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Strait Up, Issue Number 151
Happy 4:20!
Too bad Hitler was born today. And too bad idiots in trench coats shot up Columbine High School.
People like that give trench coats a bad name. Then again, so do flashers, streakers, and government agents. Fuckin G-men.
G.W. visited Central PA yesterday. A nice Canadian man flew into the restricted air space that El Douchemundo’s (president bush) plane was in and had to be diverted and questioned and such. According to the news report I was watching, 1,800 planes have flown into air-force one’s restricted air space since 9/11/01. I don’t have much of a point to make by saying that, but think about it. 1800. Bush can’t even make his personal conveyances that much safer. What has he done for our country? And on the topic, I don’t like to get into politics too much because I’m a layman on the subject, but logically, why would 45 percent of American’s who vote vote for George W. Bush. I am really curious. I mean, I look at candidates qualifications, what they’ve done in the past, what they are doing now, what they plan to do, and I try to decide who would make a good choice. I did this in the 2000 election, even though I was only 16. I decided I would have voted for Gore. Why would any one have elected Bush in the first place is beyond me? He was a fuck-up before he ever became President. So why re-elect him? He started a war. Yes, that’s true. Al-quaida didn’t start the war with Iraq. It should be clear to the 80% of America’s who are literate that Bin Laden and Saddam are two different people, two different causes, two different kinds of Muslim.
“The Devil is a wily one, and, until an hour before he fell,
even God thought him beautiful in Heaven.”
-from ‘The Crucible’ by Arthur Miller
"part one of a fresh two part deal" by Chris Hacker
-told me someday i'd find a way to see
fuck that, i learned to see last week
so where is the me anymore ?
what has gone and what’s it worth?
why do they care and what was all there?
heaven is a place of mind , an expansion of your
day dreamin’ , seemin’ like the end of the river
but truth be told..
you are the river , it is all of you
nothing to do but riiide ride ride...
~~
“it starts as soon as you’re born” by Holly Otterbein
we will
never know
what Death
feels like
until we’re no longer
living
and by
that time
we’ll be
someplace
else (I bet you
no death
is
ever-
lasting
and all dying
is
long
as
hell.)
~~
“don’t point fingers unless you point them up, too” by Holly Otterbein
could you blame anyone for doing Anything, really
cause
even God likes to get back at people
cause
even God likes revenge.
~~
"bits of conversation with Dan" john rogers and Dan Tambolas
1.
I'm sad that my entry wasn't in the greatest hits .... I guess it was a good issue anyway. Great 150 issues, John! Thank you.
Dan
~
"my reply to Dan’s first email":
heh, a lot of other contributors gave me crap about that issue because they werent in it. like todd shaeffer and holly. #150 was more for the people who had been receiving SU for the past 3-4 years. somehow, kris hacker has been recieving it longer than i have known him...
todd is [probably] the only other person who should have been in last nights issue. and i felt [a little] bad because todd was one of the first 12 or 14 people who were on the first mailing list before [strait up] had a name. but because i like to mess with todd, i might do an entire todd shaffer issue filled with bad poetry he wrote in 10th grade. [or make shit up using todd's name]. he and i wrote a poem together and it talks about rainbows and sunshine. dont be sad dan, you'll be in one of my greatest hits issues to come. besides, its not like this is a real magazine :-) take it easy man, see you around
-john
~
2.
Yay! It'll be my big comeback!
Dan
~
3.
You do realize that I was kidding with you, right? The only thing I ever sent you was something to help cheer you up in response to the opening statement of one of your issues, and you put it in the next issue of Strait Up. I thought it was pretty funny. Anyway, I am not dissappointed that I am not in the the Greatest Hits Style - just busting your chops is all. If I actually wrote poety, then maybe I'd have something to be sad about. I can't wait to be back home so we can all drink again. Peace.
Clownin' with ya ,
Dan
~~
“the lies we love.” by Todd Shaeffer
i drive these streets
my head at my feet
lights glare passes in motion
never knowing which lamp post i will make my end.
i slow
i watch with intent, myself jerking the wheel
this bridge is so lonely tonight
maybe no one will come
i never believed in any of this
and now it seems so simple and understandable.
you made a mockery of bliss
it stops
i made it heart and soul,
you made it flesh and a hole.
~~
“advice from Snow” by Snow
i have advice
old adage but effective
Show not tell
~~
“Buried under five-hundred and some squirrels” by Dan Lynch
500 squirrels
500 squirrels
500 squirrels
500 squirrels
500 squirrels
500 squirrels
500 squirrels
me
~~
“a correspondence from Piotr”
RE: winter blossoms blooming in time for spring
hey yo, did you get the critique-- I sent you. If y-o-u did, tell 0Me0. If not, GEEZ I know the computers in the library don't work right. 8------ And I'll try to brainstorm some titles: "snaggleteeth", the fagtones, organized confusion by fusion of confusion, vagina dicklesuckle. If any of these work, let me know.
With love,
The man with the ultra-large penis
Piotrak (Gigantordick) Rozenstein (I became jewish here at college)
~~
“drexel equals beatness extreme” by Kris Hacker
damn, its been a real long time since i wrote an email to you all. oh well, no one is complaining. after finally having my spring break last week i come back to find 2 things. a letter on my desk saying the searched my room while i was gone and the confiscated an empty bottle of Jack Daniels, 3 shot glasses, 2 brandy glasses, a cup, and my wax mushroom. man that is fucked up. did i ever mention that i got written up for an alcohol violation and "failure to comply" because my friends got busted drinking while i was out at a party. Weird, i got written up for doing something while i wasn’t even there. The second thing i noticed is that Marty wasn’t here. i eventually got a hold of him and he informed me that he no long goes to this school. so great, i get to go to this shitty ass school and my 2 closest friends have dropped out and they took all my shot glasses can it get worse? yes, in the hallways there are signs that say "attention, your rooms will be entered on march 30th to have signs put on the showerheads that warn people not to hang things on them" Christ man, does anyone else find it interesting that they are HANGING a sign on the sprinklers to tell people not to HANG things on them? on the bright side of things, the only bright side, i got to go up to Penn state over break. I see why lots of people want to go there, its a fun place to be. like, there were people doing stuff, and things to do, it was almost like a real college. I have never experienced that before. i am definitely going to try to transfer there, definitely. if anyone wants to hear the craziest true story ever told, email me and i will send it to you. it was my Saturday night and just out of control. its time for me to go to sleep. its so weird not falling to sleep to the constant key strokes and monster noises from Marty’s EverQuest. later on.
ps. Drexel is beat.
Kris
~~
note to kris: you should send me one of your crazy stories, or something you wrote for creative writing, sometime.
~~
“Subject: Gas War” a forwarded e-mail submitted by Lena
A pretty simple plan to take the power back. Read on....Subject: GAS WAR!
Join the resistance!!!!
I hear we are going to hit close to $3.00 a gallon by the summer. Want gasoline prices to come down? We need to take some intelligent, united action. Phillip Hollsworth, offered this good idea: This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy gas on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May! The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them. BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work. Please read it and join with us!
By now you're probably thinking gasoline priced at about $1.50 is super cheap. Me too! It is currently $1.97 for regular unleaded in my town. Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a gallon of gas is CHEAP at $1.50- $1.75, we need to take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the marketplace....not sellers. With the price of gasoline going up more each day, we consumers need to take action. The only way we are going to see the price of gas come down is if we hit someone in the pocketbook by not purchasing their gas! And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How? Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war. Here's the idea: For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest companies (which now are one), EXXON and MOBIL. If they are not selling any gas, they will be inclined to reduce their prices. If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit. But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Exxon and Mobil gas buyers. It's really simple to do!! Now, don't wimp out on me at this point...keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!! I am sending this note to about
thirty people. If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 =300) .... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 =3,000)...and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers! If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it..... THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!! Again, all You have to do is send this to 10 people. That's all.. How long would all that take? If each of us sends this email out to ten more people within on e day of
receipt, all 300 MILLION people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!! I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you! Acting together we can make a difference. If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on.
Nate Wesley
Joanne Pinaire, Director
www.VisionsServiceAdventures.com 1-800-813-9283, Fax: 1-717-567-7853
~~
“one night out in the woods.” by john rogers
dedicated to everyone involved
we were out in the woods
in the middle of some developments,
sitting on wooden pallets
around a dying campfire. i was staring
at the canopy, looking thru
a karma kaleidoscope. one thought
led to twenty, a trail of
events so visible i couldn't see the log
in my hand, stirring the fire.
someone was out in the woods tripping
thru the brambles. jason
called marty an intellectual. time passed
unusually. kirk and casey
found several mother-loads of firewood
but who could have possibly
helped with that chore very effectively.
kris broke but he didn't splinter.
all this happened while i just sat and
stared into the calm, wooden ceiling.
(11/18/03)
~~
“the world ends” by john rogers
dirt dissolves.
The earth revolves.
when the world ends
i don’t want to be involved.
(4/13/04
~~
“snaggle-teeth” by john rogers
four fingers waving
goodbye. One talking shit on
poor kids with bad luck.
black clouds like wet drapes.
Face like a storm, makes the trees
rattle snaggle-teeth .
sunrise, now sunset.
Bottles clink. make lovely chimes,
little speech bubbles.
Ruler Knuckle Slap!
wake up on a carpet floor.
I need clean toilets!
(4/20/04)
~~
roj matajj.
you are a priceless character. i need to bang you up one nicely when i get back to the burggg fo shurg malurg sturgums.
b a b a b a bababbbbabbbbbblaaaaaaze up
treeztrons
~~
“Work Beatness” by Marty Martilla
oh
how fun it can be
to watch grown men
slack off at work.
work =
-cramped space (inner)
-as the view tries to compensate for it (outer)
oh oh
how sweet it is
to hear him wriggle
on the telephone.
-'i hadn't started because i wasn't entirely sure you wanted me to'
-=- [excuses straight from grade school] -=-
oh oh oh
how sad it is
to be doing more work than him
by doing none at all.
-his eyes shift again, following sunlight reflections off his watch
-time goes swell following the light /*|*/ realizes people could be watching him
-a slow eye scan across the room
-no one detected -.=.- im that smooth
-a minute and a half stretch, half-yawn at the end. what was i doing? oh yeah, my watch can reflect light...
~~
“Glenns children” by Marty Martilla
-=-Armani - will wear suits from birth, rich child indeed
-=-Jungo - tribal child, warpaint and the whole hallaballoo, no words just grunts and symbols
-=-Wizard (pronounced Wiz -pause- Ard [inflection on 'A']) - will be the magical child, performing tricks and making lots of money
-=-Horse - the musical one, singin shows all over town , makin loot to boot for glennimimus.
~~
.....sorry dude im at work so bored you know how it is. besides i had to get down glenn's children on some kind of saved typage. don't ever wanna forget the night he went on that rant describin his chilluns. it was a good'un. boredom is a hurtpiece mcgillicuddy. keep it real and swootch~swang it up nicelyyy.
-marjean
~~