Strait Up #150
*Strait Up! #150! Greatest hits Style!*
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Hey. this is a special issue of strait up. i was curious and bored and wondered how many of my poems had been put out in strait up over the years. (yeah, years. since 2000.) Unfortunatly i only found issues number 57-149. i am missing a couple random issues, most noticably #'s 103, 104, 106-109. 1-56 may be gone forever unless i can become motivated enough to clean my room in order to find and recover those disks which i saved those issues on before 3.5 inch floppy disks become completely obsolete. this issue is just random. some poems. some random ass stuff man. its a grab bag assembled from issues 57-149. kinda. if you know me well enough, you will be able to tell what i am laughing at and what i am laughing with. it is conversations, odd poems, lots of good memories of high school. this issue is dedicated to lots of people. these people have always submitted (in one way or an other) 'items' for strait up. they are the people who click with my sense of humor and i thank them for entertaining me for so long. here are some names because they appear in the issue or are mentioned: marty martilla, chris tandlmayer, PunkChic Losr627, steve diblasio, casey nenninger, proper, adam squaresky, brian james kirk, jason adams, derek weikel, but not eric bergel, piotr, andrew silliker, nick sallade, JenJen234, SLW92886, BSB 925489, and not to mention kris hacker, eventually. (danielle lucas can fuck off. she gets nothing. no word of thanks. just my golden salty offering, sprinkled on her car.) thank you, enjoy this issue. read it carefully. its full of gems.
-john rogers
~~~
no links.
~~
table of contents:
1. "note to readers (written august 1st, 2001)" by john rogers
2. "Pants (by john rogers)"
3. "EgyptianRuler versus Dragon2124"
4. 'Have you ever had a migrane' (by Chris Tandlmayer)
5. "Forks are a fashion statement" (by Adam Squaresky)
6. "untitled gay sex paeon" by Chris Tandlmayer
7. from "The Rufus Rodriguez Saga" (by Andrew Silliker)
8. "Picture on my Wall" (by Brian Proper)
9. "Poem for SWANSON HAMLET" (by Marty Martilla)
10. "Old naked men in the mall...(Dragon2124 and Gorbag)"
11. "Beautiful Girl" (by Brian Proper)
12. "Chris Tandlmayer randomness"
13. "MaRtY1085 and Gorbag, Part One: 'it's a secretion of the glans'"
14. "I Think I'm Falling for You" (by Brian Proper)
15. "MaRtY1085 and Gorbag, Part Two: 'spell jizz gyzz'"
16. "something that will make you chuckle if you know danielle lucas"
17. "Brian once asked me to partake in a threesome with him and Adam Squaresky"
18. "EverQuest = EverCrack. 'bonesy's suck off RPG'='fun for bonesy'"
19. crap
20. "nick is gross"
~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~o~~~
"note to readers (written august 1st, 2001)" by john rogers
i was told that my poetry had reached its
pinnacle months ago. my teeth grinned at this.
i have not yet begun my climax, i am in my
rising action as you breathe. everyone suffers
reverses. my reverses suffer in verses, sonnets
and songs spilt from the same brain. i am
reinventing myself over and over and over until i find
a niche, where i can carefully crawl into, flourish
and die. and i'm not hardly even halfway there.
~~
"Pants (by john rogers)"
i’m sitting on my bed naked cuz i cant
find any pants to wear:
isn’t that just like life?
we care born naked and are given countless pairs
of pants thru-out childhood, just trying to find the right pair
and by then you aren’t a child and you have a newer fresher
idea of what pants mean to you and you search for years
for the right style and size but our bodies
and minds grow and change each day so we are
never truly satisfied with the pants we have until
we are very old and wise and by that time we
knew that no pair of pants on earth can truly
make us happy, its the pants inside that really count
and by the time all this sets in we die and our bodies
are given one pair of pants to wear and in heaven
i suppose we wear the best fitting, most comfortable
most stylish most YOU pair of pants that could ever
be created and we are finally Happy.
~~
EgyptianRuler: i don't really have anything to talk about
Dragon2124: yeah
EgyptianRuler: hmmm. anythin' you wanna ask me
Dragon2124: like what
EgyptianRuler: i dunno makin' conversation
Dragon2124: id rather jump from a moving train
EgyptianRuler: huh?
Dragon2124: yes
EgyptianRuler: you confuse me... ^_^
Dragon2124: why
Dragon2124: how
EgyptianRuler: i dunno...
Dragon2124: what is unclear about what i said
EgyptianRuler: i'd rather jump from a moving train
Dragon2124: thats perfectly clear
EgyptianRuler: eh? ok...
EgyptianRuler: i g2g
Dragon2124: byes
EgyptianRuler: later
~~
'Have you ever had a migrane' (by Chris Tandlmayer)
Have you ever had a migraine
you wanted to stop
using just one
well-placed
bullet?
~~
"Forks are a fashion statement" (by Adam Squaresky)
I love to make my breakfast
It is time to awaken the smurfs
Homophobes are just pissed cause they can’t get laid
Pulling grass from my friend’s yard
Breaking his mailbox
Eating his food
Oh yeah that puts me in the mood
The mood of going to a picnic
With all my friends
The government is not invited
I love to eat my hair
Just kidding, don’t be silly
I come from the ghettos of philly
The tickets of my summer hang from the ceiling
Unlike them, I don’t hang from the ceiling
Which is a good thing
Bling bling cling cling
I like my music,
I stick out my tongue at Run DMC
Computers are the devil
Religion is for the unsure
We are for the poor
I shot ronald reagan and I’ll shoot him again
I’ll shoot him again and again and again
Today The wopper says
Free fries are like a dream come true
So with your milk money
Go buy an old Propagandhi cd
~~
MaRtY1085: should i dimple my cheek?
Gorbag: I will dimple it for you
~~
"untitled gay sex paeon" by Chris Tandlmayer
my tongue on your whiskers
my teeth on your balls
your hair in my mouth
these things make me want to howl
I can't take it anymore
these bars imposed by society
to keep my cock
from it's rightful place
it sickens me
to think of the violence these men would go to
to see my kind dead, or worse
oh, why was I put on earth
to be tormented by these carnal desires
to be satisfied only when a hard cock is in my hands
or my mouth
or my ass
I don't know and I can't help but think
that God himself is a homosexual.
Last night was amazing
we were going hard, and when you came
all over my back
it made me hold you tight
throughout the cold, long night
you were my sun
and when we kissed
worlds were born and died
I can't believe you're gone now
I miss the sex more than your kiss
to be honest, but it seems
you took part of my soul from me
and I need it back
Where shall I find it?
perhaps, if my tongue explores your nether realms
I shall find it
and swallow it back into my body
sticky masculinity
heaven on earth
heaven on my face
please master please
I need you like I need air
I can't live without you
hold me, in your powerful arms
make me alive
kiss me with your furry lips
make me complete
lick me with your rough tongue
make me scream
ream me with your powerful cock
make me GOD.
~~
from "The Rufus Rodriguez Saga" (by Andrew Silliker)
When reminiscing on the rolling 20's many thoughts and memories are conjured forth. Memories of steam engines, The Charleston, poor people and vacuum cleaners are the most vivid of these. But there is one far more obscure, shrouded in the same mystery of his own impromptu disappearance. This looming specter, a shadow of the past, and perhaps a harbinger of tomorrow, is Rufus Rodriguez.
Yes, 2/3 of hobos and nearly ¾ of derelicts agree "Rufus Rodriguez is the man for me", having been coronated "Righteous Rufus". Of course a dire matter for preponderance as to how one could acquire an appellation such as this.
A sage from ages past once claimed "a man is not measured by actions but by deeds", and this is never more true then in Mr. Rodriguez. Never a man of words, Rufus always found himself waking up in a gutter. Perhaps this is why he would wrestle vagrants for Susan B. Anthony dollars.
~~
"Picture on my Wall" (by Brian Proper)
i have your picture on my wall,
it reminds me of everything i loved about you.
your body,
just enough to hold,
and your hair,
it always smelled so good.
even the soda commercials of mountain,
your favorite dew,
and candies,
your perfume.
even though you broke my heart,
and broke up with me,
i still love you.
~~
"Poem for SWANSON HAMLET" (by Marty Martilla)
The black man ate a popcorn bit,
Then he sunk the treasured ship,
The one with the gasoline and cheese curls,
Yeah. That one.
Weren't you stunned when you heard the news,
Did you cry?
Did you weep until you shit yourself?
Cry for me, Blackentina.
~~
Dragon2124: an old man streaked the colonial park malll
Gorbag: lol, seriously?
Dragon2124: they showed a pic of him
Dragon2124: lol
Dragon2124: nastay!
Gorbag: how big was he?
Dragon2124: lol
Dragon2124: they had that and his face with a mosaic
Gorbag: oh
Gorbag: damn
Dragon2124: but his breasts were incredible
Gorbag: HOT
~~
"Beautiful Girl" (by Brian Proper)
i see you there,
long blonde hair,
green eyes,
and red lips,
i love to taste your sweet kiss.
i've never been so in love before,
and i would die to be with you.
just to hear your lovely voice,
takes me away,
but to where?
a place,
where anything can happen.
this place is ours,
and we will be together,
forever...
~~
EgyptianRuler: are you high.... ?
~~
"Chris Tandlmayer randomness"
so there i was, sitting and reading a girl's guide to hunting and fishing and all these people arrive. first an old fat man who rings the bell and the lady asked me do you work here I said no I'm waiting for a motherfucking ride and they went in and laughed and the door locked. so not knowing what to think i continued reading a girl's guide to hunting and fishing and two teenage boys showed up and asked to be let in after flashing me a toothy grin. frightened, i hid in my book and watched their backpacks disappear into the store.
~~
MaRtY1085: WHADDAHHHHH
Gorbag: Kniteofnee: with my dong
Kniteofnee: and it's many machine guns.
MaRtY1085: heh, i'm talking to him too.
MaRtY1085: SHOULD I BUY A KITE UP IN DIS?
Gorbag: you should
MaRtY1085: should i dimple my cheek?
Gorbag: I will dimple it for you
MaRtY1085: YES
Gorbag: I am a 15-year-old male with a pimple-looking thing on the side of my penis. It started a couple months ago actually, but lately it's gotten bigger, and the tip turned white and stings when it is touched. It gets in the way of masturbation, and just today a small drop of white fluid came from it.
MaRtY1085: sounds.. like me.
Gorbag: I'm uncircumcised. What's the white stuff that builds up on the inside of my foreskin? How can I stop it from building up?
MaRtY1085: jism ; pull back the skin
Gorbag: asctuially
Gorbag: The substance is called smegma, and it's a secretion of the glans (head) of the penis.
MaRtY1085: smegma isn't a word.
Gorbag: dude, it is so
Gorbag: it's on an official medical site
MaRtY1085: ....
MaRtY1085: i looked it up.
Gorbag: JackinQ&A _ Questions About the Penis
MaRtY1085: it is.
Gorbag: check it out yourself
MaRtY1085: you are a fucking weirdo
Gorbag: lol
Gorbag: I've noticed that usually after my friends ejaculate, their penises get soft. Mine doesn't go down, and I have to keep masturbating until I ejaculate again to get it down. What gives?
MaRtY1085: WHAT?
Gorbag: I'm the only boy in my gym class with foreskin on my penis. I get teased about it a lot, although I like the feeling when I masturbate. Some of the guys asked me to show them how I slide the skin back _ they all laughed, but a couple of them got erections while watching me. Do you think they are just jealous? Or should I ask my dad if I could have the foreskin cut off?
MaRtY1085: DUDE.
MaRtY1085: silliker has foreskin.
MaRtY1085: lol
Gorbag: DUDE, I bet HE wrote that question
MaRtY1085: probably
MaRtY1085: friarmarty...and i
MaRtY1085: lol
MaRtY1085: i have to send you the convo
Gorbag: ( :
Gorbag: okay
Gorbag: lol
Gorbag: he's a funny fucker
MaRtY1085: not that i've seen.. so far.
MaRtY1085: sent
Gorbag: ,ol
Gorbag: I am so off my medicine
MaRtY1085: how?
Gorbag: ;lol
Gorbag: I'm laughing my I'm the only boy in my gym class with foreskin on my penis. I get teased about it a lot, although I like the feeling when I masturbate. Some of the guys asked me to show them how I slide the skin back _ they all laughed, but a couple of them got erections while watching me. Do you think they are just jealous? Or should I ask my dad if I could have the foreskin cut off?
ass off
MaRtY1085: READ IT ALREADY YOU SICK FUCK
Gorbag: I did
~~
"I Think I'm Falling for You" (by Brian Proper)
i see her everyday,
i want her in my arms,
and feel her lips on mine.
i see her there,
staring at me from across the room,
and she has no idea what i feel for her,
does she feel for me?
what is it about her i love,
that innocent smile?
or how she looks across the room,
i think i'm falling for you...
~~
MaRtY1085: no
MaRtY1085: i am saying
MaRtY1085: THAT I READ IT ALREADY
Gorbag: I DID!!! fuckface
MaRtY1085: PAST TENSE
MaRtY1085: READ
MaRtY1085: I READ IT ALREADY.
Gorbag: it's spelled RED dumbas
MaRtY1085: I READ THAT FORESKIN THING ALREADY, FUCKFACE
MaRtY1085: i hope you are joking about the red.
MaRtY1085: because i will fucking murder your family.
Gorbag: murder in the martilla house and no one even cares
Gorbag: spell jizz gyzz
MaRtY1085: murder in the brady house.
Gorbag: no it's martilla
MaRtY1085: mikes in bed with alice.
Gorbag: mike's in bed with jess
MaRtY1085: and dave(?) sells dog chops at his meat shop
Gorbag: and marty sells dog chops at his meat shop
MaRtY1085: nope.
MaRtY1085: matt sells bootleg pokemon cards at his pokemon shop.
Gorbag: marty sells used condoms at his used condom shop
Gorbag: but marty didn't use the condoms
Gorbag: he found them under his sister's bed
MaRtY1085: what?
Gorbag: lol
Gorbag: I am so fucking fucked up
MaRtY1085: at least i don't dress up in a ninja costume with my brother, and have a hole where your cocks are and you have swordfights with your cock.
Gorbag: There's nothing wrong with that
MaRtY1085: ech.
MaRtY1085: see, you aren't sXe. by not taking your medicine you are drugged up.
Gorbag: lol
Gorbag: fuck you and your jagged edge
MaRtY1085: lo0l
MaRtY1085: jagged edge.
MaRtY1085: you so lame.
MaRtY1085: PEETELY PEETELY BOP
MaRtY1085: how was Casey's house?
Gorbag: I'm going TONIGHT, for surer
MaRtY1085: ah.
MaRtY1085: ok.
MaRtY1085: ;\
MaRtY1085: for FUHRER.
Gorbag: dude
Gorbag: I got a DK video
Gorbag: from bigwig's drummer
MaRtY1085: is it good?
Gorbag: it has two shows on it
Gorbag: YES
MaRtY1085: how'd you get that?
Gorbag: you know night of the living rednecks?
MaRtY1085: did you purchase?
Gorbag: yeah, 10 buckls
Gorbag: for 2 shows
MaRtY1085: yeah.. does that speech come from the video?
Gorbag: yeah!
Gorbag: it's so awesome
MaRtY1085: woah, sweeet.
Gorbag: and they play an awesome set list
MaRtY1085: have you watched the whole thing?
Gorbag: not all
MaRtY1085: when i get home, wees gotsta watch it.
Gorbag: just the first show last night with andy
Gorbag: okay doaky
Gorbag: it's cool
Gorbag: we can make out while we watch it
MaRtY1085: did andy sleep over?
NO YOU FUCK
MaRtY1085: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
MaRtY1085: no making out.
Gorbag: lol
Gorbag: no, he didn't
MaRtY1085: dude. i knew you sent those fucking things.
Gorbag: ?
MaRtY1085: the jizzing things.
MaRtY1085: you fuck-rat
Gorbag: what gyzzing things?
MaRtY1085: i am not talking to you anymore.
MaRtY1085: you druggy.
Gorbag: My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge, I'll stab you in the head whether you're a fag or lez, tired of homo-sex, bi's and trans-a-ves, hate fags? the answer's yes. Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic, starin' at my jeans watchin my genitals bulgin
Gorbag: thats my mutha fuckin' balls you better leg go'v'um. They belong in my scrotum you'll never get hold of 'um.
MaRtY1085: YOU ARE GOING ON BLOCK, YOU SICK FUCK
~~
Dear Most Of The General Population: (by Danielle Lucas)
Lately I find that the world is disturbed
Uncaring and utterly disturbed
I sit here, tormented by my thoughts
And it cares not
People, in general, are preoccupied
By their pathetic whims and wants
They know nothing,
And dont truely care to know anything
Maybe you're just afraid of the reality
That you hate because of differences
You complain when your world isn't perfect
I complain that you're an idiot
And I will not fail to mention that
You will die unrespected my me
~~
Brian James Kirk: squaresky owns me
Brian James Kirk: he goes
Brian James Kirk: "why does a chicken coup only have 2 doors?"
Dragon2124: what the fuck
Brian James Kirk: "because if it had 4-doors it would be a chicken sedan"
~~
"EverQuest = EverCrack. 'bonesy's suck off RPG'='fun for bonesy'"
Hacker, here is why you never needed tell me stories or mention marty playing EQ, i knew. i mean, he even sent me this nice convo as proof. this is from like may or june of 2002. marty is hooked on EverCrack. "Pay to play" indoozles...:
m a r t y 1085: when you getting eq?
at1en: eh.
at1en: get dungeon siege ;/
m a r t y 1085: wtf is that?
m a r t y 1085: never
m a r t y 1085: i'm lvl 20 in eq, cunt
at1en: http://pc.ign.com/articles/356/356757p1.html
m a r t y 1085: get 'bonesy's suck off RPG'. you learn different techniques and shit.. then at the end, the main boss is joe's cock and you have to put in all of your learnings into beating it... literally.
at1en: ...
m a r t y 1085: looks sweet .. but i prefer eq style gameplay. not diablo
at1en: isn't eq pay to play?
at1en: ;/
m a r t y 1085: yeah.. but mad worth it
at1en: im poor.
m a r t y 1085: only 12 bucks a month
at1en: maybe when i get a job. ;/
m a r t y 1085: which YOU WON'T
at1en: ;/
m a r t y 1085: three ;/ faces in my window..
m a r t y 1085: GET A NEW FACE, FUCKER.
m a r t y 1085: like this one...
at1en: :/
m a r t y 1085: :::|) ~~~ (:
m a r t y 1085: LOL
m a r t y 1085: ownz0r
at1en: ...
m a r t y 1085: hahaha
m a r t y 1085: you own, stevey
m a r t y 1085: YOU DA MAN
at1en signed off at 7:37:44 PM.
~~
~~
Ginny65432106337: Are you a sick fuck who likes to watch Granny Sex? If so then this website is for you!!!
Gorbag: yes, by God, I AM a sick fuck who likes to watch Granny Sex!
~~
2DR? OPFG Y3BP VBCX Realm of Black Magic
1SR7 TPFG 2QBP JBBT The ElderWorld
01R7 6PFG 0GBN 5BBH The NetherWorld
Z9R7 2PFG 07BN SBBF Shub-Niggurath's Pit
~~
you know my computer is restricted!!!!
~~
a friend of mine writes porno:
Amanda came back in with the largest piece of plexy glass that I had ever seen. When she came in Lena and Ashley got off the bed and told me to do the same. Amanda then laid down on the bed and held the glass above her face. Ashley told me to squat above the glass with my ass right above Amanda's face. I did this and then asked what I was supposed to do. Amanda giggled and said "poop." I was startled and laughed at the notion. Then I realized that she was serious. I pushed out the crap that was deep in my colon and let it fall on to the glass. I could hear Amanda laughing under my ass and I watched as Lena and Ashley fingered her pussy. I couldn't believe that she was getting off by this. But hey whatever floats your goat.
~~
"Nick, can I give you a rim job?"
~~
I eventually burst like a volcano in the Ring of Fire. Shouting my nectar out all over her curious face.
(Strait Up, ©2004)