memoria_ & pitchblackrose
Author: memoria_
Title: The Last Goodbye
Challenge: The lonely towers of long mistakes/To forgotten faces and faded loves - Smashing Pumpkins, Here Is No Why
Pairing: James/Sirius
He remembered clearly when they had been here for the last time, up on the top of the Astronomy Tower. It was as if it had been yesterday that he had waited here out in the cold, leaning against the thick cold stones. So much had changed since then, so much time had passed, but he had never forgotten what he had felt, not a second of it. The memories were fading, like the soft mist that surrounded him right there at the top of this lonely tower, but it seemed as if in the midst of the fog there was one thing standing out clearly: Eyes as grey as a cloudy sky, looking at him with passion. Eyes that told him goodbye, told him that this was over, that the choice for his life was made. Sirius.
James shook himself out of his reverie. He hadn’t come back to Hogwarts to indulge himself in self-pity and memories of a faded love. He needed to talk to Dumbledore.
Author: pitchblackrose
Title: The Astronomy Tower
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 2871
James remembered clearly when they had been here for the last time, up on the top of the Astronomy Tower. It was as if it had been yesterday that he had waited here out in the cold, leaning against the thick cold stones. So much had changed since then, so much time had passed, but he had never forgotten what he had felt, not a second of it. The memories were fading, like the soft mist that surrounded him right there at the top of this lonely tower, but it seemed as if in the midst of the fog there was one thing standing out clearly: Eyes as grey as a cloudy sky, looking at him with passion. Eyes that told him goodbye, told him that this was over, that the choice for his life was made. Sirius.
James always had a soft spot for instruments. Be it a fashionable new de-gnomer or a pair of scales, James was fascinated by it. When he was a child, it had all been about the actions of the instruments - what they did. Later it became how they did it and he spent countless hours taking clocks, old kitchen stoves and the odd musical instrument apart. But as he got older, he started to appreciate the knowledge and skill a single piece of instrument involved. First someone had invented it, made it again and again until it was perfected and then someone else had mastered the art of making it by scores and hundreds. And all this knowledge, toil and skill lived in each copy of the original creation. It gave James a certain kind of security.
When he started Hogwarts he was surprisingly homesick. He knew many of the other children when he arrived there and easily got to know even more, but he still felt homesick at night. He wasn't used to sleeping in someone else's bed. He wasn't used to hearing the other boys sleep. He wasn't used not being able to go where he wanted to, when he wanted to.
So he just went anyway. The cloak his father had given to him with a wink when he got his admission letter, proved useful for midnight strolling. Strolling that eventually led him to a small storage room in the Astronomy tower.
~
He met Sirius that first night at Hogwarts. He'd entered the dormitory and loudly claimed one bed at random, with the distinct notion that it was the best one and he therefore deserved it. No one raised an objection and from that moment Sirius was their leader.
James had the feeling from the beginning that the Blacks were not the sort of people the Potters normally associated with. For one, Sirius was obviously rather well off. He had his own racing broom and his pyjamas were decorated with the family crest on his chest. The Potters didn't even have a family crest.
For another, Sirius seemed to know an awful lot of dubious curses. He didn't quite know how to use them yet, having only had his wand for a few days, but he most certainly knew the words and frequently hissed them at people who crossed him. They didn't sound very good to James.
Sirius seemed the kind of boy to avoid.
~
For the first few days James mainly hung out with a boy sleeping in the next bed, called Peter. Their parents were friends and so James had met up with Peter a few times per year all his life. They got lost together, ate their meals together and sat together in class. James was immensely grateful for the company.
At night, he snuck off to the great big room he'd found, filled with gleaming brass telescopes, all pointed slightly upwards to the cob-web covered ceiling. Sometimes he read to the light of his wand, sometimes he wrote letters to his parents and sometimes he just stared at the brilliant troops in front of him.
But one night in late November, when he sneaked back into their dormitory, someone whispered a curse at him. First something that sounded like "Avada Kedavra", but when nothing happened a "stupefy". James promptly fell to the floor and bumped his head.
When the caster approached him he immediately recognised the black pyjamas with the silver crest. His heart sunk - he knew Sirius would raise hell. He craved attention like no one James had ever met, and he surely wouldn't allow him to keep the advantage of the invisibility cloak to himself.
But when Sirius whispered "lumos", the reason for his silence was evident. His face was streaked with tears and his eyes wide with terror, sweeping over the floor searching for the intruder. They came to rest upon the soles of James's shoes.
Quickly Sirius pointed his wand at James and carefully approached him. His hand darted out and swept open the cloak, revealing half of James. At the sight Sirius visibly relaxed, then tensed again, turning away and wiping his face on his sleeve.
"Oh... It's you. I thought that it was maybe... I'm used to... Oh! Finite incantem."
James didn't quite know what to say so he just got to his feet as Sirius turned back to his bed.
The next morning James was woken up by a bouncing Sirius Black, yelling: "Wake up, sleepy head!" After getting dressed Sirius walked with James to breakfast, talking excitedly about their charms homework. He sat down next to James and kept handing him every kind of food imaginable. In charms, James couldn't do much but smile apologetically at a rather hurt looking Peter, who'd ended up next to an equally scorned Remus Lupin.
And from that day onwards, Sirius and James were best friends, Lords of Gryffindor Tower. Along with Peter and Remus, they studied together at the library, ate the sweets Sirius's mother sent him and stayed up and talked within the closed curtains of one of their beds. The swore each other friendship and together they worked to make the four of them the most formidable foursome Hogwarts would ever see.
And they were feared. And admired. Each of them excelled at something. James himself on the Quidditch field, Peter at duelling, Sirius at sheer, blind nerve and Remus at getting them out of whatever trouble they got into. And that was just what they were best at. They were strong, they were great and they were in awe of themselves.
The group was strong from within as well. Most of them had something to hide or fear and the group accepted that. Lupin's problem was obviously the worst once they'd figured it out, but there were others. Perhaps not discussed at length, but acknowledged. They usually gave Peter something flashy for his birthdays and Christmas, so he could show signs of non-existent wealth to the outer world. They usually planned something especially naughty on the days Sirius got letters
from his mother. And while James was glad for not needing any special treatment, he felt almost guilty about his luck. But grateful whenever he lost a Quidditch game and they snuck down to the kitchens together and had a sugar-loaded midnight feast.
So, all in all it was a good group.
~
In their third year, the world began to change. Naturally, Hogwarts didn't, but the world did. There was talk. Vague rumours of evil stirring. Speculations about secret organizations. At first most thought it was nonsense. Paranoia. But as more people started to disappear the harder it became to turn a blind eye.
And then the skull sightings began.
In their fourth year even Hogwarts began to change. Quietly the students began to take sides. The Slytherins enamoured of the new power on the horizon, the Gryffindors jumping to defend the old world, the Rawenclaws studying the situation while keeping their own counsel and the Hufflepuffs divided, flocking behind whichever force they deemed strongest.
Well, that was the main stream. Naturally not everyone took on the roles of their houses. It was not that easy for everyone. James, Remus and Peter couldn't help noticing how it now took ever more to cheer Sirius up whenever he got a missive from his mother. How he slowly was paling, every day. How things seemed even tenser between him and his younger Slytherin brother. How he only seemed his old self in his newly acquired dog-shape.
He became even more reckless than before. Filled the second-floor bathroom with shaving foam. Transfigured Rodolphus Lestrange into a furious racoon during lunch. Charmed the door of the potions classroom. Sent Snivellus off to the Shrieking Shack.
The last one was the only one he was caught for.
The following night, James did not dare to sneak off to his tower, which he'd continued to seek, even after he'd gotten used to his new bed. To say that the atmosphere was tense would've been a grave understatement. Remus was back from the hospital wing and not talking to anyone. Peter was sitting on his bed, apparently just being there, waiting for Remus to open up. Sirius had closed the curtains of his bed and was so quiet that James wasn't even sure if he was there at
all.
James debated joining Peter and deliver his "it-wasn't-your-fault-just-your-uncontrollable-instincts" speech, but decided against it. He just wanted to go to sleep and hopefully everything would be alright the following morning.
At last Peter stood up and went to bed without success. Silence fell to the dormitory but James stayed awake. Guilty, relieved, terrified.
Hours later he heard the muffled sobbing. At first he wasn't sure who it was. He could think of many people in the room with ample reason to cry, but quickly he knew. Relived to be able to do something, he slid out of his bed and snuck over to Sirius's.
"Sirius?" The sobbing abruptly stopped. James stuck his head inside the curtains. It was dark. "Lumos". The bed was empty. Empty but for a small dent in the middle of the mattress.
"Oh, Sirius…" James blindly reached out and swept the hood of his friends head, witnessing his tears for the first time since they were eleven. There was a wild, terrified look about his eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Sirius… Are you mad at me?"
Sirius did something with his head that could quite easily have been either a nod or a shaking.
"Sorry I took your cloak."
"It's okay. Wanna get out of here?" Sirius looked up at that. "That means 'do you wanna talk', 'cause we can't really talk in here."
"Alright."
James didn't dare leave the castle - Sirius was in trouble enough as is was. So he lead the way to his hide-out, sharing the last secret he'd kept for himself.
As they sat down, huddled next to each other between the narrow legs of the telescopes, Sirius started to cry in earnest, spilling his last secret. Between agonized sobs he told James of his choices. The choice to join the secret organization, swearing loyalty to the wizard who's been killing all those people or else part ways with his family forever. He told him how his mother has become ever more insistent over the last few months and how she has finally put her foot down, demanding him proving himself worthy of the family name. And he sobbed that he liked his parents and he loved his brother and that he'd miss his bedroom and that 15 was just too bloody young to leave forever but he must.
And James was unable to say anything to comfort him, thinking of his own parents tending to their small house, their biggest worry being the growth of the cabbage in the garden. He closed his eyes and in an instant he had transformed, knocking down a few of the telescopes in the process. Sirius was startled for a second, but quickly caught on and followed suit. Things were easier in their animal forms.
The great dog cuddled up next to him, and together they enjoyed the warmth coming off each other like they'd never done as themselves. The dog was still whimpering, so James bowed his head down to his and lightly touched him. Padfoot licked his face in return. Unable to touch him with anything other than his head, James licked the black snout.
They were safe. They were together, they had gotten away with it. Nothing very horrible could go wrong since they'd gotten this far. Their movements slowed and James felt Sirius's heartbeat ease.
Prongs could tell Sirius what James couldn't. That no matter what they'd always be best friends. That if it came to that, it would be the two of them against the world. That Dumbledore and Snivellus and all the others standing against them could just screw themselves. And that he was sorry for getting Sirius in trouble, but the trouble would have been greater had he not interfered.
And Padfoot forgave him.
They fell asleep cuddled up next to each other, surrounded by the familiar golden flock of telescopes.
~
When James awoke the night was still pitch-black. He stretched and immediately realised three things. For one he was lying on the bare floor. For another he was in his human form again and lastly, he had is arm thrown around Padfoot who was still four-legged and furry. In spite of his stiffness he did not get up but chose to cuddle closer to the sleeping dog and burrow his face in the soft fur. There was something safe and solid about the great black dog.
Padfoot woke at the his movement and turned quickly around and licked his face before he'd even thought of becoming embarrassed of his human form. James laughed at his friend, laughed while using one hand to push him away and another to urge him closer. Padfoot let out a yelp of excitement, jumped on top of James and tickled his throat with his rough tongue mercilessly while James laughed some more and tried to fight him off.
Only, then the weight on top of James doubled. Black hair continued to tickle his nose and soft tongue continued to explore his neck, but now long fingers were also sliding under his robes and up his jumper. And then James stopped laughing as Sirius lifted his face from his throat and stared at him, a question in those big, grey eyes.
Nothing on Earth could have made James say no. Not to Sirius. Not tonight. Not ever. So he raised his lips up to meet Sirius's, staring into his eyes.
James had kissed a few girls. Well, just two really, but he'd always imagined that there was something special about women's lips. That they were naturally softer than male lips. That they were in some way superior. As he got lost in Sirius's kiss, he knew that he'd been wrong. Nothing could ever be softer than this. He knew that no woman would ever mould to him like this, that no girl would ever be as passionate as Sirius was at this moment. Parting his lips he slid his tongue over Sirius's upper lip and gasped as it was sucked into Sirius's mouth.
And they kissed for hours, while dawn quietly ushered the night away. Not a word was spoken between them. When James felt he was about to explode, he felt one of Sirius's hands abandon his back and watched it disappear under the other boy's dressing gown. Quickly he followed suit, slipped his hand under his robes and eagerly grabbed his prick and jerked furiously in time with Sirius's frantic movements, never releasing his lips. They came within seconds of each other.
Afterwards they laughed. They stared at each other for a moment before Sirius's lips started to quiver and they burst out laughing. They kissed a long slow kiss before they slid down the stairs and went back to Gryffindor tower without a further word.
After Sirius's outburst that first night the didn't speak another word in the tower for more than two years. They met there every few nights for almost three years and silently kissed, caressed and groped each other. They slept, they fucked and they laughed. It was their secret - what made them stronger than anyone else in the school. They were glorious, invincible, brilliant. It was them against the world, an alliance unbreakable.
~
But then it all came crashing down. James had been standing on top of the tower, breathing in the cold night air waiting for Sirius when his doom sounded.
"Hi."
That's when he knew that the dream was over. He didn't really hear the rest. Didn't catch but every third word Sirius said. About girls. About growing up. About still being best friends. And he couldn't do anything but smile. Smile, nod and laugh and swing his arms around Sirius's shoulders as they walked down from the astronomy tower for the last time.
It had been the next day he'd asked Lily out.
James shook himself out of his reverie. He hadn't come back to Hogwarts to indulge himself in self-pity and memories of a faded love. He needed to talk to Dumbledore.
Title: The Last Goodbye
Challenge: The lonely towers of long mistakes/To forgotten faces and faded loves - Smashing Pumpkins, Here Is No Why
Pairing: James/Sirius
He remembered clearly when they had been here for the last time, up on the top of the Astronomy Tower. It was as if it had been yesterday that he had waited here out in the cold, leaning against the thick cold stones. So much had changed since then, so much time had passed, but he had never forgotten what he had felt, not a second of it. The memories were fading, like the soft mist that surrounded him right there at the top of this lonely tower, but it seemed as if in the midst of the fog there was one thing standing out clearly: Eyes as grey as a cloudy sky, looking at him with passion. Eyes that told him goodbye, told him that this was over, that the choice for his life was made. Sirius.
James shook himself out of his reverie. He hadn’t come back to Hogwarts to indulge himself in self-pity and memories of a faded love. He needed to talk to Dumbledore.
Author: pitchblackrose
Title: The Astronomy Tower
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 2871
James remembered clearly when they had been here for the last time, up on the top of the Astronomy Tower. It was as if it had been yesterday that he had waited here out in the cold, leaning against the thick cold stones. So much had changed since then, so much time had passed, but he had never forgotten what he had felt, not a second of it. The memories were fading, like the soft mist that surrounded him right there at the top of this lonely tower, but it seemed as if in the midst of the fog there was one thing standing out clearly: Eyes as grey as a cloudy sky, looking at him with passion. Eyes that told him goodbye, told him that this was over, that the choice for his life was made. Sirius.
James always had a soft spot for instruments. Be it a fashionable new de-gnomer or a pair of scales, James was fascinated by it. When he was a child, it had all been about the actions of the instruments - what they did. Later it became how they did it and he spent countless hours taking clocks, old kitchen stoves and the odd musical instrument apart. But as he got older, he started to appreciate the knowledge and skill a single piece of instrument involved. First someone had invented it, made it again and again until it was perfected and then someone else had mastered the art of making it by scores and hundreds. And all this knowledge, toil and skill lived in each copy of the original creation. It gave James a certain kind of security.
When he started Hogwarts he was surprisingly homesick. He knew many of the other children when he arrived there and easily got to know even more, but he still felt homesick at night. He wasn't used to sleeping in someone else's bed. He wasn't used to hearing the other boys sleep. He wasn't used not being able to go where he wanted to, when he wanted to.
So he just went anyway. The cloak his father had given to him with a wink when he got his admission letter, proved useful for midnight strolling. Strolling that eventually led him to a small storage room in the Astronomy tower.
~
He met Sirius that first night at Hogwarts. He'd entered the dormitory and loudly claimed one bed at random, with the distinct notion that it was the best one and he therefore deserved it. No one raised an objection and from that moment Sirius was their leader.
James had the feeling from the beginning that the Blacks were not the sort of people the Potters normally associated with. For one, Sirius was obviously rather well off. He had his own racing broom and his pyjamas were decorated with the family crest on his chest. The Potters didn't even have a family crest.
For another, Sirius seemed to know an awful lot of dubious curses. He didn't quite know how to use them yet, having only had his wand for a few days, but he most certainly knew the words and frequently hissed them at people who crossed him. They didn't sound very good to James.
Sirius seemed the kind of boy to avoid.
~
For the first few days James mainly hung out with a boy sleeping in the next bed, called Peter. Their parents were friends and so James had met up with Peter a few times per year all his life. They got lost together, ate their meals together and sat together in class. James was immensely grateful for the company.
At night, he snuck off to the great big room he'd found, filled with gleaming brass telescopes, all pointed slightly upwards to the cob-web covered ceiling. Sometimes he read to the light of his wand, sometimes he wrote letters to his parents and sometimes he just stared at the brilliant troops in front of him.
But one night in late November, when he sneaked back into their dormitory, someone whispered a curse at him. First something that sounded like "Avada Kedavra", but when nothing happened a "stupefy". James promptly fell to the floor and bumped his head.
When the caster approached him he immediately recognised the black pyjamas with the silver crest. His heart sunk - he knew Sirius would raise hell. He craved attention like no one James had ever met, and he surely wouldn't allow him to keep the advantage of the invisibility cloak to himself.
But when Sirius whispered "lumos", the reason for his silence was evident. His face was streaked with tears and his eyes wide with terror, sweeping over the floor searching for the intruder. They came to rest upon the soles of James's shoes.
Quickly Sirius pointed his wand at James and carefully approached him. His hand darted out and swept open the cloak, revealing half of James. At the sight Sirius visibly relaxed, then tensed again, turning away and wiping his face on his sleeve.
"Oh... It's you. I thought that it was maybe... I'm used to... Oh! Finite incantem."
James didn't quite know what to say so he just got to his feet as Sirius turned back to his bed.
The next morning James was woken up by a bouncing Sirius Black, yelling: "Wake up, sleepy head!" After getting dressed Sirius walked with James to breakfast, talking excitedly about their charms homework. He sat down next to James and kept handing him every kind of food imaginable. In charms, James couldn't do much but smile apologetically at a rather hurt looking Peter, who'd ended up next to an equally scorned Remus Lupin.
And from that day onwards, Sirius and James were best friends, Lords of Gryffindor Tower. Along with Peter and Remus, they studied together at the library, ate the sweets Sirius's mother sent him and stayed up and talked within the closed curtains of one of their beds. The swore each other friendship and together they worked to make the four of them the most formidable foursome Hogwarts would ever see.
And they were feared. And admired. Each of them excelled at something. James himself on the Quidditch field, Peter at duelling, Sirius at sheer, blind nerve and Remus at getting them out of whatever trouble they got into. And that was just what they were best at. They were strong, they were great and they were in awe of themselves.
The group was strong from within as well. Most of them had something to hide or fear and the group accepted that. Lupin's problem was obviously the worst once they'd figured it out, but there were others. Perhaps not discussed at length, but acknowledged. They usually gave Peter something flashy for his birthdays and Christmas, so he could show signs of non-existent wealth to the outer world. They usually planned something especially naughty on the days Sirius got letters
from his mother. And while James was glad for not needing any special treatment, he felt almost guilty about his luck. But grateful whenever he lost a Quidditch game and they snuck down to the kitchens together and had a sugar-loaded midnight feast.
So, all in all it was a good group.
~
In their third year, the world began to change. Naturally, Hogwarts didn't, but the world did. There was talk. Vague rumours of evil stirring. Speculations about secret organizations. At first most thought it was nonsense. Paranoia. But as more people started to disappear the harder it became to turn a blind eye.
And then the skull sightings began.
In their fourth year even Hogwarts began to change. Quietly the students began to take sides. The Slytherins enamoured of the new power on the horizon, the Gryffindors jumping to defend the old world, the Rawenclaws studying the situation while keeping their own counsel and the Hufflepuffs divided, flocking behind whichever force they deemed strongest.
Well, that was the main stream. Naturally not everyone took on the roles of their houses. It was not that easy for everyone. James, Remus and Peter couldn't help noticing how it now took ever more to cheer Sirius up whenever he got a missive from his mother. How he slowly was paling, every day. How things seemed even tenser between him and his younger Slytherin brother. How he only seemed his old self in his newly acquired dog-shape.
He became even more reckless than before. Filled the second-floor bathroom with shaving foam. Transfigured Rodolphus Lestrange into a furious racoon during lunch. Charmed the door of the potions classroom. Sent Snivellus off to the Shrieking Shack.
The last one was the only one he was caught for.
The following night, James did not dare to sneak off to his tower, which he'd continued to seek, even after he'd gotten used to his new bed. To say that the atmosphere was tense would've been a grave understatement. Remus was back from the hospital wing and not talking to anyone. Peter was sitting on his bed, apparently just being there, waiting for Remus to open up. Sirius had closed the curtains of his bed and was so quiet that James wasn't even sure if he was there at
all.
James debated joining Peter and deliver his "it-wasn't-your-fault-just-your-uncontrollable-instincts" speech, but decided against it. He just wanted to go to sleep and hopefully everything would be alright the following morning.
At last Peter stood up and went to bed without success. Silence fell to the dormitory but James stayed awake. Guilty, relieved, terrified.
Hours later he heard the muffled sobbing. At first he wasn't sure who it was. He could think of many people in the room with ample reason to cry, but quickly he knew. Relived to be able to do something, he slid out of his bed and snuck over to Sirius's.
"Sirius?" The sobbing abruptly stopped. James stuck his head inside the curtains. It was dark. "Lumos". The bed was empty. Empty but for a small dent in the middle of the mattress.
"Oh, Sirius…" James blindly reached out and swept the hood of his friends head, witnessing his tears for the first time since they were eleven. There was a wild, terrified look about his eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Sirius… Are you mad at me?"
Sirius did something with his head that could quite easily have been either a nod or a shaking.
"Sorry I took your cloak."
"It's okay. Wanna get out of here?" Sirius looked up at that. "That means 'do you wanna talk', 'cause we can't really talk in here."
"Alright."
James didn't dare leave the castle - Sirius was in trouble enough as is was. So he lead the way to his hide-out, sharing the last secret he'd kept for himself.
As they sat down, huddled next to each other between the narrow legs of the telescopes, Sirius started to cry in earnest, spilling his last secret. Between agonized sobs he told James of his choices. The choice to join the secret organization, swearing loyalty to the wizard who's been killing all those people or else part ways with his family forever. He told him how his mother has become ever more insistent over the last few months and how she has finally put her foot down, demanding him proving himself worthy of the family name. And he sobbed that he liked his parents and he loved his brother and that he'd miss his bedroom and that 15 was just too bloody young to leave forever but he must.
And James was unable to say anything to comfort him, thinking of his own parents tending to their small house, their biggest worry being the growth of the cabbage in the garden. He closed his eyes and in an instant he had transformed, knocking down a few of the telescopes in the process. Sirius was startled for a second, but quickly caught on and followed suit. Things were easier in their animal forms.
The great dog cuddled up next to him, and together they enjoyed the warmth coming off each other like they'd never done as themselves. The dog was still whimpering, so James bowed his head down to his and lightly touched him. Padfoot licked his face in return. Unable to touch him with anything other than his head, James licked the black snout.
They were safe. They were together, they had gotten away with it. Nothing very horrible could go wrong since they'd gotten this far. Their movements slowed and James felt Sirius's heartbeat ease.
Prongs could tell Sirius what James couldn't. That no matter what they'd always be best friends. That if it came to that, it would be the two of them against the world. That Dumbledore and Snivellus and all the others standing against them could just screw themselves. And that he was sorry for getting Sirius in trouble, but the trouble would have been greater had he not interfered.
And Padfoot forgave him.
They fell asleep cuddled up next to each other, surrounded by the familiar golden flock of telescopes.
~
When James awoke the night was still pitch-black. He stretched and immediately realised three things. For one he was lying on the bare floor. For another he was in his human form again and lastly, he had is arm thrown around Padfoot who was still four-legged and furry. In spite of his stiffness he did not get up but chose to cuddle closer to the sleeping dog and burrow his face in the soft fur. There was something safe and solid about the great black dog.
Padfoot woke at the his movement and turned quickly around and licked his face before he'd even thought of becoming embarrassed of his human form. James laughed at his friend, laughed while using one hand to push him away and another to urge him closer. Padfoot let out a yelp of excitement, jumped on top of James and tickled his throat with his rough tongue mercilessly while James laughed some more and tried to fight him off.
Only, then the weight on top of James doubled. Black hair continued to tickle his nose and soft tongue continued to explore his neck, but now long fingers were also sliding under his robes and up his jumper. And then James stopped laughing as Sirius lifted his face from his throat and stared at him, a question in those big, grey eyes.
Nothing on Earth could have made James say no. Not to Sirius. Not tonight. Not ever. So he raised his lips up to meet Sirius's, staring into his eyes.
James had kissed a few girls. Well, just two really, but he'd always imagined that there was something special about women's lips. That they were naturally softer than male lips. That they were in some way superior. As he got lost in Sirius's kiss, he knew that he'd been wrong. Nothing could ever be softer than this. He knew that no woman would ever mould to him like this, that no girl would ever be as passionate as Sirius was at this moment. Parting his lips he slid his tongue over Sirius's upper lip and gasped as it was sucked into Sirius's mouth.
And they kissed for hours, while dawn quietly ushered the night away. Not a word was spoken between them. When James felt he was about to explode, he felt one of Sirius's hands abandon his back and watched it disappear under the other boy's dressing gown. Quickly he followed suit, slipped his hand under his robes and eagerly grabbed his prick and jerked furiously in time with Sirius's frantic movements, never releasing his lips. They came within seconds of each other.
Afterwards they laughed. They stared at each other for a moment before Sirius's lips started to quiver and they burst out laughing. They kissed a long slow kiss before they slid down the stairs and went back to Gryffindor tower without a further word.
After Sirius's outburst that first night the didn't speak another word in the tower for more than two years. They met there every few nights for almost three years and silently kissed, caressed and groped each other. They slept, they fucked and they laughed. It was their secret - what made them stronger than anyone else in the school. They were glorious, invincible, brilliant. It was them against the world, an alliance unbreakable.
~
But then it all came crashing down. James had been standing on top of the tower, breathing in the cold night air waiting for Sirius when his doom sounded.
"Hi."
That's when he knew that the dream was over. He didn't really hear the rest. Didn't catch but every third word Sirius said. About girls. About growing up. About still being best friends. And he couldn't do anything but smile. Smile, nod and laugh and swing his arms around Sirius's shoulders as they walked down from the astronomy tower for the last time.
It had been the next day he'd asked Lily out.
James shook himself out of his reverie. He hadn't come back to Hogwarts to indulge himself in self-pity and memories of a faded love. He needed to talk to Dumbledore.