Fic: Arctophilistium! [Voldemort, Draco; G]
Title: Arctophilistium!
Author: velutfortuna
Disclaimer: All belongs to the great and powerful Oz JKR
Characters: Voldemort, Draco
Genre: Humor
Summary: Draco Malfoy learns that even Dark Lords can reach surprising levels of depravity.
Wordprompt!drabble for the word arctophilist, proving that crackfic results when one dives through dusty dictionaries.
In the sanctum of the Dark Lord there was a dizzying array of twists and turns, hallways that led to dead ends, and some that seemed to open into nothing, to say nothing of the boobytraps. Only his most trusted were shown the ways to circumnavigate the corridors.
One such devotee was Malfoy the younger, who cut a striking figure marching up the torch-lined hall to meet his new Lord.
Immediately, Draco fell to his knees, caring not for his fine robes, and bowed his shining head. "My Master, I live to serve only you."
Laying a heavy hand upon Draco's hair, Voldemort spoke but one word: "Rise."
Obeying, Draco was then led to another room, empty save for more torches and three doors. "Choose wisely," Voldemort said.
After long moments, in which Draco made a show of concentration and consideration, he chose the middle door; made of a dark wood and bearing carvings of serpents, its brethren were unremarkable by comparison.
Voldemort nodded and smiled vaguely. The boy did indeed have the gift of knowing his Master.
Soon, they reached five doors, and the Dark Lord stood quietly aside to let Draco's intuition guide him. Again, he chose the middle, the most elaborate door. Again, his Master smiled. Draco found himself glad that his Master was predictable.
Finally, they reached a long corridor with only three doors; two on each side, and one at the end of the hall. This time, Draco chose a door without waiting for Voldemort's prompting.
To the cry of, "No! Don't!" behind him, Draco opened the door on the right, never imagining what horrors were beyond.
Floor to ceiling, the walls were lined with teddy bears. All shapes, all sizes, bears in every color, everywhere. Some sang, some danced, some were cozily tucked together in chairs, but most were silent on their shelves.
The door slammed before him, narrowly missing his nose. Draco barely registered this.
"You will say nothing of this to your father. Ever. Is this understood?"
"Yes, sir."
End.
Author: velutfortuna
Disclaimer: All belongs to the great and powerful Oz JKR
Characters: Voldemort, Draco
Genre: Humor
Summary: Draco Malfoy learns that even Dark Lords can reach surprising levels of depravity.
Wordprompt!drabble for the word arctophilist, proving that crackfic results when one dives through dusty dictionaries.
In the sanctum of the Dark Lord there was a dizzying array of twists and turns, hallways that led to dead ends, and some that seemed to open into nothing, to say nothing of the boobytraps. Only his most trusted were shown the ways to circumnavigate the corridors.
One such devotee was Malfoy the younger, who cut a striking figure marching up the torch-lined hall to meet his new Lord.
Immediately, Draco fell to his knees, caring not for his fine robes, and bowed his shining head. "My Master, I live to serve only you."
Laying a heavy hand upon Draco's hair, Voldemort spoke but one word: "Rise."
Obeying, Draco was then led to another room, empty save for more torches and three doors. "Choose wisely," Voldemort said.
After long moments, in which Draco made a show of concentration and consideration, he chose the middle door; made of a dark wood and bearing carvings of serpents, its brethren were unremarkable by comparison.
Voldemort nodded and smiled vaguely. The boy did indeed have the gift of knowing his Master.
Soon, they reached five doors, and the Dark Lord stood quietly aside to let Draco's intuition guide him. Again, he chose the middle, the most elaborate door. Again, his Master smiled. Draco found himself glad that his Master was predictable.
Finally, they reached a long corridor with only three doors; two on each side, and one at the end of the hall. This time, Draco chose a door without waiting for Voldemort's prompting.
To the cry of, "No! Don't!" behind him, Draco opened the door on the right, never imagining what horrors were beyond.
Floor to ceiling, the walls were lined with teddy bears. All shapes, all sizes, bears in every color, everywhere. Some sang, some danced, some were cozily tucked together in chairs, but most were silent on their shelves.
The door slammed before him, narrowly missing his nose. Draco barely registered this.
"You will say nothing of this to your father. Ever. Is this understood?"
"Yes, sir."
End.