today

[hotblue]

I just got out of rehab again. You'd think that this wonderful boy would be enough to keep me clean and sober but he is just another human power and no human power can relieve me of my addiction. So I'm looking for a spiritual solution and I need it badly. I'm in oceanside on the freeway with my parents and Blake. We are going to meet my

Comments

[methylene_blues]

Getting better for other people has never worked for me. I have missed you, and I do not blame you for not making Blake a reason to use or not to use. I have been made to be such a symbol before, a child who is both more than a child and less than a child. I am glad that he remains your son and not the idea or something to blame or excuse.

Not sure if this came out right. I wish you the best of luck in your continued recovery. You have done it before, and I know you can do it again.

[hotblue]

me too. i've been made to feel that way too and i'm still trying to erase those scars and i'll be 41 next month (although I stopped maturing at about 12 so it's not all bad). thanks.

[msangel]

i'm sure you haven't been following my lj, but i am in the process of adopting a little boy. he was severely meth exposed in-utero. i've had him since december of last year. birthmom wanted to fight for him at first (i was his foster parent) but she continued to use, got arrested, uses, gets arrested. in march, she decided that she loved him enough to give him up and let me adopt him.

as a former addict, i understand her behavior. but as a new mom, i feel so sorry for her because she's missed/missing out on watching this miracle grow and become a little man. i will never doubt her love for him and i know you truly love your son with all of your heart. it's just the damn dope...it's pull is so strong.

[hotblue]

wow that is so great. and challenging. thanks for giving me some hope.

[corto]

dooooode!

may you find a way to repay the people that are giving you their hands.
let them hold you.
their job is not done yet.
they know this.

let them hold you.

[hotblue]

Yeah I'm trying.. Asking for help is so damn hard. Thanks Corto. xox

[majolika]

[hotblue]

the song was hilarious. Thanks :)

[hawaiianrose]

Glad you're back. The miracle of recovery is that you can think about doing something and not do it. The burning will pass.

[hotblue]

thank god for that miracle or I'd be long gone. thanks. :)