Does anybody have a VIDEO of that!? and DORKIN' IT UP....
Well...I worked the shift with the 5 hour break in the middle so that I could come home and pack kid free. So, of course, I had to sit down and procrastinate and update LJ. :p
I worked a half day last Friday. I got home and it was around 1 o'clock and a BEAUTIFUL day. The kids wanted to play outside and I figured, "Well, it's five-o'clock somewhere..." and cracked open a beer. The sun was warm and beating down on my face. It felt so good. I sipped my beer for a long while and watched the kids play.
After about an hour, this HUGE truck pulls up with a load of new shingles for our roof. They ask the kids to get out of the way and I sent them in the backyard to play. I turned and saw the stripper across the street and I decided to walk over to ask if it was alright if her little girl could go play around the back of our house.
So, as I was walking, in front of the roofers, with a brand new beer in hand, my foot hit a hole in the grass right at the curb. You know, I'm pretty athletic, so if I, by chance, fall, I usually can catch myself... Not this time...
Have you ever been in a middle of a fall and everything goes in slow motion? I remember having a lot of time to think..."Well, I'm screwed. There is no way in hell that I am going to be able to stop this fall. Nope. I'm not even going to be able to catch myself with my hands. Man this sucks. I wonder if this is kinda like right before you die when you are supposed to have your life flash before your eyes...only I just have extra time to really see how stupid I am."
I had SO MUCH TIME TO THINK and absolutely NO TIME to react. It was like I had fallen in some space time continuum."
"Yeah, I've really messed up....Oh crap, I'm holding a full bottle of beer. Can't I stop that from hitting the ground? Nope. No way in hell...fuck."
Then : BAMB!!!!!!!
Time and space realigned themselves and I hit the ground. My beer went flying across the circle, sud-sing and spilling along the way. All three of the roofers turned, the stripper saw me, the rapist saw me. There I was sprawled out on the ground. If someone would have taken a piece of chalk and outlined me I would have looked like the outline of a dead person laying face down on the concrete.
So, before I even have a chance to get up, the stripper comes over...not to ask if I'm o.k....what did she say???.....
"Damn, you need to stop drinking!!! How much beer have you had today?!!!"
"Huh? no...no...well, I think I'm alright. I'm not drunk..."
She didn't seem to care or believe me. As I stood up to brush myself off, she was already in a sales pitch about finding me a new house. (She has recently switched careers to become a realtor agent....well during the day anyway.)
It wasn't until I got her out of my hair and explained...well tried to explain...to the roofers that I was not drunk. I only had ONE beer! Then, I finally had a chance to check myself over.
My foot/ankle must have gone numb, because I didn't notice it at first. Yes, I have on hell of a swollen, twisted, black and blue, ankle, combined with a totally bruised up knee and arm. Now, 5 days later I am finally able to take the stairs with out going one at a time. It still hurts...but I can walk them somewhat normal now.
Yeah, just me dorkin' it up again. How I wish to hell I had a video of myself falling like that. That would have been HILARIOUS to watch again...even in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n
I worked a half day last Friday. I got home and it was around 1 o'clock and a BEAUTIFUL day. The kids wanted to play outside and I figured, "Well, it's five-o'clock somewhere..." and cracked open a beer. The sun was warm and beating down on my face. It felt so good. I sipped my beer for a long while and watched the kids play.
After about an hour, this HUGE truck pulls up with a load of new shingles for our roof. They ask the kids to get out of the way and I sent them in the backyard to play. I turned and saw the stripper across the street and I decided to walk over to ask if it was alright if her little girl could go play around the back of our house.
So, as I was walking, in front of the roofers, with a brand new beer in hand, my foot hit a hole in the grass right at the curb. You know, I'm pretty athletic, so if I, by chance, fall, I usually can catch myself... Not this time...
Have you ever been in a middle of a fall and everything goes in slow motion? I remember having a lot of time to think..."Well, I'm screwed. There is no way in hell that I am going to be able to stop this fall. Nope. I'm not even going to be able to catch myself with my hands. Man this sucks. I wonder if this is kinda like right before you die when you are supposed to have your life flash before your eyes...only I just have extra time to really see how stupid I am."
I had SO MUCH TIME TO THINK and absolutely NO TIME to react. It was like I had fallen in some space time continuum."
"Yeah, I've really messed up....Oh crap, I'm holding a full bottle of beer. Can't I stop that from hitting the ground? Nope. No way in hell...fuck."
Then : BAMB!!!!!!!
Time and space realigned themselves and I hit the ground. My beer went flying across the circle, sud-sing and spilling along the way. All three of the roofers turned, the stripper saw me, the rapist saw me. There I was sprawled out on the ground. If someone would have taken a piece of chalk and outlined me I would have looked like the outline of a dead person laying face down on the concrete.
So, before I even have a chance to get up, the stripper comes over...not to ask if I'm o.k....what did she say???.....
"Damn, you need to stop drinking!!! How much beer have you had today?!!!"
"Huh? no...no...well, I think I'm alright. I'm not drunk..."
She didn't seem to care or believe me. As I stood up to brush myself off, she was already in a sales pitch about finding me a new house. (She has recently switched careers to become a realtor agent....well during the day anyway.)
It wasn't until I got her out of my hair and explained...well tried to explain...to the roofers that I was not drunk. I only had ONE beer! Then, I finally had a chance to check myself over.
My foot/ankle must have gone numb, because I didn't notice it at first. Yes, I have on hell of a swollen, twisted, black and blue, ankle, combined with a totally bruised up knee and arm. Now, 5 days later I am finally able to take the stairs with out going one at a time. It still hurts...but I can walk them somewhat normal now.
Yeah, just me dorkin' it up again. How I wish to hell I had a video of myself falling like that. That would have been HILARIOUS to watch again...even in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n