Laugh So You Don't Go Crazy
An amusing list I found on a humor website. I needed the pick-me-up. Now I'm gonna return to the fetal position.
Fun Things To Do At An Exam You're Going To Fail
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
3. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
4. Bring cheerleaders to cheer you on.
5. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
6. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
7. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. Remember Calvin and Hobbes for inspiration.
8. Bring a cricket in a jar. Claim it's for luck.
9. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
10. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
11. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers. Somewhere on the exam, draw a unicorn.
12. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, and nothing else.
13. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
14. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
15. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
16. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, and continue with the exam.
17. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
18. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
19. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
20. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying and expressing love for your classmates).
21. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
22. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
23. Bring a water pistol with you.
24. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy.
25. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
26. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
27. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
28. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
29. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
30. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
31. Bring some an obscure (and preferably ugly) idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
32. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
33. Fake a panic attack/complete nervous breakdown
Fun Things To Do At An Exam You're Going To Fail
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
3. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
4. Bring cheerleaders to cheer you on.
5. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
6. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
7. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. Remember Calvin and Hobbes for inspiration.
8. Bring a cricket in a jar. Claim it's for luck.
9. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
10. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
11. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers. Somewhere on the exam, draw a unicorn.
12. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, and nothing else.
13. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
14. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
15. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
16. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, and continue with the exam.
17. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
18. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
19. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
20. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying and expressing love for your classmates).
21. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
22. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
23. Bring a water pistol with you.
24. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy.
25. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
26. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
27. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
28. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
29. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
30. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
31. Bring some an obscure (and preferably ugly) idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
32. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
33. Fake a panic attack/complete nervous breakdown