... fic again
Because Kougaiji was angsting in my brain all weekend...
He'd covered her up with a blanket, even though he knew it was ridiculous. She never felt the cold, and she certainly didn't feel it now, but it helped with the illusion that she was only sleeping. As long as he didn't look too closely, he could pretend.
He couldn't quite bring himself to sleep by her side that first night, so he had curled up on the other side of the small cavern and finally fallen into an uneasy sleep. When he awoke, he had one moment of hope that it was all a dream until he saw her lying there. Now he sat by her side, watching over her. She was so still and cold, it was almost like being with his mother again.
Two days had passed already. Somehow he had to get through four or five more. Kougaiji had left the cave a few times to try and locate Hibari, but the little psychopath seemed to have disappeared. Probably in hiding, if he knew what was good for him. Sooner or later Hibari would reappear, and then Kougaiji would have to decide what, if anything, he should do about him.
He sighed and shifted on the stone floor. He was tired, but when he closed his eyes, his imagination gave him images of Yukina being shocked over and over, screaming in pain or for help that didn't come.
Kougaiji buried his head in his hands again, caught between hope and despair. He was afraid to let himself believe that she would come back, but if he didn't cling to that hope, the grief would swallow him up. He knew Ky was worried about him, and Naoto was too, in her own way. He wasn't sure how he would have made it through that first night without them.
He wondered if Ky was praying to his god on Yukina's behalf. If he was, maybe his god would actually listen. It was more than Kougaiji could bring himself to do. He'd experienced the gods' idea of 'help' once already. He doubted they would answer any prayers from the son of Gyumaoh anyway.
He looked down at Yukina and touched her face. "I don't think you can hear me, but maybe you can. I miss you." He brushed his hand through her hair and then looked away, focusing on nothing. "Yin has been here to see you a few times, and of course Naoto and Ky keep checking on me."
Silence fell again, as he sat there, lost in thought. "I promised you I would be here, but I didn't think it would be like this. I thought you would end up draining yourself to heal someone else, not get killed by a murderous version of one of your friends.
"I'm not sure this would be any easier if you had willingly sacrificed yourself though. Maybe I would feel less guilty. If I had been there..." He made a soft, scornful sound at himself. "Maybe Naoto is right, and all I would have been able to do is die with you." His voice grew even softer. "I almost wish I had. It would be easier than waiting like this. At least I got there before you... before you died."
He looked down at her still face again. "It's so hard to be without you. Even if I don't see you every day, at least I know you're there and I could go find you at any time." His voice dropped to a near whisper. "I was a fool to think I could ever leave you. If things were different, I'd ask you stay with me forever." A very faint smile touched his face. "You'd make a beautiful princess, just like in a children's tale."
The smile slowly faded. "But I can't ask you for that. Not right now anyway. Not with the way things are at home. And I can't ask you for any kind of commitment here, when either of us could disappear at any time." His hand idly stroked her hair as he rested his head against the rock again. "But I want to. I don't want to be without you anymore. Please come back to me..."
His voice faded away as exhaustion claimed him. His hand slowed to a stop, his eyes fell shut, and finally he slept.
He'd covered her up with a blanket, even though he knew it was ridiculous. She never felt the cold, and she certainly didn't feel it now, but it helped with the illusion that she was only sleeping. As long as he didn't look too closely, he could pretend.
He couldn't quite bring himself to sleep by her side that first night, so he had curled up on the other side of the small cavern and finally fallen into an uneasy sleep. When he awoke, he had one moment of hope that it was all a dream until he saw her lying there. Now he sat by her side, watching over her. She was so still and cold, it was almost like being with his mother again.
Two days had passed already. Somehow he had to get through four or five more. Kougaiji had left the cave a few times to try and locate Hibari, but the little psychopath seemed to have disappeared. Probably in hiding, if he knew what was good for him. Sooner or later Hibari would reappear, and then Kougaiji would have to decide what, if anything, he should do about him.
He sighed and shifted on the stone floor. He was tired, but when he closed his eyes, his imagination gave him images of Yukina being shocked over and over, screaming in pain or for help that didn't come.
Kougaiji buried his head in his hands again, caught between hope and despair. He was afraid to let himself believe that she would come back, but if he didn't cling to that hope, the grief would swallow him up. He knew Ky was worried about him, and Naoto was too, in her own way. He wasn't sure how he would have made it through that first night without them.
He wondered if Ky was praying to his god on Yukina's behalf. If he was, maybe his god would actually listen. It was more than Kougaiji could bring himself to do. He'd experienced the gods' idea of 'help' once already. He doubted they would answer any prayers from the son of Gyumaoh anyway.
He looked down at Yukina and touched her face. "I don't think you can hear me, but maybe you can. I miss you." He brushed his hand through her hair and then looked away, focusing on nothing. "Yin has been here to see you a few times, and of course Naoto and Ky keep checking on me."
Silence fell again, as he sat there, lost in thought. "I promised you I would be here, but I didn't think it would be like this. I thought you would end up draining yourself to heal someone else, not get killed by a murderous version of one of your friends.
"I'm not sure this would be any easier if you had willingly sacrificed yourself though. Maybe I would feel less guilty. If I had been there..." He made a soft, scornful sound at himself. "Maybe Naoto is right, and all I would have been able to do is die with you." His voice grew even softer. "I almost wish I had. It would be easier than waiting like this. At least I got there before you... before you died."
He looked down at her still face again. "It's so hard to be without you. Even if I don't see you every day, at least I know you're there and I could go find you at any time." His voice dropped to a near whisper. "I was a fool to think I could ever leave you. If things were different, I'd ask you stay with me forever." A very faint smile touched his face. "You'd make a beautiful princess, just like in a children's tale."
The smile slowly faded. "But I can't ask you for that. Not right now anyway. Not with the way things are at home. And I can't ask you for any kind of commitment here, when either of us could disappear at any time." His hand idly stroked her hair as he rested his head against the rock again. "But I want to. I don't want to be without you anymore. Please come back to me..."
His voice faded away as exhaustion claimed him. His hand slowed to a stop, his eyes fell shut, and finally he slept.