offended him while I hadn't meant to at all. It was not a personal attack on him that I had inacted a policy, but instead a decision that *I* had made for my own reasons. He stated that if I were attracted enough to him then I would come home with him, simple as that. I restated that my decision was based on issues *I* had been dealing with lately and had nothing to do with how I saw him, etc. I clarified that there had been many times in the past that I had chosen to go home with a guy for a 'nightcap' or whatever, but recently decided it wasn't what I was looking for. An awesome girl is worth ONE FUCKING DATE before access to booty, I mean PLEASE.
Regardless, his only lasting line was that never in his life had he ever had anything work out with a girl who did not go home with him on the first date, whether they had sex or not. He started digging through his wallet around this time and since I still had half a glass of wine, I asked if he was ready to go. He was like.. "What do you mean, go..?" And I was like.. *blank stare..* "uhm.... I mean leave the restaraunt because I am still not done with my wine.. but if you are thinking that you would like to go in a more PERMENENT sense, please just let me know." So he stared at me for a few moments, began to stutter that basically maybe he should call it a night because ... (ATTENTION: THIS IS THE BEST PART EVERYONE) HE had another girl that he could CALL TO COME OVER, and since it was still early enough, he wanted to go CALL HER!
So, ladies and gentlemen, I said fine, that is probably the saddest, most pathetic thing I had ever heard, but please enjoy your easy fuck!
After he left I ordered another glass of wine and waited for Jessie and Richard to come save me.
All of this leaves me wanting to create a website for single girls of seattle to send in BAD DATE Stories and information so we can maintain a DO NOT DATE THESE MEN (and here's why) page.
We could charge the men $200 or something to get there names removed, and we could be both HELPFUL and RICH.
So, who's in..??