"Perfectly Balanced" (Fic, challenge #33)
Author: Tosca
Title: Perfectly Balanced?
Challenge: #33: With three kids and as the Head of the Auror Department by 39 (driving the revolutionary changes within the department with Ron), there had to be some times that were very stressful and angsty when Ginny and Harry 'lost' each other. How did it happen, what triggered the argument/epiphany, and how was it resolved?
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 8,292
Notes/Warnings: Okay, let me first apologize for being a week late. I really didn't mean to be, but I moved into my new apartment, and I didn't have internet until two days ago, and then the ending just wasn't working. So, after all that, I hope you enjoy this; it was pretty difficult to write, and I'm not sure what I think, but I gave it my best shot. Please comment!
Before they got married (before they got engaged, even), Ginny had made some things perfectly clear to Harry.
First, she was not going to bear extensive amounts of children. While yes, she did want one or two (maybe two, maybe), she did not want more, and she did not want to have them one after another, with very little space between. Children were nice, yes, but for the first time in her whole life, she had Harry all to herself, as much as she wanted, and that thought was wonderful, and intoxicating. Once babies entered the picture, that precious time was cut into without limit, and Ginny hadn’t been sure she was ready for that just yet.
*
“I want five.”
Ginny choked on her wine, staring at Harry in astonishment. “Five what? Owls? Villas in Italy?”
He smirked slightly over his glass, sitting back in his armchair, the fire flickering against his glasses, shadowing his eyes. “No, Ginny. Five children.”
Shocked into stillness, she could only gaze at him, mouth slightly agape. Five children? Five?!?
Finally, she set down her glass on the coffee table and walked over to him, sliding into his lap and making herself comfortable. “Harry, you really want five children? Because I have to tell you, I don’t,” she said honestly, resting her hands on his chest.
“Oh,” he said after a moment, meeting her eyes. His gaze was dark and brooding, shadowy with flame. “Really?”
She sighed, looking away. “I know what it’s like to be in a big family, Harry. You get lost in the fray,” she said after a moment. “And having lots of kids is lots of work. What about my job? And us? I want to have time with you too. We have to be able to enjoy being married, don’t we?”
She heard the clink of his glass hitting the side table, and his hands cupped her hips, thumbs circling lightly through her shirt. “I want what you do,” he said, voice low and gentle in her ear. “You let me know, all right?”
Turning her head, she smiled slightly at him, sliding her hands up into his hair. “I’ll let you know,” she repeated, leaning into kiss his mouth softly, unable to shake the feeling of disappointing him, a sharp pang in the depths of her stomach.
*
Second, she would not be one of those stay-at-home mums with all those bloody N.E.W.T.S and no real career to show for it. While she didn’t feel that there was anything wrong with that (after all, her own mum had done such), Ginny was not that kind of girl. She needed to go out into the world, and try and make things happen; she needed to be industrious. Working in the Magical Creatures department at the Ministry was perfect; she enjoyed the challenges of drafting new legislation, and trying to find ways to allow more rights for the downtrodden in magical society. It gave her a greater chance to see Hermione in action as well-she worked right under her, and it was more than a little inspiring to see Hermione’s passion for the work.
*
“Hermione, I am so sorry-“
Hermione waved Ginny off, smiling slightly. “Your job will be here no matter what, Ginny. You’re one of the best assistants in the whole department, and the werewolf legislation is yours to work on, as best you can,” she said kindly, smoothing her bushy hair back behind her ears as she sat behind her desk.
Ginny sighed wearily, rubbing her eyes lightly, struggling to stay awake. “I don’t know how this happened,” she grumbled, glancing down at her traitorous stomach. “I didn’t want this to happen so soon. James is barely five months old!”
Grinning slightly, Hermione touched her hands to her own slightly swelled abdomen. “You’ll be fine, I know you will. And Harry will help.”
“If Harry isn’t too busy rectifying the wrongs done to Sirius,” Ginny grumbled, slumping back in her seat. “I understand what he’s trying to do, but he’s starting to come home later and later. I almost feel like he’s avoiding me.”
“He must not be doing that good of a job if you’re pregnant again so soon,” Hermione teased gently.
Ginny smiled wryly, heart slowly sinking into her stomach. “I wish I could joke,” she murmured softly, biting her lip. “I just don’t think I can do all this by myself.”
“Harry will come through,” Hermione promised softly. “He always does.”
*
Thirdly, Ginny had told him in no uncertain terms that Harry had to share the load. Working the jobs they did would be hard enough, and to bring children into the equation would increase the stress on the marriage. She knew she wouldn’t be able to handle everything herself, and she had made him promise that he would help, that the family would come first. After everything he had been through, she had thought he would want to make his family first before everything; it only made sense.
*
Ginny sat limply on the sofa, her new lace knickers scratching against her inner thighs pleasantly as she leaned back, sighing heavily. The fabric of her brand-new emerald green dress slid against her limbs like water; she curled her toes inside her fashionable yet totally uncomfortable heels, shutting her eyes and trying to resist the urge to look at the clock yet again. Last she had checked, Harry was an hour late for their dinner reservations, and even though she had owled him at work, there had been no word from him. She would have gone straight to dinner to wait there, but she didn’t have any idea where they were supposed to be going; it was part of Harry’s big anniversary surprise.
A surprise that looked like it was going to be eternally hidden from her.
She sighed, shifting again and curling up on the sofa, holding a pillow close to her chest. The children would be home in two hours; it was the most alone time she and Harry would have had in over a year. Albus was only three months old, and she didn’t like to leave him or James for long; she also didn’t think it was fair for her mum to watch them for much longer, considering how much she already babysat already.
Weariness overwhelmed her, and she struggled with the urge to cry, pressing her eyes shut tightly. She felt so bloody alone, like she did a lot of the time now; Harry was so busy with his and Ron’s reform proposal, with all the meetings and the trips to the Continent to observe Ministries in other countries. Ginny was left alone with their children and her own job, balancing it all and struggling not to just give up. This anniversary was supposed to be a step in the right direction, but now it seemed just as lonely as every other night. She hadn’t realized how cold and big their bed was before all this.
“Ginny?”
Opening her eyes with a start, Ginny looked up to see Ron there, holding Albus with James’s hand in his own. Blinking, she sat up and looked at the clock, shocked to find that nearly two hours had passed. She must have fallen asleep...
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Ron said quietly, handing her a dozing Albus as she stood up, yawning dazedly. “Where’s Harry?”
She bit the inside of her lip, looking down at Albus as the ache in her chest intensified. “He hasn’t come home yet,” she said finally, voice hoarse with sleep.
James whimpered, curling up to her leg, and she ruffled his hair lightly, raising her eyes to her brother, who was staring at her in shock. “What? But it’s your anniversary!” he exclaimed quietly, eyebrows up to his hairline.
She shrugged, smiling slightly. “It’s all right,” she murmured. “Tell Hermione I said thanks for watching the boys,” she said after a moment, leaning up to kiss her brother’s cheek. “Good night.”
Going upstairs, she put the boys to bed and went to her own bedroom, curling up on her side without changing, bitterly wanting Harry to see what he had missed. She nursed her wound with frustration and the bitter vinegar of being stood up (Harry had never stood her up before, ever).
The next morning, Harry was all apologies, with flowers and chocolate and his tongue in every place imaginable. Ginny accepted it, but inside, there was still that tang of bitterness, spawning deep inside.
*
After over four years of marriage and two children, Ginny felt as if she had been forgotten about. The points she had so clearly presented so long ago seemed lost in the dust, and she wasn’t sure how to get everything back on track. Harry seemed oblivious (not a surprise), but every day was another stab deep within her, seeding into a frustration and apprehension that she couldn’t explain away.
*
“James! James!”
Ginny’s call was met only by giggles from underneath her desk, and Ginny threw her head back in frustration, balancing little Albus on her hip. “James, would you come out from there already?” she pleaded, throwing an apologetic glance at Teddy, who was sitting quietly in a chair near the door to her office, flipping through a book of some sort. His hair, she noticed, was bright red, quite like her own. “Teddy, I’m sorry---“
There was a dull thump from beneath her desk, and she froze, turning from Teddy. Silence reigned for a moment, and then---
“MAMA!”
James wailed like a pro, and Ginny winced, settling Al gently in his stroller before proceeding to drop to her knees and lean close to the floor, reaching an arm under her desk. “James, baby, come on out, let Mummy see you,” she pleaded breathlessly.
This was all just too ridiculous. Her mum had come by twenty minutes ago, the three boys in tow, saying that Harry hadn’t been at the house to meet her, and she had an appointment in a half-hour, and couldn’t Ginny just take them and wait for Harry here? No, he hadn’t left a note or Flooed about being late, and was everything all right between the two of them, because it seemed strained at supper last week, not that she was saying anything, of course...
Ginny hadn’t been able to do anything except herd the boys into her office and let her mum go. What other option did she have? Her mum babysat too much already in her opinion, and Harry was supposed to meet her for the kids today! That was the system; it was his afternoon off, and he took care of the boys, allowing Ginny to stay later at the office. It had worked amazingly well for the last six months, so what had happened today?
“James, come on out,” she said soothingly over his wails. She had learned from having Teddy around when he was younger that children tended to just like to wail, even if the bump wasn’t too bad at all, so she thought she was handling this rather well, considering.
Where the hell was Harry? She had sent a message to the Auror department, asking them to send him down as soon as possible, but this was just ridiculous!
The resentment filling the tiny corners of her chest started to branch out, and she shut her eyes, unfolding her knees and laying down on the floor of her office, resting her cheek against the chill of the wood. Since when did Harry put his work before his family---his sons and Teddy! Since when was his work more important than her own?
“Mummy?”
She glanced over and met James’ teary dark gaze across the floor. Sighing, she managed a smile, extending her arm to give him her hand. “Come on,” she said gently. “I’ll take a look at you, all right? Come on out.”
James sniffled and took her hand, inching his way from beneath the polished wood. She just got him out when she heard the door open and squeaked, swinging her legs up into the air to avoid an unfortunate collision.
“Ginny-what the hell?”
At the confused tone of Harry’s voice, she sighed silently, lifting James up and getting back up on her knees. “He was under the desk,” she murmured, wiping James’s face gently as he clung to her neck, whimpers quieting. “That’s all.”
Standing, she faced Harry, who looked perplexed and more than slightly amused, which only angered her more. Hair tousled, he glanced over and saw Teddy, whose face had lit up at his entrance.
“Hey, Teddy! I didn’t realize you were with us,” he said, beckoning the young boy over.
Ginny raised a brow, pursing her lips. “I told you last week. Andromeda is traveling for the month and Teddy’s with us,” she said coolly.
His eyes flickered towards hers, and he bit his lip as Teddy hugged his waist. “Well, slipped my mind, I suppose,” he said lightly. “Don’t worry, Teddy, we’ll get some good Quidditch in, I promise.”
Looking at her, he set a hand on Teddy’s now black head of hair and smiled crookedly at her. “Full house today, then? What are they all doing here?” he asked casually, reaching his other hand towards Al’s stroller.
This was too much. Ginny set down James (who made a beeline for his father, sitting himself on his foot and wrapping his little arms around Harry’s leg), and planted her hands on her hips. “You weren’t at the house to meet my mum,” she said, frowning. “She had to bring them here.”
Frowning, he glanced down at the three boys in his proximity. “I was supposed to be at home?”
“Yes, you are. It’s Wednesday, your afternoon off. You always take the boys,” she said, frustration lacing her clipped words.
He looked at her then, smile fading away. “Oh. Well, sorry, Ginny. I had to take a meeting with Kingsley; Ron’s home sick,” he said, looking back down at Teddy. “So, a whole month? I’ll teach you some new tricks to scare your grandmother with for when she gets back,” he said cheerfully.
Resentment burned in the pit of her stomach; she crossed her arms tightly over her chest, as if that would keep it all inside. “Harry, I’m supposed to work late today, that’s why you needed to be there. You didn’t even owl me to let me know that you needed to change the plan,” she said curtly.
Lips pursing, he returned her hard gaze. “I’m sorry, Ginny,” he said, voice lowered. “But I’m in the middle of some important stuff, so forgive me if a couple of things slip my mind.”
No. She was not accepting that kind of answer from him of all people. He had always said that family came first, that she came first. He wasn’t going back on that now.
Swallowing hard, she glanced down at the two standing boys, who were looking between the adults with confusion. “That’s not okay,” she murmured firmly, raising her eyes to his. “We can’t do this now. Are you able to take them?” she asked bluntly.
He blinked, mouth slightly agape. “Ginny---do what?” he said, completely perplexed. “What is going on here?”
“Can you take them home or not?” she repeated, clenching her fists at her side and struggling with the urge to throw sharp-edged objects at his face.
Frowning slightly, he shook his head. “No, I can’t. I have another meeting,” he said finally, voice cool.
Taking a deep, fury-driven breath, she turned away from him and went to grab her rucksack, filled with crumpled papers and files. “Fine,” she said evenly. “I suppose we’ll see you at home.”
“Ginny, what is going on?” he asked, voice rising with anger.
“They need to go home, and since you can’t take them, I suppose I’m taking the afternoon off,” she replied, unable to look at him, for fear she wouldn’t be able to control to urge to scream at him. “Come on boys, we’re going home,” she said, forcing cheer for the children’s sake.
“Hey, are you angry at me for this, or something?” he said defensively; she could almost feel the walls building up around him.
She shut her eyes for a moment, shaking her head and grabbing onto Al’s stroller. “I’ll talk to you later,” she said tonelessly, opening her eyes and pushing the stroller past him to the door. “Come on, boys, I’ll make you lunch when we get home,” she said, opening the door.
Harry stared at her in complete confusion, and she forced herself to keep his gaze as she readjusted her bag, James and Teddy trailing behind her. She bit her lip, straightened her spine, and walked away from her office, trying to stifle the feeling of insignificance clawing at her chest. She could feel his eyes on her back, and as she pushed the stroller towards the elevator, she didn’t even have the slightest temptation to look back.
*
Much later, when all three boys were in bed, if not asleep, and the sun was low against the horizon, purples and reds darkening the skies, Harry was still not home. Her arms wrapped around herself, Ginny sat in the armchair in the living room-Harry’s favorite chair. The soft fabric retained his scent, mixing cotton and leather and grass within her nose. She had been sitting there since tucking Teddy in, lost in thought, breathing in Harry after not having him this close in what seemed like ages.
The sad thing was that she was embracing an echo of Harry; she couldn’t even remember the last time she had seen him in this chair. He worked late a lot of the time, and on the weekends, she was busy with the work she hadn’t been able to get to during the week while he holed up in his office upstairs, sometimes coming out to play with the boys.
What had become of their life together?
Emerald flames leapt up in the hearth, and she pulled her knees up under her in the chair as Harry tumbled out, dusting himself off lightly. His eyes alighted on her, and he halted, frowning slightly. “Hey,” he said quietly, slipping off his Auror robes and slinging them over his arm. The sleeves of his button-down shirt were rolled up to his elbows, the black of the fabric standing out against his skin, and the sight of his arms tight and sinewy made her shiver all the way down to her toes.
Licking her lips lightly, she nodded at him. “Hey.” She paused, watching him as he stood there, unmoving. “The boys are in bed,” she added after a moment.
“I reckoned they would be,” he said casually. “It’s late.”
The back of her neck burned with anger, and she pursed her lips, meeting his gaze squarely. “Yes, it is late,” she said, biting her tongue on a million other retorts, all with various curses and hexes laced within them.
Eyes traveling her, he set down his briefcase and walked over to her, crouching down in front of her. His hand slid over her thigh, clasping gently, and the intimacy of the gesture shook her for a moment; it felt like ages since she had felt his skin against her own. “So, what was that this afternoon?” he asked quietly, gaze soft.
She swallowed hard, inhaling deeply. “That was what it was, Harry. That was our life,” she said finally, the back of her neck flushing. “Things slipping your mind, work taking over your life, and I am there to pick up all the slack.”
He sighed wearily, and the sound pierced her right through. “I forgot to meet your mum once, Ginny, it’s not the end of the bloody world,” he said.
“You didn’t just forget once,” she said quietly, wishing she had the will to just shake off his hand; it was hot and heavy against her skin. “This is just the last of it.”
He got up then and began to pace the room, running his hands through his messy hair. His face looked pained, and she gripped the arms of his chair, resisting the urge to jump up and take her words back, erasing them from the thick air.
“You know I’m trying to do something important,” he said finally, an impatient edge to his voice. “Ron and I are trying to revolutionize the whole department, and it’s going to take time.”
Shaking her head, she pushed herself from the armchair, grasping for leverage. “I’m not taking that for an answer. There’s no way in hell that being with your family is less important than the bloody Aurors!” she retorted. “There’s no way that work is an excuse for missing your son’s second birthday party!”
His body visibly tensed, and he clenched his fists at his sides. “I apologized for that, to you and to James,” he said curtly.
“Apologies are all well and good, but it still happened!” she shot back, crossing her arms over her chest.
“He’s not even three! He won’t even remember in five years!” he exclaimed.
Stomach knotting with apprehension, she bit her bottom lip hard to keep from cursing him down right there. “That is not the point,” she said finally, voice shaking slightly. “I remember, and he’s your son! How can you justify something like that?”
“What is all this about, Ginny?” he said angrily, stalking over to her, coming closer than they had been in ages. His eyes bore into hers fiercely, green and sharp, and she had to catch her breath at the intensity, feeling a flush rise on her cheeks. “I thought that everything was fine, but apparently I was wrong! Maybe you should enlighten me!”
Taking a deep breath, she tightened her fists, meeting his eyes bravely. “Everything is not fine,” she said after a long moment. “You’re never here anymore, you’re always busy, and I have to sacrifice my own work to be there when you’re not. I can’t do it anymore, it’s not fair to me or the boys.”
Stepping back, Harry did nothing but gape at her for a moment. She lifted her chin, determined as her heart cracked under the pressure and the pain pushing against her ribs. “You’ve got to reprioritize,” she said firmly.
He shook his head, rubbing his temples. “Damn it, Ginny, I’m doing something important!” he exclaimed. “I can’t just drop all this now because you’re feeling ignored!”
Ignored?
“How dare you make this about me?” she said angrily after recovering her breath from the shock. “You stupid prat! Your children need you, and yes, I wouldn’t mind actually having you home, but this is about your children. I am not feeling ignored,” she hissed.
“Well, what do you expect me to do?” he asked exasperatedly. “This is just too big, too much is riding on what I’m doing with Ron!”
An ache blossomed deep within her at his words, his voice, his face---he was too busy for her, and for the boys. He was too busy to care for the life they were trying to build.
Was this the Harry she had fallen in love with? Really?
“Since when is your job more important than mine?” she asked hotly, rage flooding the back of her throat like bile. “Since when is your job more important than our life?”
Gazing at her with stricken eyes, he took a step back from her, cheeks red with anger. “That is not what this is about,” he said, voice low and hard. “Nothing is more important than you and the boys.”
“Funny, I can’t tell,” she retorted angrily, wishing she could just shake him until he understood. “I refuse to be left behind in your life again, Harry!”
“Left behind? When the hell have I ever left you behind?” he exclaimed, throwing up his hands.
She stared at him mutely, eyes narrowed. “You locked me out of one of the most important years of your life, Harry. And now you’re just breezing along at work, not even concerned that maybe I might need you here once in a while,” she said finally, hating the lump rising in her throat.
The air thrummed with tension; she could see the hard line of his shoulders tensing up at her words. “That year isn’t related at all,” he said after a silently, deadly moment, voice shaking with ire. “I am trying my hardest to balance all of this, Ginny, you’ve got to give me some slack.”
“No, I’m trying to balance all of this, and it’s killing me! I did give you slack! I didn’t rail on you when you missed James’s birthday, or when you worked so late on our anniversary that we missed our dinner reservations, or that you almost missed Albus’s birth,” she shouted, uncaring of the children, uncaring of the flinch visibly running through his body at her words. “I’m trying to work too, you know! I told you before we got married, and before James was born, that I was not going to stay at home until the kids go to Hogwarts and putter around the house while you went to work!”
Swiftly he stepped forward and grabbed her wrists, pulling her close to him. His eyes were dark against his face, flashing angrily. His fingers trembled against her skin as he grasped her tightly, and she took a deep, shaking breath, holding his gaze and pulling against his grip futilely.
“I never asked that of you,” he said forcefully, skin flushed red with anger. “I would never---“
“Then where are you picking up the slack?” she shot back, tugging away from him unsuccessfully. His body grazed hers and she couldn’t help the magnetic pull surging all the way down from her toes up to her brain, trying to draw her in closer. “Why do I always have to sacrifice my hours at the office, and bring my work home, and take James to daycare?”
“Because I can’t!” he shouted harshly, pushing her away so hard she nearly fell over. She had to grab the armchair for balance, staring at him in shock. Her wrists burned where his hands had lain.
“I can’t, Ginny! I have just too much going on, and this is so bloody important! I am trying to fix everything that got in the way when I was younger! I’m trying to fix this for Sirius, so something like that never happens again!” he continued, voice hoarse and knuckles white as he clenched his fists.
Chest constricting, she shook her head slowly, breathing heavily. “If Sirius was here, he would want you with your family,” she said quietly after a moment, rubbing her wrists absently.
“He would want me to fix this,” Harry shot back, voice heavy with anger.
“Not this way,” she said evenly, pulling out her wand. “Accio Harry’s pillow,” she murmured, listening to the faint swish as a pillow flew into her waiting arms. She could hear Albus whimpering from upstairs, and she sighed, shutting her eyes for a moment before tossing Harry’s pillow at him with all her might. “Get comfy,” she added coolly, turning on her heel and heading out of the room.
“Ginny! Ginny, come on-“
She wheeled around, thrusting her wand in his direction as he approached her. “I swear, Harry, if you come up to the bedroom, I will hex you right out of this house,” she hissed. “I am so bloody angry at you that I think I might do it anyway.”
Standing stock still, Harry stared at her, eyes wide. His pillow hung loosely from his hand at his side, and for a brief moment, she felt bad for him. He looked small and alone, much like she imagined he had looked like when with the Dursleys.
Sighing quietly, she turned back around and headed upstairs to Albus’s nursery. She listened to the sounds of Harry moving around downstairs over Al’s whimpers, and she held her youngest son close and shut her eyes against the burn of tears, taking a gulping breath as she rocked from side to side, already imagining the cold chill that would envelope her bed tonight. Her heart ached and she held Al closer, pressing her cheek to his dark hair, grasping onto him with searching fingers, as if he was her only lifeline in this insane life.
*
“I have to leave.”
Ginny glanced up from the files she was looking over to see Harry standing in the kitchen doorway. His eyes were tired and bloodshot, much like hers; four nights of sleeping apart plus four days of strained conversation and constant tension had done nothing for the silent standoff resulting from their fight. The children had no idea what was going on, thank Merlin; Ginny was having a hard enough time dealing with her own feelings about the whole situation.
“Leave?” she said finally, pushing herself to her feet with the assistance of the kitchen table. “What do you mean?”
He sighed; the sound clutched at her heart like claws. Was he leaving her, as in they were separating? That wasn’t supposed to happen. Though she didn’t think most separations were supposed to happen, but this was her and Harry; how couldn’t they work this out? Every husband spent a few nights on the couch...
“I have to go to Berlin with Kingsley,” he said quietly. “He’s meeting with the Minister over there, and I’ve been assigned to his detail.”
Inhaling deeply, she unclenched her fists (something she hadn’t even noticed doing) and winced, glancing down to see crescent indents reddening her palms. She pursed her lips, trying to dispel the nausea rising within her. “How long?” she asked finally.
Harry shrugged, taking a step into the kitchen. “Two days,” he said, meeting her eyes. “I already told the boys, but Teddy was busy showing James and Al a new trick with his hair, so I don’t know if they’ll really notice.”
“Of course they’ll notice,” she said immediately, voice sharper than she had intended.
“Jesus, Ginny, do you have to start this now?” he said, complete exhaustion lacing his words. “I just… I just wanted to know if I should come back.”
“I’m sorry?” she blurted, fingertips turning cold. “Are you thinking of staying in Germany, or something? Going to go yodel and wear lederhosen?” she said lightly, struggling with the urge to jump into his arms and stop him from leaving in the first place.
Rolling his eyes, he ran his hands through his hair, and the movement was familiar but odd; she hadn’t spent so much time alone in the same room with him in forever. “No, I meant should I find somewhere else to stay, until we’ve... well, until we’ve sorted all this out,” he murmured, shoulders slumped.
Ginny was not a crying kind of girl, but just from the whole moment, with those words spilling from his lips like a stutter, she felt like sliding to the floor and crying her eyes out. Harry not spending a night in his own home was a completely foreign idea to her. But maybe... maybe he needed to leave?
“You don’t want to stay here?” she asked finally, voice hatefully shaky.
“Well, I don’t fancy spending the next forty years on the sofa,” he retorted.
“It’s your own bloody fault!” she snapped back, thankful that the anger was back, surging through her system and making her see red. The crying was completely unfamiliar; anger she had a healthy control over.
Harry shut his eyes, pressing the heel of his hand to his brow. “For fuck’s sake, Ginny, I don’t want to fight right now,” he muttered angrily, tension radiating from his taut muscles.
How could he still be so bloody attractive when she was so pissed off at him? Ginny opened her mouth and said nothing, only able to stare at him. She watched as he sank into the chair across the table from her, sliding his head into his hands and slumping into the chair completely. His hair fell over his concealed face, mussed and spiked-up from his hands, and she swallowed hard past the lump in her throat, wanting to kick him and kiss him breathless at the same time.
With a Herculean effort, she pushed aside the urge to reach for her wand and sat back down at the table, watching him, aching for everything to just go away and for it to be the two of them, alone in the world and without the pressures of everyday.
Though, now that she thought about, it had never just been the two of them. There had always been someone, or something pressing on them, pushing them either together or apart, ruining and creating moments. She hardly remembered what it was like to be with him, just like this, sitting in the stillness.
“You do what you need to do, Harry,” she said finally, listening to the slow sounds of his breath against the deadness of her words. “If you can’t stay here, don’t.”
He snorted harshly, raising his head to meet her gaze. “That’s not an answer.”
“Well, decide for yourself,” she said irately, pulling her papers towards her again and looking down. “I don’t care.”
The silence was thick enough to cut with a knife; her heart pounded painfully hard inside her chest, feeling as if it was bruising her ribs with the force. She gripped the files tightly, shutting her eyes as he rose from the table; his exhale of breath shook her deeply.
“You don’t care. Well, I guess I’ll figure it out while I’m gone,” he murmured. “I’m leaving in an hour.”
“All right,” she said quietly, crinkling her files under her clenching hands.
After a pause, he turned on his heel and walked out, his footsteps echoing in the quiet house. She squeezed her eyes shut even more tightly, tears flooding behind her lids. All she saw was darkness, and it scared her.
What if he didn’t come back?
*
The musty smell of aging parchment filled her nose as Ginny stood between shelves in the archives of the Ministry, one hand on Albus’s stroller, rocking him gently. The other hand dug through file after file; her eyes were burning with the effort to read some of the titles.
“They certainly didn’t care about handwriting in the 1950’s, did they?” she murmured to Al, who snored softly in response. With a sigh, she turned back to the files upon files of papers filling the shelves, shoulders slumping. The silence of the shelves was odd compared to the noise of the past few days at home; James and Teddy had been louder than usual, and more rambunctious, leaving her ears ringing and her mind rather weary. If Harry had been home, maybe the attention could have been diverted...
Hey, who was she kidding? Even if Harry had been in the same country, he wouldn’t have been home at all anyway. The atmosphere at their house was so icy, he would have avoided it at all costs.
Sighing again, she pulled out a file and began flipping through it, eyes skimming for any mentions of werewolves. Thank goodness Teddy and James were with Ron and Hermione today.
Rolling her tense shoulders, Ginny tucked the files into her shoulder bag, pushing the stroller down a little further to begin her perusal of the next shelf. She desperately wished she had someone to talk to about all this, but she wasn’t sure who she could turn to. Hermione was busy enough, and Ginny certainly didn’t want to turn to her mother right now; she could just imagine the reactions: Oh Ginny, maybe you should just take a year or two off, just until the boys are old enough for school, and then Harry’s work will have calmed down, and everything will be just fine! Don’t you think you’re being a little selfish?
Albus whimpered in his sleep, and she looked down, taking in his very Harry-esque features. He was the one who inherited the eyes, and she was really glad he was asleep, or else the sight of Harry’s eyes looking up at her would probably collapse something inside herself. Her shoulders sagged and she leaned forward against the shelves, resting heavily for a long moment.
She missed Harry. She constantly worried for him; she hadn’t slept a full night in over a week, what with their fight, and then his going away. He hadn’t even owled or anything; it was driving her mad. Her whole body ached for him, even if it was just to fight again; she just needed to know he was safe. It was a feeling she hadn’t felt in a very long time, not since he had been off looking for the Horcruxes, leaving her behind.
“I am always left behind,” she said softly, inhaling the smell of parchment and grasping the handle of the stroller even tighter.
“Hey.”
Straightening quickly, she wheeled around and found herself face to face with Harry, who stood in the opening between shelves, right by Albus’s stroller. He looked very tired; she couldn’t help but step closer, taking in the unshaven face, the dark circles under his eyes, the weariness in the lines of his body. He looked as if he was working too hard on too much, but that was Harry in a nutshell.
“Hi,” she said finally, gripping the stroller’s handle tightly with both hands as she gazed at him, toes curling with the need to touch him. “You found us,” she said after a moment, biting the inside of her lip.
He shrugged, hair falling into his eyes. “Yeah, well it wasn’t easy. Tried at home, and then tried your office, and then I tried Hermione, but she’s not in either, so then I just had to guess,” he said.
“Good instincts,” she said softly, smiling slightly. Her heart skipped a beat; he had been looking for her.
He gave her a small smile back, taking a step closer; she could almost feel the heat radiating off his body. “I was lucky, that’s all,” he murmured, glancing down at Albus. “So where are the other two boys?” he asked, reaching a hand down.
“Hermione and Ron are watching them,” she said, watching as he gently stroked Albus’s soft, messy dark hair. “I just needed a little time to collect some files to work on from home.”
He nodded, raising his eyes to hers; the intensity within made the breath catch in her throat. “Well, I can take Al, if you want, and get the other two. It’ll give you some time alone in here,” he offered.
She bit her lip, knuckles whitening as she gripped the stroller’s handle. “You just got back, you must be tired.”
He shrugged again, reaching his hand over to the handle. “I don’t mind, I’d like to spend some time with the boys. This way you can stay a little later,” he said, brushing his fingers against hers. “And then, when you get home, maybe we can talk?”
Her skin flushed, and she licked her lips nervously, meeting his gaze. “So you’re coming home, then?” she asked quietly.
Nodding, he smiled crookedly. “I can’t not be in the same house as you and the boys,” he said gently. “And I really want to talk. So I’ll take care of feeding them, and putting them to bed. When you get home, I’ll be there.”
His fingers pressed between her own, clasping hers against the handle of the stroller. She inhaled sharply, a little of the dread she had been harboring for months relaxing its grip on her heart. “That sounds good,” she said quietly, pressing her fingers against his in response.
He smiled at her; she shivered instinctually. “Then I’ll see you later,” he said, pulling Albus’s stroller towards himself and coming around.
Nodding, she watched him thoughtfully, fingers itching to reach out to his own again. “See you later,” she repeated. She watched as he pushed the stroller away; she could hear him talking quietly to Albus, and the sound caught deep inside herself.
Sighing, she shut her eyes and curled her fingers inward, hope shuddering through her.
*
A cool summer breeze lifted Ginny’s hair from the back of her neck as she Apparated onto her front porch, breathing in the woodsy scents of the lawn. Evening was just arriving; the sky was full of brilliant reds, oranges, and navy blues, and she took a moment to appreciate it, setting her file-stuffed bag down and leaning against the rail as she looked out on the lawn, sighing softly.
The house was quiet; she was sure Harry was there, waiting for her, thinking of what to say to her. A part of her didn’t want to go in; what he might say terrified her. Sure, she had felt hopeful earlier in the day, but now, with the whole day to think about it, she wasn’t sure what to expect.
Her eyes traveled to the faintly swaying swing on the other side of the porch, and she smiled slightly, walking over and sitting down. The chains creaked gently as she began to swing, wrapping her arms around herself. Before all this stuff between them, she and Harry had sat out here together almost every evening from late spring to early fall since they had moved in here; it was their favorite spot in the house. Now, she couldn’t remember the last time they had been out here together.
The front door opened and as she turned her head, Harry appeared in the doorway, eyes fixed on her. “I thought I heard you,” he said, coming out and shutting the door.
“I just got home,” she said softly, eyes following him as he came over and sat down next to her.
“I know,” he said, settling down next to her and sighing as he relaxed into the swing. “The boys are sleeping.”
She rolled her shoulders, breathing in the scent of him and finding it intoxicating to be so close. “They were good for you?”
His arm slipped around the back of the back, grazing her shoulders; she bit her lip, feeling as awkward as the first time they had sat like this together in the Gryffindor common room at Hogwarts, right after they began dating. It had been so foreign and odd, to be so close to Harry and not have to worry about the ramifications. Biting her lip, she leaned back the slightest, and his arm curved to her shoulders, resting lightly.
“Yeah, they were good. It was great to spend time with them. I’ve missed them,” he said quietly, regret softening his voice.
Turning her head, she looked at him, stomach clenching. “They’ve missed you. We’ve all missed you,” she said softly.
He sighed, staring off onto the lawn. She kept her cheek pressed against the bend of his elbow, skin welcoming his warmth. The breeze coasted past them, ruffling his mussed hair and making her shiver lightly. Suddenly, his hand covered her own where it was resting on her thigh, and she bit her lip, letting him slide his fingers in between her own. Her heart gave a hopeful thump against her ribs.
“When I started all this, I didn’t mean to be away from you all so much,” he said after a long moment, tightening his hand around hers. “I just wanted to do something right. I’m in a position to do so much, and I felt like something needed to be done.”
She shut her eyes for a moment, sighing quietly. “I know that, Harry,” she said softly. “I don’t want to stop you from making a difference, you know. I’ve just felt so alone lately, and it’s been hard,” she said.
“I’ve felt alone, too,” he said. “I just didn’t know what to say. There was just this huge distance between us, and it was horrible.”
“I felt abandoned,” she blurted out, chest tight. “I felt like you didn’t care anymore, and I didn’t know what to do.”
He met her eyes, the intensity of his green gaze startling her. “I’m sorry,” he said, the hand on her shoulder clasping gently. “I’m so sorry, Gin.”
Inhaling deeply, she held his hand tightly and kept her gaze on his face. He was completely open and unshielded, something only she ever really saw, and only once in a very long while. Her heart skipped a beat and she couldn’t control the warmth surging up through her toes up to her head; her fingers curled lightly around his.
“I need you to do this with me, Harry,” she said firmly, breathing steadily. “The boys need you home more, and I need you home with me more too. We can do this, you know.”
He nodded, thumb stroking her skin gently. “I’ll be here,” he promised. “I just wish you had said something sooner.”
“You wouldn’t have listened,” she said with a smile. “You’re too stubborn for your own good.”
He snorted, shifting a little closer so their thighs touched. “Speak for yourself,” he teased.
Smiling softly, she leaned her head against his arm, watching him with a tentative relaxation in her shoulders. “Why did you decide to listen?” she asked after a long moment.
He sighed, shrugging. “I was sitting in my hotel room in Berlin, all alone, and I just... I missed you,” he said simply, voice clear and strong in the late summer air. “I missed you and the boys, and it was horrible. And of course, I knew you were right about just about all of it. I was just being too bloody stupid to listen.”
“You could have told me then, in a owl, or something; you didn’t have to wait until you came back. I was worried sick,” she said quietly.
Throwing her a crooked smile, he leaned in closer to her. “I wanted to leave after the first day and throw myself at your feet, believe me,” he said amusedly, though she could sense the seriousness behind his tone. “At first, I thought you’d just throw me out or hex me or something. Then I just didn’t want to give up too soon; you know me.”
She smiled slightly, brushing her thumb over his skin, enjoying the feel of the goosebumps rising under her touch. “What changed your mind, then?”
His eyes, so intensely green against his face, focused on her. “Saving this life with you is more important than any fight we have,” he said, voice husky.
Heart beating fast, she couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him gently, shutting her eyes and breathing him in. His lips were damp and soft, moving in achingly familiar ways against hers. He whispered her name against her mouth, and she caught the sound, swallowing it, trying to keep it inside her so she never forgot how he loved her, just from the way he said her name.
“We’ll figure this all out, right?” he asked against her lips, breath hot like July against her skin.
She nodded, opening her eyes and kissing him again, wanting to never let him go again.
*
“This is it, you know,” Ginny said cheerfully to her beaming husband as he held their newborn daughter.
“You said that last time,” he teased, eyes fixed on their sleeping child.
She smiled and yawned, stretching her sore arms over her head as she sat up in her hospital bed. Her body ached, not in a pleasant way, but as she watched Harry rock the baby (unnamed as of yet), she wasn’t sure she minded very much. It was very late at night, but she didn’t feel really tired yet, though she was sure it was coming; she was exhilarated at finally having a daughter (finally evening out the house somewhat), at making Harry so happy, at making herself feel so excited about their life.
“I mean it now,” she said finally, after a moment of just watching him. “We’ve got a girl, we’re all done. Now we just have to wait until they’re all at Hogwarts to shag again,” she teased.
He lifted his eyes to her and grinned. “I hope not,” he said seriously, a twinkle in his gaze.
She couldn’t help but laugh and grin back. Everything was good with them; after that horrible, tense time, they managed to work mostly everything out, starting with that one step on the front porch. Their lives were balanced now, with the occasional spat, of course; but they wouldn’t be Harry and Ginny without a fight every now and then.
“I get to name her, right?” she asked as he walked towards her, sitting down lightly on the edge of her bed. “I mean, you did have a monopoly on the boys. I think it’s only fair.”
He raised an eyebrow, smiling slightly. “What did you have in mind?” he asked.
Smiling, she leaned over and watched the baby girl’s sleeping face; her hand slid over Harry’s thigh and rested gently. “Lily Molly Potter,” she said softly after a moment, looking up at him.
Harry smiled broadly, face lit up in a way only she saw. “It has a ring to it,” he said, meeting her eyes.
She nodded, leaning into kiss him gently over Lily. “It’s perfect,” she murmured against his lips.
He shook his head, kissing her bottom lip gently as he pulled away. “This is perfect,” he said quietly, the way his eyes rested on her making her blush a little.
She had to agree.
*
Title: Perfectly Balanced?
Challenge: #33: With three kids and as the Head of the Auror Department by 39 (driving the revolutionary changes within the department with Ron), there had to be some times that were very stressful and angsty when Ginny and Harry 'lost' each other. How did it happen, what triggered the argument/epiphany, and how was it resolved?
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 8,292
Notes/Warnings: Okay, let me first apologize for being a week late. I really didn't mean to be, but I moved into my new apartment, and I didn't have internet until two days ago, and then the ending just wasn't working. So, after all that, I hope you enjoy this; it was pretty difficult to write, and I'm not sure what I think, but I gave it my best shot. Please comment!
Before they got married (before they got engaged, even), Ginny had made some things perfectly clear to Harry.
First, she was not going to bear extensive amounts of children. While yes, she did want one or two (maybe two, maybe), she did not want more, and she did not want to have them one after another, with very little space between. Children were nice, yes, but for the first time in her whole life, she had Harry all to herself, as much as she wanted, and that thought was wonderful, and intoxicating. Once babies entered the picture, that precious time was cut into without limit, and Ginny hadn’t been sure she was ready for that just yet.
*
“I want five.”
Ginny choked on her wine, staring at Harry in astonishment. “Five what? Owls? Villas in Italy?”
He smirked slightly over his glass, sitting back in his armchair, the fire flickering against his glasses, shadowing his eyes. “No, Ginny. Five children.”
Shocked into stillness, she could only gaze at him, mouth slightly agape. Five children? Five?!?
Finally, she set down her glass on the coffee table and walked over to him, sliding into his lap and making herself comfortable. “Harry, you really want five children? Because I have to tell you, I don’t,” she said honestly, resting her hands on his chest.
“Oh,” he said after a moment, meeting her eyes. His gaze was dark and brooding, shadowy with flame. “Really?”
She sighed, looking away. “I know what it’s like to be in a big family, Harry. You get lost in the fray,” she said after a moment. “And having lots of kids is lots of work. What about my job? And us? I want to have time with you too. We have to be able to enjoy being married, don’t we?”
She heard the clink of his glass hitting the side table, and his hands cupped her hips, thumbs circling lightly through her shirt. “I want what you do,” he said, voice low and gentle in her ear. “You let me know, all right?”
Turning her head, she smiled slightly at him, sliding her hands up into his hair. “I’ll let you know,” she repeated, leaning into kiss his mouth softly, unable to shake the feeling of disappointing him, a sharp pang in the depths of her stomach.
*
Second, she would not be one of those stay-at-home mums with all those bloody N.E.W.T.S and no real career to show for it. While she didn’t feel that there was anything wrong with that (after all, her own mum had done such), Ginny was not that kind of girl. She needed to go out into the world, and try and make things happen; she needed to be industrious. Working in the Magical Creatures department at the Ministry was perfect; she enjoyed the challenges of drafting new legislation, and trying to find ways to allow more rights for the downtrodden in magical society. It gave her a greater chance to see Hermione in action as well-she worked right under her, and it was more than a little inspiring to see Hermione’s passion for the work.
*
“Hermione, I am so sorry-“
Hermione waved Ginny off, smiling slightly. “Your job will be here no matter what, Ginny. You’re one of the best assistants in the whole department, and the werewolf legislation is yours to work on, as best you can,” she said kindly, smoothing her bushy hair back behind her ears as she sat behind her desk.
Ginny sighed wearily, rubbing her eyes lightly, struggling to stay awake. “I don’t know how this happened,” she grumbled, glancing down at her traitorous stomach. “I didn’t want this to happen so soon. James is barely five months old!”
Grinning slightly, Hermione touched her hands to her own slightly swelled abdomen. “You’ll be fine, I know you will. And Harry will help.”
“If Harry isn’t too busy rectifying the wrongs done to Sirius,” Ginny grumbled, slumping back in her seat. “I understand what he’s trying to do, but he’s starting to come home later and later. I almost feel like he’s avoiding me.”
“He must not be doing that good of a job if you’re pregnant again so soon,” Hermione teased gently.
Ginny smiled wryly, heart slowly sinking into her stomach. “I wish I could joke,” she murmured softly, biting her lip. “I just don’t think I can do all this by myself.”
“Harry will come through,” Hermione promised softly. “He always does.”
*
Thirdly, Ginny had told him in no uncertain terms that Harry had to share the load. Working the jobs they did would be hard enough, and to bring children into the equation would increase the stress on the marriage. She knew she wouldn’t be able to handle everything herself, and she had made him promise that he would help, that the family would come first. After everything he had been through, she had thought he would want to make his family first before everything; it only made sense.
*
Ginny sat limply on the sofa, her new lace knickers scratching against her inner thighs pleasantly as she leaned back, sighing heavily. The fabric of her brand-new emerald green dress slid against her limbs like water; she curled her toes inside her fashionable yet totally uncomfortable heels, shutting her eyes and trying to resist the urge to look at the clock yet again. Last she had checked, Harry was an hour late for their dinner reservations, and even though she had owled him at work, there had been no word from him. She would have gone straight to dinner to wait there, but she didn’t have any idea where they were supposed to be going; it was part of Harry’s big anniversary surprise.
A surprise that looked like it was going to be eternally hidden from her.
She sighed, shifting again and curling up on the sofa, holding a pillow close to her chest. The children would be home in two hours; it was the most alone time she and Harry would have had in over a year. Albus was only three months old, and she didn’t like to leave him or James for long; she also didn’t think it was fair for her mum to watch them for much longer, considering how much she already babysat already.
Weariness overwhelmed her, and she struggled with the urge to cry, pressing her eyes shut tightly. She felt so bloody alone, like she did a lot of the time now; Harry was so busy with his and Ron’s reform proposal, with all the meetings and the trips to the Continent to observe Ministries in other countries. Ginny was left alone with their children and her own job, balancing it all and struggling not to just give up. This anniversary was supposed to be a step in the right direction, but now it seemed just as lonely as every other night. She hadn’t realized how cold and big their bed was before all this.
“Ginny?”
Opening her eyes with a start, Ginny looked up to see Ron there, holding Albus with James’s hand in his own. Blinking, she sat up and looked at the clock, shocked to find that nearly two hours had passed. She must have fallen asleep...
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Ron said quietly, handing her a dozing Albus as she stood up, yawning dazedly. “Where’s Harry?”
She bit the inside of her lip, looking down at Albus as the ache in her chest intensified. “He hasn’t come home yet,” she said finally, voice hoarse with sleep.
James whimpered, curling up to her leg, and she ruffled his hair lightly, raising her eyes to her brother, who was staring at her in shock. “What? But it’s your anniversary!” he exclaimed quietly, eyebrows up to his hairline.
She shrugged, smiling slightly. “It’s all right,” she murmured. “Tell Hermione I said thanks for watching the boys,” she said after a moment, leaning up to kiss her brother’s cheek. “Good night.”
Going upstairs, she put the boys to bed and went to her own bedroom, curling up on her side without changing, bitterly wanting Harry to see what he had missed. She nursed her wound with frustration and the bitter vinegar of being stood up (Harry had never stood her up before, ever).
The next morning, Harry was all apologies, with flowers and chocolate and his tongue in every place imaginable. Ginny accepted it, but inside, there was still that tang of bitterness, spawning deep inside.
*
After over four years of marriage and two children, Ginny felt as if she had been forgotten about. The points she had so clearly presented so long ago seemed lost in the dust, and she wasn’t sure how to get everything back on track. Harry seemed oblivious (not a surprise), but every day was another stab deep within her, seeding into a frustration and apprehension that she couldn’t explain away.
*
“James! James!”
Ginny’s call was met only by giggles from underneath her desk, and Ginny threw her head back in frustration, balancing little Albus on her hip. “James, would you come out from there already?” she pleaded, throwing an apologetic glance at Teddy, who was sitting quietly in a chair near the door to her office, flipping through a book of some sort. His hair, she noticed, was bright red, quite like her own. “Teddy, I’m sorry---“
There was a dull thump from beneath her desk, and she froze, turning from Teddy. Silence reigned for a moment, and then---
“MAMA!”
James wailed like a pro, and Ginny winced, settling Al gently in his stroller before proceeding to drop to her knees and lean close to the floor, reaching an arm under her desk. “James, baby, come on out, let Mummy see you,” she pleaded breathlessly.
This was all just too ridiculous. Her mum had come by twenty minutes ago, the three boys in tow, saying that Harry hadn’t been at the house to meet her, and she had an appointment in a half-hour, and couldn’t Ginny just take them and wait for Harry here? No, he hadn’t left a note or Flooed about being late, and was everything all right between the two of them, because it seemed strained at supper last week, not that she was saying anything, of course...
Ginny hadn’t been able to do anything except herd the boys into her office and let her mum go. What other option did she have? Her mum babysat too much already in her opinion, and Harry was supposed to meet her for the kids today! That was the system; it was his afternoon off, and he took care of the boys, allowing Ginny to stay later at the office. It had worked amazingly well for the last six months, so what had happened today?
“James, come on out,” she said soothingly over his wails. She had learned from having Teddy around when he was younger that children tended to just like to wail, even if the bump wasn’t too bad at all, so she thought she was handling this rather well, considering.
Where the hell was Harry? She had sent a message to the Auror department, asking them to send him down as soon as possible, but this was just ridiculous!
The resentment filling the tiny corners of her chest started to branch out, and she shut her eyes, unfolding her knees and laying down on the floor of her office, resting her cheek against the chill of the wood. Since when did Harry put his work before his family---his sons and Teddy! Since when was his work more important than her own?
“Mummy?”
She glanced over and met James’ teary dark gaze across the floor. Sighing, she managed a smile, extending her arm to give him her hand. “Come on,” she said gently. “I’ll take a look at you, all right? Come on out.”
James sniffled and took her hand, inching his way from beneath the polished wood. She just got him out when she heard the door open and squeaked, swinging her legs up into the air to avoid an unfortunate collision.
“Ginny-what the hell?”
At the confused tone of Harry’s voice, she sighed silently, lifting James up and getting back up on her knees. “He was under the desk,” she murmured, wiping James’s face gently as he clung to her neck, whimpers quieting. “That’s all.”
Standing, she faced Harry, who looked perplexed and more than slightly amused, which only angered her more. Hair tousled, he glanced over and saw Teddy, whose face had lit up at his entrance.
“Hey, Teddy! I didn’t realize you were with us,” he said, beckoning the young boy over.
Ginny raised a brow, pursing her lips. “I told you last week. Andromeda is traveling for the month and Teddy’s with us,” she said coolly.
His eyes flickered towards hers, and he bit his lip as Teddy hugged his waist. “Well, slipped my mind, I suppose,” he said lightly. “Don’t worry, Teddy, we’ll get some good Quidditch in, I promise.”
Looking at her, he set a hand on Teddy’s now black head of hair and smiled crookedly at her. “Full house today, then? What are they all doing here?” he asked casually, reaching his other hand towards Al’s stroller.
This was too much. Ginny set down James (who made a beeline for his father, sitting himself on his foot and wrapping his little arms around Harry’s leg), and planted her hands on her hips. “You weren’t at the house to meet my mum,” she said, frowning. “She had to bring them here.”
Frowning, he glanced down at the three boys in his proximity. “I was supposed to be at home?”
“Yes, you are. It’s Wednesday, your afternoon off. You always take the boys,” she said, frustration lacing her clipped words.
He looked at her then, smile fading away. “Oh. Well, sorry, Ginny. I had to take a meeting with Kingsley; Ron’s home sick,” he said, looking back down at Teddy. “So, a whole month? I’ll teach you some new tricks to scare your grandmother with for when she gets back,” he said cheerfully.
Resentment burned in the pit of her stomach; she crossed her arms tightly over her chest, as if that would keep it all inside. “Harry, I’m supposed to work late today, that’s why you needed to be there. You didn’t even owl me to let me know that you needed to change the plan,” she said curtly.
Lips pursing, he returned her hard gaze. “I’m sorry, Ginny,” he said, voice lowered. “But I’m in the middle of some important stuff, so forgive me if a couple of things slip my mind.”
No. She was not accepting that kind of answer from him of all people. He had always said that family came first, that she came first. He wasn’t going back on that now.
Swallowing hard, she glanced down at the two standing boys, who were looking between the adults with confusion. “That’s not okay,” she murmured firmly, raising her eyes to his. “We can’t do this now. Are you able to take them?” she asked bluntly.
He blinked, mouth slightly agape. “Ginny---do what?” he said, completely perplexed. “What is going on here?”
“Can you take them home or not?” she repeated, clenching her fists at her side and struggling with the urge to throw sharp-edged objects at his face.
Frowning slightly, he shook his head. “No, I can’t. I have another meeting,” he said finally, voice cool.
Taking a deep, fury-driven breath, she turned away from him and went to grab her rucksack, filled with crumpled papers and files. “Fine,” she said evenly. “I suppose we’ll see you at home.”
“Ginny, what is going on?” he asked, voice rising with anger.
“They need to go home, and since you can’t take them, I suppose I’m taking the afternoon off,” she replied, unable to look at him, for fear she wouldn’t be able to control to urge to scream at him. “Come on boys, we’re going home,” she said, forcing cheer for the children’s sake.
“Hey, are you angry at me for this, or something?” he said defensively; she could almost feel the walls building up around him.
She shut her eyes for a moment, shaking her head and grabbing onto Al’s stroller. “I’ll talk to you later,” she said tonelessly, opening her eyes and pushing the stroller past him to the door. “Come on, boys, I’ll make you lunch when we get home,” she said, opening the door.
Harry stared at her in complete confusion, and she forced herself to keep his gaze as she readjusted her bag, James and Teddy trailing behind her. She bit her lip, straightened her spine, and walked away from her office, trying to stifle the feeling of insignificance clawing at her chest. She could feel his eyes on her back, and as she pushed the stroller towards the elevator, she didn’t even have the slightest temptation to look back.
*
Much later, when all three boys were in bed, if not asleep, and the sun was low against the horizon, purples and reds darkening the skies, Harry was still not home. Her arms wrapped around herself, Ginny sat in the armchair in the living room-Harry’s favorite chair. The soft fabric retained his scent, mixing cotton and leather and grass within her nose. She had been sitting there since tucking Teddy in, lost in thought, breathing in Harry after not having him this close in what seemed like ages.
The sad thing was that she was embracing an echo of Harry; she couldn’t even remember the last time she had seen him in this chair. He worked late a lot of the time, and on the weekends, she was busy with the work she hadn’t been able to get to during the week while he holed up in his office upstairs, sometimes coming out to play with the boys.
What had become of their life together?
Emerald flames leapt up in the hearth, and she pulled her knees up under her in the chair as Harry tumbled out, dusting himself off lightly. His eyes alighted on her, and he halted, frowning slightly. “Hey,” he said quietly, slipping off his Auror robes and slinging them over his arm. The sleeves of his button-down shirt were rolled up to his elbows, the black of the fabric standing out against his skin, and the sight of his arms tight and sinewy made her shiver all the way down to her toes.
Licking her lips lightly, she nodded at him. “Hey.” She paused, watching him as he stood there, unmoving. “The boys are in bed,” she added after a moment.
“I reckoned they would be,” he said casually. “It’s late.”
The back of her neck burned with anger, and she pursed her lips, meeting his gaze squarely. “Yes, it is late,” she said, biting her tongue on a million other retorts, all with various curses and hexes laced within them.
Eyes traveling her, he set down his briefcase and walked over to her, crouching down in front of her. His hand slid over her thigh, clasping gently, and the intimacy of the gesture shook her for a moment; it felt like ages since she had felt his skin against her own. “So, what was that this afternoon?” he asked quietly, gaze soft.
She swallowed hard, inhaling deeply. “That was what it was, Harry. That was our life,” she said finally, the back of her neck flushing. “Things slipping your mind, work taking over your life, and I am there to pick up all the slack.”
He sighed wearily, and the sound pierced her right through. “I forgot to meet your mum once, Ginny, it’s not the end of the bloody world,” he said.
“You didn’t just forget once,” she said quietly, wishing she had the will to just shake off his hand; it was hot and heavy against her skin. “This is just the last of it.”
He got up then and began to pace the room, running his hands through his messy hair. His face looked pained, and she gripped the arms of his chair, resisting the urge to jump up and take her words back, erasing them from the thick air.
“You know I’m trying to do something important,” he said finally, an impatient edge to his voice. “Ron and I are trying to revolutionize the whole department, and it’s going to take time.”
Shaking her head, she pushed herself from the armchair, grasping for leverage. “I’m not taking that for an answer. There’s no way in hell that being with your family is less important than the bloody Aurors!” she retorted. “There’s no way that work is an excuse for missing your son’s second birthday party!”
His body visibly tensed, and he clenched his fists at his sides. “I apologized for that, to you and to James,” he said curtly.
“Apologies are all well and good, but it still happened!” she shot back, crossing her arms over her chest.
“He’s not even three! He won’t even remember in five years!” he exclaimed.
Stomach knotting with apprehension, she bit her bottom lip hard to keep from cursing him down right there. “That is not the point,” she said finally, voice shaking slightly. “I remember, and he’s your son! How can you justify something like that?”
“What is all this about, Ginny?” he said angrily, stalking over to her, coming closer than they had been in ages. His eyes bore into hers fiercely, green and sharp, and she had to catch her breath at the intensity, feeling a flush rise on her cheeks. “I thought that everything was fine, but apparently I was wrong! Maybe you should enlighten me!”
Taking a deep breath, she tightened her fists, meeting his eyes bravely. “Everything is not fine,” she said after a long moment. “You’re never here anymore, you’re always busy, and I have to sacrifice my own work to be there when you’re not. I can’t do it anymore, it’s not fair to me or the boys.”
Stepping back, Harry did nothing but gape at her for a moment. She lifted her chin, determined as her heart cracked under the pressure and the pain pushing against her ribs. “You’ve got to reprioritize,” she said firmly.
He shook his head, rubbing his temples. “Damn it, Ginny, I’m doing something important!” he exclaimed. “I can’t just drop all this now because you’re feeling ignored!”
Ignored?
“How dare you make this about me?” she said angrily after recovering her breath from the shock. “You stupid prat! Your children need you, and yes, I wouldn’t mind actually having you home, but this is about your children. I am not feeling ignored,” she hissed.
“Well, what do you expect me to do?” he asked exasperatedly. “This is just too big, too much is riding on what I’m doing with Ron!”
An ache blossomed deep within her at his words, his voice, his face---he was too busy for her, and for the boys. He was too busy to care for the life they were trying to build.
Was this the Harry she had fallen in love with? Really?
“Since when is your job more important than mine?” she asked hotly, rage flooding the back of her throat like bile. “Since when is your job more important than our life?”
Gazing at her with stricken eyes, he took a step back from her, cheeks red with anger. “That is not what this is about,” he said, voice low and hard. “Nothing is more important than you and the boys.”
“Funny, I can’t tell,” she retorted angrily, wishing she could just shake him until he understood. “I refuse to be left behind in your life again, Harry!”
“Left behind? When the hell have I ever left you behind?” he exclaimed, throwing up his hands.
She stared at him mutely, eyes narrowed. “You locked me out of one of the most important years of your life, Harry. And now you’re just breezing along at work, not even concerned that maybe I might need you here once in a while,” she said finally, hating the lump rising in her throat.
The air thrummed with tension; she could see the hard line of his shoulders tensing up at her words. “That year isn’t related at all,” he said after a silently, deadly moment, voice shaking with ire. “I am trying my hardest to balance all of this, Ginny, you’ve got to give me some slack.”
“No, I’m trying to balance all of this, and it’s killing me! I did give you slack! I didn’t rail on you when you missed James’s birthday, or when you worked so late on our anniversary that we missed our dinner reservations, or that you almost missed Albus’s birth,” she shouted, uncaring of the children, uncaring of the flinch visibly running through his body at her words. “I’m trying to work too, you know! I told you before we got married, and before James was born, that I was not going to stay at home until the kids go to Hogwarts and putter around the house while you went to work!”
Swiftly he stepped forward and grabbed her wrists, pulling her close to him. His eyes were dark against his face, flashing angrily. His fingers trembled against her skin as he grasped her tightly, and she took a deep, shaking breath, holding his gaze and pulling against his grip futilely.
“I never asked that of you,” he said forcefully, skin flushed red with anger. “I would never---“
“Then where are you picking up the slack?” she shot back, tugging away from him unsuccessfully. His body grazed hers and she couldn’t help the magnetic pull surging all the way down from her toes up to her brain, trying to draw her in closer. “Why do I always have to sacrifice my hours at the office, and bring my work home, and take James to daycare?”
“Because I can’t!” he shouted harshly, pushing her away so hard she nearly fell over. She had to grab the armchair for balance, staring at him in shock. Her wrists burned where his hands had lain.
“I can’t, Ginny! I have just too much going on, and this is so bloody important! I am trying to fix everything that got in the way when I was younger! I’m trying to fix this for Sirius, so something like that never happens again!” he continued, voice hoarse and knuckles white as he clenched his fists.
Chest constricting, she shook her head slowly, breathing heavily. “If Sirius was here, he would want you with your family,” she said quietly after a moment, rubbing her wrists absently.
“He would want me to fix this,” Harry shot back, voice heavy with anger.
“Not this way,” she said evenly, pulling out her wand. “Accio Harry’s pillow,” she murmured, listening to the faint swish as a pillow flew into her waiting arms. She could hear Albus whimpering from upstairs, and she sighed, shutting her eyes for a moment before tossing Harry’s pillow at him with all her might. “Get comfy,” she added coolly, turning on her heel and heading out of the room.
“Ginny! Ginny, come on-“
She wheeled around, thrusting her wand in his direction as he approached her. “I swear, Harry, if you come up to the bedroom, I will hex you right out of this house,” she hissed. “I am so bloody angry at you that I think I might do it anyway.”
Standing stock still, Harry stared at her, eyes wide. His pillow hung loosely from his hand at his side, and for a brief moment, she felt bad for him. He looked small and alone, much like she imagined he had looked like when with the Dursleys.
Sighing quietly, she turned back around and headed upstairs to Albus’s nursery. She listened to the sounds of Harry moving around downstairs over Al’s whimpers, and she held her youngest son close and shut her eyes against the burn of tears, taking a gulping breath as she rocked from side to side, already imagining the cold chill that would envelope her bed tonight. Her heart ached and she held Al closer, pressing her cheek to his dark hair, grasping onto him with searching fingers, as if he was her only lifeline in this insane life.
*
“I have to leave.”
Ginny glanced up from the files she was looking over to see Harry standing in the kitchen doorway. His eyes were tired and bloodshot, much like hers; four nights of sleeping apart plus four days of strained conversation and constant tension had done nothing for the silent standoff resulting from their fight. The children had no idea what was going on, thank Merlin; Ginny was having a hard enough time dealing with her own feelings about the whole situation.
“Leave?” she said finally, pushing herself to her feet with the assistance of the kitchen table. “What do you mean?”
He sighed; the sound clutched at her heart like claws. Was he leaving her, as in they were separating? That wasn’t supposed to happen. Though she didn’t think most separations were supposed to happen, but this was her and Harry; how couldn’t they work this out? Every husband spent a few nights on the couch...
“I have to go to Berlin with Kingsley,” he said quietly. “He’s meeting with the Minister over there, and I’ve been assigned to his detail.”
Inhaling deeply, she unclenched her fists (something she hadn’t even noticed doing) and winced, glancing down to see crescent indents reddening her palms. She pursed her lips, trying to dispel the nausea rising within her. “How long?” she asked finally.
Harry shrugged, taking a step into the kitchen. “Two days,” he said, meeting her eyes. “I already told the boys, but Teddy was busy showing James and Al a new trick with his hair, so I don’t know if they’ll really notice.”
“Of course they’ll notice,” she said immediately, voice sharper than she had intended.
“Jesus, Ginny, do you have to start this now?” he said, complete exhaustion lacing his words. “I just… I just wanted to know if I should come back.”
“I’m sorry?” she blurted, fingertips turning cold. “Are you thinking of staying in Germany, or something? Going to go yodel and wear lederhosen?” she said lightly, struggling with the urge to jump into his arms and stop him from leaving in the first place.
Rolling his eyes, he ran his hands through his hair, and the movement was familiar but odd; she hadn’t spent so much time alone in the same room with him in forever. “No, I meant should I find somewhere else to stay, until we’ve... well, until we’ve sorted all this out,” he murmured, shoulders slumped.
Ginny was not a crying kind of girl, but just from the whole moment, with those words spilling from his lips like a stutter, she felt like sliding to the floor and crying her eyes out. Harry not spending a night in his own home was a completely foreign idea to her. But maybe... maybe he needed to leave?
“You don’t want to stay here?” she asked finally, voice hatefully shaky.
“Well, I don’t fancy spending the next forty years on the sofa,” he retorted.
“It’s your own bloody fault!” she snapped back, thankful that the anger was back, surging through her system and making her see red. The crying was completely unfamiliar; anger she had a healthy control over.
Harry shut his eyes, pressing the heel of his hand to his brow. “For fuck’s sake, Ginny, I don’t want to fight right now,” he muttered angrily, tension radiating from his taut muscles.
How could he still be so bloody attractive when she was so pissed off at him? Ginny opened her mouth and said nothing, only able to stare at him. She watched as he sank into the chair across the table from her, sliding his head into his hands and slumping into the chair completely. His hair fell over his concealed face, mussed and spiked-up from his hands, and she swallowed hard past the lump in her throat, wanting to kick him and kiss him breathless at the same time.
With a Herculean effort, she pushed aside the urge to reach for her wand and sat back down at the table, watching him, aching for everything to just go away and for it to be the two of them, alone in the world and without the pressures of everyday.
Though, now that she thought about, it had never just been the two of them. There had always been someone, or something pressing on them, pushing them either together or apart, ruining and creating moments. She hardly remembered what it was like to be with him, just like this, sitting in the stillness.
“You do what you need to do, Harry,” she said finally, listening to the slow sounds of his breath against the deadness of her words. “If you can’t stay here, don’t.”
He snorted harshly, raising his head to meet her gaze. “That’s not an answer.”
“Well, decide for yourself,” she said irately, pulling her papers towards her again and looking down. “I don’t care.”
The silence was thick enough to cut with a knife; her heart pounded painfully hard inside her chest, feeling as if it was bruising her ribs with the force. She gripped the files tightly, shutting her eyes as he rose from the table; his exhale of breath shook her deeply.
“You don’t care. Well, I guess I’ll figure it out while I’m gone,” he murmured. “I’m leaving in an hour.”
“All right,” she said quietly, crinkling her files under her clenching hands.
After a pause, he turned on his heel and walked out, his footsteps echoing in the quiet house. She squeezed her eyes shut even more tightly, tears flooding behind her lids. All she saw was darkness, and it scared her.
What if he didn’t come back?
*
The musty smell of aging parchment filled her nose as Ginny stood between shelves in the archives of the Ministry, one hand on Albus’s stroller, rocking him gently. The other hand dug through file after file; her eyes were burning with the effort to read some of the titles.
“They certainly didn’t care about handwriting in the 1950’s, did they?” she murmured to Al, who snored softly in response. With a sigh, she turned back to the files upon files of papers filling the shelves, shoulders slumping. The silence of the shelves was odd compared to the noise of the past few days at home; James and Teddy had been louder than usual, and more rambunctious, leaving her ears ringing and her mind rather weary. If Harry had been home, maybe the attention could have been diverted...
Hey, who was she kidding? Even if Harry had been in the same country, he wouldn’t have been home at all anyway. The atmosphere at their house was so icy, he would have avoided it at all costs.
Sighing again, she pulled out a file and began flipping through it, eyes skimming for any mentions of werewolves. Thank goodness Teddy and James were with Ron and Hermione today.
Rolling her tense shoulders, Ginny tucked the files into her shoulder bag, pushing the stroller down a little further to begin her perusal of the next shelf. She desperately wished she had someone to talk to about all this, but she wasn’t sure who she could turn to. Hermione was busy enough, and Ginny certainly didn’t want to turn to her mother right now; she could just imagine the reactions: Oh Ginny, maybe you should just take a year or two off, just until the boys are old enough for school, and then Harry’s work will have calmed down, and everything will be just fine! Don’t you think you’re being a little selfish?
Albus whimpered in his sleep, and she looked down, taking in his very Harry-esque features. He was the one who inherited the eyes, and she was really glad he was asleep, or else the sight of Harry’s eyes looking up at her would probably collapse something inside herself. Her shoulders sagged and she leaned forward against the shelves, resting heavily for a long moment.
She missed Harry. She constantly worried for him; she hadn’t slept a full night in over a week, what with their fight, and then his going away. He hadn’t even owled or anything; it was driving her mad. Her whole body ached for him, even if it was just to fight again; she just needed to know he was safe. It was a feeling she hadn’t felt in a very long time, not since he had been off looking for the Horcruxes, leaving her behind.
“I am always left behind,” she said softly, inhaling the smell of parchment and grasping the handle of the stroller even tighter.
“Hey.”
Straightening quickly, she wheeled around and found herself face to face with Harry, who stood in the opening between shelves, right by Albus’s stroller. He looked very tired; she couldn’t help but step closer, taking in the unshaven face, the dark circles under his eyes, the weariness in the lines of his body. He looked as if he was working too hard on too much, but that was Harry in a nutshell.
“Hi,” she said finally, gripping the stroller’s handle tightly with both hands as she gazed at him, toes curling with the need to touch him. “You found us,” she said after a moment, biting the inside of her lip.
He shrugged, hair falling into his eyes. “Yeah, well it wasn’t easy. Tried at home, and then tried your office, and then I tried Hermione, but she’s not in either, so then I just had to guess,” he said.
“Good instincts,” she said softly, smiling slightly. Her heart skipped a beat; he had been looking for her.
He gave her a small smile back, taking a step closer; she could almost feel the heat radiating off his body. “I was lucky, that’s all,” he murmured, glancing down at Albus. “So where are the other two boys?” he asked, reaching a hand down.
“Hermione and Ron are watching them,” she said, watching as he gently stroked Albus’s soft, messy dark hair. “I just needed a little time to collect some files to work on from home.”
He nodded, raising his eyes to hers; the intensity within made the breath catch in her throat. “Well, I can take Al, if you want, and get the other two. It’ll give you some time alone in here,” he offered.
She bit her lip, knuckles whitening as she gripped the stroller’s handle. “You just got back, you must be tired.”
He shrugged again, reaching his hand over to the handle. “I don’t mind, I’d like to spend some time with the boys. This way you can stay a little later,” he said, brushing his fingers against hers. “And then, when you get home, maybe we can talk?”
Her skin flushed, and she licked her lips nervously, meeting his gaze. “So you’re coming home, then?” she asked quietly.
Nodding, he smiled crookedly. “I can’t not be in the same house as you and the boys,” he said gently. “And I really want to talk. So I’ll take care of feeding them, and putting them to bed. When you get home, I’ll be there.”
His fingers pressed between her own, clasping hers against the handle of the stroller. She inhaled sharply, a little of the dread she had been harboring for months relaxing its grip on her heart. “That sounds good,” she said quietly, pressing her fingers against his in response.
He smiled at her; she shivered instinctually. “Then I’ll see you later,” he said, pulling Albus’s stroller towards himself and coming around.
Nodding, she watched him thoughtfully, fingers itching to reach out to his own again. “See you later,” she repeated. She watched as he pushed the stroller away; she could hear him talking quietly to Albus, and the sound caught deep inside herself.
Sighing, she shut her eyes and curled her fingers inward, hope shuddering through her.
*
A cool summer breeze lifted Ginny’s hair from the back of her neck as she Apparated onto her front porch, breathing in the woodsy scents of the lawn. Evening was just arriving; the sky was full of brilliant reds, oranges, and navy blues, and she took a moment to appreciate it, setting her file-stuffed bag down and leaning against the rail as she looked out on the lawn, sighing softly.
The house was quiet; she was sure Harry was there, waiting for her, thinking of what to say to her. A part of her didn’t want to go in; what he might say terrified her. Sure, she had felt hopeful earlier in the day, but now, with the whole day to think about it, she wasn’t sure what to expect.
Her eyes traveled to the faintly swaying swing on the other side of the porch, and she smiled slightly, walking over and sitting down. The chains creaked gently as she began to swing, wrapping her arms around herself. Before all this stuff between them, she and Harry had sat out here together almost every evening from late spring to early fall since they had moved in here; it was their favorite spot in the house. Now, she couldn’t remember the last time they had been out here together.
The front door opened and as she turned her head, Harry appeared in the doorway, eyes fixed on her. “I thought I heard you,” he said, coming out and shutting the door.
“I just got home,” she said softly, eyes following him as he came over and sat down next to her.
“I know,” he said, settling down next to her and sighing as he relaxed into the swing. “The boys are sleeping.”
She rolled her shoulders, breathing in the scent of him and finding it intoxicating to be so close. “They were good for you?”
His arm slipped around the back of the back, grazing her shoulders; she bit her lip, feeling as awkward as the first time they had sat like this together in the Gryffindor common room at Hogwarts, right after they began dating. It had been so foreign and odd, to be so close to Harry and not have to worry about the ramifications. Biting her lip, she leaned back the slightest, and his arm curved to her shoulders, resting lightly.
“Yeah, they were good. It was great to spend time with them. I’ve missed them,” he said quietly, regret softening his voice.
Turning her head, she looked at him, stomach clenching. “They’ve missed you. We’ve all missed you,” she said softly.
He sighed, staring off onto the lawn. She kept her cheek pressed against the bend of his elbow, skin welcoming his warmth. The breeze coasted past them, ruffling his mussed hair and making her shiver lightly. Suddenly, his hand covered her own where it was resting on her thigh, and she bit her lip, letting him slide his fingers in between her own. Her heart gave a hopeful thump against her ribs.
“When I started all this, I didn’t mean to be away from you all so much,” he said after a long moment, tightening his hand around hers. “I just wanted to do something right. I’m in a position to do so much, and I felt like something needed to be done.”
She shut her eyes for a moment, sighing quietly. “I know that, Harry,” she said softly. “I don’t want to stop you from making a difference, you know. I’ve just felt so alone lately, and it’s been hard,” she said.
“I’ve felt alone, too,” he said. “I just didn’t know what to say. There was just this huge distance between us, and it was horrible.”
“I felt abandoned,” she blurted out, chest tight. “I felt like you didn’t care anymore, and I didn’t know what to do.”
He met her eyes, the intensity of his green gaze startling her. “I’m sorry,” he said, the hand on her shoulder clasping gently. “I’m so sorry, Gin.”
Inhaling deeply, she held his hand tightly and kept her gaze on his face. He was completely open and unshielded, something only she ever really saw, and only once in a very long while. Her heart skipped a beat and she couldn’t control the warmth surging up through her toes up to her head; her fingers curled lightly around his.
“I need you to do this with me, Harry,” she said firmly, breathing steadily. “The boys need you home more, and I need you home with me more too. We can do this, you know.”
He nodded, thumb stroking her skin gently. “I’ll be here,” he promised. “I just wish you had said something sooner.”
“You wouldn’t have listened,” she said with a smile. “You’re too stubborn for your own good.”
He snorted, shifting a little closer so their thighs touched. “Speak for yourself,” he teased.
Smiling softly, she leaned her head against his arm, watching him with a tentative relaxation in her shoulders. “Why did you decide to listen?” she asked after a long moment.
He sighed, shrugging. “I was sitting in my hotel room in Berlin, all alone, and I just... I missed you,” he said simply, voice clear and strong in the late summer air. “I missed you and the boys, and it was horrible. And of course, I knew you were right about just about all of it. I was just being too bloody stupid to listen.”
“You could have told me then, in a owl, or something; you didn’t have to wait until you came back. I was worried sick,” she said quietly.
Throwing her a crooked smile, he leaned in closer to her. “I wanted to leave after the first day and throw myself at your feet, believe me,” he said amusedly, though she could sense the seriousness behind his tone. “At first, I thought you’d just throw me out or hex me or something. Then I just didn’t want to give up too soon; you know me.”
She smiled slightly, brushing her thumb over his skin, enjoying the feel of the goosebumps rising under her touch. “What changed your mind, then?”
His eyes, so intensely green against his face, focused on her. “Saving this life with you is more important than any fight we have,” he said, voice husky.
Heart beating fast, she couldn’t help but lean in and kiss him gently, shutting her eyes and breathing him in. His lips were damp and soft, moving in achingly familiar ways against hers. He whispered her name against her mouth, and she caught the sound, swallowing it, trying to keep it inside her so she never forgot how he loved her, just from the way he said her name.
“We’ll figure this all out, right?” he asked against her lips, breath hot like July against her skin.
She nodded, opening her eyes and kissing him again, wanting to never let him go again.
*
“This is it, you know,” Ginny said cheerfully to her beaming husband as he held their newborn daughter.
“You said that last time,” he teased, eyes fixed on their sleeping child.
She smiled and yawned, stretching her sore arms over her head as she sat up in her hospital bed. Her body ached, not in a pleasant way, but as she watched Harry rock the baby (unnamed as of yet), she wasn’t sure she minded very much. It was very late at night, but she didn’t feel really tired yet, though she was sure it was coming; she was exhilarated at finally having a daughter (finally evening out the house somewhat), at making Harry so happy, at making herself feel so excited about their life.
“I mean it now,” she said finally, after a moment of just watching him. “We’ve got a girl, we’re all done. Now we just have to wait until they’re all at Hogwarts to shag again,” she teased.
He lifted his eyes to her and grinned. “I hope not,” he said seriously, a twinkle in his gaze.
She couldn’t help but laugh and grin back. Everything was good with them; after that horrible, tense time, they managed to work mostly everything out, starting with that one step on the front porch. Their lives were balanced now, with the occasional spat, of course; but they wouldn’t be Harry and Ginny without a fight every now and then.
“I get to name her, right?” she asked as he walked towards her, sitting down lightly on the edge of her bed. “I mean, you did have a monopoly on the boys. I think it’s only fair.”
He raised an eyebrow, smiling slightly. “What did you have in mind?” he asked.
Smiling, she leaned over and watched the baby girl’s sleeping face; her hand slid over Harry’s thigh and rested gently. “Lily Molly Potter,” she said softly after a moment, looking up at him.
Harry smiled broadly, face lit up in a way only she saw. “It has a ring to it,” he said, meeting her eyes.
She nodded, leaning into kiss him gently over Lily. “It’s perfect,” she murmured against his lips.
He shook his head, kissing her bottom lip gently as he pulled away. “This is perfect,” he said quietly, the way his eyes rested on her making her blush a little.
She had to agree.
*