You Say Tomato, I Say Tomahto (Scorpius/Rose, PG-13)
Author: sarahyyy
Title: You Say Tomato, I Say Tomahto
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2846
Pairing(s): Scorpius/Rose
Warnings: A little bit of coarse language.
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: In which Scorpius is an asshole, Rose has a lot of pent up anger, and Optimus and Albus secretly ponder over why they have best friends like them.
Author's Notes: For the prompt I need some fine wine, and you, you need to be nicer. The hugest thanks to hondagirll for the quick beta job! ♥
"Scorpius Malfoy is the biggest asshole in the world," Rose says in lieu of a greeting as she walks into Optimus' office. "Are all Malfoys born assholes or is it just him? Because other than genetics, I have no idea how anyone could be such an asshole."
"Oh hi, Rose," Optimus says dryly. "It's so wonderful of you to come and visit me. I'm fine, thank you for asking."
Rose scowls at him.
Optimus rolls his eyes. "What did he do this time?"
"He said that I was cheating on him!" Rose exclaims. "With Robin Wood!"
Optimus arches an eyebrow. "Are you cheating on him with Wood?"
"You know what?" Rose says; scowl deepening, "I changed my mind. It's not the Malfoy genes. It's Slytherins in general. All Slytherins turn out to be assholes."
"You're a Slytherin too," Optimus tells her with a laugh.
"I never denied being an asshole," Rose says. "I'm just evidently not as good at it as you and Scorpius are. Of course I'm not cheating on Scorpius, you dumbass!"
Optimus laughs. "I'll take that as a no, Optimus, I am not cheating on Scorpius with Robin Wood, thank you for asking."
"I have no idea how he even thinks of it as a possibility," Rose says angrily. "I mean, have I been cold to him lately? Well, yeah, maybe, but that's just because my mum's campaign is busy making news recently and there's just so many things to do! Where the hell do I find time to have an affair in between working for my mum and shagging Scorpius? Do you know how often we have sex? It's like he's insatiable! I'm not complaining or anything, because he's spectacular in bed, but really, how can he think that I'm having an affair after all that?"
Optimus makes a face. "You are not paying me enough to listen to this." He pauses for a moment. "Actually, you're not paying me at all. I don't have to listen to you."
"You are a relationship counselor, Opt," Rose grits out, "so counsel me before I snap and end up murdering Scorpius. I swear on Salazar that I will list you as my accomplice if it happens. If I have to go to Azkaban, you're coming in with me."
Optimus sighs. "I need some fine wine to go with this and you, you need to be nicer," he says, but he gestures for Rose to lay down on the couch and takes out his notepad obligingly. "Also," he says, "I am a psychiatrist, not a relationship counselor. It's written on my door, you illiterate."
Rose waves a hand airily. "Tomato, tomahto."
_______________________
"Your cousin," Scorpius grits out between clenched teeth, "is the biggest shrew I have ever had the misfortune of getting to know."
Albus laughs. "I was just going to ask you about that black eye," he says, amused. "What did you do this time?"
"Nothing!" Scorpius exclaims. "All I did was to state casually that she has been very close to Wood recently. That was all."
Albus snorts. "And by state casually, you must mean insinuate that she is having an affair with."
Scorpius scowls. "Robin Wood," he growls. "Of all people! Robin Wood! I would completely understand if she has an affair with Wood's father. That man is at least still suave even in his old age. But Robin Wood! How could she pick him over me?"
"She is not having an affair with Wood," Albus says automatically. "You're over-thinking things."
Scorpius' scowl deepens. "You are her cousin and therefore duty-bounded to say things like that. I won't hold it against you," he says dismissively. "Sometimes I feel like strangling her," he confesses. "Do you think I could do it? I bet I could. I could do it and then throw her in some ditch."
Albus rolls his eyes. "I thought we covered this the last time?" Albus reminds him. "If you are actually planning to kill Rose, you might want to keep it from me. I am duty-bounded to report you if Rose suddenly goes missing or anything. And then I'll actually have to arrest you. I won't go easy on you."
Scorpius snorts. "If I did it, it would be so flawless that even you won't be able to get anything on me."
_______________________
"Is it normal?" Rose asks. "That I fantasize about stabbing Scorpius all the time?"
"For you?" Optimus asks. "Yes, definitely. But you only fantasize about it, right? You won't actually do it, will you?"
"I don't know," Rose says thoughtfully, "I might. Would you help me, if I did?"
Optimus snorts. "You are ridiculous," he says. "Alright, back to the topic. How often do you and Scorpius fight, on average?"
Rose gives him a look. "You should know this better than me. Don't you have records of every time I come in or something?"
"You are my illicit, off-record patient," Optimus tells her. "And by that, I mean you don't pay me. I am hinting, very unsubtly, that you should."
"But money complicates things!" Rose says, pouting. "You'll be listening to me because of my money instead of listening to me because you love me, like you do now."
Optimus mimes vomiting. "I don't listen to you because I love you. I listen to you because otherwise you'd be a bigger pain in the ass."
_______________________
"I saw them the other day, you know?" Scorpius says. "She had her hands on his arm and she was, I don't know, stroking him or something. I threw up in my mouth."
Albus wisely keeps quiet and waves for the bartender to bring them more firewhisky.
"And then she had the guts to come home and pretend that nothing happen and put her hands on me!" Scorpius says angrily. "Do you get it, Al? She put her hands on Robin Wood, probably did dirty, dirty things to him with it, and then came and touch me! I have Robin Wood's germs all over me!"
"But you shagged her, regardless," Albus adds knowingly.
"Well," Scorpius says defensively, "I was making good use of my opportunities. You don't turn women away if they run into your arms."
Albus shakes his head. "You are incorrigible."
"Rose may be crazy and unreasonable," Scorpius tells him, "but in the sack? She's completely ace."
Albus winces. "That's my cousin you are talking about, asshole! I am not drunk enough for this."
_______________________
"And he has the balls to say that I'm cheating on him? What about him and that skank, Barbara Longbottom?" Rose balls her hands into fists. "Do you know what awful things I've been hearing about them? Everyone has been saying that she's carrying a torch for him and that he's encouraging her affections for him. But do you see me accusing him of cheating on me?"
"Barbara is hardly a skank," Optimus says, amused. "In fact, if we're going to rate her on a scale of one to ten, with ten being extremely skanky and one being not at all, she'd be a negative ten at least."
Rose glowers at Optimus. "You are just saying that because Scorpius is your friend and you are trying to put a good word in for her. And also because Barbara has a huge rack. I can read all of you like open books."
Optimus coughs. "I don't deny that Barbara has a very good figure-"
"See?" Rose buries her face in her hands. "Scorpius is cheating on me with Barbara Longbottom because she has a huge rack!" she moans in despair.
"He's not cheating on-"
"Oh, woe is me!" Rose continues. "To think that I've given him the best parts of my youth! Now he's just going to dump me for Barbara 'Big Rack' Longbottom! Where is the justice in this?"
When she looks up at Optimus, her eyes are strangely wet and Optimus is taken aback immediately. "Are you crying? Oh my Merlin, don't cry, Rose. Scorpius is not cheating on you. He wouldn't cheat on you."
Rose bursts out laughing. "Oh, Opt, I do love you. Really, I do."
Optimus scowls. "You have issues."
She smirks. "If you think I'm going to cry because Scor decides to leave me for someone with a bigger rack, you obviously don't know me well enough. I'm more of a get mad and get even person, not get depressed and get teary-eyed."
_______________________
"Robin Wood!" Scorpius moans. "I can't believe she's cheating on me with Wood. What did I do to deserve this? How can she do this to me?"
Albus sighs and repeats, for the billionth time of the night, "Rose is not cheating on you."
Scorpius pats him on the back. "I know you're trying to make me feel better and everything but I know better. I know the truth."
Albus sighs again and drinks his firewhiskey.
"Is it me?" Scorpius asks. "Am I not a good boyfriend?"
Albus resists the urge to bang his head on the table. "It's not-"
"You know what they say about the Woods, right?" he asks Albus suddenly, voice considerably lower than before. "About their…wood?"
"Oh, good Godric."
"Do you reckon it's true?" Scorpius asks, earnest. "Do you think their wood is really impossibly huge? Do you think Rose is into stuff like that? Because I know there are charms to fix things like that. Not that I'm unhappy with my dick. I am. Happy with my dick, that is. It's just. If she wants to experiment, I'm willing to do it. She doesn't have to go to Robin Wood."
"You know what?" Albus says. "I think you've had too much to drink." He moves to take away Scorpius' pint of firewhiskey but Scorpius pulls it towards himself, eyes wild. "Okay, fine. Drink on," Albus says, resigned.
It's not as if it's the first time, anyway.
"I thought the sex was spectacular," Scorpius continues. "I thought she enjoyed it. Do you know how often we have sex? Very often. I thought she enjoyed it! Does she enjoy it? Does she tell you that she doesn't enjoy having sex with me? Because if she did, you should tell me because otherwise, I won't know and she'll keep going back to Robin Wood."
Albus calls for another firewhiskey.
It's going to be a long night.
_______________________
"And you know what?" Rose says, heaving a sigh. "It's been ages since the last time we just laid in bed and did nothing but snuggle. I keep on having this feeling that he's just using me for my body." She frowns. "Do you think he's just using me for my body?"
Optimus rolls his eyes. "You've been together since fifth year," he says, exasperated.
"That's what?" Rose pauses to think for a moment. "Five years now?"
"Seven," Optimus corrects.
"Oh, sod off, you know I'm horrible with numbers."
Optimus smirks. "Evidently."
"This is why I refuse to pay you," Rose tells him. "Your customer service is horrible."
"I'm a psychiatrist," Optimus tells her, like it explains everything, "I don't have to have good customer service. All I do is to sit here and listen to you rant."
"Which you can also do silently," Rose says snottily. "So?" she demands.
"So what?"
"Do you think he's just using me for my body?" Rose repeats.
"For Salazar's sake," Optimus says, "he's not using you for your body. Everyone knows he loves you!"
Rose freezes. "You can't know that for sure," she says quietly.
Optimus' jaw drops. "You mean he's never said it?"
Rose just looks at him, face blank.
_______________________
"I love her," Scorpius moans, "I love her so much. You know I love her, right, Al?" When Albus doesn't reply, Scorpius grabs him by the arm. "Right, Al, right?"
Albus sighs. "Yes, Scorpius, I know you love her."
"Good," Scorpius says with a sigh. "I'd die if she runs off with Wood," he continues, taking a long swig from his firewhiskey. "I'd track them down, castrate Wood, and then I'd kill myself. I can't live without Rose. Why doesn't she love me back?"
Albus sighs again. "Of course she loves you back."
"She doesn't!" Scorpius cries. "I've seen her say it so many times to so many people but I'm never one of them and I've been with her for forever now and I keep waiting to hear her say it to me but she never does and what if she says it to Wood before she says it to me? What would that mean? What would I do?"
Albus stares at him. "You've been together for seven years now," he says slowly, like he's trying to process the information, "but she's never told you that she loves you."
Scorpius nods dejectedly.
Albus' eyes narrow. "Have you said it to her?"
Scorpius blinks. "Am I supposed to say it first?" he asks, stricken. "Oh shit, I am, aren't I? Why doesn't anyone tell me things?"
"You," Albus says calmly, "are such an idiot."
_______________________
"I think I should break up with him," Rose says finally after a pregnant pause. "I think this relationship we're in is very dysfunctional."
"Rose, have you ever considered telling all these things to Scor?" Optimus asks quietly.
Rose doesn't appear to have heard him. "You know what? I'm not even sure if we have a relationship? What if for all these years, all I've ever been is his fuck buddy?"
Optimus sighs. "Rose, have you ever seen the way he looks at you?"
"You mean, have I ever seen him turn his lust-filled gaze on me?" she rephrases. "Yeah, sure. All the time."
Optimus considers flinging his notepad at her but decides that it would be bad for his reputation. He says, instead, "When the both of you are in a room together, you're all he can see. It's like everyone else doesn't matter any more. I remember when you first agreed to go out with him in fifth year. He was grinning stupidly at the wall for hours thinking about how lucky he was. He really does love you, even if he fails to express it out properly."
Rose's lower lip quivers. "I hope you're right," she says softly. "Because I really do love him a lot and it would be awful if he doesn't love me back."
"You know what? He was thinking about asking you to move in with him but he talked himself out of it because he was so sure that you would say no," Optimus tells her. "But don't tell him I said that because unlike you, he does actually pay for his sessions and I'm pretty sure I'm going against all my codes of ethics by telling you this."
_______________________
Rose is in his flat when Scorpius Apparates back.
"Hey," Scorpius says, grateful that he had Albus perform the Sobering Charm for him because he has a billion things he wants to say to Rose. He doesn't really know where to start but his heart rate speeds up and his palms turn sweaty all the same. "I-"
"I think we should talk," Rose says.
Scorpius' heart plummets fast. "Are you breaking up with me?"
Rose bites her lower lip and stares at the floor. "Do you want me to?"
No, no, no, no, no! Of course not! is what he wants to say. He doesn't say it, though, just clenches his palms into fists and stares out the window. "If you… If you want a break up," Scorpius says eventually, "That is, if you think that a break up is what's best for us… I won't go all psychopathic and lock you up in my room."
Rose doesn't look at him. "Oh."
"Yeah," Scorpius says, but that is mainly to fill up the silence.
"Have you ever loved me?" The words burst out from Rose like she cannot contain them. "Because I keep getting this feeling that you don't and it feels awful and Optimus was saying that you do, but if you really do love me, you wouldn't be so amenable to the idea of a break up, would you?"
Scorpius swallows. He is starting to realize that he is better with words when he is drunk and wonders if he can reverse the Sobering Charm. "I have a key in my pocket."
Rose gapes at him. "What?"
"I mean," Scorpius takes a deep breath, and takes the key out of his pocket before showing it to her, "I had the house key duplicated last month. I meant to, I don't know, I meant to give it to you. Ask if you wanted to move in. But I didn't think you'd want to. I didn't think you'd want to get saddled up with me permanently. Because moving in is a big step. And sort of permanent. And I got scared that you'd laugh in my face and say no."
"What are you trying to say, Scor?" Rose asks, voice shaky.
"I'm trying to say I'm sorry," Scorpius says firmly. "I'm sorry that I never told you I love you. I'm sorry it took so long. I'm sorry it took Al to help me see that I should have said it long ago." He swallows. "I do love you. I love you very much and I hope that you feel the same way too."
For a long moment, Rose doesn't say a thing. She just stares at Scorpius, eyes suspiciously wet, unmoving. Then she says, "Scorpius Malfoy, you are an idiot."
And then, "I love you too."
And then, just before she kisses him, "Quit trying to make me cry and ask me to move in with you already, you dumbass."
And then they don't talk for a very long time.
Title: You Say Tomato, I Say Tomahto
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2846
Pairing(s): Scorpius/Rose
Warnings: A little bit of coarse language.
Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters herein are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: In which Scorpius is an asshole, Rose has a lot of pent up anger, and Optimus and Albus secretly ponder over why they have best friends like them.
Author's Notes: For the prompt I need some fine wine, and you, you need to be nicer. The hugest thanks to hondagirll for the quick beta job! ♥
"Scorpius Malfoy is the biggest asshole in the world," Rose says in lieu of a greeting as she walks into Optimus' office. "Are all Malfoys born assholes or is it just him? Because other than genetics, I have no idea how anyone could be such an asshole."
"Oh hi, Rose," Optimus says dryly. "It's so wonderful of you to come and visit me. I'm fine, thank you for asking."
Rose scowls at him.
Optimus rolls his eyes. "What did he do this time?"
"He said that I was cheating on him!" Rose exclaims. "With Robin Wood!"
Optimus arches an eyebrow. "Are you cheating on him with Wood?"
"You know what?" Rose says; scowl deepening, "I changed my mind. It's not the Malfoy genes. It's Slytherins in general. All Slytherins turn out to be assholes."
"You're a Slytherin too," Optimus tells her with a laugh.
"I never denied being an asshole," Rose says. "I'm just evidently not as good at it as you and Scorpius are. Of course I'm not cheating on Scorpius, you dumbass!"
Optimus laughs. "I'll take that as a no, Optimus, I am not cheating on Scorpius with Robin Wood, thank you for asking."
"I have no idea how he even thinks of it as a possibility," Rose says angrily. "I mean, have I been cold to him lately? Well, yeah, maybe, but that's just because my mum's campaign is busy making news recently and there's just so many things to do! Where the hell do I find time to have an affair in between working for my mum and shagging Scorpius? Do you know how often we have sex? It's like he's insatiable! I'm not complaining or anything, because he's spectacular in bed, but really, how can he think that I'm having an affair after all that?"
Optimus makes a face. "You are not paying me enough to listen to this." He pauses for a moment. "Actually, you're not paying me at all. I don't have to listen to you."
"You are a relationship counselor, Opt," Rose grits out, "so counsel me before I snap and end up murdering Scorpius. I swear on Salazar that I will list you as my accomplice if it happens. If I have to go to Azkaban, you're coming in with me."
Optimus sighs. "I need some fine wine to go with this and you, you need to be nicer," he says, but he gestures for Rose to lay down on the couch and takes out his notepad obligingly. "Also," he says, "I am a psychiatrist, not a relationship counselor. It's written on my door, you illiterate."
Rose waves a hand airily. "Tomato, tomahto."
_______________________
"Your cousin," Scorpius grits out between clenched teeth, "is the biggest shrew I have ever had the misfortune of getting to know."
Albus laughs. "I was just going to ask you about that black eye," he says, amused. "What did you do this time?"
"Nothing!" Scorpius exclaims. "All I did was to state casually that she has been very close to Wood recently. That was all."
Albus snorts. "And by state casually, you must mean insinuate that she is having an affair with."
Scorpius scowls. "Robin Wood," he growls. "Of all people! Robin Wood! I would completely understand if she has an affair with Wood's father. That man is at least still suave even in his old age. But Robin Wood! How could she pick him over me?"
"She is not having an affair with Wood," Albus says automatically. "You're over-thinking things."
Scorpius' scowl deepens. "You are her cousin and therefore duty-bounded to say things like that. I won't hold it against you," he says dismissively. "Sometimes I feel like strangling her," he confesses. "Do you think I could do it? I bet I could. I could do it and then throw her in some ditch."
Albus rolls his eyes. "I thought we covered this the last time?" Albus reminds him. "If you are actually planning to kill Rose, you might want to keep it from me. I am duty-bounded to report you if Rose suddenly goes missing or anything. And then I'll actually have to arrest you. I won't go easy on you."
Scorpius snorts. "If I did it, it would be so flawless that even you won't be able to get anything on me."
_______________________
"Is it normal?" Rose asks. "That I fantasize about stabbing Scorpius all the time?"
"For you?" Optimus asks. "Yes, definitely. But you only fantasize about it, right? You won't actually do it, will you?"
"I don't know," Rose says thoughtfully, "I might. Would you help me, if I did?"
Optimus snorts. "You are ridiculous," he says. "Alright, back to the topic. How often do you and Scorpius fight, on average?"
Rose gives him a look. "You should know this better than me. Don't you have records of every time I come in or something?"
"You are my illicit, off-record patient," Optimus tells her. "And by that, I mean you don't pay me. I am hinting, very unsubtly, that you should."
"But money complicates things!" Rose says, pouting. "You'll be listening to me because of my money instead of listening to me because you love me, like you do now."
Optimus mimes vomiting. "I don't listen to you because I love you. I listen to you because otherwise you'd be a bigger pain in the ass."
_______________________
"I saw them the other day, you know?" Scorpius says. "She had her hands on his arm and she was, I don't know, stroking him or something. I threw up in my mouth."
Albus wisely keeps quiet and waves for the bartender to bring them more firewhisky.
"And then she had the guts to come home and pretend that nothing happen and put her hands on me!" Scorpius says angrily. "Do you get it, Al? She put her hands on Robin Wood, probably did dirty, dirty things to him with it, and then came and touch me! I have Robin Wood's germs all over me!"
"But you shagged her, regardless," Albus adds knowingly.
"Well," Scorpius says defensively, "I was making good use of my opportunities. You don't turn women away if they run into your arms."
Albus shakes his head. "You are incorrigible."
"Rose may be crazy and unreasonable," Scorpius tells him, "but in the sack? She's completely ace."
Albus winces. "That's my cousin you are talking about, asshole! I am not drunk enough for this."
_______________________
"And he has the balls to say that I'm cheating on him? What about him and that skank, Barbara Longbottom?" Rose balls her hands into fists. "Do you know what awful things I've been hearing about them? Everyone has been saying that she's carrying a torch for him and that he's encouraging her affections for him. But do you see me accusing him of cheating on me?"
"Barbara is hardly a skank," Optimus says, amused. "In fact, if we're going to rate her on a scale of one to ten, with ten being extremely skanky and one being not at all, she'd be a negative ten at least."
Rose glowers at Optimus. "You are just saying that because Scorpius is your friend and you are trying to put a good word in for her. And also because Barbara has a huge rack. I can read all of you like open books."
Optimus coughs. "I don't deny that Barbara has a very good figure-"
"See?" Rose buries her face in her hands. "Scorpius is cheating on me with Barbara Longbottom because she has a huge rack!" she moans in despair.
"He's not cheating on-"
"Oh, woe is me!" Rose continues. "To think that I've given him the best parts of my youth! Now he's just going to dump me for Barbara 'Big Rack' Longbottom! Where is the justice in this?"
When she looks up at Optimus, her eyes are strangely wet and Optimus is taken aback immediately. "Are you crying? Oh my Merlin, don't cry, Rose. Scorpius is not cheating on you. He wouldn't cheat on you."
Rose bursts out laughing. "Oh, Opt, I do love you. Really, I do."
Optimus scowls. "You have issues."
She smirks. "If you think I'm going to cry because Scor decides to leave me for someone with a bigger rack, you obviously don't know me well enough. I'm more of a get mad and get even person, not get depressed and get teary-eyed."
_______________________
"Robin Wood!" Scorpius moans. "I can't believe she's cheating on me with Wood. What did I do to deserve this? How can she do this to me?"
Albus sighs and repeats, for the billionth time of the night, "Rose is not cheating on you."
Scorpius pats him on the back. "I know you're trying to make me feel better and everything but I know better. I know the truth."
Albus sighs again and drinks his firewhiskey.
"Is it me?" Scorpius asks. "Am I not a good boyfriend?"
Albus resists the urge to bang his head on the table. "It's not-"
"You know what they say about the Woods, right?" he asks Albus suddenly, voice considerably lower than before. "About their…wood?"
"Oh, good Godric."
"Do you reckon it's true?" Scorpius asks, earnest. "Do you think their wood is really impossibly huge? Do you think Rose is into stuff like that? Because I know there are charms to fix things like that. Not that I'm unhappy with my dick. I am. Happy with my dick, that is. It's just. If she wants to experiment, I'm willing to do it. She doesn't have to go to Robin Wood."
"You know what?" Albus says. "I think you've had too much to drink." He moves to take away Scorpius' pint of firewhiskey but Scorpius pulls it towards himself, eyes wild. "Okay, fine. Drink on," Albus says, resigned.
It's not as if it's the first time, anyway.
"I thought the sex was spectacular," Scorpius continues. "I thought she enjoyed it. Do you know how often we have sex? Very often. I thought she enjoyed it! Does she enjoy it? Does she tell you that she doesn't enjoy having sex with me? Because if she did, you should tell me because otherwise, I won't know and she'll keep going back to Robin Wood."
Albus calls for another firewhiskey.
It's going to be a long night.
_______________________
"And you know what?" Rose says, heaving a sigh. "It's been ages since the last time we just laid in bed and did nothing but snuggle. I keep on having this feeling that he's just using me for my body." She frowns. "Do you think he's just using me for my body?"
Optimus rolls his eyes. "You've been together since fifth year," he says, exasperated.
"That's what?" Rose pauses to think for a moment. "Five years now?"
"Seven," Optimus corrects.
"Oh, sod off, you know I'm horrible with numbers."
Optimus smirks. "Evidently."
"This is why I refuse to pay you," Rose tells him. "Your customer service is horrible."
"I'm a psychiatrist," Optimus tells her, like it explains everything, "I don't have to have good customer service. All I do is to sit here and listen to you rant."
"Which you can also do silently," Rose says snottily. "So?" she demands.
"So what?"
"Do you think he's just using me for my body?" Rose repeats.
"For Salazar's sake," Optimus says, "he's not using you for your body. Everyone knows he loves you!"
Rose freezes. "You can't know that for sure," she says quietly.
Optimus' jaw drops. "You mean he's never said it?"
Rose just looks at him, face blank.
_______________________
"I love her," Scorpius moans, "I love her so much. You know I love her, right, Al?" When Albus doesn't reply, Scorpius grabs him by the arm. "Right, Al, right?"
Albus sighs. "Yes, Scorpius, I know you love her."
"Good," Scorpius says with a sigh. "I'd die if she runs off with Wood," he continues, taking a long swig from his firewhiskey. "I'd track them down, castrate Wood, and then I'd kill myself. I can't live without Rose. Why doesn't she love me back?"
Albus sighs again. "Of course she loves you back."
"She doesn't!" Scorpius cries. "I've seen her say it so many times to so many people but I'm never one of them and I've been with her for forever now and I keep waiting to hear her say it to me but she never does and what if she says it to Wood before she says it to me? What would that mean? What would I do?"
Albus stares at him. "You've been together for seven years now," he says slowly, like he's trying to process the information, "but she's never told you that she loves you."
Scorpius nods dejectedly.
Albus' eyes narrow. "Have you said it to her?"
Scorpius blinks. "Am I supposed to say it first?" he asks, stricken. "Oh shit, I am, aren't I? Why doesn't anyone tell me things?"
"You," Albus says calmly, "are such an idiot."
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"I think I should break up with him," Rose says finally after a pregnant pause. "I think this relationship we're in is very dysfunctional."
"Rose, have you ever considered telling all these things to Scor?" Optimus asks quietly.
Rose doesn't appear to have heard him. "You know what? I'm not even sure if we have a relationship? What if for all these years, all I've ever been is his fuck buddy?"
Optimus sighs. "Rose, have you ever seen the way he looks at you?"
"You mean, have I ever seen him turn his lust-filled gaze on me?" she rephrases. "Yeah, sure. All the time."
Optimus considers flinging his notepad at her but decides that it would be bad for his reputation. He says, instead, "When the both of you are in a room together, you're all he can see. It's like everyone else doesn't matter any more. I remember when you first agreed to go out with him in fifth year. He was grinning stupidly at the wall for hours thinking about how lucky he was. He really does love you, even if he fails to express it out properly."
Rose's lower lip quivers. "I hope you're right," she says softly. "Because I really do love him a lot and it would be awful if he doesn't love me back."
"You know what? He was thinking about asking you to move in with him but he talked himself out of it because he was so sure that you would say no," Optimus tells her. "But don't tell him I said that because unlike you, he does actually pay for his sessions and I'm pretty sure I'm going against all my codes of ethics by telling you this."
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Rose is in his flat when Scorpius Apparates back.
"Hey," Scorpius says, grateful that he had Albus perform the Sobering Charm for him because he has a billion things he wants to say to Rose. He doesn't really know where to start but his heart rate speeds up and his palms turn sweaty all the same. "I-"
"I think we should talk," Rose says.
Scorpius' heart plummets fast. "Are you breaking up with me?"
Rose bites her lower lip and stares at the floor. "Do you want me to?"
No, no, no, no, no! Of course not! is what he wants to say. He doesn't say it, though, just clenches his palms into fists and stares out the window. "If you… If you want a break up," Scorpius says eventually, "That is, if you think that a break up is what's best for us… I won't go all psychopathic and lock you up in my room."
Rose doesn't look at him. "Oh."
"Yeah," Scorpius says, but that is mainly to fill up the silence.
"Have you ever loved me?" The words burst out from Rose like she cannot contain them. "Because I keep getting this feeling that you don't and it feels awful and Optimus was saying that you do, but if you really do love me, you wouldn't be so amenable to the idea of a break up, would you?"
Scorpius swallows. He is starting to realize that he is better with words when he is drunk and wonders if he can reverse the Sobering Charm. "I have a key in my pocket."
Rose gapes at him. "What?"
"I mean," Scorpius takes a deep breath, and takes the key out of his pocket before showing it to her, "I had the house key duplicated last month. I meant to, I don't know, I meant to give it to you. Ask if you wanted to move in. But I didn't think you'd want to. I didn't think you'd want to get saddled up with me permanently. Because moving in is a big step. And sort of permanent. And I got scared that you'd laugh in my face and say no."
"What are you trying to say, Scor?" Rose asks, voice shaky.
"I'm trying to say I'm sorry," Scorpius says firmly. "I'm sorry that I never told you I love you. I'm sorry it took so long. I'm sorry it took Al to help me see that I should have said it long ago." He swallows. "I do love you. I love you very much and I hope that you feel the same way too."
For a long moment, Rose doesn't say a thing. She just stares at Scorpius, eyes suspiciously wet, unmoving. Then she says, "Scorpius Malfoy, you are an idiot."
And then, "I love you too."
And then, just before she kisses him, "Quit trying to make me cry and ask me to move in with you already, you dumbass."
And then they don't talk for a very long time.