Post-Hogwarts Challenge # 46
Author: Charity
Title: The Brittle Madness of Love
Challenge: Post-Hogwarts #46. While dating another girl, Harry's friendship with Ginny becomes more than platonic.
Summary: See above
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 5617
Notes/Warnings: I owe dreamsome alot for this one, so thank you to her. And look at the rating! If you're under 18 please go away. :)
“Ginny.”
The whisper broke through the silence that enveloped her bedroom. She hadn’t yet fallen asleep, so it didn’t wake her. She had been waiting for him as she always did. Most nights she fell asleep waiting while he never came, but sometimes - sometimes he was there and she was ready for him.
“Harry.”
Ginny shifted and sat up, heedless of the sheet that pooled at her waist and tangled around her bare legs. She reached toward him; grasped his hand and twined her fingers with his as he approached her bed.
“Were you waiting for me?”
She smiled as Harry eased onto the bed next to her. “What do you think?” she asked.
His teeth flashed bright in the darkness of the room. “I think you’re mad for me,” he whispered as he pulled her close.
Any reply Ginny might have had was lost as his mouth sought hers. Her hands found the buttons of his shirt and quickly flicked them open. She need his skin on hers, she needed…him.
Her simple t-shirt was thrown to the floor along with Harry’s jeans. He slipped into bed beside her and gathered her close, trailing hot kisses along the creamy skin of her neck.
“Harry,” she sighed. She shifted beneath him, opened herself to him, and he lowered his forehead to hers.
“I…I love you,” he whispered as he slipped inside her.
Tears pricked at Ginny’s eyes even as her body rose up to meet his. Forcing the tears and the doubts that provoked them away, she reached a hand around to the back of Harry’s neck and dug her fingers in his hair. She pulled him to her, meeting him in an open mouthed kiss that made them both groan.
They rose and fell together in succession, eliciting gasps and quiet moans that pierced the darkness. After several long moments Ginny cried out as her body trembled and Harry shuddered, and they at last found the release they had sought so earnestly together.
He relaxed against her as their breathing slowed and heartbeats gradually returned to normal. She squirmed a little when his weight on her chest and belly became too much, and he shifted to lie alongside her.
They stayed silently, comfortably together for a long while until Harry sighed deeply and pushed himself up and off of the bed.
“I’d better go,” he said quietly.
Ginny sat up as well, bending her knees and hooking her arms around them. She watched Harry as he tugged his jeans up over his lean hips. His shirt was discovered after nearly two minutes of searching, and he donned that as well. A slight frown marred the surface of her forehead as she watched Harry slowly do up the buttons. She hated this part. The leaving.
Dressed, he walked back over to the bed and sat next to her. He ran a finger down the side of her face. “Beautiful,” he murmured.
Ginny felt her face heat. She’d never gotten used to his simple and unexpected compliments. She smiled at him and he leaned closer and kissed her once more before crossing the length of her bedroom to where his broom was propped against the wall.
Harry opened the window and pushed his broom outside. He swung one leg over the windowsill and onto his broom as icy wind blew the curtains inward and whipped over Ginny’s bed. It tousled Harry’s hair as he turned back to look at her. “Bye, Ginny,” he said softly.
“Bye,” she answered, hesitating for the briefest moment before continuing. “Give my love to Maggie, won’t you?” Ginny wanted to smack herself the moment the words were out of her mouth. Her sheets were still warm and her legs still tingled from his touch, and yet still she couldn’t resist goading him.
Harry frowned at her. “Damn it,” he swore. “Why do you always have to-”
She cut him off with a shrug. “Just thought I’d send my best,” she said levelly, struggling to keep her body from shaking with cold and utter sorrow.
Harry sighed and ran a hand through hair that was already mussed from the wind and Ginny’s searching fingers. It was a sign that he was agitated, and Ginny mentally kicked herself for ruining their time together by bringing up Maggie.
“Just…just go,” she told him, praying that her voice didn’t betray the tenuous hold she had on her emotions. She pulled the blankets up over her raised knees and rested her chin on them.
“Ginny.”
She looked up and met his eyes once more. “It’s all right, Harry,” she said firmly, pinching her thigh beneath the blankets to keep herself in check. She wouldn’t let herself falter. Not in front of him.
He held her gaze for a moment longer before swinging the other leg over the sill and settling onto his broom. He hovered in the cold drafts outside her window for a few seconds before rising up and out of sight. The glass panes of the window slowly fell back into place on their own, softly thumping onto the sill and sealing out the icy winter air.
When she was certain he was gone, Ginny fell back against the pillows with a sob. Hot tears cascaded down the sides of her face, wetting her hair and the pillows beneath it. Her heart ached in her chest.
After her tears had finally been spent, Ginny turned her head on her pillow to face the window by which Harry always came and left. Ice crystals had already begun to form at the corners of the glass, their spiny fingers stretching out over the surface. Ginny watched them slowly grow and felt as if she herself was being enveloped in ice. Her heart was cold and her body shook with the force of it.
There was no comfort for her when Harry left, and he always did. Though she hated him for it, she loved him, too, and that was the crux of the matter. She couldn’t let go of him, though Merlin knew she’d tried. He was like a drug to her, stealing through her system; making her feel things that she knew she’d only ever find with him.
Ginny wondered if Harry had gone to Maggie after he left her. If his hands would caress Maggie the way they’d just caressed her. Thoughts of the two of them together tortured her as she imagined Harry tangled up with a petite, curvy witch whose long blond hair tumbled across the pillow.
Ginny squeezed her eyes shut until they hurt and she could no longer see the smooth slope of Harry’s back or shapely legs hooked around his waist. Opening them at last, she threw the blankets off and rose from the bed. It was apparent that she wouldn’t be sleeping for a while, so she may as well get up.
Ginny grabbed her robe from a hook by the bathroom door and wrapped it around her before opening her bedroom door. She padded down the hallway to her kitchen and flipped on the light. It blinded her for a moment and as she stood still and allowed her eyes to adjust to the brightness she realized once again how much she enjoyed living by herself. At the Burrow she’d have never been able to come to the kitchen in the dead of night for a cup of tea without half of the house hearing about it and asking questions she didn’t want to answer.
Finally able to see, Ginny moved to the cupboard next to the sink and pulled down a cup. She drew her wand from her robe pocket and muttered a spell, and at once steaming hot tea poured from the tip and into her cup.
As Ginny took her tea to the table and settled into her favorite chair her thoughts turned back to Harry. She had known he would come. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but she had. There had always been a connection between them like that - an almost unreal bond that linked them together. She wasn’t sure if it was due to his saving her life at Hogwarts or simply because she’d been in love with him for nearly her entire life, but no matter the cause, that link between them was surprisingly strong and equally hard to elucidate. How could she explain knowing exactly what Harry was thinking nearly all of the time or the fact that when he was near her skin tingled before she even saw him? And how could she explain the almost certain knowledge of when he would come to her? Ginny didn’t have answers for any of that. She only knew that she belonged undeniably to Harry.
Aware that he would be coming, she had waited eagerly for him and they’d been beautiful together. Until they had spoiled it - Harry by leaving and she with her comments about Maggie.
Ginny sighed. Maggie Tanner was the latest in a long string of Harry’s girlfriends. While at Hogwarts there had been Cho Chang, of course, and then Padma Patil, Hannah Abbot, and Lynn Howard. None had lasted any longer than the other, a fact that had given Ginny some glimmer of hope at the time. But then Harry had left Hogwarts and the war had begun, and the number of women he was involved with grew at an alarming rate. He’d met Maggie recently at a Ministry ball, and unlike the majority of others she had remained with Harry for over six months now. A fact that Ginny had bitterly learned to swallow.
Harry had never been with Ginny officially, out in the open for all to see. They’d always met in secret, talked in secret, made love in secret. No one had ever known about them, and while Hermione probably suspected it she had never questioned either of them. Ginny had never wanted things between herself and Harry to be this way, but it was how things had happened. Like everything else in life, their relationship had simply evolved over the years and now Ginny had no idea how to change it into something it had never been.
She had first noticed Harry watching her during his last year at school. He was seeing Hannah at the time, but she’d feel his gaze from across the common room and turn to meet it, green eyes blazing into brown. He would brush against her at meals in the Great Hall and her entire body would tingle. He caught her alone in the library once and had shocked her speechless by pressing her back against a bookshelf and kissing her thoroughly. Her mouth had burned in remembrance for nearly two days.
From then on they had searched each other out furtively. They found hidden alcoves and darkened staircases in which to explore each other further. Heated kisses quickly led to wandering hands, and soon Ginny had found herself naked beneath his stare in a corner of the empty Charms classroom.
She’d given herself to him then, and didn’t regret it. At least not until a few days later when she saw him walking down the corridor with Lynn, and brush her cheek with his lips as they parted. Ginny’s heart shattered in her chest. She’d thought Harry had finally ended things with Hannah to be with her.
They’d argued bitterly outside the Quidditch pitch that night, the howling wind whipping the words away from their mouths as soon as they spoke them. It hadn’t mattered, as both had still known exactly what was said. She swore she’d never be with him again, and that she hated him.
It was the first promise she broke where Harry was concerned, but it was far from the last.
Soon after, she’d accepted an invitation to Hogsmeade with Terry Boot and spent the entire afternoon avoiding Harry. But he’d been waiting for her when she got back to the castle. As she walked through the corridor on her way to Gryffindor tower a hand suddenly grabbed her and pulled her underneath a staircase. It was Harry.
“What were you doing with Boot?” he demanded.
His words had quickly sparked Ginny’s temper and she glared at him. “I finally decided to be with someone would actually be seen in public with me, Harry. Obviously that someone is not you, so why not Terry?”
He matched her glare. “Why not him? I’ll show you why,” he snarled and yanked her to him. His mouth crushed against hers and silenced any retort or protest she may have had. Ginny soon forgot she was angry with him and kissed him back furiously.
Harry tore his lips away. “Can he make you feel like this?” he said hoarsely. His hand found her breast under her robes and shirt and she tossed her head back, awash in sensation.
“No,” she whispered.
“Only me.”
“Only you…”
They came together quickly, heatedly, and were finished within minutes. Harry had pulled out of her slowly and helped her to right her clothes again. “Only me,” he said again. He cupped her cheek in his hand and kissed her softly once more before adjusting his own clothes and walking away.
She never went to Hogsmeade with a boy again.
Ginny shook her head suddenly, returning to the present and clearing her mind of thoughts and memories that were much better left to the past. Dwelling on she and Harry’s history together would certainly not calm her mind or help her to sleep.
Realizing that she was finished with her tea, Ginny walked to the sink and left her cup there to be dealt with in the morning. She made her way slowly back down the hallway to her bedroom, hung her robe on the hook and crawled back beneath the blankets on her bed. They were cold to the touch and smelled of Harry.
“I…I love you.”
Harry’s whispered claim came back to haunt her as his scent rose up around her. It wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but she hadn’t believed him this time either. It couldn’t be the truth. Harry didn’t know what the truth was anymore, and he certainly didn’t know what love was.
It wasn’t possible to love someone and yet refuse to be openly with her. Refuse to show anyone else that love. It wasn’t possible to love someone and then go home to warm another witch’s bed.
Ginny turned to her side and curled her knees to her chest. She watched the first lights of morning steal through her icy window before closing her eyes and managing to catch a precious few hours of sleep.
****
Ginny tugged at the hem of her skirt and smoothed out the wrinkles that had formed on her shirt. She was late, and was certain that her mum would have something to say about it. As she walked through the front door of the Burrow she plastered her best smile on her face and called out a cheery hello.
“Ginny! There you are.” Just as she’d thought, her mum advanced quickly upon her, frowning. “Where have you been? We’ve been waiting for you. Everyone else is here already.”
“I’m sorry, Mum,” Ginny managed as she was steered through the house and toward the back door. “I got caught up at work and couldn’t get away.”
Molly clucked her tongue in disapproval. “It’s your brother’s engagement party, Ginny. Surely they would have understood.”
Ginny sighed. “Well, I’m here now, aren’t I?” She stopped short at the pointed look on her mum’s face and quickly continued. “Let’s just get outside to the others, hm? I’m sure everyone is hungry.”
The two of them walked out into the heat-charmed garden where Ginny’s brothers had set up several tables that were already laden with food and drink. She waved to her father, who sat with Bill and Charlie and their wives. At the next table were Ron and Hermione, the guests of honor. Hermione called Ginny’s name and she joined them, thankful that her mum had left to sit by her father.
“Congratulations you two,” Ginny said happily as she embraced her brother and friend. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you Ginny,” Hermione beamed. Her thick brown hair was caught up high on the top of her head and her eyes shone with happiness.
As she sat down next to her future sister-in-law, Ginny’s gaze swept down the table, belatedly noticing the other people seated there. George was on her left and Harry was directly across from her. She smiled at him briefly before her gaze shifted to the witch sitting close by his side. Jealousy, hot and angry, coursed through her.
“Hello Maggie,” she said in what she hoped was a friendly manner. “You’re looking well.”
In truth, the curvy blond witch was stunning, her eyes sparkling and hair brilliant in the waning sunlight. Ginny touched her face reflectively, hoping the charms she’d cast were effectively hiding the dark smudges beneath her eyes.
“Why thank you, Ginny,” Maggie replied. “We haven’t seen you in a while, have we, Harry?”
Pieces of their previous night together flashed through Ginny’s mind and she bit her tongue to keep silent. She met Harry’s stare and knew instinctively that he was thinking the same thing. His eyes darkened and she swore his foot nudged hers under the table. His voice betrayed no emotion, however, when he spoke.
“No, ah, I guess we haven’t.”
They both were saved from further small talk when George elbowed her in the side. “So little sister, it looks like you and I are the last remaining eligible Weasleys,” he told her.
She smiled weakly. “I guess you’re right.”
“You know, Ginny, it’s awfully hard to get married when you never see anyone,” Ron said pointedly. “Not that I want you to go around with a bunch of blokes, but Merlin! There’s been no one!”
“Ron!” Hermione admonished. “Leave her alone.”
Ginny’s face burned with the trademark Weasley flush. She didn’t dare look at Harry, though she felt his eyes on her.
“You know,” Maggie said speculatively, “There are some people in my office I could set you up with.”
Ginny was about to answer with a polite “no thank you” when Harry choked on his mashed potatoes. She raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you quite all right?” she asked him pointedly.
Harry nodded mutely, but the warning gleam in his eyes spoke volumes.
One corner of Ginny’s mouth curved slightly. Harry knew she’d never date anyone else. She never had, had she? Still, to jab at him she turned to Maggie. “Perhaps,” she said easily, watching Harry’s face darken out of the corner of her eye. “I’ll have to think about it.”
“Please do!” Maggie smiled, oblivious to Harry’s glower.
Ginny smirked as she met his gaze. “Excuse me, please.” She rose from her seat and walked away from the other’s gazes to the far end of the garden, where a table was laden with drinks and snacks. She grabbed the pitcher of pumpkin juice and refilled her glass, drinking deeply.
She felt a presence behind her and immediately knew it was Harry. He pressed the length of his body against her back and his breath fell hot on her neck. “You’re so damn beautiful when the sun turns your hair to fire.”
Gooseflesh rippled down her arms and a slow burn began in her stomach. Still, she glanced around to make sure no one was watching them. “Harry, we’re outside with everyone,” she reminded him. “Someone will see.”
“So let’s go inside,” he countered easily, and placed a feather-light kiss on the nape of her neck. “Make an excuse.”
He was gone before she could reply, and if she was truthful with herself she knew she wouldn’t have said no. She hastily poured the contents of the pitcher on the ground at her feet and walked toward the back of the house.
“Hey, Ginny! Where are you going?” George’s voice had her spinning around in the direction of their table before she reached the door. She lifted the pitcher high and shook it slightly.
“More pumpkin juice!” she called back.
George nodded and went back to his plate and Ginny resumed her path across the garden. It took all of her willpower not to break into a run, and she arrived in the kitchen with a racing heart and jumping skin.
Harry was waiting for her, and he pulled her close the minute the door was closed behind her. His lips slanted across hers and his hand fell low on her waist, pressing her to him. “Upstairs,” she murmured before turning and nearly sprinting up them herself. She waited for him in the hallway outside of her old bedroom and opened the door as he came into view.
Their mouths met in hot, hungry kisses that stole Ginny’s breath and left her head spinning. She pushed the door closed behind them and tore her lips away from his long enough to mutter a locking spell.
They stumbled back across the room together until something in their path halted them. Harry turned quickly and swiped an arm across her old dresser, scattering knickknacks and papers that she’d have to remember to replace. He lifted her up and set her on the surface of the dresser and stepped between her knees.
They came together eagerly, mouths and hands demanding. It was as if months had passed since they’d last touched rather than hours. “I want you,” Harry murmured. “Now.” His hands fell to the hem of her skirt and pushed it up, bunching it at the tops of her thighs.
“Hurry,” she urged, fumbling with the snap on his jeans. “Oh, Merlin, hurry.”
Once freed from the confinement of his jeans, Harry quickly pushed her knickers aside and plunged inside her. Fearful of the very real possibility of crying out, Ginny pulled his head close to hers and kissed him fiercely. She wrapped her legs around his waist and held on, her fingers digging into his shoulders as he moved within her.
She squeezed her eyes shut as tremors wracked her body and hot pleasure flowed over her in waves. Harry’s movements became sporadic before she felt him tense rigidly and then relax with a low groan. She released his mouth at last and looked up at him.
“All right?” she asked softly.
He smiled. “Never better. Just don’t make me move yet.”
Ginny lowered her head to his shoulder. “We need to go back down.”
“I know,” he replied. “They’ll be wondering where we are.”
“Yes.”
Slowly, they untangled from one another and fixed their clothes. Ginny ran a hand through her hair. “You go ahead first,” she told him. “Maggie…Maggie’s probably looking for you.”
He nodded and softly kissed her once before leaving the room. Ginny paced the floor for a few minutes, stopping once and opening the window for a bit of fresh air. Her mum’s voice floated up to her from the garden below. “Arthur, dear, have you seen Ginny?”
She didn’t hear her father’s reply, but turned from the window in sudden shame. She’d just snuck away from her family - from her brother’s engagement party - to shag Harry in her old bedroom. How had her life come to this?
Fool. The wind seemed to whisper the word, and her mind echoed it. Only a fool would keep letting Harry in; only a fool would continue to seek him out. Only a fool would take whatever she could get from him, no matter how little it was.
She was finished with being a fool.
Ginny quickly rose and made her way down the stairs and out into the garden. Harry stood talking to Ron, Maggie at his side. Ignoring the punch of anger at seeing them together after just being intimate with Harry, she walked determinedly over to them.
“Excuse me, Harry?” she said, interrupting whatever Ron had been saying. “Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute?” Suddenly realizing that she had attracted the very curious stares of her brother and Maggie, she wracked her brain for a good excuse to speak to Harry privately. “It’s, uh, about the gift we’re getting for Hermione and Ron.”
She prayed that Harry would play along and smiled in relief when he nodded his head. “I’ll be right back,” he said to the others, and followed Ginny back inside the house.
“What are you doing?” he asked as soon as the door was shut. “I just got back out there.”
“We need to talk,” Ginny said firmly.
Harry looked at her warily. “About what?”
“About us.”
Harry groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?” she said hotly. “Don’t ask again why I can’t tell anyone about us? Don’t force you to face the fact that we’ve been together for years without dealing with it?
Harry leaned heavily against the counter and closed his eyes as she continued. “I deserve better than that, Harry. I deserve to be - to be happy with someone who cares about me. And so do you.”
With that, his eyes snapped open again, bright and blazing. “Deserve to be happy?” he scoffed. “What about Lupin, or Sirius, huh? Or my parents? Where is their happiness? If anyone deserved it, they did. Not me.” Harry sighed and ran a shaking hand through his hair. “I…I don’t deserve anything,” he said brokenly. “All I did was fall into the role of hero and…and do what I had to. I’m not special and I certainly don’t deserve anything special.”
“You - you won’t be with me because you don’t think you deserve it? Do you even realize how screwed up that sounds?” Ginny shouted incredulously.
“Well that’s what I am, alright? Bloody screwed the hell up!”
A heavy silence settled between the two of them. Ginny didn’t know what to say anymore. They’d had this argument a thousand times, and each time it ended up the same. Harry said that he didn’t deserve her, didn’t deserve to be truly happy, and she railed at the stupidity of the notion.
After several long minutes Harry spoke. “What do you want me to do?” he asked wearily.
“The same thing I’ve always wanted you to do!” she cried. “Be with me! Not Maggie, or Hannah Abbott or any other nameless witch you can think of. Me!” She poked a finger hard into her chest as her eyes filled. “I love you.”
Harry’s face was pained. “I know.”
“Does she make you happy?” Ginny asked, pointing a hand in the direction of the door. “As happy as I would, if you’d give me the chance?”
He looked at her levelly. “No,” he said slowly.
She nearly screamed at him in frustration. “Then why are you still with her?” she demanded angrily.
“I don’t know,” he answered softly. His head dropped forward on his neck, the shaggy ends of his hair obscuring his face from view.
Ginny drew a shaky breath. “Will you…will you leave her, then?”
He didn’t look up and he didn’t answer. Ginny was nearly ready to repeat herself, to demand an answer from him when someone else spoke.
“Um, Harry?”
Maggie’s voice had Ginny choking on her breath. She and Harry both whirled toward Maggie, who stood in the doorway with a concerned frown shadowing her face. “Is everything all right?”
Harry held a hand out to her, beckoning her to him. “Yeah. Everything’s fine, love.”
Maggie crossed the kitchen to him and stood close by his side before turning to face Ginny. “Were you arguing?” she asked.
Ginny swallowed the bitterness that had suddenly filled her mouth and answered quietly. “It was nothing.”
Maggie arched an eyebrow, suspicion clearly etched in her face. “It doesn’t seem like nothing.”
Ginny’s mind raced over the things that had been said between them, and wondered just how much Maggie had heard before she’d made her presence known. Before Ginny could say anything further, however, Harry spoke up. “It was nothing, Maggie. Are you ready to go?”
There was her answer, she supposed. Ginny watched in resentment as the blond woman turned a smiling face to Harry and kissed his cheek. “Yes, let’s.”
The two of them turned to go, but Ginny was rooted to the spot. As Maggie found her heavy cloak and donned her gloves Harry turned back to Ginny.
“Bye Ginny,” he said quietly. “I’m not sure when I’ll - when we’ll see you again.”
She frowned at him, and though her heart was beating furiously in her chest she spoke to him quietly. “I meant what I said, Harry. You need to choose who you want to be with. I won’t do this anymore.”
He didn’t reply but something flickered in his eyes before he lowered his gaze. They stood together in silence but it wasn’t long before Maggie was back by Harry’s side. “Ready?” she asked. She tugged on his hand and the two of them disappeared out the front door.
Ginny’s pulse was still racing as she moved to the front window and watched them walk hand in hand down the lane. Harry’s house wasn’t far from the Burrow, even in the swirling snow, and Ginny followed them with her eyes until she could no longer see them.
She had his answer. He wasn’t leaving Maggie, at least not now. But he would come back to her, she knew. He always did. And she would be waiting for him. She always did. She only hoped that if he came to her without first leaving Maggie she would be strong enough to push him away.
Fool, her mind whispered, and tears spilled over her cheeks. Anger, shame, hurt and resentment all flowed over her as she stood there alone. Before she could completely break down in her parent’s kitchen she grabbed her wand and Apparated home.
****
A week later Ginny sat in front of the fireplace in her flat, her legs draped over the side of an overstuffed chair.
A recent issue of Which Witch sat in her lap but she couldn’t concentrate on it. She hadn’t heard from Harry since their argument at the Burrow, and despite her confidence that he would be back, his long absence had shaken her.
The two of them had not stayed away from each other for so long since the war, when travel was difficult and private places were hard to come by. Ginny was lonely, and her body yearned for his.
Why hadn’t he come? she wondered as she stared into the bright flames that flickered in the fireplace. Echoes of their argument sounded in her ears and she groaned. She hated fighting with Harry. It never solved anything, just pushed them apart for a time.
Suddenly and completely unbidden, a horrible thought occurred to Ginny. What if he didn’t come back? What if she had pushed him too far this time and he decided it wasn’t worth it; that she wasn’t worth it? She’d told him he had to choose who he wanted to be with. Maybe he’d chosen Maggie.
Maybe she had been right in not believing that he loved her after all.
Ginny’s heart clenched at the thought, but before she could dwell on it any further she heard footsteps in her hallway. Her entire body tensed as she sat up straight and warily turned her head in that direction. A sigh of relief issued from her lips as Harry’s tall form emerged in the doorway. The magazine she’d been pretending to read fell unnoticed to the floor. “Hello Harry,” she said tremulously.
“All right, Ginny?”
She smiled and beckoned him to her. “All right, I suppose.”
“I thought you’d be in bed by now,” Harry said as walked slowly over to where she sat.
“Not yet.”
He knelt between her knees and pulled the blanket off of her lap, resting his head on the top of her thighs. Ginny removed his glasses and ran her fingers through his black hair. At his sigh of contentment, she smiled softly again.
“I knew you’d come back,” she said quietly. She felt him smile against her leg.
“I can’t stay away,” he said. His voice was muffled but she heard him clearly. “I need you too much.”
Tears welled up in Ginny’s eyes and fell unheeded onto her shirt. “I need you too,” she whispered.
Harry lifted his head and looked at her then. His green eyes softened as they took in her face. “I love you,” he said simply. “There isn’t anyone else.”
She had to know. “Maggie?” she questioned.
He shook his head slightly. “No. Just you.” He drew a deep breath. “Maybe…maybe I don’t deserve this kind of happiness, here with you. But I sure want it.” An anxious frown creased his forehead as he continued. “I won’t be going back to Maggie…or anyone else.”
Ginny smiled and closed her eyes as warmth coursed through her. She finally believed him. No, they weren’t perfect. Harry may never feel himself worthy of her, of what they had together. But she would gladly spend her entire life convincing him of it. Their relationship didn’t need to be public for it to be real, and she’d rather have him to herself in secret than share him with another witch or not have him at all.
She opened her eyes again and touched his face, smoothing out the creases that had formed there. “I love you too, Harry,” she whispered before pressing her lips ever so softly to his.
Title: The Brittle Madness of Love
Challenge: Post-Hogwarts #46. While dating another girl, Harry's friendship with Ginny becomes more than platonic.
Summary: See above
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 5617
Notes/Warnings: I owe dreamsome alot for this one, so thank you to her. And look at the rating! If you're under 18 please go away. :)
“Ginny.”
The whisper broke through the silence that enveloped her bedroom. She hadn’t yet fallen asleep, so it didn’t wake her. She had been waiting for him as she always did. Most nights she fell asleep waiting while he never came, but sometimes - sometimes he was there and she was ready for him.
“Harry.”
Ginny shifted and sat up, heedless of the sheet that pooled at her waist and tangled around her bare legs. She reached toward him; grasped his hand and twined her fingers with his as he approached her bed.
“Were you waiting for me?”
She smiled as Harry eased onto the bed next to her. “What do you think?” she asked.
His teeth flashed bright in the darkness of the room. “I think you’re mad for me,” he whispered as he pulled her close.
Any reply Ginny might have had was lost as his mouth sought hers. Her hands found the buttons of his shirt and quickly flicked them open. She need his skin on hers, she needed…him.
Her simple t-shirt was thrown to the floor along with Harry’s jeans. He slipped into bed beside her and gathered her close, trailing hot kisses along the creamy skin of her neck.
“Harry,” she sighed. She shifted beneath him, opened herself to him, and he lowered his forehead to hers.
“I…I love you,” he whispered as he slipped inside her.
Tears pricked at Ginny’s eyes even as her body rose up to meet his. Forcing the tears and the doubts that provoked them away, she reached a hand around to the back of Harry’s neck and dug her fingers in his hair. She pulled him to her, meeting him in an open mouthed kiss that made them both groan.
They rose and fell together in succession, eliciting gasps and quiet moans that pierced the darkness. After several long moments Ginny cried out as her body trembled and Harry shuddered, and they at last found the release they had sought so earnestly together.
He relaxed against her as their breathing slowed and heartbeats gradually returned to normal. She squirmed a little when his weight on her chest and belly became too much, and he shifted to lie alongside her.
They stayed silently, comfortably together for a long while until Harry sighed deeply and pushed himself up and off of the bed.
“I’d better go,” he said quietly.
Ginny sat up as well, bending her knees and hooking her arms around them. She watched Harry as he tugged his jeans up over his lean hips. His shirt was discovered after nearly two minutes of searching, and he donned that as well. A slight frown marred the surface of her forehead as she watched Harry slowly do up the buttons. She hated this part. The leaving.
Dressed, he walked back over to the bed and sat next to her. He ran a finger down the side of her face. “Beautiful,” he murmured.
Ginny felt her face heat. She’d never gotten used to his simple and unexpected compliments. She smiled at him and he leaned closer and kissed her once more before crossing the length of her bedroom to where his broom was propped against the wall.
Harry opened the window and pushed his broom outside. He swung one leg over the windowsill and onto his broom as icy wind blew the curtains inward and whipped over Ginny’s bed. It tousled Harry’s hair as he turned back to look at her. “Bye, Ginny,” he said softly.
“Bye,” she answered, hesitating for the briefest moment before continuing. “Give my love to Maggie, won’t you?” Ginny wanted to smack herself the moment the words were out of her mouth. Her sheets were still warm and her legs still tingled from his touch, and yet still she couldn’t resist goading him.
Harry frowned at her. “Damn it,” he swore. “Why do you always have to-”
She cut him off with a shrug. “Just thought I’d send my best,” she said levelly, struggling to keep her body from shaking with cold and utter sorrow.
Harry sighed and ran a hand through hair that was already mussed from the wind and Ginny’s searching fingers. It was a sign that he was agitated, and Ginny mentally kicked herself for ruining their time together by bringing up Maggie.
“Just…just go,” she told him, praying that her voice didn’t betray the tenuous hold she had on her emotions. She pulled the blankets up over her raised knees and rested her chin on them.
“Ginny.”
She looked up and met his eyes once more. “It’s all right, Harry,” she said firmly, pinching her thigh beneath the blankets to keep herself in check. She wouldn’t let herself falter. Not in front of him.
He held her gaze for a moment longer before swinging the other leg over the sill and settling onto his broom. He hovered in the cold drafts outside her window for a few seconds before rising up and out of sight. The glass panes of the window slowly fell back into place on their own, softly thumping onto the sill and sealing out the icy winter air.
When she was certain he was gone, Ginny fell back against the pillows with a sob. Hot tears cascaded down the sides of her face, wetting her hair and the pillows beneath it. Her heart ached in her chest.
After her tears had finally been spent, Ginny turned her head on her pillow to face the window by which Harry always came and left. Ice crystals had already begun to form at the corners of the glass, their spiny fingers stretching out over the surface. Ginny watched them slowly grow and felt as if she herself was being enveloped in ice. Her heart was cold and her body shook with the force of it.
There was no comfort for her when Harry left, and he always did. Though she hated him for it, she loved him, too, and that was the crux of the matter. She couldn’t let go of him, though Merlin knew she’d tried. He was like a drug to her, stealing through her system; making her feel things that she knew she’d only ever find with him.
Ginny wondered if Harry had gone to Maggie after he left her. If his hands would caress Maggie the way they’d just caressed her. Thoughts of the two of them together tortured her as she imagined Harry tangled up with a petite, curvy witch whose long blond hair tumbled across the pillow.
Ginny squeezed her eyes shut until they hurt and she could no longer see the smooth slope of Harry’s back or shapely legs hooked around his waist. Opening them at last, she threw the blankets off and rose from the bed. It was apparent that she wouldn’t be sleeping for a while, so she may as well get up.
Ginny grabbed her robe from a hook by the bathroom door and wrapped it around her before opening her bedroom door. She padded down the hallway to her kitchen and flipped on the light. It blinded her for a moment and as she stood still and allowed her eyes to adjust to the brightness she realized once again how much she enjoyed living by herself. At the Burrow she’d have never been able to come to the kitchen in the dead of night for a cup of tea without half of the house hearing about it and asking questions she didn’t want to answer.
Finally able to see, Ginny moved to the cupboard next to the sink and pulled down a cup. She drew her wand from her robe pocket and muttered a spell, and at once steaming hot tea poured from the tip and into her cup.
As Ginny took her tea to the table and settled into her favorite chair her thoughts turned back to Harry. She had known he would come. She wasn’t sure how she knew, but she had. There had always been a connection between them like that - an almost unreal bond that linked them together. She wasn’t sure if it was due to his saving her life at Hogwarts or simply because she’d been in love with him for nearly her entire life, but no matter the cause, that link between them was surprisingly strong and equally hard to elucidate. How could she explain knowing exactly what Harry was thinking nearly all of the time or the fact that when he was near her skin tingled before she even saw him? And how could she explain the almost certain knowledge of when he would come to her? Ginny didn’t have answers for any of that. She only knew that she belonged undeniably to Harry.
Aware that he would be coming, she had waited eagerly for him and they’d been beautiful together. Until they had spoiled it - Harry by leaving and she with her comments about Maggie.
Ginny sighed. Maggie Tanner was the latest in a long string of Harry’s girlfriends. While at Hogwarts there had been Cho Chang, of course, and then Padma Patil, Hannah Abbot, and Lynn Howard. None had lasted any longer than the other, a fact that had given Ginny some glimmer of hope at the time. But then Harry had left Hogwarts and the war had begun, and the number of women he was involved with grew at an alarming rate. He’d met Maggie recently at a Ministry ball, and unlike the majority of others she had remained with Harry for over six months now. A fact that Ginny had bitterly learned to swallow.
Harry had never been with Ginny officially, out in the open for all to see. They’d always met in secret, talked in secret, made love in secret. No one had ever known about them, and while Hermione probably suspected it she had never questioned either of them. Ginny had never wanted things between herself and Harry to be this way, but it was how things had happened. Like everything else in life, their relationship had simply evolved over the years and now Ginny had no idea how to change it into something it had never been.
She had first noticed Harry watching her during his last year at school. He was seeing Hannah at the time, but she’d feel his gaze from across the common room and turn to meet it, green eyes blazing into brown. He would brush against her at meals in the Great Hall and her entire body would tingle. He caught her alone in the library once and had shocked her speechless by pressing her back against a bookshelf and kissing her thoroughly. Her mouth had burned in remembrance for nearly two days.
From then on they had searched each other out furtively. They found hidden alcoves and darkened staircases in which to explore each other further. Heated kisses quickly led to wandering hands, and soon Ginny had found herself naked beneath his stare in a corner of the empty Charms classroom.
She’d given herself to him then, and didn’t regret it. At least not until a few days later when she saw him walking down the corridor with Lynn, and brush her cheek with his lips as they parted. Ginny’s heart shattered in her chest. She’d thought Harry had finally ended things with Hannah to be with her.
They’d argued bitterly outside the Quidditch pitch that night, the howling wind whipping the words away from their mouths as soon as they spoke them. It hadn’t mattered, as both had still known exactly what was said. She swore she’d never be with him again, and that she hated him.
It was the first promise she broke where Harry was concerned, but it was far from the last.
Soon after, she’d accepted an invitation to Hogsmeade with Terry Boot and spent the entire afternoon avoiding Harry. But he’d been waiting for her when she got back to the castle. As she walked through the corridor on her way to Gryffindor tower a hand suddenly grabbed her and pulled her underneath a staircase. It was Harry.
“What were you doing with Boot?” he demanded.
His words had quickly sparked Ginny’s temper and she glared at him. “I finally decided to be with someone would actually be seen in public with me, Harry. Obviously that someone is not you, so why not Terry?”
He matched her glare. “Why not him? I’ll show you why,” he snarled and yanked her to him. His mouth crushed against hers and silenced any retort or protest she may have had. Ginny soon forgot she was angry with him and kissed him back furiously.
Harry tore his lips away. “Can he make you feel like this?” he said hoarsely. His hand found her breast under her robes and shirt and she tossed her head back, awash in sensation.
“No,” she whispered.
“Only me.”
“Only you…”
They came together quickly, heatedly, and were finished within minutes. Harry had pulled out of her slowly and helped her to right her clothes again. “Only me,” he said again. He cupped her cheek in his hand and kissed her softly once more before adjusting his own clothes and walking away.
She never went to Hogsmeade with a boy again.
Ginny shook her head suddenly, returning to the present and clearing her mind of thoughts and memories that were much better left to the past. Dwelling on she and Harry’s history together would certainly not calm her mind or help her to sleep.
Realizing that she was finished with her tea, Ginny walked to the sink and left her cup there to be dealt with in the morning. She made her way slowly back down the hallway to her bedroom, hung her robe on the hook and crawled back beneath the blankets on her bed. They were cold to the touch and smelled of Harry.
“I…I love you.”
Harry’s whispered claim came back to haunt her as his scent rose up around her. It wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but she hadn’t believed him this time either. It couldn’t be the truth. Harry didn’t know what the truth was anymore, and he certainly didn’t know what love was.
It wasn’t possible to love someone and yet refuse to be openly with her. Refuse to show anyone else that love. It wasn’t possible to love someone and then go home to warm another witch’s bed.
Ginny turned to her side and curled her knees to her chest. She watched the first lights of morning steal through her icy window before closing her eyes and managing to catch a precious few hours of sleep.
****
Ginny tugged at the hem of her skirt and smoothed out the wrinkles that had formed on her shirt. She was late, and was certain that her mum would have something to say about it. As she walked through the front door of the Burrow she plastered her best smile on her face and called out a cheery hello.
“Ginny! There you are.” Just as she’d thought, her mum advanced quickly upon her, frowning. “Where have you been? We’ve been waiting for you. Everyone else is here already.”
“I’m sorry, Mum,” Ginny managed as she was steered through the house and toward the back door. “I got caught up at work and couldn’t get away.”
Molly clucked her tongue in disapproval. “It’s your brother’s engagement party, Ginny. Surely they would have understood.”
Ginny sighed. “Well, I’m here now, aren’t I?” She stopped short at the pointed look on her mum’s face and quickly continued. “Let’s just get outside to the others, hm? I’m sure everyone is hungry.”
The two of them walked out into the heat-charmed garden where Ginny’s brothers had set up several tables that were already laden with food and drink. She waved to her father, who sat with Bill and Charlie and their wives. At the next table were Ron and Hermione, the guests of honor. Hermione called Ginny’s name and she joined them, thankful that her mum had left to sit by her father.
“Congratulations you two,” Ginny said happily as she embraced her brother and friend. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you Ginny,” Hermione beamed. Her thick brown hair was caught up high on the top of her head and her eyes shone with happiness.
As she sat down next to her future sister-in-law, Ginny’s gaze swept down the table, belatedly noticing the other people seated there. George was on her left and Harry was directly across from her. She smiled at him briefly before her gaze shifted to the witch sitting close by his side. Jealousy, hot and angry, coursed through her.
“Hello Maggie,” she said in what she hoped was a friendly manner. “You’re looking well.”
In truth, the curvy blond witch was stunning, her eyes sparkling and hair brilliant in the waning sunlight. Ginny touched her face reflectively, hoping the charms she’d cast were effectively hiding the dark smudges beneath her eyes.
“Why thank you, Ginny,” Maggie replied. “We haven’t seen you in a while, have we, Harry?”
Pieces of their previous night together flashed through Ginny’s mind and she bit her tongue to keep silent. She met Harry’s stare and knew instinctively that he was thinking the same thing. His eyes darkened and she swore his foot nudged hers under the table. His voice betrayed no emotion, however, when he spoke.
“No, ah, I guess we haven’t.”
They both were saved from further small talk when George elbowed her in the side. “So little sister, it looks like you and I are the last remaining eligible Weasleys,” he told her.
She smiled weakly. “I guess you’re right.”
“You know, Ginny, it’s awfully hard to get married when you never see anyone,” Ron said pointedly. “Not that I want you to go around with a bunch of blokes, but Merlin! There’s been no one!”
“Ron!” Hermione admonished. “Leave her alone.”
Ginny’s face burned with the trademark Weasley flush. She didn’t dare look at Harry, though she felt his eyes on her.
“You know,” Maggie said speculatively, “There are some people in my office I could set you up with.”
Ginny was about to answer with a polite “no thank you” when Harry choked on his mashed potatoes. She raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you quite all right?” she asked him pointedly.
Harry nodded mutely, but the warning gleam in his eyes spoke volumes.
One corner of Ginny’s mouth curved slightly. Harry knew she’d never date anyone else. She never had, had she? Still, to jab at him she turned to Maggie. “Perhaps,” she said easily, watching Harry’s face darken out of the corner of her eye. “I’ll have to think about it.”
“Please do!” Maggie smiled, oblivious to Harry’s glower.
Ginny smirked as she met his gaze. “Excuse me, please.” She rose from her seat and walked away from the other’s gazes to the far end of the garden, where a table was laden with drinks and snacks. She grabbed the pitcher of pumpkin juice and refilled her glass, drinking deeply.
She felt a presence behind her and immediately knew it was Harry. He pressed the length of his body against her back and his breath fell hot on her neck. “You’re so damn beautiful when the sun turns your hair to fire.”
Gooseflesh rippled down her arms and a slow burn began in her stomach. Still, she glanced around to make sure no one was watching them. “Harry, we’re outside with everyone,” she reminded him. “Someone will see.”
“So let’s go inside,” he countered easily, and placed a feather-light kiss on the nape of her neck. “Make an excuse.”
He was gone before she could reply, and if she was truthful with herself she knew she wouldn’t have said no. She hastily poured the contents of the pitcher on the ground at her feet and walked toward the back of the house.
“Hey, Ginny! Where are you going?” George’s voice had her spinning around in the direction of their table before she reached the door. She lifted the pitcher high and shook it slightly.
“More pumpkin juice!” she called back.
George nodded and went back to his plate and Ginny resumed her path across the garden. It took all of her willpower not to break into a run, and she arrived in the kitchen with a racing heart and jumping skin.
Harry was waiting for her, and he pulled her close the minute the door was closed behind her. His lips slanted across hers and his hand fell low on her waist, pressing her to him. “Upstairs,” she murmured before turning and nearly sprinting up them herself. She waited for him in the hallway outside of her old bedroom and opened the door as he came into view.
Their mouths met in hot, hungry kisses that stole Ginny’s breath and left her head spinning. She pushed the door closed behind them and tore her lips away from his long enough to mutter a locking spell.
They stumbled back across the room together until something in their path halted them. Harry turned quickly and swiped an arm across her old dresser, scattering knickknacks and papers that she’d have to remember to replace. He lifted her up and set her on the surface of the dresser and stepped between her knees.
They came together eagerly, mouths and hands demanding. It was as if months had passed since they’d last touched rather than hours. “I want you,” Harry murmured. “Now.” His hands fell to the hem of her skirt and pushed it up, bunching it at the tops of her thighs.
“Hurry,” she urged, fumbling with the snap on his jeans. “Oh, Merlin, hurry.”
Once freed from the confinement of his jeans, Harry quickly pushed her knickers aside and plunged inside her. Fearful of the very real possibility of crying out, Ginny pulled his head close to hers and kissed him fiercely. She wrapped her legs around his waist and held on, her fingers digging into his shoulders as he moved within her.
She squeezed her eyes shut as tremors wracked her body and hot pleasure flowed over her in waves. Harry’s movements became sporadic before she felt him tense rigidly and then relax with a low groan. She released his mouth at last and looked up at him.
“All right?” she asked softly.
He smiled. “Never better. Just don’t make me move yet.”
Ginny lowered her head to his shoulder. “We need to go back down.”
“I know,” he replied. “They’ll be wondering where we are.”
“Yes.”
Slowly, they untangled from one another and fixed their clothes. Ginny ran a hand through her hair. “You go ahead first,” she told him. “Maggie…Maggie’s probably looking for you.”
He nodded and softly kissed her once before leaving the room. Ginny paced the floor for a few minutes, stopping once and opening the window for a bit of fresh air. Her mum’s voice floated up to her from the garden below. “Arthur, dear, have you seen Ginny?”
She didn’t hear her father’s reply, but turned from the window in sudden shame. She’d just snuck away from her family - from her brother’s engagement party - to shag Harry in her old bedroom. How had her life come to this?
Fool. The wind seemed to whisper the word, and her mind echoed it. Only a fool would keep letting Harry in; only a fool would continue to seek him out. Only a fool would take whatever she could get from him, no matter how little it was.
She was finished with being a fool.
Ginny quickly rose and made her way down the stairs and out into the garden. Harry stood talking to Ron, Maggie at his side. Ignoring the punch of anger at seeing them together after just being intimate with Harry, she walked determinedly over to them.
“Excuse me, Harry?” she said, interrupting whatever Ron had been saying. “Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute?” Suddenly realizing that she had attracted the very curious stares of her brother and Maggie, she wracked her brain for a good excuse to speak to Harry privately. “It’s, uh, about the gift we’re getting for Hermione and Ron.”
She prayed that Harry would play along and smiled in relief when he nodded his head. “I’ll be right back,” he said to the others, and followed Ginny back inside the house.
“What are you doing?” he asked as soon as the door was shut. “I just got back out there.”
“We need to talk,” Ginny said firmly.
Harry looked at her warily. “About what?”
“About us.”
Harry groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?” she said hotly. “Don’t ask again why I can’t tell anyone about us? Don’t force you to face the fact that we’ve been together for years without dealing with it?
Harry leaned heavily against the counter and closed his eyes as she continued. “I deserve better than that, Harry. I deserve to be - to be happy with someone who cares about me. And so do you.”
With that, his eyes snapped open again, bright and blazing. “Deserve to be happy?” he scoffed. “What about Lupin, or Sirius, huh? Or my parents? Where is their happiness? If anyone deserved it, they did. Not me.” Harry sighed and ran a shaking hand through his hair. “I…I don’t deserve anything,” he said brokenly. “All I did was fall into the role of hero and…and do what I had to. I’m not special and I certainly don’t deserve anything special.”
“You - you won’t be with me because you don’t think you deserve it? Do you even realize how screwed up that sounds?” Ginny shouted incredulously.
“Well that’s what I am, alright? Bloody screwed the hell up!”
A heavy silence settled between the two of them. Ginny didn’t know what to say anymore. They’d had this argument a thousand times, and each time it ended up the same. Harry said that he didn’t deserve her, didn’t deserve to be truly happy, and she railed at the stupidity of the notion.
After several long minutes Harry spoke. “What do you want me to do?” he asked wearily.
“The same thing I’ve always wanted you to do!” she cried. “Be with me! Not Maggie, or Hannah Abbott or any other nameless witch you can think of. Me!” She poked a finger hard into her chest as her eyes filled. “I love you.”
Harry’s face was pained. “I know.”
“Does she make you happy?” Ginny asked, pointing a hand in the direction of the door. “As happy as I would, if you’d give me the chance?”
He looked at her levelly. “No,” he said slowly.
She nearly screamed at him in frustration. “Then why are you still with her?” she demanded angrily.
“I don’t know,” he answered softly. His head dropped forward on his neck, the shaggy ends of his hair obscuring his face from view.
Ginny drew a shaky breath. “Will you…will you leave her, then?”
He didn’t look up and he didn’t answer. Ginny was nearly ready to repeat herself, to demand an answer from him when someone else spoke.
“Um, Harry?”
Maggie’s voice had Ginny choking on her breath. She and Harry both whirled toward Maggie, who stood in the doorway with a concerned frown shadowing her face. “Is everything all right?”
Harry held a hand out to her, beckoning her to him. “Yeah. Everything’s fine, love.”
Maggie crossed the kitchen to him and stood close by his side before turning to face Ginny. “Were you arguing?” she asked.
Ginny swallowed the bitterness that had suddenly filled her mouth and answered quietly. “It was nothing.”
Maggie arched an eyebrow, suspicion clearly etched in her face. “It doesn’t seem like nothing.”
Ginny’s mind raced over the things that had been said between them, and wondered just how much Maggie had heard before she’d made her presence known. Before Ginny could say anything further, however, Harry spoke up. “It was nothing, Maggie. Are you ready to go?”
There was her answer, she supposed. Ginny watched in resentment as the blond woman turned a smiling face to Harry and kissed his cheek. “Yes, let’s.”
The two of them turned to go, but Ginny was rooted to the spot. As Maggie found her heavy cloak and donned her gloves Harry turned back to Ginny.
“Bye Ginny,” he said quietly. “I’m not sure when I’ll - when we’ll see you again.”
She frowned at him, and though her heart was beating furiously in her chest she spoke to him quietly. “I meant what I said, Harry. You need to choose who you want to be with. I won’t do this anymore.”
He didn’t reply but something flickered in his eyes before he lowered his gaze. They stood together in silence but it wasn’t long before Maggie was back by Harry’s side. “Ready?” she asked. She tugged on his hand and the two of them disappeared out the front door.
Ginny’s pulse was still racing as she moved to the front window and watched them walk hand in hand down the lane. Harry’s house wasn’t far from the Burrow, even in the swirling snow, and Ginny followed them with her eyes until she could no longer see them.
She had his answer. He wasn’t leaving Maggie, at least not now. But he would come back to her, she knew. He always did. And she would be waiting for him. She always did. She only hoped that if he came to her without first leaving Maggie she would be strong enough to push him away.
Fool, her mind whispered, and tears spilled over her cheeks. Anger, shame, hurt and resentment all flowed over her as she stood there alone. Before she could completely break down in her parent’s kitchen she grabbed her wand and Apparated home.
****
A week later Ginny sat in front of the fireplace in her flat, her legs draped over the side of an overstuffed chair.
A recent issue of Which Witch sat in her lap but she couldn’t concentrate on it. She hadn’t heard from Harry since their argument at the Burrow, and despite her confidence that he would be back, his long absence had shaken her.
The two of them had not stayed away from each other for so long since the war, when travel was difficult and private places were hard to come by. Ginny was lonely, and her body yearned for his.
Why hadn’t he come? she wondered as she stared into the bright flames that flickered in the fireplace. Echoes of their argument sounded in her ears and she groaned. She hated fighting with Harry. It never solved anything, just pushed them apart for a time.
Suddenly and completely unbidden, a horrible thought occurred to Ginny. What if he didn’t come back? What if she had pushed him too far this time and he decided it wasn’t worth it; that she wasn’t worth it? She’d told him he had to choose who he wanted to be with. Maybe he’d chosen Maggie.
Maybe she had been right in not believing that he loved her after all.
Ginny’s heart clenched at the thought, but before she could dwell on it any further she heard footsteps in her hallway. Her entire body tensed as she sat up straight and warily turned her head in that direction. A sigh of relief issued from her lips as Harry’s tall form emerged in the doorway. The magazine she’d been pretending to read fell unnoticed to the floor. “Hello Harry,” she said tremulously.
“All right, Ginny?”
She smiled and beckoned him to her. “All right, I suppose.”
“I thought you’d be in bed by now,” Harry said as walked slowly over to where she sat.
“Not yet.”
He knelt between her knees and pulled the blanket off of her lap, resting his head on the top of her thighs. Ginny removed his glasses and ran her fingers through his black hair. At his sigh of contentment, she smiled softly again.
“I knew you’d come back,” she said quietly. She felt him smile against her leg.
“I can’t stay away,” he said. His voice was muffled but she heard him clearly. “I need you too much.”
Tears welled up in Ginny’s eyes and fell unheeded onto her shirt. “I need you too,” she whispered.
Harry lifted his head and looked at her then. His green eyes softened as they took in her face. “I love you,” he said simply. “There isn’t anyone else.”
She had to know. “Maggie?” she questioned.
He shook his head slightly. “No. Just you.” He drew a deep breath. “Maybe…maybe I don’t deserve this kind of happiness, here with you. But I sure want it.” An anxious frown creased his forehead as he continued. “I won’t be going back to Maggie…or anyone else.”
Ginny smiled and closed her eyes as warmth coursed through her. She finally believed him. No, they weren’t perfect. Harry may never feel himself worthy of her, of what they had together. But she would gladly spend her entire life convincing him of it. Their relationship didn’t need to be public for it to be real, and she’d rather have him to herself in secret than share him with another witch or not have him at all.
She opened her eyes again and touched his face, smoothing out the creases that had formed there. “I love you too, Harry,” she whispered before pressing her lips ever so softly to his.