(no subject)
Title: Just One Dance
Author: Margot/midnight_birth (margots_fic ).
Type: Fiction.
Length: 3,415
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don’t sue.
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Cards: Three of Chalices (background of the story) - Celebration. Cheerfulness, dance, energy. Temporary happiness. The harmony of dance is sharing.
Two of Wands (scenario) - Desire. Search, curiosity, love, far-off thoughts. Where the eyes don't see, the heart sees.
Summary: Many things can be revealed by one simple dance.
~*~
“This is absolutely ridiculous,” Remus murmured, pulling on his dress robes violently. “I look like a broom with a piece of cloth draped over it.”
“You look very handsome, Moony, don’t worry,” James assured him with a chuckle, without looking at him.
Remus measured his friend up enviously. He wished he could look as handsome and suave as James did in his dress robes, but he supposed that it was impossible with his taller, lankier frame. James’s well-sculpted Chaser physique was made for such clothing. Remus felt the most suitable clothing for him should have been as beat-up and worn as he, himself, was most of the time. His new shiny dress robes seemed inappropriate. He was thankful enough that his mask would hide his identity.
“Can you believe Dumbledore decided to let us have a ball with graduation?” This was Peter, measuring himself in the mirror with a look of obvious contentment on his face. “There hasn’t been one in Hogwarts in quite a few years, they say. Think he’s gone soft?”
Remus threw him an irritated look. “He’s graduating us into the pits of Hell, Wormtail. There’s a War out there. I guess he thought it would be appropriate this year to give us an opportunity to have some fun.”
“If by fun you mean tripping over everything and making fools of ourselves.” James laughed when Remus’s face fell considerably. “Well, I, personally, have never been all that graceful on the dance floor,” he added light-heartedly.
“You’re an athlete.”
“The broom hides how clumsy I’m on my feet. Hey, has any seen Padfoot, by the way? If anyone, he’s one who has nothing to worry about when it comes to the dance floor. His family has been taking him to balls before he could walk. He’s a natural.”
The room was silent as both Remus and Peter shook their heads. Sirius was last seen after lunch, telling them enthusiastically how much he wanted to try on his new robes, but then vanished as if into thin air. His dress robes and mask were gone from their room.
“It’s not like he has to disguise himself from us,” Peter grumbled, still staring at himself in the mirror. “He better not have anything planned he hasn’t let us in on.”
“He wouldn’t.” James shook his head surely. “Probably just going to jump out at us and surprise us. I’m sure he just thinks he looks so ravishing in his dress robes he just wants to make an entrance and give us the privilege of the first impression.” James rolled his eyes. “Masks on. Ready?”
Remus felt his stomach flip violently. He was anything but ready. Relax, he told himself. For him, it was a huge step, but he knew that in general, it was no big deal at all. And he was sure he wouldn’t be recognized, anyway. Or not until he was ready to be, if that moment ever came.
Just one dance, he told himself, and followed his two friends out of the portrait hole, his heart beating violently inside his throat.
~*~
“I... can’t really tell which one he is,” James said, bemusedly, as the three of them stared into the Great Hall at the gathering crowd. “Maybe he’s not here yet?”
“Or fooling around with some girl in a broom closet,” Peter added with a smirk. “Can you see him, Moony?”
“No.”
It was as blatant a lie as it could get. Full moon was in a couple of days, and his senses were reaching their height. Remus could distinguish his smell among hundreds of others the moment they walked into the crowded hall. He spotted him shortly after. He was leaning on the wall aside from everyone else, staring at the entrance, and Remus was blown away by him. If this wasn’t Sirius - the person, he was positive, he could recognize, sense, smell, anywhere in the world - he would never have recognized him, and he knew the others wouldn’t in a million years, either.
His hair was perfectly straight and falling a little past his shoulders in a shiny black cascade. His robes were fitted perfectly to him, a long black cloak hanging down at his heels. His mask was plain with one red shiny stone in the corner, and his hands were hidden by black silk gloves. Remus was not used to seeing Sirius looking so very stereotypically perfect. This was a far cry from the scruffy, messy and laid-back young man he usually was. Remus didn’t know whether it was just to him, but Sirius looked breath-taking. He could see a lot of effort went into his disguise.
He saw Sirius’s eyes glide over them and realized that he didn’t recognize them, either. His own hair was changed to black, while James went blond for the occasion, and Peter settled on deep brown to match his robes. He wasn’t sure how Sirius ever intended on finding them in the crowd. But this was perfect. He wasn’t going to say a thing. Now, he wouldn’t have to change his robes mid-way to hide from James and Peter. His friends wouldn’t know who he was dancing with if he asked Sirius. It was no secret to them he was gay, so as long as they didn’t recognize the other male as Sirius, quite a lot of awkwardness could be spared. Mostly for him, because they wouldn’t really mind, he supposed, but he wasn’t ready to make it public quite yet.
“Well, I’m pretty sure this isn’t exactly going according to Padfoot’s plan,” Peter noted dryly.
“Ah, well.” James shrugged. “Not as if we were going to dance with each other the whole night anyway, right?” He threw Remus a mischievous look. “Unless you were going to ask me, Moony? Do it while I’m still here.”
“Not my type, Prongs, again.” Remus smiled. James’s teasing never bothered him. It was tough for James to accept that Remus could be gay and not attracted to him - self-proclaimed God’s gift to mankind.
“Well, I’m going to go find Lily, then,” James said cheerfully. “And you should go find Angela, Wormtail. Last chance, you know. Are you going to be ok, Moony? Have someone you need to seek out, too?”
“Kind of. You go ahead.”
The two were quickly lost in the crowd, and Remus sighed with relief. He felt more comfortable alone, and his eyes never left Sirius. The music started and the lights in the hall went down to a few floating candles, making the room semi-dark. He could see Dumbledore and McGonagall take the first dance, and people slowly started to couple up on the floor, until it was filled with dancing couples. He smiled when James swept past him with a beautifully-dressed red-head in his arms. He still couldn’t believe that it worked out for the two of them sometimes, considering the venomous hate that their relationship started with. He could clearly see that Lily was leading, and James kept messing up the steps, but she was smiling at him and he was grinning back. Remus was willing to bet that for them, there was no one else in the world but each other in that dance.
His eyes went back to the wall Sirius was leaning on and he found, with a pang of alarm, that Sirius was no longer there. He swept the dance floor quickly, but Sirius wasn’t dancing, either. Peter’s words rushed back to him and he frowned. Of course it was more than likely that Sirius was in a broom closet somewhere shagging his next great conquest, but that thought made Remus despair. He wasn’t hoping or deluding himself by thinking he had a chance. Sirius always had tons of girls around him and seemed content with the situation. Remus had made his peace with unrequited love. But he wanted that one dance before they graduated. To feel Sirius’s arms around him as he imagined every night before he fell asleep, even if they were not around him for reasons he dreamed of. He didn’t even know if Sirius would say yes to a male stranger, but he was going to take a chance, for once.
His determination was waning, however, when he was still wandering around the hall alone trying to find him half an hour later. He ravaged his brain for Sirius mentioning any love-interests or girlfriends but, he realized, Sirius hadn’t mentioned any girls to them for quite a while now. In fact, Sirius had been spending more time with his friends than usual, and almost no time fooling around with girls.
He declined politely the three times he was asked to dance, and decided to agree the next time. He figured that even if he couldn’t find Sirius, he could at least try and enjoy his Graduation Ball. He sighed resignedly when he saw a tall girl with long black hair and a bright red dress leave her group of friends after eyeing him for a couple of minutes, and make her way toward him.
She smiled openly at him and opened her mouth, but suddenly stopped mid-word, looking hesitant. She seemed to be looking past him, though, and before he could turn around, he felt a hand on his shoulder and a deep voice right at his ear: "May I have this dance?"
Remus couldn't believe his ears. He must be asking the girl, he realized, and turned slowly, trying frantically to swallow the lump in his throat. Just keep cool and laugh it off and then get out of here, he told himself firmly. What was he thinking, anyway, hoping to have a dance with his best male friend without telling him who he was and actually going through with it? Sirius had probably had his eye on the girl all along, and was now playfully but insistently trying to claim his territory. It was Sirius's way.
But the moment his turned, there could be no doubt about what Sirius meant, or who he was asking. His face was bent to be only inches from Remus's face now, and his eyes intent on his. He didn't seem to even notice the girl, who was hanging back unsurely. This was Sirius, and he was undoubtedly asking him - Remus - to dance. A million thoughts were running through Remus's head all at once, as he stared back dumbly. Why was Sirius asking a bloke he didn't know - and Remus was sure Sirius could recognize him - to dance? Did that mean he liked blokes? And if he did, could Remus have a chance with him, after all? But Remus couldn't let himself even dream that. The hope was beautiful, but the disappointment would be unbearable. Maybe he's just trying something new, Remus decided. Sirius never was one for distinguishing much. He saw something he liked and he went for it. Or he saw something that intrigued him and tried it. Or, Remus was grudgingly thinking, it could be that Remus looked so sad and pathetic wandering around the hall alone among the couples and the groups of people, he just took pity. Sirius always had a twisted sense of generosity.
But this was his one and only chance. Even if out of pity, Sirius was offering, and Remus couldn't refuse. He nodded weakly and Sirius grinned down at him, making Remus's stomach flip a couple of times.
He reached for Sirius's shoulders unsurely, but Sirius was surer and faster. Remus was shocked to find their bodies pressed so tightly together he could only move his feet in rhythm with his much more experienced dancing partner’s. Sirius's hands were around his waist, his palms pressing firmly into his lower back, and he was looking down at him intently, standing almost half a head taller. Remus could feel Sirius's breath on his face, smelling a faint scent he thought was oranges.
"You looked a little lonely out there," Sirius said softly, leaning even more into him, making Remus almost faint with the proximity. "Like you were looking for someone. I saw you reject all those girls, too. I guess they weren't what you were looking for, huh?"
One of his hands travelled lightly up Remus's back and stopped in the middle, stroking him gently. All Remus could do was shake his head. He was usually great at keeping his cool and not losing his head, but he wasn't prepared for this. Not at all. Sirius was leading him elegantly and steadily, and only when Remus caught sight of a few people staring at them in admiration and wonderment did he realize that they were actually dancing. He couldn't feel his feet, but he knew he was moving them, and quite well, too. At least he wasn't stumbling and stepping on Sirius's feet, for which he was eternally grateful.
"So who were you looking for?" Sirius inquired with a smile.
"A friend," Remus managed to get out, remembering to at least try and mask his voice.
"Just a friend?" Sirius asked again, tilting his head to the side with a knowing smile. "You seemed very intent on finding this... friend of yours."
"I am," Remus conceded, his throat dry.
"Yet you agreed to dance with me?" Remus was sweating profusely, he realized. "Was it me you were looking for, then? Or am I just that hard to refuse?"
Sirius had always been too cocky for his own good, but he was almost always right in his cockiness. Remus hated that. He didn't know what to say, really. It seemed as if Sirius could see right through him, and he couldn't figure out how. For all Sirius knew, he was a total stranger with no past, future or present known to him. Was Remus really hat easy to read, with his mask and disguise and all? But he had little to lose now. It was probably the adrenaline from Sirius's touch and obvious flirting that was giving him the strength to want to say and do things he would've never gotten up the courage to do in real life, but he was taking chances.
"Yes," he said, trying his best to keep his voice steady.
"Yes what?"
"Yes to both. Yes I was looking for you, and yes, you are just that hard to resist."
"Refuse, you mean," Sirius corrected him, and tightened his grip around him. Remus could've sworn he could feel Sirius's heart beating against his own chest, their bodies were so close. "I didn't expect you to get up the courage and say this to me."
"You don't even know me!" Remus blurted out angrily. "How can you know me so well and not know who I am?"
"Who said I didn't know who you were," - his face was so close now their lips were almost touching - "Moony?"
Remus froze in place and forced Sirius to stop, too. The dancing couples around them were only blurs of movement and colors to him now. Sirius wasn't smiling anymore. His face was intent, serious. Remus had the impulse to jump back, but Sirius's hands were pinning him to his body now, with the intent to keep him there. Remus knew he should say something, but he didn't know what. He didn't even know what he was feeling right now. Shock, to start, but he didn't know whether to feel disappointed or happiness. He didn’t have the guts to say what he wanted to Sirius’s face without hiding behind anonymity. He didn’t have the guts to actually bring up the possibility of being shot down. But with all those emotions overpowering him, Remus’s curiosity was itching to be satiated.
“How?” He almost breathed out the word, wondering whether Sirius would even be able to make it out through the music. He could.
“You recognized me, didn’t you? And I know the full-moon is coming up, but it’s not like that.” He fell silent and considered for a second, his hand starting in slow circles on Remus’s back again. “I can’t sense you or smell you like you can me, I’m sure, but I know you, Moony. I know the way you move, the way you smile, the way you hunch your shoulders when you’re unsure, and the way you play with the hem of your shirt when you’re nervous.” He smiled. “And you can have any hair-color, clothing or voice-change; I can still pick you out of a crowd of millions.”
Remus wasn’t sure if he was breathing anymore. Did that mean what he thought it meant? Could he allow himself to hope, now that Sirius said all those things? He was suddenly completely concentrated on Sirius’s partly opened lips. He couldn’t look away, though he knew he should say something back. But really, he realized, there was nothing more for him to say. It seemed Sirius knew perfectly well what was going on. He was afraid to wonder how long he’d known. Did everyone else know, too? But the most pressing question for Remus was still would Sirius still be holding him if he didn’t return his feelings?
And suddenly, Sirius moved forward and Remus couldn’t see his lips anymore. He could feel them on his own; gentle but insisting. Somewhere in the background, he heard the song end and a faster one begin. Someone bumped into him. But none of that mattered anymore. None of it existed. There were only Sirius lips and the beating of his own heart. Soon enough, he was kissing back and his arms were around Sirius’s neck tightly.
When Sirius finally pulled away, Remus loosened his grip on his neck hesitantly, but Sirius wasn’t going far. His arms remained tightly around Remus’s back, and he was grinning his signature grin everyone was sure to recognize. Remus smiled back. It felt bizarre to be standing like that, smiling at each other like an actual couple, but right.
Suddenly, Sirius swiftly snatched his mask off his face, and then, before Remus could even realize what was happening, his own was gone, too. He could hear a couple of whispers of people standing closest to them as they were recognized.
“What did you do that for?” Remus asked, aware of even the tip of his ears turning red under all the stares. “The whole point of this ball is anonymity.”
“You and I don’t need anonymity,” Sirius answered seriously, though it was obvious he was enjoying the spotlight. “Besides, about time the ladies got it through their heads that I’m off the market. Maybe if they see why, they’ll be able to make peace with it faster.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “I didn’t think you were...” He didn’t really know how to finish that. Gay? Into me?
“I don’t know what I am, if that’s what you mean,” Sirius answered with a shrug. “All I know is that I always loved you the best, and for the longest time I thought I loved you as a best friend. Kind of like Prongs and Wormtail, just more special somehow. And I did enjoy a lot of times I spent with the various girls I’ve been with. It’s just... None of them really made me feel like you make me feel.” Sirius kissed him again, this time fleetingly, as if assuring Remus of his sincerity. “I don’t think it’s girls or guys for me, Moony. I just think it’s you.”
Remus could feel himself smiling, and then grinning like a loon. He buried his head in Sirius’s shoulder as James suddenly surfaced a few paces away from them, gaped at them for a couple of minutes, and then smiled unsurely and back-tracked.
Tomorrow, they would leave Hogwarts. What would happen to them after that, he couldn’t predict. He couldn’t even be sure if this thing between him and Sirius would work out, and where it would go from that one dance. But for the first time in a long time, he was happy. Not worried about the future, not afraid about the upcoming full moon outside Hogwarts walls, and not even anxious about the war going on just outside in the real world. For that one moment, he felt sure, happy, and hopeful. What would come would come. He was sure that as long as he had the memory of their first dance, he had a happy place inside his head he could revert to in harder times. Sirius, a content smile on his lips, felt the same way.