FIC: We shouldn't have to hide... (Harry/Draco)
Title: We shouldn't have to hide...
Author/Artist: slowroad
Prompt: prompt # 65: "Confessions in the rain."
Prompt submitted by: digthewriter
Pairing(s):Harry/Draco
Word Count: ~2,000
Rating: PG
Warning(s):None.
Disclaimer:Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Harry and Draco have been in a relationship for a few months now, but Harry has insisted on keeping it a secret because he's afraid that his friends and everyone else will not like it. Draco hates the fact that they have to hide, but he does it for Harry's sake, but then one day he just can't take it any more...
Harry sat at the window watching the rain. He couldn't help thinking how much Draco would've enjoyed it. He remembered the first rain of summer the previous year. It was the first time he'd ever seen Draco laughing. He'd been out in the rain, playing with Teddy, happy and looking so carefree. That was probably the moment that I realised how much I liked him, he thought.
He wished Draco were here now. It's my own damn fault that he isn't, he thought as he sighed. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes wearily thinking of the argument they'd had that morning. Draco had left him, saying it was all over, and that he simply couldn't deal with it anymore...It left Harry feeling lost and miserable. He'd been sitting at the window for hours, wondering what to do, trying to figure out how he could possibly fix this when he'd messed up so badly.
Harry and Draco had been together for eight months now and so far, they had kept it a secret. Draco hadn't wanted that, but Harry had insisted. He knew how much attention their relationship would get if people found out about it, and he didn't think they could handle the pressure. He hadn't wanted anything to get in the way, he hadn't wanted to risk his relationship with Draco, so he had insisted on keeping it a secret.
As far as the world was concerned, Harry was still a bachelor. The Prophet came up with a new story every week about this man or that woman that Harry was going out with. It was all speculation and that in itself would not have bothered Draco, but he hated the fact that they could never go to a party or a social occasion together. They would always go separately and nod politely to each other as they spent the evening talking and dancing with other people.
"Are we going to hide forever?" Draco would ask.
"Of course not! It's just for another couple of months," Harry would say.
He always managed to talk Draco around. But things had come to a head the previous week when they had gone to Ginny and Blaise's wedding. They had each gone alone and Draco had had to endure an entire evening of watching people throw themselves at Harry. He'd had to watch as Harry danced with everyone but him. It had hurt him very much. It was not as if Harry had enjoyed it, but he was not ready to tell anyone yet.
What he had with Draco was precious to him. It was something that he had never thought he would have and he was terrified of losing it. He had lost everything and everyone else that had meant something to him. And he knew how horrible everyone would be when they'd find out. He could imagine all the nasty things people would say and he did not want their relationship to be tainted by that kind of negativity. Which was why he hadn't even told his friends.
And that had been the source of all the trouble, really. There had been a Ministry gala the previous evening that Draco as usual, was not invited to. Harry hadn't wanted to go either, but Hermione had insisted. When Harry had arrived at the gala, he’d found her waiting for him, waiting with a handsome young chap called Ethan that she'd brought along as a surprise date for him.
Harry had hated himself at that moment, but he'd had no choice but to go along with the date because the ministry gala was not the best place to make major revelations, particularly when he was surrounded by the media. Ethan, it turned out, was very touchy-feely and rather fond of all the media attention.
Harry had tried to keep his distance, but the reporters had managed to capture several photos of Ethan putting his arm around Harry and there had even been one of Ethan kissing him, trying to kiss him, actually. Harry had turned away, but from the angle at which the photo was taken, it looked like they were kissing.
Draco had seen the paper that morning and he'd come through the Floo just as Harry had woken up from an uneasy sleep. Harry had expected him to be furious, but Draco looked broken. He'd looked like he'd been crying. Harry wanted to go to him, hold him and comfort him, but Draco wouldn't allow any of that.
"It's clear that I don't mean anything to you, Harry," he'd said. "I guess I'm good for the sex, but not good enough to be in a relationship with..."
Harry had tried to protest, but Draco had stopped him.
"...I should have known," he said and his voice broke a little. "I'm the son of a Death Eater...of course you're ashamed of being with me...ashamed of wanting me too, I suppose."
"Draco, that's not..."
"It is, Harry. That's exactly what it is. And I think it is best for both of us if you stopped denying it…You’ve promised me again and again that we’re going to come out with this relationship, but you keep putting it off. I can’t do this anymore. I know I don't deserve you, alright, but I can't...I won't be your dirty little secret."
"Draco, you’re not…"
"I'll just go now. I'll get out of your life," Draco had said. He’d turned on the spot and Disapparated leaving Harry alone and stricken.
Harry had wanted to go after him, but he'd stopped himself. What was he going to say? 'I'm sorry?' Hadn't he said that again and again? 'I'm going to fix this?' He'd said that many times too and all he'd done so far was make everything worse. Harry was miserable and furious with himself. Why had he been such a coward? Why couldn't he have mustered the courage to be honest about his relationship with Draco? What did it matter what anyone said or thought? Wasn't his relationship with Draco more important?
He cursed himself for being so stupid and so fearful and bothered by other people’s opinions. He had to fix this. He had to get Draco back. In his heart, he knew exactly what he had to do to fix this. He just had to get up the nerve to do it.
...
Draco got out bed after a night of restless tossing and turning. He was desperately unhappy. He missed Harry. He missed him so much that his heart ached and he felt lost, particularly when he remembered the look on Harry's face when he'd told him that it was all over between them. Harry had looked devastated. Draco didn't doubt that Harry cared for him, but he wanted more. He wanted, needed Harry to love him. He wanted Harry to be proud of him and of their relationship. And he was sick to death of hiding like he was some dirty secret.
He took a shower and got dressed, moving mechanically and just going through the motions. He didn't think he'd ever been this unhappy in his life. Leaving Harry was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, but he simply hadn't been able to go on, not like that. Seeing his boyfriend with other people all the time, even though he knew that Harry didn't care about any of them, never once being able to claim that Harry was his...
Maybe he never was, he thought bitterly.
Maybe it was just about the sex and he was too stupid to understand. That hurt, but what else was he to think? He'd walked away from Harry, clearly hurt and broken, but Harry hadn't come after him. I guess he's finally had enough, he thought miserably as he walked into the dining room and sat down. He'd felt lonely at the manor ever since his parents had passed away, but today his loneliness was acute. He nodded absently when Binky served breakfast and handed him the paper.
Draco pushed the food around on his plate and glanced at the paper hoping to distract himself. The headline made him drop his fork.
HARRY POTTER AND DRACO MALFOY: THE STORY OF A SECRET RELATIONSHIP
Oh my God! Someone's found out about us! Harry will be furious, he thought. If there was any hope of us getting back together again, it is surely gone now...
He looked under the headline and was shocked to see that what followed was not an article written by a nosey reporter, but a statement issued by Harry Potter himself. Draco's mind went blank. Either I am dreaming or I have gone so completely around the bend that I've started imagining things... He shook himself, got up and walked around the room trying to clear his head.
He went back to the table and picked up the newspaper. The headline was still the same. Harry had actually written to The Prophet and issued a statement saying that he was in a relationship with Draco and that they had been together for months now. He told them that they had been keeping the relationship a secret because they wanted to retain their privacy, but the previous day’s debacle with the fake date had hurt them both very much and that they'd decided to just tell everyone and be done with it.
Draco couldn't believe it. Harry had done this...he'd put himself out there and he'd owned up to their relationship. Draco was stupefied. It was what he had wanted all along, not the very public announcement, but an acknowledgement, the freedom to be together without having to hide. He saw what Harry was trying to do. He'd understood that Draco was deeply hurt and that apologies and mere words would not do this time. So he'd gone for the grand gesture and he'd done it despite his hatred of the press and his discomfort with talking about his personal life...
Having finally convinced himself that this was true and that it was actually happening, Draco tossed the newspaper aside, grabbed his cloak and Flooed to Harry's house. He stepped out into the living room and looked around. It was clear that Harry was not in the house. He walked into the kitchen and looked around. He glanced through the window and he saw Harry walking around in the garden.
There was a light rain, but it was sunny and cheerful. The garden was blooming and the trees were full of birds. But Harry didn't seem to notice any of this. He was walking with his head bowed and his face pensive. Draco watched him for a few moments, and then he opened the back door and stepped out into the garden. Harry saw him almost immediately and he started walking towards him.
They met in the middle of the garden…
"I'm so sorry, Draco..."
"Harry, I can't believe..."
They stopped, smiling sheepishly at each other.
"You go first," Draco said.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you," Harry said. "I'm sorry I insisted on hiding our relationship. It was stupid and cowardly and you deserve better than that. But you have to believe me, Draco, I'm not ashamed of you. I never was. You're not...a dirty little secret." Harry winced as he said those words. It was clear that those words had hurt.
"Oh Harry..." Draco pulled him into a hug and held him tight. And then they were kissing, hard and desperate, needing to relieve their feelings.
They separated after a bit, their hearts thudding as they held on to each other, gasping for breath.
"What about your friends?" Draco said.
"I don’t know. And I don’t care…I just don’t want to be afraid anymore. You’re right, Draco, we shouldn’t have to hide."
Draco looked intently at Harry. He needed to make sure that Harry meant those words. Harry looked back at him, open and honest and finally at peace. He didn’t know how everyone was going to react, but that didn’t matter. The burden of the secret had got to be a little too much.
Draco sighed. He was so relieved. All those months of secrecy all that jealousy and hurt...it was over now.
"I love you, Draco," Harry said and Draco’s joy was complete.
"I love you too, Harry. I love you too," he said and they were kissing again, leaning against a tree, rain falling steadily around them and soaking through their clothes…It was a moment they would treasure forever.
Author/Artist: slowroad
Prompt: prompt # 65: "Confessions in the rain."
Prompt submitted by: digthewriter
Pairing(s):Harry/Draco
Word Count: ~2,000
Rating: PG
Warning(s):None.
Disclaimer:Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Harry and Draco have been in a relationship for a few months now, but Harry has insisted on keeping it a secret because he's afraid that his friends and everyone else will not like it. Draco hates the fact that they have to hide, but he does it for Harry's sake, but then one day he just can't take it any more...
Harry sat at the window watching the rain. He couldn't help thinking how much Draco would've enjoyed it. He remembered the first rain of summer the previous year. It was the first time he'd ever seen Draco laughing. He'd been out in the rain, playing with Teddy, happy and looking so carefree. That was probably the moment that I realised how much I liked him, he thought.
He wished Draco were here now. It's my own damn fault that he isn't, he thought as he sighed. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes wearily thinking of the argument they'd had that morning. Draco had left him, saying it was all over, and that he simply couldn't deal with it anymore...It left Harry feeling lost and miserable. He'd been sitting at the window for hours, wondering what to do, trying to figure out how he could possibly fix this when he'd messed up so badly.
Harry and Draco had been together for eight months now and so far, they had kept it a secret. Draco hadn't wanted that, but Harry had insisted. He knew how much attention their relationship would get if people found out about it, and he didn't think they could handle the pressure. He hadn't wanted anything to get in the way, he hadn't wanted to risk his relationship with Draco, so he had insisted on keeping it a secret.
As far as the world was concerned, Harry was still a bachelor. The Prophet came up with a new story every week about this man or that woman that Harry was going out with. It was all speculation and that in itself would not have bothered Draco, but he hated the fact that they could never go to a party or a social occasion together. They would always go separately and nod politely to each other as they spent the evening talking and dancing with other people.
"Are we going to hide forever?" Draco would ask.
"Of course not! It's just for another couple of months," Harry would say.
He always managed to talk Draco around. But things had come to a head the previous week when they had gone to Ginny and Blaise's wedding. They had each gone alone and Draco had had to endure an entire evening of watching people throw themselves at Harry. He'd had to watch as Harry danced with everyone but him. It had hurt him very much. It was not as if Harry had enjoyed it, but he was not ready to tell anyone yet.
What he had with Draco was precious to him. It was something that he had never thought he would have and he was terrified of losing it. He had lost everything and everyone else that had meant something to him. And he knew how horrible everyone would be when they'd find out. He could imagine all the nasty things people would say and he did not want their relationship to be tainted by that kind of negativity. Which was why he hadn't even told his friends.
And that had been the source of all the trouble, really. There had been a Ministry gala the previous evening that Draco as usual, was not invited to. Harry hadn't wanted to go either, but Hermione had insisted. When Harry had arrived at the gala, he’d found her waiting for him, waiting with a handsome young chap called Ethan that she'd brought along as a surprise date for him.
Harry had hated himself at that moment, but he'd had no choice but to go along with the date because the ministry gala was not the best place to make major revelations, particularly when he was surrounded by the media. Ethan, it turned out, was very touchy-feely and rather fond of all the media attention.
Harry had tried to keep his distance, but the reporters had managed to capture several photos of Ethan putting his arm around Harry and there had even been one of Ethan kissing him, trying to kiss him, actually. Harry had turned away, but from the angle at which the photo was taken, it looked like they were kissing.
Draco had seen the paper that morning and he'd come through the Floo just as Harry had woken up from an uneasy sleep. Harry had expected him to be furious, but Draco looked broken. He'd looked like he'd been crying. Harry wanted to go to him, hold him and comfort him, but Draco wouldn't allow any of that.
"It's clear that I don't mean anything to you, Harry," he'd said. "I guess I'm good for the sex, but not good enough to be in a relationship with..."
Harry had tried to protest, but Draco had stopped him.
"...I should have known," he said and his voice broke a little. "I'm the son of a Death Eater...of course you're ashamed of being with me...ashamed of wanting me too, I suppose."
"Draco, that's not..."
"It is, Harry. That's exactly what it is. And I think it is best for both of us if you stopped denying it…You’ve promised me again and again that we’re going to come out with this relationship, but you keep putting it off. I can’t do this anymore. I know I don't deserve you, alright, but I can't...I won't be your dirty little secret."
"Draco, you’re not…"
"I'll just go now. I'll get out of your life," Draco had said. He’d turned on the spot and Disapparated leaving Harry alone and stricken.
Harry had wanted to go after him, but he'd stopped himself. What was he going to say? 'I'm sorry?' Hadn't he said that again and again? 'I'm going to fix this?' He'd said that many times too and all he'd done so far was make everything worse. Harry was miserable and furious with himself. Why had he been such a coward? Why couldn't he have mustered the courage to be honest about his relationship with Draco? What did it matter what anyone said or thought? Wasn't his relationship with Draco more important?
He cursed himself for being so stupid and so fearful and bothered by other people’s opinions. He had to fix this. He had to get Draco back. In his heart, he knew exactly what he had to do to fix this. He just had to get up the nerve to do it.
...
Draco got out bed after a night of restless tossing and turning. He was desperately unhappy. He missed Harry. He missed him so much that his heart ached and he felt lost, particularly when he remembered the look on Harry's face when he'd told him that it was all over between them. Harry had looked devastated. Draco didn't doubt that Harry cared for him, but he wanted more. He wanted, needed Harry to love him. He wanted Harry to be proud of him and of their relationship. And he was sick to death of hiding like he was some dirty secret.
He took a shower and got dressed, moving mechanically and just going through the motions. He didn't think he'd ever been this unhappy in his life. Leaving Harry was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, but he simply hadn't been able to go on, not like that. Seeing his boyfriend with other people all the time, even though he knew that Harry didn't care about any of them, never once being able to claim that Harry was his...
Maybe he never was, he thought bitterly.
Maybe it was just about the sex and he was too stupid to understand. That hurt, but what else was he to think? He'd walked away from Harry, clearly hurt and broken, but Harry hadn't come after him. I guess he's finally had enough, he thought miserably as he walked into the dining room and sat down. He'd felt lonely at the manor ever since his parents had passed away, but today his loneliness was acute. He nodded absently when Binky served breakfast and handed him the paper.
Draco pushed the food around on his plate and glanced at the paper hoping to distract himself. The headline made him drop his fork.
HARRY POTTER AND DRACO MALFOY: THE STORY OF A SECRET RELATIONSHIP
Oh my God! Someone's found out about us! Harry will be furious, he thought. If there was any hope of us getting back together again, it is surely gone now...
He looked under the headline and was shocked to see that what followed was not an article written by a nosey reporter, but a statement issued by Harry Potter himself. Draco's mind went blank. Either I am dreaming or I have gone so completely around the bend that I've started imagining things... He shook himself, got up and walked around the room trying to clear his head.
He went back to the table and picked up the newspaper. The headline was still the same. Harry had actually written to The Prophet and issued a statement saying that he was in a relationship with Draco and that they had been together for months now. He told them that they had been keeping the relationship a secret because they wanted to retain their privacy, but the previous day’s debacle with the fake date had hurt them both very much and that they'd decided to just tell everyone and be done with it.
Draco couldn't believe it. Harry had done this...he'd put himself out there and he'd owned up to their relationship. Draco was stupefied. It was what he had wanted all along, not the very public announcement, but an acknowledgement, the freedom to be together without having to hide. He saw what Harry was trying to do. He'd understood that Draco was deeply hurt and that apologies and mere words would not do this time. So he'd gone for the grand gesture and he'd done it despite his hatred of the press and his discomfort with talking about his personal life...
Having finally convinced himself that this was true and that it was actually happening, Draco tossed the newspaper aside, grabbed his cloak and Flooed to Harry's house. He stepped out into the living room and looked around. It was clear that Harry was not in the house. He walked into the kitchen and looked around. He glanced through the window and he saw Harry walking around in the garden.
There was a light rain, but it was sunny and cheerful. The garden was blooming and the trees were full of birds. But Harry didn't seem to notice any of this. He was walking with his head bowed and his face pensive. Draco watched him for a few moments, and then he opened the back door and stepped out into the garden. Harry saw him almost immediately and he started walking towards him.
They met in the middle of the garden…
"I'm so sorry, Draco..."
"Harry, I can't believe..."
They stopped, smiling sheepishly at each other.
"You go first," Draco said.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you," Harry said. "I'm sorry I insisted on hiding our relationship. It was stupid and cowardly and you deserve better than that. But you have to believe me, Draco, I'm not ashamed of you. I never was. You're not...a dirty little secret." Harry winced as he said those words. It was clear that those words had hurt.
"Oh Harry..." Draco pulled him into a hug and held him tight. And then they were kissing, hard and desperate, needing to relieve their feelings.
They separated after a bit, their hearts thudding as they held on to each other, gasping for breath.
"What about your friends?" Draco said.
"I don’t know. And I don’t care…I just don’t want to be afraid anymore. You’re right, Draco, we shouldn’t have to hide."
Draco looked intently at Harry. He needed to make sure that Harry meant those words. Harry looked back at him, open and honest and finally at peace. He didn’t know how everyone was going to react, but that didn’t matter. The burden of the secret had got to be a little too much.
Draco sighed. He was so relieved. All those months of secrecy all that jealousy and hurt...it was over now.
"I love you, Draco," Harry said and Draco’s joy was complete.
"I love you too, Harry. I love you too," he said and they were kissing again, leaning against a tree, rain falling steadily around them and soaking through their clothes…It was a moment they would treasure forever.