hikamada woooo
Title: tell me that you love me
Author: hotfruits
Rating: R for sexual references
Pairings: Hikaru/Yamada. Yamada/Yuto. Inoo/Takaki.
Disclaimer: Nope~
Summary: Based off this quote; "The minute I knew I was in love was the minute when there was no question about it. One night I was lying in the dark, looking at her looking at me, and it just was there, undeniable."
written for my bb littlemelonblue~ ty so much to crazy_otaku911 for helping me with this ♥
A brush of hands led to a brush of lips, Hikaru pinning the younger male to the wall, kissing him feverishly. The boy moaned under him, eyes falling close as he pulled Hikaru closer, rocking their bodies together. A moment later and Hikaru slipped the boy's shirt off of his shoulders, attacking his pale shoulders with open mouthed kisses, his hands working on the others belt. He pushed the rest of his clothes down to the floor, his hands eagerly seeking out the leaking member between his thighs.
"Hikaru," the boy moaned wantonly, clutching to him as Hikaru worked his erection, his thumb teasing the sensitive head of his cock. He shuddered in his arms, mouth open as he came with a cry a few moments later.
They spent the rest of the night together, tangled up in each others grasp. When they awoke early in the morning, the boy thanked him for the night before and left quietly, putting on his clothes tiredly.
Hikaru sighed and grabbed the pillow the other had used, bringing it over his face and letting out a frustrated scream.
It had happened again; they had used each other for sex and like always, Hikaru was powerless against the gorgeous boy.
He wasn't always though.
It started almost two months ago, when Yamada Ryosuke cornered him after practice, a nervous smile on his face. He had stared up at Hikaru for a moment, his facial expression indicating that he was contemplating what to say. Once he had decided, he cleared his throat and said, "Do you want to have sex with me?"
Hikaru had coughed, taking a step back and staring at the boy incredulously; had he just heard him right, did Yamada really just ask him to have sex?
Judging by the boy's worried eyes, yes, yes he had.
He should have said no, thinking back. If he had, he wouldn't be in this position right now, trying to force away his tears as he clung to the pillow the boy had used, his scent still lingering on it.
But he hadn't, he took a moment to think and then, to his surprise, said, "Okay."
The next month would be spent with them carefully sneaking around, meeting up at each others houses when no one else was home, secluded movie theaters with his hand over Yamada's mouth, muffling his pleasured cries, and everywhere else they decided to meet, quick romps in the bathroom during break and in Hikaru's car after dark, driving out of the city for a moment of peace.
It wasn't until a stormy night that things changed. The two laid in the backseat of his car, Yamada curled up on top of him, his breath ghosting over his skin and his fingers tracing odd patterns to pass the time. Hikaru absentmindedly ran his fingers through Yamada's hair, his other hand settled at the small of the boy's back.
"Do you ever," Yamada had started to say, but then stopped, shaking his head. Hikaru was about to question him when Yamada stopped him, pressing a surprisingly gentle kiss to his lips. "The storm is getting worse," he said with a shiver, laying his head back down on Hikaru's chest, "We should stay here until morning, I think."
"Okay," Hikaru said, still wondering what Yamada had been about to say earlier, but the boy had already closed his eyes. Hikaru could tell he was still awake, and was for quite some time, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything.
It was that moment when things changed, watching the lightening streak across the sky and illuminate Yamada's features. He looked...beautiful, flawless, and Hikaru's heart paused for a long moment, before beating rapidly in his chest, stealing his breath as his hand tightened on Yamada's back.
Since then, Hikaru had tried to avoid the other boy, but he couldn't, because the moments they spent together, bodies heating up and their ragged breaths echoing through the air, were the only moments where Hikaru could claim Yamada as his own, where he could pretend that the younger boy felt something more for him than just lust.
It was those delusions those that always broke him the hardest, after Yamada left him; he always wanted to call the boy back, beg him to stay and to be with him, and not just for sex but for love, but he never did. The words never got passed his lips, and he let them die cowardly in his heart, crying out his frustrations each time.
He loved Yamada, so much, but if he confessed his feelings, then he would lose the boy altogether. At least this way, he could have him for a short moment, even if it led to the breaking of his heart afterward.
Hikaru rolled over and closed his eyes, his tears drying on his cheeks as he fell into a fitful sleep.
***
Closing the door behind him, Yamada hurried back to his shared hotel room with Yuto and climbed back into bed, curling up under his blankets. It was nearly four in the morning, but he couldn't sleep, his thoughts whirling about angrily inside of his head.
He could see that he was hurting the older boy, had been for a month now. He couldn't stop himself from seeking out Hikaru though, always craving the boy's touches and kisses, the way he made Yamada feel when he was embraced in his strong arms.
He needed Hikaru, but not because he loved him; he just needed that anchor, to bring him back down to Earth when life got too hectic, and felt like he was losing himself in a whirlwind of singing, dancing, studying, and everything else his life demanded from him.
Yamada screwed his eyes shut, burying himself further into the bed as he ignored the three words that kept repeating in his head.
***
That afternoon, Hikaru collapsed into the closet chair after stage practice, wiping the sweat off his brow. Inoo sat down beside him, wordlessly handing him a bottle of water as he heaved. Hikaru accepted it gratefully and took a long swig, before setting it done on the floor, Inoo's bottle joining his a second later.
"Hey, you alright?" Inoo suddenly asked, his cheeks flushed red, "You seemed really out of it today."
"I'm fine," Hikaru waved off his concern, not surprised that Inoo could tell something was wrong.
"Come on, talk to me," Inoo touched his shoulder, giving it a squeeze, and Hikaru felt himself smiling.
"I can't, but would you mind...kind of sticking to me today?" Hikaru asked awkwardly, and then added, "I just need a friend right now."
"Sure," Inoo replied, looking confused but complying none-the-less, "You know I'm always there for you, right?"
Hikaru nodded, leaning towards Inoo and resting his cheek against the others shoulder.
***
Yamada's fists clenched as he watched Hikaru snuggling up with Inoo, the two laughing as they sipped their water bottles together. He could feel his blood boiling under his skin, jealous rage making his fists itch to hit something.
Wait, no.
Yamada hurriedly grabbed his bottle of water and chugged half of it down in one go, trying to drown out his anger. To feel jealously like this, would suggest that he had feelings for Hikaru, which he didn't. Hikaru was just a helpful friend, who he relied on a little too heavily and didn't ever want to be apart from.
He didn't love him.
"Yama-chan?"
Yamada flinched, climbing out of bed and into Yuto's, snuggling up to the other boy. He kissed him gently on the lips, trying to push aside his guilty feelings once again. "Sorry, the room was a little stuffy, so I went outside for a bit. I didn't want to wake you up, so I went back to my bed."
"That's okay," Yuto grinned sleepily, bringing his arms around Yamada, "You feel better now?"
Yamada nodded, closing his eyes so he wouldn't start sobbing. "Yeah, let's go to sleep."
"I love you."
A sharp stab made his chest tighten.
"I love you too," he whispered, opening his eyes when Yuto's breathing evened out, staring up at his boyfriend in shame; how could he do this to him, continuously lie to his face as he fucked around with their friend, someone Yuto looked up to and admired like an older brother?
Yuto deserved better than this, he knew, but he loved the younger boy so much, has since the day they first met. It wasn't that deep, romantic love though, not anymore. He loved Yuto like a friend, but had grown so comfortable over the years, didn't know how to give him up.
"I'm so sorry," Yamada apologized to the sleeping boy, kissing his pale lips and wishing himself to feel something more.
He didn't.
Yamada swallowed down the rest of the water and then threw the empty bottle onto the floor, the plastic bouncing up and hitting Keito in the knee.
"What the-" Keito had started to question him, but Yamada was already gone, running away from the group and towards the nearest restroom. Going inside, he locked the door behind him and switched on the light, seeing himself reflected in the mirror.
He didn't love him.
"Do you ever," Yamada had started to say, but stopped, shaking his head. Before Hikaru could question him, he kissed the other gently, shivers rolling down his spine. "The storm is getting worse," he said, another shiver shaking him as he laid his head back down on Hikaru's chest, "We should stay here until morning, I think."
"Okay," Hikaru replied, and he closed his eyes, listening to Hikaru's heartbeat, trying to fall asleep; he couldn't though, his mind still echoing with what he had been about to say;
'Do you ever think there could be more between us?'
It was stupid though, he quickly realized. Hikaru didn't want anything from him besides sex, and he felt the same way about the other.
A flash of lightening striked overhead, and Hikaru's heart began to beat a little faster. Yamada almost opened his eyes in order to see if Hikaru was okay, but stopped himself at the last minute, sighing softly and concentrating on Hikaru's heart beat and the gentle pitter patter of the rain.
He didn't.
Yamada stepped forward and rested his hands on the counter, breathing hard as he eyed himself nervously, angrily, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks.
"Damnit," he cursed, and then knew he could deny it no longer.
***
Inoo walked Hikaru to his room that night, Takaki trailing lazily behind them as he waited for the two to wrap things up. "Still can't believe you're dating him," Hikaru chuckled, ignoring Takaki's indignant cry.
Inoo rolled his eyes and hugged Hikaru, before walking over to Takaki and grabbing his hand, the two heading towards their shared room.
Hikaru opened his door, and then let out a surprised yelp when he felt himself being shoved into his room. Turning around, he saw Yamada standing there, breathing hard as he stared back at Hikaru, tears in his eyes.
Without a word, Yamada closed the distance between them, the kiss frantic and forceful as they collapsed onto the bed behind them. Yamada quickly removed Hikaru's clothes, and then his own, their lips only leaving the others when needed.
"I need you, please," Yamada whimpered, a tear escaping his eye and falling onto Hikaru's cheek.
Nodding, Hikaru once again gave in to the boy's demands, flipping them around on the bed and taking control.
***
The room was quiet as they settled down, the moon light sneaking in through the window and shimmering across the bed, falling upon their bodies. Hikaru's breath hitched, and before he could lose his nerve, said, "I love you."
Yamada looked over at him, his eyes still blurry with tears, but Hikaru could see something there, something he had felt for over a month now. Scooting over, Hikaru brushed aside Yamada's tears and kissed his stained cheeks, making the boy cry harder.
"I'll break things off with him, I promise," Yamada choked out, turning over and burying himself in Hikaru's embrace, clinging to older boy. "I can't...I can't pretend that I love him anymore, not when I feel so strongly about you."
Hikaru nodded, not knowing what to say, just holding Yamada as close as he could; he felt bad, knowing he was part of the reason one of their closet friends was about to get his heart broken, but he couldn't do the right thing.
He loved Yamada too much, and knowing that the boy loved him as well, he took a deep breath and prepared himself for what was about to come.
Author: hotfruits
Rating: R for sexual references
Pairings: Hikaru/Yamada. Yamada/Yuto. Inoo/Takaki.
Disclaimer: Nope~
Summary: Based off this quote; "The minute I knew I was in love was the minute when there was no question about it. One night I was lying in the dark, looking at her looking at me, and it just was there, undeniable."
written for my bb littlemelonblue~ ty so much to crazy_otaku911 for helping me with this ♥
A brush of hands led to a brush of lips, Hikaru pinning the younger male to the wall, kissing him feverishly. The boy moaned under him, eyes falling close as he pulled Hikaru closer, rocking their bodies together. A moment later and Hikaru slipped the boy's shirt off of his shoulders, attacking his pale shoulders with open mouthed kisses, his hands working on the others belt. He pushed the rest of his clothes down to the floor, his hands eagerly seeking out the leaking member between his thighs.
"Hikaru," the boy moaned wantonly, clutching to him as Hikaru worked his erection, his thumb teasing the sensitive head of his cock. He shuddered in his arms, mouth open as he came with a cry a few moments later.
They spent the rest of the night together, tangled up in each others grasp. When they awoke early in the morning, the boy thanked him for the night before and left quietly, putting on his clothes tiredly.
Hikaru sighed and grabbed the pillow the other had used, bringing it over his face and letting out a frustrated scream.
It had happened again; they had used each other for sex and like always, Hikaru was powerless against the gorgeous boy.
He wasn't always though.
It started almost two months ago, when Yamada Ryosuke cornered him after practice, a nervous smile on his face. He had stared up at Hikaru for a moment, his facial expression indicating that he was contemplating what to say. Once he had decided, he cleared his throat and said, "Do you want to have sex with me?"
Hikaru had coughed, taking a step back and staring at the boy incredulously; had he just heard him right, did Yamada really just ask him to have sex?
Judging by the boy's worried eyes, yes, yes he had.
He should have said no, thinking back. If he had, he wouldn't be in this position right now, trying to force away his tears as he clung to the pillow the boy had used, his scent still lingering on it.
But he hadn't, he took a moment to think and then, to his surprise, said, "Okay."
The next month would be spent with them carefully sneaking around, meeting up at each others houses when no one else was home, secluded movie theaters with his hand over Yamada's mouth, muffling his pleasured cries, and everywhere else they decided to meet, quick romps in the bathroom during break and in Hikaru's car after dark, driving out of the city for a moment of peace.
It wasn't until a stormy night that things changed. The two laid in the backseat of his car, Yamada curled up on top of him, his breath ghosting over his skin and his fingers tracing odd patterns to pass the time. Hikaru absentmindedly ran his fingers through Yamada's hair, his other hand settled at the small of the boy's back.
"Do you ever," Yamada had started to say, but then stopped, shaking his head. Hikaru was about to question him when Yamada stopped him, pressing a surprisingly gentle kiss to his lips. "The storm is getting worse," he said with a shiver, laying his head back down on Hikaru's chest, "We should stay here until morning, I think."
"Okay," Hikaru said, still wondering what Yamada had been about to say earlier, but the boy had already closed his eyes. Hikaru could tell he was still awake, and was for quite some time, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything.
It was that moment when things changed, watching the lightening streak across the sky and illuminate Yamada's features. He looked...beautiful, flawless, and Hikaru's heart paused for a long moment, before beating rapidly in his chest, stealing his breath as his hand tightened on Yamada's back.
Since then, Hikaru had tried to avoid the other boy, but he couldn't, because the moments they spent together, bodies heating up and their ragged breaths echoing through the air, were the only moments where Hikaru could claim Yamada as his own, where he could pretend that the younger boy felt something more for him than just lust.
It was those delusions those that always broke him the hardest, after Yamada left him; he always wanted to call the boy back, beg him to stay and to be with him, and not just for sex but for love, but he never did. The words never got passed his lips, and he let them die cowardly in his heart, crying out his frustrations each time.
He loved Yamada, so much, but if he confessed his feelings, then he would lose the boy altogether. At least this way, he could have him for a short moment, even if it led to the breaking of his heart afterward.
Hikaru rolled over and closed his eyes, his tears drying on his cheeks as he fell into a fitful sleep.
***
Closing the door behind him, Yamada hurried back to his shared hotel room with Yuto and climbed back into bed, curling up under his blankets. It was nearly four in the morning, but he couldn't sleep, his thoughts whirling about angrily inside of his head.
He could see that he was hurting the older boy, had been for a month now. He couldn't stop himself from seeking out Hikaru though, always craving the boy's touches and kisses, the way he made Yamada feel when he was embraced in his strong arms.
He needed Hikaru, but not because he loved him; he just needed that anchor, to bring him back down to Earth when life got too hectic, and felt like he was losing himself in a whirlwind of singing, dancing, studying, and everything else his life demanded from him.
Yamada screwed his eyes shut, burying himself further into the bed as he ignored the three words that kept repeating in his head.
***
That afternoon, Hikaru collapsed into the closet chair after stage practice, wiping the sweat off his brow. Inoo sat down beside him, wordlessly handing him a bottle of water as he heaved. Hikaru accepted it gratefully and took a long swig, before setting it done on the floor, Inoo's bottle joining his a second later.
"Hey, you alright?" Inoo suddenly asked, his cheeks flushed red, "You seemed really out of it today."
"I'm fine," Hikaru waved off his concern, not surprised that Inoo could tell something was wrong.
"Come on, talk to me," Inoo touched his shoulder, giving it a squeeze, and Hikaru felt himself smiling.
"I can't, but would you mind...kind of sticking to me today?" Hikaru asked awkwardly, and then added, "I just need a friend right now."
"Sure," Inoo replied, looking confused but complying none-the-less, "You know I'm always there for you, right?"
Hikaru nodded, leaning towards Inoo and resting his cheek against the others shoulder.
***
Yamada's fists clenched as he watched Hikaru snuggling up with Inoo, the two laughing as they sipped their water bottles together. He could feel his blood boiling under his skin, jealous rage making his fists itch to hit something.
Wait, no.
Yamada hurriedly grabbed his bottle of water and chugged half of it down in one go, trying to drown out his anger. To feel jealously like this, would suggest that he had feelings for Hikaru, which he didn't. Hikaru was just a helpful friend, who he relied on a little too heavily and didn't ever want to be apart from.
He didn't love him.
"Yama-chan?"
Yamada flinched, climbing out of bed and into Yuto's, snuggling up to the other boy. He kissed him gently on the lips, trying to push aside his guilty feelings once again. "Sorry, the room was a little stuffy, so I went outside for a bit. I didn't want to wake you up, so I went back to my bed."
"That's okay," Yuto grinned sleepily, bringing his arms around Yamada, "You feel better now?"
Yamada nodded, closing his eyes so he wouldn't start sobbing. "Yeah, let's go to sleep."
"I love you."
A sharp stab made his chest tighten.
"I love you too," he whispered, opening his eyes when Yuto's breathing evened out, staring up at his boyfriend in shame; how could he do this to him, continuously lie to his face as he fucked around with their friend, someone Yuto looked up to and admired like an older brother?
Yuto deserved better than this, he knew, but he loved the younger boy so much, has since the day they first met. It wasn't that deep, romantic love though, not anymore. He loved Yuto like a friend, but had grown so comfortable over the years, didn't know how to give him up.
"I'm so sorry," Yamada apologized to the sleeping boy, kissing his pale lips and wishing himself to feel something more.
He didn't.
Yamada swallowed down the rest of the water and then threw the empty bottle onto the floor, the plastic bouncing up and hitting Keito in the knee.
"What the-" Keito had started to question him, but Yamada was already gone, running away from the group and towards the nearest restroom. Going inside, he locked the door behind him and switched on the light, seeing himself reflected in the mirror.
He didn't love him.
"Do you ever," Yamada had started to say, but stopped, shaking his head. Before Hikaru could question him, he kissed the other gently, shivers rolling down his spine. "The storm is getting worse," he said, another shiver shaking him as he laid his head back down on Hikaru's chest, "We should stay here until morning, I think."
"Okay," Hikaru replied, and he closed his eyes, listening to Hikaru's heartbeat, trying to fall asleep; he couldn't though, his mind still echoing with what he had been about to say;
'Do you ever think there could be more between us?'
It was stupid though, he quickly realized. Hikaru didn't want anything from him besides sex, and he felt the same way about the other.
A flash of lightening striked overhead, and Hikaru's heart began to beat a little faster. Yamada almost opened his eyes in order to see if Hikaru was okay, but stopped himself at the last minute, sighing softly and concentrating on Hikaru's heart beat and the gentle pitter patter of the rain.
He didn't.
Yamada stepped forward and rested his hands on the counter, breathing hard as he eyed himself nervously, angrily, tears threatening to spill down his cheeks.
"Damnit," he cursed, and then knew he could deny it no longer.
***
Inoo walked Hikaru to his room that night, Takaki trailing lazily behind them as he waited for the two to wrap things up. "Still can't believe you're dating him," Hikaru chuckled, ignoring Takaki's indignant cry.
Inoo rolled his eyes and hugged Hikaru, before walking over to Takaki and grabbing his hand, the two heading towards their shared room.
Hikaru opened his door, and then let out a surprised yelp when he felt himself being shoved into his room. Turning around, he saw Yamada standing there, breathing hard as he stared back at Hikaru, tears in his eyes.
Without a word, Yamada closed the distance between them, the kiss frantic and forceful as they collapsed onto the bed behind them. Yamada quickly removed Hikaru's clothes, and then his own, their lips only leaving the others when needed.
"I need you, please," Yamada whimpered, a tear escaping his eye and falling onto Hikaru's cheek.
Nodding, Hikaru once again gave in to the boy's demands, flipping them around on the bed and taking control.
***
The room was quiet as they settled down, the moon light sneaking in through the window and shimmering across the bed, falling upon their bodies. Hikaru's breath hitched, and before he could lose his nerve, said, "I love you."
Yamada looked over at him, his eyes still blurry with tears, but Hikaru could see something there, something he had felt for over a month now. Scooting over, Hikaru brushed aside Yamada's tears and kissed his stained cheeks, making the boy cry harder.
"I'll break things off with him, I promise," Yamada choked out, turning over and burying himself in Hikaru's embrace, clinging to older boy. "I can't...I can't pretend that I love him anymore, not when I feel so strongly about you."
Hikaru nodded, not knowing what to say, just holding Yamada as close as he could; he felt bad, knowing he was part of the reason one of their closet friends was about to get his heart broken, but he couldn't do the right thing.
He loved Yamada too much, and knowing that the boy loved him as well, he took a deep breath and prepared himself for what was about to come.