Meta Practice RP
This is a little practice, highly meta thing I did with didorothy out of.....nowhere!
Red is Sam, Blue is House.
"Man. If everyone that had a brain tumor could go back to the 70s, then we'd have all kinds of freaks asking for them. Great job setting the example."
"It requires getting it by a car; why don't you try it?"
"See, problem is, I've already got a bum leg. Harder to get hit by a car when you're walking around with a cane for some reason. Oh, that's right, people tend to notice disabilities."
"I'm sure a little shove could help you."
"I'm resilient, though."
"But not immovable."
"I'm sure my coworkers would disagree."
"Not, I think, when it comes to car accidents."
"You never know. Once I put the cane down, it might be harder to give a little push."
"So my bad example isn't that bad at all, if it's as hard to manage time travel as you seem to think it is."
"I simply meant that I don't want to have to deal with the hippies that want to take a car accident induced drug trip back to the 70s. Or whatever. Brain tumor, drugs, they're close enough."
"Not in my experience. If you didn't want to treat patients, stupid as they can be, why did you become a doctor?"
"That's because I'm a special doctor. I'm the kind of doctor that doesn't have to deal with things like stupid people sticking things up their anus unless Cuddy makes me do clinic duty. I'm the kind of doctor that gets to deal with happy, fun things like lesbians with the plague."
"The sort of doctor who doesn't give a damn about human beings?"
"Precisely. You catch on quick. I'm proud of you."
"I have a DS like that. You might like him. Though I think you up him on condescension. Hard to tell at this point."
"I've been told that it's one of my best skills, so I'd hate to lost to anyone else. I'll make sure to prove that I can indeed be more of an ass than your DS, video game or Detective Sergeant, whatever."
"I didn't think you'd get the acronym. Don't tell me you're a Sweeney fan."
"The hospital gets the BBC, what can I say? I made sure that the lounge got the upgrade to satellite TV."
"Using your powers for the greater good of the hospital. Well done."
"Well, it's more like they run General Hospital reruns on channel 110, so we'll consider the BBC a bonus. That and monster trucks. Who doesn't love monster trucks?"
"A number of individuals, I imagine. Do you always talk about nothing or do you just try to deflect people with it?"
"Seems to work wonders, since the alternative is me insulting you until I get bored. Or until you cry. Either one."
"Surprisingly, insults don't tend to set me off on the latter. My DCI has a mouth vulgar enough to keep him out of any mainstream television, and two points if you know that acronym as well."
"Duelists' Convocation International? No wait, Decompression illness...? Oh, I've got it, Detective Chief Inspector. That last one is just a guess, though. But your DCI must be trying too hard no matter what that stands for. Vulgar is easy and attracts all the edgy young viewers. Hitting people where it hurts, that's so much more clever."
"I would've thought he'd have attracted all the old nostalgia crowd, fondly remembering the days when a man could throw whoever he liked into whatever he liked, insulting all minorities and stepping over laws as he did it. When being a man meant being a Neanderthal, you know. The glory days."
"Well, throw some teenagers and some elderly folks at him and see which one likes him more. There's an excess of both in this hospital, so I don't mind supplying. Do they get to hit by cars too? That would be like a bonus."
"The elderly. They'd actually be treated with some semblance of respect. And sorry, no. We don't like to damage police cars on homocides."
"Oh, I see, no respect from that guy until you're almost dead. Damn. And I had gotten my hopes up and everything."
"Sorry to let you down, but I don't think it's the 'almost dying' that means anything to him. So don't try to put yourself into a coma for it."
"No plans to. I got shot once and that was enough of a near-death experience for me. But if he only wants to make friends with guys in comas, well, he seems to be going the right way. They're good listeners and don't complain. They smell, though, so you have to get used to that."
"We actually protest quite a great deal. Particularly about negligent doctors."
"Then you have idiots for doctors. Or, alternately, your family is just very mean and wants you to lay around while the doctors use your room to watch their soaps. You know most coma patients have TVs in their room. Never understood that, but it's a great place to ditch work."
"No, I know. I largely suspect that Gene Hunt came into existence because my doctors were too busy watching old cop shows to notice the brain tumour."
"A brain tumor, really? Then your doctors must be idiots. That's not something you can miss. The coma tends to be the first clue. Or they just like poking you and seeing what happens."
"I'm pretty sure the cause of the coma was the getting-hit-by-a-car thing. The brain tumour just kept me there. ....On so many levels."
"So, out of a huge act of irony, you get hit by a car and then your cancer symptoms decide to present themselves. Interesting. God sure must hate you."
"I somehow doubt that you have any sort of religious beliefs. Forgive me if you turn out to be a devout Shintoist."
"Then let me rephrase to say 'whatever higher power that there may possibly be' hates you. We have a medical term for that. We call it "chronic unluckiness" and I believe that you have a terrible case of it."
"I'm happy. It's not that bad."
"You're right. The only cure is getting laid. Luckily, most drugs cost more than a hooker."
"Don't tell me a charming bloke like you can't get a shag without paying for it."
"Oh, of course not. There's an intern who would probably let anyone do her. Or you could go the route of my friend and take advantage of emotionally vulnerable patients."
"Then the cost of a prostitute doesn't have anything to do with it."
"There's a big difference. She does it for free, she's a slut, if you have to pay, she's a whore. Well, and some people would say the difference is STDs, but even then, no guarantee."
"You could reconsider the need to get laid."
"Considering the original purpose of bringing it up was as a cure to your chronic unluckiness, I think it's you that needs to re...well, in your case, consider. It's called 'getting lucky' for a reason."
"Luckily, I'm not actually *un*lucky."
"You've got a brain tumor and you got hit by a car. You're unlucky."
"I love the people I'm with and I enjoy what I do for a living. I'm lucky."
"Then you're accepting that this 70s thing is a result of the pressure that the tumor is putting on your brain, and you're hallucinating it all. You love your hallucinations, how sweet."
"And if it is all a hallucination, you're not real. You know you're real. You know you're not in my hallucination. If you ever have the misfortune of meeting any of my coworkers, you'll know they're not part of my coma too, or you wouldn't be able to talk to them. If you're real and I'm real, it's all real."
"Then you have to choose what you believe, don't you? Is the brain tumor real, or is your trip to the 70s real? Brain tumors don't just magically appear and sit there comfortably without doing anything. Which is why most peaopl with brain tumors tend to, you know, *die*."
"I didn't choose on believe. I chose to find the truth. And the truth - unless I woke up into a different hallucination, in which case the whole choice was moot - is that it was real."
"Oh, now you're just going all philosophical on my ass. That's so not fair."
"You'll manage."
"Hey, you never know, I might go home and cry in my pillow tonight and become a drug addict...oh wait, too late for that last part."
"I'm sure they've tried to make you go to rehab and you've said 'no, no, no,' so I won't bother."
"And I totally kicked rehab's ass and made an cripple cry. I need my pills to work, so I get my pills because I'm in pain. It's a bitter cycle."
"Some people are bitter people, but it makes them happy."
"And some people need vicodin as pain management. It all works out."
"And some people need addictions as pain management, which leads to what starts as misdemeanours and ends in felonies. Not that Vicodin is particularly high on the list of substances leading to drug gangs, of course."
"And yet, because I'm on Vicodin, I get to save lives. Hm. But hey, if you want drug gangs, I can totally get you anything you want. I've got connections."
"I didn't think it was the lives you care about."
"It's part of the deal. I solve weird cases, save some lives, piss some people off, make some people happy."
"But what /you/ actually get out of it is...?"
"Free cable? An office with a view? Clinic duty?"
"I don't think it's the last one."
"You're right, I skip that one a lot. There's only so many cases of 'you're pregnant', 'get your child vaccinated', or 'things aren't supposed to go in that orifice' before you get bored."
"And the idea that you take the dull with the interesting because it's part of your duty as a doctor doesn't factor in to your version of the Hippocratic Oath."
"But that's what all the regular doctors are for. There's plenty of them sitting around on their asses all day."
"As opposed to you, with your coma patients."
"Which is only when I have to deal with clinic duty."
Red is Sam, Blue is House.
"Man. If everyone that had a brain tumor could go back to the 70s, then we'd have all kinds of freaks asking for them. Great job setting the example."
"It requires getting it by a car; why don't you try it?"
"See, problem is, I've already got a bum leg. Harder to get hit by a car when you're walking around with a cane for some reason. Oh, that's right, people tend to notice disabilities."
"I'm sure a little shove could help you."
"I'm resilient, though."
"But not immovable."
"I'm sure my coworkers would disagree."
"Not, I think, when it comes to car accidents."
"You never know. Once I put the cane down, it might be harder to give a little push."
"So my bad example isn't that bad at all, if it's as hard to manage time travel as you seem to think it is."
"I simply meant that I don't want to have to deal with the hippies that want to take a car accident induced drug trip back to the 70s. Or whatever. Brain tumor, drugs, they're close enough."
"Not in my experience. If you didn't want to treat patients, stupid as they can be, why did you become a doctor?"
"That's because I'm a special doctor. I'm the kind of doctor that doesn't have to deal with things like stupid people sticking things up their anus unless Cuddy makes me do clinic duty. I'm the kind of doctor that gets to deal with happy, fun things like lesbians with the plague."
"The sort of doctor who doesn't give a damn about human beings?"
"Precisely. You catch on quick. I'm proud of you."
"I have a DS like that. You might like him. Though I think you up him on condescension. Hard to tell at this point."
"I've been told that it's one of my best skills, so I'd hate to lost to anyone else. I'll make sure to prove that I can indeed be more of an ass than your DS, video game or Detective Sergeant, whatever."
"I didn't think you'd get the acronym. Don't tell me you're a Sweeney fan."
"The hospital gets the BBC, what can I say? I made sure that the lounge got the upgrade to satellite TV."
"Using your powers for the greater good of the hospital. Well done."
"Well, it's more like they run General Hospital reruns on channel 110, so we'll consider the BBC a bonus. That and monster trucks. Who doesn't love monster trucks?"
"A number of individuals, I imagine. Do you always talk about nothing or do you just try to deflect people with it?"
"Seems to work wonders, since the alternative is me insulting you until I get bored. Or until you cry. Either one."
"Surprisingly, insults don't tend to set me off on the latter. My DCI has a mouth vulgar enough to keep him out of any mainstream television, and two points if you know that acronym as well."
"Duelists' Convocation International? No wait, Decompression illness...? Oh, I've got it, Detective Chief Inspector. That last one is just a guess, though. But your DCI must be trying too hard no matter what that stands for. Vulgar is easy and attracts all the edgy young viewers. Hitting people where it hurts, that's so much more clever."
"I would've thought he'd have attracted all the old nostalgia crowd, fondly remembering the days when a man could throw whoever he liked into whatever he liked, insulting all minorities and stepping over laws as he did it. When being a man meant being a Neanderthal, you know. The glory days."
"Well, throw some teenagers and some elderly folks at him and see which one likes him more. There's an excess of both in this hospital, so I don't mind supplying. Do they get to hit by cars too? That would be like a bonus."
"The elderly. They'd actually be treated with some semblance of respect. And sorry, no. We don't like to damage police cars on homocides."
"Oh, I see, no respect from that guy until you're almost dead. Damn. And I had gotten my hopes up and everything."
"Sorry to let you down, but I don't think it's the 'almost dying' that means anything to him. So don't try to put yourself into a coma for it."
"No plans to. I got shot once and that was enough of a near-death experience for me. But if he only wants to make friends with guys in comas, well, he seems to be going the right way. They're good listeners and don't complain. They smell, though, so you have to get used to that."
"We actually protest quite a great deal. Particularly about negligent doctors."
"Then you have idiots for doctors. Or, alternately, your family is just very mean and wants you to lay around while the doctors use your room to watch their soaps. You know most coma patients have TVs in their room. Never understood that, but it's a great place to ditch work."
"No, I know. I largely suspect that Gene Hunt came into existence because my doctors were too busy watching old cop shows to notice the brain tumour."
"A brain tumor, really? Then your doctors must be idiots. That's not something you can miss. The coma tends to be the first clue. Or they just like poking you and seeing what happens."
"I'm pretty sure the cause of the coma was the getting-hit-by-a-car thing. The brain tumour just kept me there. ....On so many levels."
"So, out of a huge act of irony, you get hit by a car and then your cancer symptoms decide to present themselves. Interesting. God sure must hate you."
"I somehow doubt that you have any sort of religious beliefs. Forgive me if you turn out to be a devout Shintoist."
"Then let me rephrase to say 'whatever higher power that there may possibly be' hates you. We have a medical term for that. We call it "chronic unluckiness" and I believe that you have a terrible case of it."
"I'm happy. It's not that bad."
"You're right. The only cure is getting laid. Luckily, most drugs cost more than a hooker."
"Don't tell me a charming bloke like you can't get a shag without paying for it."
"Oh, of course not. There's an intern who would probably let anyone do her. Or you could go the route of my friend and take advantage of emotionally vulnerable patients."
"Then the cost of a prostitute doesn't have anything to do with it."
"There's a big difference. She does it for free, she's a slut, if you have to pay, she's a whore. Well, and some people would say the difference is STDs, but even then, no guarantee."
"You could reconsider the need to get laid."
"Considering the original purpose of bringing it up was as a cure to your chronic unluckiness, I think it's you that needs to re...well, in your case, consider. It's called 'getting lucky' for a reason."
"Luckily, I'm not actually *un*lucky."
"You've got a brain tumor and you got hit by a car. You're unlucky."
"I love the people I'm with and I enjoy what I do for a living. I'm lucky."
"Then you're accepting that this 70s thing is a result of the pressure that the tumor is putting on your brain, and you're hallucinating it all. You love your hallucinations, how sweet."
"And if it is all a hallucination, you're not real. You know you're real. You know you're not in my hallucination. If you ever have the misfortune of meeting any of my coworkers, you'll know they're not part of my coma too, or you wouldn't be able to talk to them. If you're real and I'm real, it's all real."
"Then you have to choose what you believe, don't you? Is the brain tumor real, or is your trip to the 70s real? Brain tumors don't just magically appear and sit there comfortably without doing anything. Which is why most peaopl with brain tumors tend to, you know, *die*."
"I didn't choose on believe. I chose to find the truth. And the truth - unless I woke up into a different hallucination, in which case the whole choice was moot - is that it was real."
"Oh, now you're just going all philosophical on my ass. That's so not fair."
"You'll manage."
"Hey, you never know, I might go home and cry in my pillow tonight and become a drug addict...oh wait, too late for that last part."
"I'm sure they've tried to make you go to rehab and you've said 'no, no, no,' so I won't bother."
"And I totally kicked rehab's ass and made an cripple cry. I need my pills to work, so I get my pills because I'm in pain. It's a bitter cycle."
"Some people are bitter people, but it makes them happy."
"And some people need vicodin as pain management. It all works out."
"And some people need addictions as pain management, which leads to what starts as misdemeanours and ends in felonies. Not that Vicodin is particularly high on the list of substances leading to drug gangs, of course."
"And yet, because I'm on Vicodin, I get to save lives. Hm. But hey, if you want drug gangs, I can totally get you anything you want. I've got connections."
"I didn't think it was the lives you care about."
"It's part of the deal. I solve weird cases, save some lives, piss some people off, make some people happy."
"But what /you/ actually get out of it is...?"
"Free cable? An office with a view? Clinic duty?"
"I don't think it's the last one."
"You're right, I skip that one a lot. There's only so many cases of 'you're pregnant', 'get your child vaccinated', or 'things aren't supposed to go in that orifice' before you get bored."
"And the idea that you take the dull with the interesting because it's part of your duty as a doctor doesn't factor in to your version of the Hippocratic Oath."
"But that's what all the regular doctors are for. There's plenty of them sitting around on their asses all day."
"As opposed to you, with your coma patients."
"Which is only when I have to deal with clinic duty."