ryushin :o
Title: Half of my Heart
Author: hotfruits
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Ryutaro/Shintaro. Ryutaro/Chinen. Otsuka Yuya!cameo.
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Summary: Shintaro is determined to help his brother after he gets his heart broken, but he may end up with the broken heart in the end.
Thank you to my betas/support team littlemelonblue and ohsojuicy21.
Written for my darling snow_cafe/violin_sonata. Happy 15th Birthday, I hope you can read this all the way from Heaven. ♥
Shintaro’s eyes widens in surprise when his brother slams his door open, his hands trembling as he locks the door behind him. “Nii-chan?” Shintaro questions his older brother as he strode over to him, sitting down on his bed with a heavy sigh.
A quiet moment passes, and Shintaro scoots over towards Ryutaro, gently touching his shoulder. That’s when he notices it, the quiet sobs coming from his brother’s mouth, accompanied by a slight tremble in his shoulders and unsteady breathing.
“Nii-chan, what’s wrong?” Shintaro asks, concerned as he leans over and peers at Ryutaro’s face. He could now see the tears streaming down his brother’s cheeks, his eyes opened and looking back at him miserably, and Shintaro’s heart clenches in his chest. Without a word, he hugs Ryutaro, pulling him as close as possible into his small arms.
“Chii, he, he…” Ryutaro buries his face in Shintaro’s neck, wetting the skin there with his tears. “He broke up with me,” he manages to choke out, before hugging Shintaro back, his arms settling around Shintaro’s waist.
“Oh, nii-chan,” Shintaro sighs, petting Ryutaro’s hair, “I’m so sorry, what happened?”
Ryutaro shakes his head, and Shintaro nods, understanding that his brother didn’t want to say anymore. “It’s okay nii-chan, don’t worry. We’ll get you through this, okay?”
Ryutaro only cries harder in response, his arms tightening around Shintaro’s waist.
***
It’s been three days since the breakup, and Shintaro was at a loss of what to do. His brother won’t get out of bed, refuses to eat, has trouble sleeping and even when he does, often wakes up due to nightmares. He’s called Yabu-kun and Yuma-nii for advice on how to heal with a broken heart, but the only advice they had was that it would heal over time.
Over time? Shintaro doesn’t want to wait ‘til “over time”. He wants his brother to be okay right now. He misses his smile and his humor, and even his punches a little. This depressing Ryutaro is so lifeless, and the weight of worrying over him is starting to wear down on Shintaro’s mind.
It’s all a little too much for him, but there’s nothing he can do, except to get Ryutaro through this and help his brother find happiness again, without Chinen-kun.
Hearing Ryutaro whimper in his sleep, Shintaro cuddled closer to him and rested his cheek against his brother’s shoulder. Quietly, he began to sing, his fingers tracing odd patterns on his brother’s chest.
The whimpering stopped, and Shintaro sighed in relief as Ryutaro relaxed, his breathing becoming easy again.
He continued to sing for his brother, ignoring his sleepy eyes until he couldn’t any more, his voice slowly fading away into a quiet snore.
***
When it came to taking care of Ryutaro, Shintaro found that the best thing he could do was to take his brother’s mind off of things; play video games, read manga, and when he couldn’t distract him from the tears, holding his brother close and singing to him seemed to do the trick.
He’s also begun to walk with his brother to and from the Jimusho, the two of them meeting up at Ryutaro’s school beforehand. Normally he would walk with some of the other juniors, but he knew that Ryutaro needed him more right now, to be with him before he has to go to practice and be stuck with Chinen-kun for the next few hours.
Which really broke his brother’s heart, so by the time they’re both done with practice, Ryutaro hangs his head low to hide his eyes and Shintaro carefully leads him home, holding his hand when they’re on the train and letting his brother cry into his neck, if they’re alone.
When they get home, Ryutaro runs up to his room and doesn’t come down for the rest of the night, so after eating his own dinner, Shintaro brings up a plate for Ryutaro and tries to coax his brother into eating, which only works half the time.
“Come on nii-chan, please eat,” Shintaro gently begs, rubbing his brother’s shoulder and trying to get him to face him. Ryutaro remains lying down though, his back facing Shintaro’s and the younger boy sighs, giving up. Setting the plate of food on the floor, Shintaro lies down beside Ryutaro and slips an arm around his waist, snuggling up to his brother.
“It’s going to be okay nii-chan, it will,” Shintaro says after Ryutaro begins to cry, “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you smile again.”
“It’s not your job to make me happy,” Ryutaro mumbles, turning over and facing Shintaro, his eyes bloodshot and his mouth set in a frown.
“Of course it is, you’re my nii-chan.” Shintaro wipes away Ryutaro’s tears. “I’d do anything for you.”
Ryutaro sniffles at this, and moves closer towards Shintaro, pressing their foreheads together. They stay like that until Ryutaro eventually falls asleep, and Shintaro untangles himself from his brother’s arms, grabbing the plate of food on the floor and taking it downstairs.
Covering it up, he places it in the fridge and reminds himself to try and get Ryutaro to eat it tomorrow, or later tonight if he wakes up from a bad dream.
Going back upstairs, Shintaro enters his brother’s room and slips back into his bed, covering them both with Ryutaro’s Pokemon blankets.
“Goodnight nii-chan, sleep well,” Shintaro whispers, eyes falling shut as he snuggles up to Ryutaro again.
***
It’s New Years Eve, and although he had plans with his friends, Shintaro ends up staying at home with his brother. Their parents are out on a date, and their little sister is staying at a friend’s house, so they’ve got the whole place to themselves.
“Nii-chan, come on, the count down is starting!” Shintaro smiles as he watches the TV, gripping Ryutaro’s hand as he begins to count down. When he reaches zero, he jumps and begins dancing around, until he notices that Ryutaro is still sitting gloomily on the couch. “Nii-chan, it’s the new years, please be happy.”
“I’m sorry,” Ryutaro sighs and stands up, “Chii and I were supposed to be together for the new years, and we made all of these plans and,” Ryutaro rubbed at his eyes, “To kiss once the countdown was over. I think I’m just going to go to bed.”
“Nii-chan, wait.” Shintaro grabs Ryutaro’s hand, stopping him from leaving the room. Standing up on his tiptoes, he leans over and kisses his brother’s cheek, smiling up at him sweetly. “Happy new years Ryutaro,” he says, chuckling when his brother shoves him for using his first name.
His laughter is cut short though when Ryutaro pulls him back in, his arms tight around his waist and his face pressed against his neck. “Thank you,” Ryutaro says, his voice muffled, his lips tickling Shintaro’s neck and making the younger boy shiver. Without another word he leaves, and Shintaro stands there with a dumfounded expression on his face, his hand rubbing at his neck and trying to dispel the feeling of his brother’s lips.
And to get rid of the shivers that keep rolling down his spine.
***
The next morning, Shintaro nervously enters Ryutaro’s room, seeing his brother awake and getting dressed for the day, pulling his jeans on half-heartedly. “Good morning nii-chan.” Shintaro smiles and walks over, ignoring the pounding in his heart. “I just wanted to make sure you were getting ready,” he says, hands fiddling together as Ryutaro stares back at him.
It only takes a second for the distance between them to become smaller, due to Ryutaro’s long legs, and another second for their lips to touch, Ryutaro’s arms settling loosely around Shintaro’s waist.
The younger boy gasps at the kiss, his eyes widening and he weakly pushes at Ryutaro’s bare chest, cringing when he notices the muscles forming there. “What-what are you doing?” Shintaro stutters out, feeling like his brain had just exploded inside of his head.
“I,” Ryutaro looks surprised, his mouth gaping open as he takes a step back, “You-”
“It’s okay,” Shintaro says suddenly, frantically, his hands shaking and still resting against Ryutaro’s chest. “You’re just confused, I mean, we’ve been spending so much time together and you were with Chinen-kun forever, so now you’re just putting your feelings for him onto me, because you’re lonely and miserable and,” Shintaro begins to hyperventilate, “I’ve seen stuff like this in movies, well, not with brothers but with friends but you know, its okay. Let’s just forget-”
Ryutaro kisses him again, and Shintaro squeezes his eyes shut, pretending he’s anywhere but where he is right now, not thinking about how soft his brother’s lips are, how amazing they feel when pressed just like that against his own, how this isn’t his first kiss, being stolen from him but at the same time, being everything he ever imagined it to be.
Ryutaro eventually pulls away and grabs his shirt off the bed, before leaving the room, the door slamming behind him. Shintaro crumbles to the floor after that, his fingers touching his tingling lips as he struggles to catch his breath.
***
After the long, tense walk, Shintaro runs towards his practice room and flies into the room, nearly colliding with Otsuka. “Whoa there.” Otsuka grabs Shintaro’s shoulders, looking at him carefully. “You okay?”
“I’m fine!” Shintaro blurts out, even though he feels like his entire reality is crashing down upon him, “Come on, let’s start practice.”
He steps away from Otsuka and rounds up the other boys, ignoring Otsuka’s concerned stare.
***
When he gets home, he ditches his brother at the door and runs up to his room, hiding under the covers. A few minutes later and he hears the door open and close, his brother’s footsteps coming closer until he feels a dip in the bed.
“Shintaro.” Ryutaro grabs the blanket and pulls it down, revealing Shintaro’s face. He looks up at his brother nervously, hands clutching at his blanket.
Ryutaro cups his cheek and bends down, kissing him slowly, making the hairs on the back of his neck rise and his toes to curl. It’s not long before he finds himself kissing back, completely unsure and silently hating himself, but pulling Ryutaro closer nonetheless.
“Ryu-ryutaro,” he stutters out when his brother pulls away, everything falling back into place as his eyes begin to tear up, “Why are you doing this?”
“I don’t know,” Ryutaro admits, and even to Shintaro his voice sounds pained, “It just feels…right.”
“It’s not though,” Shintaro cries, flinching when Ryutaro wipes away a tear, “You’re just confused, and we don’t,” Shintaro looks away from Ryutaro’s piercing stare, “We can’t like each other. We’re brothers, it’s wrong.”
“Then why did you kiss back?”
Shintaro doesn’t know how to answer that question.
***
“Shintaro, seriously.” Otsuka shakes him out of his thoughts. “What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing Yu-kun,” Shintaro replies, waving off the other’s concern. “I just…have a lot on my mind.”
“Yeah, I can tell.” Otsuka pats his shoulder. “Want to talk about it?”
Shintaro couldn’t help but chuckle dryly, “I can’t talk to anyone about this. It’s so impossibly messed up.”
Otsuka hisses under his breath, looking at Shintaro sympathetically, “Well, whatever it is, I hope it works out.”
“Thanks,” Shintaro grimaces, downing the rest of his water before returning to practice, throwing himself into learning the new dance and forgetting about his problems for awhile.
***
As soon as Shintaro steps into his room, he feels his back pressed against the wall and Ryutaro’s lips on his. Without even thinking he responds to the kiss, his hands burying themselves in Ryutaro’s short hair.
“See?” Ryutaro murmurs into the kiss, “You feel it too, don’t you?”
“No.” Shintaro shakes his head, unable to accept his feelings as he deepens the kiss, taking the initiative and sliding Ryutaro’s hand under his shirt, sighing softly when his brother began to gently stroke the smooth skin there.
“Admit it, please,” Ryutaro begs, “I can’t be alone in this.”
“Then you shouldn’t have started it in the first place.”
“I didn’t ask to have feelings for my little brother.” Shintaro flinches at Ryutaro’s tone, gasping when he feels a kiss pressed against his neck. “And don’t tell me I’m confused, because I’m not. When I kiss you, I don’t see Chii, or anyone else. I just see you.”
Shintaro pauses, looking up at his brother in desperation, “It’s wrong,” he whispers, tears gathering in his eyes.
Ryutaro quickly kisses them away, his nose bumping against Shintaro’s as he found his lips again. The kiss was soft, gentle and Shintaro closes his eyes, finding all of the answers he needed right there.
***
They kept their relationship a secret, careful to keep it hidden behind closed doors and away from their family and friends. They knew no one would ever understand, or be able to accept it, so they kept it to themselves, expressing their feelings when they were alone at home or after their parents and sister had gone to bed.
“Nii-chan,” Shintaro breathes out, mildly annoyed at the playful kisses being trailed down his neck. “I’m tired, go away.”
“But it’s the weekend, and neither of us have practice,” Ryutaro says, playing with Shintaro’s hipbone. “We can sleep in all day tomorrow, come on, let’s stay up.”
Shintaro rolls over, giving Ryutaro a pout, but before he could do anything, Ryutaro’s phone began to ring. “Who’s messaging you this late?” Shintaro asks, trying to peer at the screen.
Ryutaro flips it open, his mouth dropping open when he saw who it was. “It’s Chii,” he quietly informs Shintaro, before reading the message, his eyes quickly skimming the small screen. When he finishes, he snaps his phone shut and looks over at Shintaro, frowning deeply.
“What is it?” Shintaro asks, grabbing Ryutaro’s hand and giving it a squeeze.
“Chii wants to get back together,” Ryutaro says, and Shintaro could feel his heart dropping to his stomach, “He said he made a mistake when he broke up with me, and that he loves me.”
“That’s,” Shintaro chokes out, forcing a smile onto his face, “That’s great, nii-chan. You and Chinen-kun can be together again!”
“What about us, though?” Ryutaro asks, bringing a hand to Shintaro’s face and finding his cheek wet, “Shin-”
“No, you belong with Chinen-kun!” Shintaro couldn’t hold back his sob, leaning into brother’s touch and enjoying it while he still could, “He wants you back nii-chan, you can’t refuse that. He loves you, and you love him. You should be with him.”
The more he tried to convince his brother to be with Chinen-kun, the more he could feel his heart slowly breaking, but he knew this was the right thing to do. The two belonged together, are perfect for each other and although Shintaro wanted to be selfish and keep Ryutaro all to himself, he knew he couldn’t do that, not without wrecking his brother and hating himself forever.
“Be happy with Chinen-kun, okay nii-chan,” Shintaro says before getting up and leaving the room, going into his own bedroom and flinging himself onto his bed, his sobs muffled by his pillow.
***
The next day, Shintaro felt miserable as he laid in bed, refusing his Mom’s offer of both breakfast and lunch.
He finally understood how his brother felt, when Chinen-kun broke his heart and he couldn’t stop crying. It’s the most painful thing he’s ever experienced in his thirteen years of life, like someone took a baseball bat to his heart, beating it and beating it until it could barely work, and then leaving that injured organ to suffer inside of him.
Shintaro began to cry again, his pillow clutched in his trembling hands as he shook from the force of his tears. He just wanted this pain to end.
Hearing the door open, Shintaro buried his face in his pillow and tried to stop his tears. When he felt a familiar hand on his back, he began to cry harder, willing his brother to go away.
“I met up with Chii today,” Ryutaro says softly, his hand rubbing Shintaro’s back. “It was good seeing him again, just like old times.”
Why was his brother telling him this? Was he trying to hurt him even more?
“I kissed him,” Shintaro lets out a whimper, feeling another painful strike to his heart, “But when I did, I didn’t see him. I could only see you, Shintaro.”
Shintaro looks up, staring at his brother in confusion. “I thanked Chii for loving me, and for allowing me to love him back, before telling him that we should be just friends.”
“Why?” Shintaro whispers, sitting up and using his sleeve to wipe away his tears.
Ryutaro smiles and leans over, kissing Shintaro softly, pulling the younger boy into his lap. Shintaro complies easily, wrapping his arms around Ryutaro’s neck and deepening the kiss, desperately clinging to his brother as he wonders if this was all real, or was he only dreaming again.
“I love you,” Ryutaro says, causing Shintaro to gasp and pull away, accidentally hitting his nose against Ryutaro’s. After feeling the sharp sting though, he smiles, and figures that no dream could ever be this perfect.
Ryutaro kisses him again, and Shintaro could feel his broken heart already healing.
“I love you too.”
Author: hotfruits
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Ryutaro/Shintaro. Ryutaro/Chinen. Otsuka Yuya!cameo.
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Summary: Shintaro is determined to help his brother after he gets his heart broken, but he may end up with the broken heart in the end.
Thank you to my betas/support team littlemelonblue and ohsojuicy21.
Written for my darling snow_cafe/violin_sonata. Happy 15th Birthday, I hope you can read this all the way from Heaven. ♥
Shintaro’s eyes widens in surprise when his brother slams his door open, his hands trembling as he locks the door behind him. “Nii-chan?” Shintaro questions his older brother as he strode over to him, sitting down on his bed with a heavy sigh.
A quiet moment passes, and Shintaro scoots over towards Ryutaro, gently touching his shoulder. That’s when he notices it, the quiet sobs coming from his brother’s mouth, accompanied by a slight tremble in his shoulders and unsteady breathing.
“Nii-chan, what’s wrong?” Shintaro asks, concerned as he leans over and peers at Ryutaro’s face. He could now see the tears streaming down his brother’s cheeks, his eyes opened and looking back at him miserably, and Shintaro’s heart clenches in his chest. Without a word, he hugs Ryutaro, pulling him as close as possible into his small arms.
“Chii, he, he…” Ryutaro buries his face in Shintaro’s neck, wetting the skin there with his tears. “He broke up with me,” he manages to choke out, before hugging Shintaro back, his arms settling around Shintaro’s waist.
“Oh, nii-chan,” Shintaro sighs, petting Ryutaro’s hair, “I’m so sorry, what happened?”
Ryutaro shakes his head, and Shintaro nods, understanding that his brother didn’t want to say anymore. “It’s okay nii-chan, don’t worry. We’ll get you through this, okay?”
Ryutaro only cries harder in response, his arms tightening around Shintaro’s waist.
***
It’s been three days since the breakup, and Shintaro was at a loss of what to do. His brother won’t get out of bed, refuses to eat, has trouble sleeping and even when he does, often wakes up due to nightmares. He’s called Yabu-kun and Yuma-nii for advice on how to heal with a broken heart, but the only advice they had was that it would heal over time.
Over time? Shintaro doesn’t want to wait ‘til “over time”. He wants his brother to be okay right now. He misses his smile and his humor, and even his punches a little. This depressing Ryutaro is so lifeless, and the weight of worrying over him is starting to wear down on Shintaro’s mind.
It’s all a little too much for him, but there’s nothing he can do, except to get Ryutaro through this and help his brother find happiness again, without Chinen-kun.
Hearing Ryutaro whimper in his sleep, Shintaro cuddled closer to him and rested his cheek against his brother’s shoulder. Quietly, he began to sing, his fingers tracing odd patterns on his brother’s chest.
The whimpering stopped, and Shintaro sighed in relief as Ryutaro relaxed, his breathing becoming easy again.
He continued to sing for his brother, ignoring his sleepy eyes until he couldn’t any more, his voice slowly fading away into a quiet snore.
***
When it came to taking care of Ryutaro, Shintaro found that the best thing he could do was to take his brother’s mind off of things; play video games, read manga, and when he couldn’t distract him from the tears, holding his brother close and singing to him seemed to do the trick.
He’s also begun to walk with his brother to and from the Jimusho, the two of them meeting up at Ryutaro’s school beforehand. Normally he would walk with some of the other juniors, but he knew that Ryutaro needed him more right now, to be with him before he has to go to practice and be stuck with Chinen-kun for the next few hours.
Which really broke his brother’s heart, so by the time they’re both done with practice, Ryutaro hangs his head low to hide his eyes and Shintaro carefully leads him home, holding his hand when they’re on the train and letting his brother cry into his neck, if they’re alone.
When they get home, Ryutaro runs up to his room and doesn’t come down for the rest of the night, so after eating his own dinner, Shintaro brings up a plate for Ryutaro and tries to coax his brother into eating, which only works half the time.
“Come on nii-chan, please eat,” Shintaro gently begs, rubbing his brother’s shoulder and trying to get him to face him. Ryutaro remains lying down though, his back facing Shintaro’s and the younger boy sighs, giving up. Setting the plate of food on the floor, Shintaro lies down beside Ryutaro and slips an arm around his waist, snuggling up to his brother.
“It’s going to be okay nii-chan, it will,” Shintaro says after Ryutaro begins to cry, “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you smile again.”
“It’s not your job to make me happy,” Ryutaro mumbles, turning over and facing Shintaro, his eyes bloodshot and his mouth set in a frown.
“Of course it is, you’re my nii-chan.” Shintaro wipes away Ryutaro’s tears. “I’d do anything for you.”
Ryutaro sniffles at this, and moves closer towards Shintaro, pressing their foreheads together. They stay like that until Ryutaro eventually falls asleep, and Shintaro untangles himself from his brother’s arms, grabbing the plate of food on the floor and taking it downstairs.
Covering it up, he places it in the fridge and reminds himself to try and get Ryutaro to eat it tomorrow, or later tonight if he wakes up from a bad dream.
Going back upstairs, Shintaro enters his brother’s room and slips back into his bed, covering them both with Ryutaro’s Pokemon blankets.
“Goodnight nii-chan, sleep well,” Shintaro whispers, eyes falling shut as he snuggles up to Ryutaro again.
***
It’s New Years Eve, and although he had plans with his friends, Shintaro ends up staying at home with his brother. Their parents are out on a date, and their little sister is staying at a friend’s house, so they’ve got the whole place to themselves.
“Nii-chan, come on, the count down is starting!” Shintaro smiles as he watches the TV, gripping Ryutaro’s hand as he begins to count down. When he reaches zero, he jumps and begins dancing around, until he notices that Ryutaro is still sitting gloomily on the couch. “Nii-chan, it’s the new years, please be happy.”
“I’m sorry,” Ryutaro sighs and stands up, “Chii and I were supposed to be together for the new years, and we made all of these plans and,” Ryutaro rubbed at his eyes, “To kiss once the countdown was over. I think I’m just going to go to bed.”
“Nii-chan, wait.” Shintaro grabs Ryutaro’s hand, stopping him from leaving the room. Standing up on his tiptoes, he leans over and kisses his brother’s cheek, smiling up at him sweetly. “Happy new years Ryutaro,” he says, chuckling when his brother shoves him for using his first name.
His laughter is cut short though when Ryutaro pulls him back in, his arms tight around his waist and his face pressed against his neck. “Thank you,” Ryutaro says, his voice muffled, his lips tickling Shintaro’s neck and making the younger boy shiver. Without another word he leaves, and Shintaro stands there with a dumfounded expression on his face, his hand rubbing at his neck and trying to dispel the feeling of his brother’s lips.
And to get rid of the shivers that keep rolling down his spine.
***
The next morning, Shintaro nervously enters Ryutaro’s room, seeing his brother awake and getting dressed for the day, pulling his jeans on half-heartedly. “Good morning nii-chan.” Shintaro smiles and walks over, ignoring the pounding in his heart. “I just wanted to make sure you were getting ready,” he says, hands fiddling together as Ryutaro stares back at him.
It only takes a second for the distance between them to become smaller, due to Ryutaro’s long legs, and another second for their lips to touch, Ryutaro’s arms settling loosely around Shintaro’s waist.
The younger boy gasps at the kiss, his eyes widening and he weakly pushes at Ryutaro’s bare chest, cringing when he notices the muscles forming there. “What-what are you doing?” Shintaro stutters out, feeling like his brain had just exploded inside of his head.
“I,” Ryutaro looks surprised, his mouth gaping open as he takes a step back, “You-”
“It’s okay,” Shintaro says suddenly, frantically, his hands shaking and still resting against Ryutaro’s chest. “You’re just confused, I mean, we’ve been spending so much time together and you were with Chinen-kun forever, so now you’re just putting your feelings for him onto me, because you’re lonely and miserable and,” Shintaro begins to hyperventilate, “I’ve seen stuff like this in movies, well, not with brothers but with friends but you know, its okay. Let’s just forget-”
Ryutaro kisses him again, and Shintaro squeezes his eyes shut, pretending he’s anywhere but where he is right now, not thinking about how soft his brother’s lips are, how amazing they feel when pressed just like that against his own, how this isn’t his first kiss, being stolen from him but at the same time, being everything he ever imagined it to be.
Ryutaro eventually pulls away and grabs his shirt off the bed, before leaving the room, the door slamming behind him. Shintaro crumbles to the floor after that, his fingers touching his tingling lips as he struggles to catch his breath.
***
After the long, tense walk, Shintaro runs towards his practice room and flies into the room, nearly colliding with Otsuka. “Whoa there.” Otsuka grabs Shintaro’s shoulders, looking at him carefully. “You okay?”
“I’m fine!” Shintaro blurts out, even though he feels like his entire reality is crashing down upon him, “Come on, let’s start practice.”
He steps away from Otsuka and rounds up the other boys, ignoring Otsuka’s concerned stare.
***
When he gets home, he ditches his brother at the door and runs up to his room, hiding under the covers. A few minutes later and he hears the door open and close, his brother’s footsteps coming closer until he feels a dip in the bed.
“Shintaro.” Ryutaro grabs the blanket and pulls it down, revealing Shintaro’s face. He looks up at his brother nervously, hands clutching at his blanket.
Ryutaro cups his cheek and bends down, kissing him slowly, making the hairs on the back of his neck rise and his toes to curl. It’s not long before he finds himself kissing back, completely unsure and silently hating himself, but pulling Ryutaro closer nonetheless.
“Ryu-ryutaro,” he stutters out when his brother pulls away, everything falling back into place as his eyes begin to tear up, “Why are you doing this?”
“I don’t know,” Ryutaro admits, and even to Shintaro his voice sounds pained, “It just feels…right.”
“It’s not though,” Shintaro cries, flinching when Ryutaro wipes away a tear, “You’re just confused, and we don’t,” Shintaro looks away from Ryutaro’s piercing stare, “We can’t like each other. We’re brothers, it’s wrong.”
“Then why did you kiss back?”
Shintaro doesn’t know how to answer that question.
***
“Shintaro, seriously.” Otsuka shakes him out of his thoughts. “What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing Yu-kun,” Shintaro replies, waving off the other’s concern. “I just…have a lot on my mind.”
“Yeah, I can tell.” Otsuka pats his shoulder. “Want to talk about it?”
Shintaro couldn’t help but chuckle dryly, “I can’t talk to anyone about this. It’s so impossibly messed up.”
Otsuka hisses under his breath, looking at Shintaro sympathetically, “Well, whatever it is, I hope it works out.”
“Thanks,” Shintaro grimaces, downing the rest of his water before returning to practice, throwing himself into learning the new dance and forgetting about his problems for awhile.
***
As soon as Shintaro steps into his room, he feels his back pressed against the wall and Ryutaro’s lips on his. Without even thinking he responds to the kiss, his hands burying themselves in Ryutaro’s short hair.
“See?” Ryutaro murmurs into the kiss, “You feel it too, don’t you?”
“No.” Shintaro shakes his head, unable to accept his feelings as he deepens the kiss, taking the initiative and sliding Ryutaro’s hand under his shirt, sighing softly when his brother began to gently stroke the smooth skin there.
“Admit it, please,” Ryutaro begs, “I can’t be alone in this.”
“Then you shouldn’t have started it in the first place.”
“I didn’t ask to have feelings for my little brother.” Shintaro flinches at Ryutaro’s tone, gasping when he feels a kiss pressed against his neck. “And don’t tell me I’m confused, because I’m not. When I kiss you, I don’t see Chii, or anyone else. I just see you.”
Shintaro pauses, looking up at his brother in desperation, “It’s wrong,” he whispers, tears gathering in his eyes.
Ryutaro quickly kisses them away, his nose bumping against Shintaro’s as he found his lips again. The kiss was soft, gentle and Shintaro closes his eyes, finding all of the answers he needed right there.
***
They kept their relationship a secret, careful to keep it hidden behind closed doors and away from their family and friends. They knew no one would ever understand, or be able to accept it, so they kept it to themselves, expressing their feelings when they were alone at home or after their parents and sister had gone to bed.
“Nii-chan,” Shintaro breathes out, mildly annoyed at the playful kisses being trailed down his neck. “I’m tired, go away.”
“But it’s the weekend, and neither of us have practice,” Ryutaro says, playing with Shintaro’s hipbone. “We can sleep in all day tomorrow, come on, let’s stay up.”
Shintaro rolls over, giving Ryutaro a pout, but before he could do anything, Ryutaro’s phone began to ring. “Who’s messaging you this late?” Shintaro asks, trying to peer at the screen.
Ryutaro flips it open, his mouth dropping open when he saw who it was. “It’s Chii,” he quietly informs Shintaro, before reading the message, his eyes quickly skimming the small screen. When he finishes, he snaps his phone shut and looks over at Shintaro, frowning deeply.
“What is it?” Shintaro asks, grabbing Ryutaro’s hand and giving it a squeeze.
“Chii wants to get back together,” Ryutaro says, and Shintaro could feel his heart dropping to his stomach, “He said he made a mistake when he broke up with me, and that he loves me.”
“That’s,” Shintaro chokes out, forcing a smile onto his face, “That’s great, nii-chan. You and Chinen-kun can be together again!”
“What about us, though?” Ryutaro asks, bringing a hand to Shintaro’s face and finding his cheek wet, “Shin-”
“No, you belong with Chinen-kun!” Shintaro couldn’t hold back his sob, leaning into brother’s touch and enjoying it while he still could, “He wants you back nii-chan, you can’t refuse that. He loves you, and you love him. You should be with him.”
The more he tried to convince his brother to be with Chinen-kun, the more he could feel his heart slowly breaking, but he knew this was the right thing to do. The two belonged together, are perfect for each other and although Shintaro wanted to be selfish and keep Ryutaro all to himself, he knew he couldn’t do that, not without wrecking his brother and hating himself forever.
“Be happy with Chinen-kun, okay nii-chan,” Shintaro says before getting up and leaving the room, going into his own bedroom and flinging himself onto his bed, his sobs muffled by his pillow.
***
The next day, Shintaro felt miserable as he laid in bed, refusing his Mom’s offer of both breakfast and lunch.
He finally understood how his brother felt, when Chinen-kun broke his heart and he couldn’t stop crying. It’s the most painful thing he’s ever experienced in his thirteen years of life, like someone took a baseball bat to his heart, beating it and beating it until it could barely work, and then leaving that injured organ to suffer inside of him.
Shintaro began to cry again, his pillow clutched in his trembling hands as he shook from the force of his tears. He just wanted this pain to end.
Hearing the door open, Shintaro buried his face in his pillow and tried to stop his tears. When he felt a familiar hand on his back, he began to cry harder, willing his brother to go away.
“I met up with Chii today,” Ryutaro says softly, his hand rubbing Shintaro’s back. “It was good seeing him again, just like old times.”
Why was his brother telling him this? Was he trying to hurt him even more?
“I kissed him,” Shintaro lets out a whimper, feeling another painful strike to his heart, “But when I did, I didn’t see him. I could only see you, Shintaro.”
Shintaro looks up, staring at his brother in confusion. “I thanked Chii for loving me, and for allowing me to love him back, before telling him that we should be just friends.”
“Why?” Shintaro whispers, sitting up and using his sleeve to wipe away his tears.
Ryutaro smiles and leans over, kissing Shintaro softly, pulling the younger boy into his lap. Shintaro complies easily, wrapping his arms around Ryutaro’s neck and deepening the kiss, desperately clinging to his brother as he wonders if this was all real, or was he only dreaming again.
“I love you,” Ryutaro says, causing Shintaro to gasp and pull away, accidentally hitting his nose against Ryutaro’s. After feeling the sharp sting though, he smiles, and figures that no dream could ever be this perfect.
Ryutaro kisses him again, and Shintaro could feel his broken heart already healing.
“I love you too.”